Daily Feline Post: Wall Watching

This is a re-blog from 3-4 years ago, but it seemed to fit the prompt. Sorry for re-blogging, but the prompt is also not new.

Tabby relaxing

Just sitting around and staring at things is a nice way of passing time. Some just think of us felines as mysterious creatures, but we are really just stink normal. It is not that I have a taste for architectural constructions, like dogs. If a dog sees a brick wall it just puts its leg in the air and, well you know the rest. At least we felines are aesthetic. We perform our task and bury it, just like our mum told us to do.

“Mrs. Human, what are you doing? Please do not walk between me and the wall.”

“But Tabby you have been staring at that brick wall for the past quarter of an hour.”

“And??? I can stare at what I want to for as long as I want to. It is my business. So Mrs. Human please do not block my view of the wall.”

“Tabby, I will never understand felines. There is not even a mouse to be seen anywhere near the wall, or a bird perched on the top. Not even anything feline needful on the other side of the wall.”

“Mrs. Human, we don’t have to be looking at a wall just because there might be something edible near the wall. My life does not just revolve around food. I am contemplating at the moment.”

“Contemplating what Tabby?”

“None of your business Mrs. Human; just go for a shopping trip or something useful. I noticed the tins of tuna have reached a low level in the cupboard this week.”

“In that case I will leave you to your wall and go. I will never understand felines” and Mrs. Human departed thank goodness.

I thought she would never go. Humans like to have their quiet moments and who am I to disturb them. They sit down every evening and stare at a box in the corner of the room, watching pictures flashing on and off and usually stuffing themselves full of junk food. They think they are the superior race. If humans could see their stupid faces when they are gazing into their televisions.

Of course, now and again they watch something beneficial and of advantage. There might be a programme about bird life showing our feathered friends flying, perching on trees and singing. That is really something to make your mouth water. We felines also like to watch sport programmes. Humans chasing a ball around. Even we felines join in, although Mrs. Human is not happy about that. She says that it is not good to scratch the television screen.

So now I will return to my wall and carry on with my meditating.

“Hello Fluffy, do you want to join me”

“No thanks Tabby, my requirement for wall staring has been fulfilled today. I spent the entire morning staring at the cupboard door outside in the garden and now my eyes are weary.”

“I assume you had a good reason for staring at a garden cupboard door Fluffy.”

“Oh yes Tabby, the mouse family are still there. They spent the cold Winter days sheltering in the cupboard and now they are preparing to leave for new pastures. I was waiting for them to come out.”

“Oh Fluffy, do you really think that any self-respecting mouse would freely leave the safety of a cupboard when they smell feline.”

“So Fluffy are you going to join me in staring at the wall or not?”

“OK Tabby. There is nothing worse than staring at a wall alone-“

“Hello felines, I am back from my shopping trip. They had a special offer at the supermarket. Two tins of tuna fish for the price of one.”

“Fantastic Mrs. Human. How many tins did you buy?”

“Well I had to take advantage of the offer so I bought twenty tins.”

“Ok, Mrs. Human, we will help you  put eighteen of them in the cupboard.”

“I said it was twenty tins, not eighteen.”

“Yes Mrs. Human twenty tins, minus two tins, one for each of us.”

“I see, but I don’t want to disturb your wall watching.”

“Wall watching? Who said anything about wall watching. We have more important things to do than watching a wall.”

Daily Feline Post: Wall Watching

Daily Feline Prompt: Sweet Meows (are made of this)

What is the best dream you’ve ever had? Recount it for us in all its feline glory. If no dream stands out in your memory, recount your worst nightmare. Leave no frightening detail out.

Fluffy on the bed

“The best dream I ever had was when I fell into a tin of tuna fish.”

“Fluffy, that is not realistic. Tins of tuna fish are too small.”

“But it was a dream and it was a mega tin of tuna fish and dreams are not realistic.”

“Of course they are Fluffy. I dream every time I sleep about realistic things: birds, mice, defending my territory against other felines.”

“But you never defend anything against other felines Tabby, you usually run away and disappear through the cat flap.”

“Remember the famous words of Walt Disney “if you can dream it, you can do it”.”

“He also said “all your dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them”, but your courage seems to disappear once you see another feline. But Walt Disney was a human Tabby and humans have bright ideas that do not usually work out. And I still haven’t seen you defend our territory from Roschti, the ginger tom that lives next door.”

“That was because I did not want to Fluffy. I did not want to destroy his ideas of power and conquest. I was taking his feelings into consideration.”

“Err Tabby, I don’t think Roschti takes our feelings into consideration when he walks through our territory ignoring you.”

“He ignores you as well Fluffy.”

“Don’t change the subject and I do not run away from him.”

“I know, you hide beneath the table and wait for him to leave.”

“Oh, let’s dream the feline dream of taking over the world.”

“But we have Fluffy, it is just that the humans do not realise it – yet.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Sweet Meows (are made of this)

Daily Feline Prompt: You’re a Feline Winner

You’ve just won $1 billion dollars in the local lottery. You do not have to pay tax on your winnings. How will you spend the money?

Tabby in the bathroom

“Well look at that Fluffy. I have just received an e-mail from a Nigerian feline that tells me I have won a billion dollars in the Nigerian feline lottery.”

“Don’t believe it Tabby, it’s a catscam.”

“Of course it is true Fluffy, you are just jealous.”

“But to win something in a Nigerian feline lottery you would have to buy a ticket and I do not remember you buying a ticket.”

“It says in black and white that I have won a super prize. I just have to go to my pawpad and type in details of my feline account so that they can transfer the dollars.”

“Tabby don’t do it. They will probably transfer your dollars into their account. I heard Mrs. Human say that they do it all the time.”

“It doesn’t work Fluffy. My pawmail programme says that there is a suspicious virus in their mail address and that it is a fishing scam.”

“You see Tabby I told you. Those fishing scams are everywhere at the moment. And if you won so much money what would you do with it?”

“That is fairly obvious. I would buy a tuna fish production plant, have an aviary constructed in the garden with low flying birds and install a mouse colony next to it. I would organise the gardener to replace our lawn with catnip.”

“Sounds great Tabby. Will we still have time to sleep?”

“Now that might be a problem. I will have to think it over.”

“Tabby, look I have just received the exact same pawmail as you, but this one comes from the pawsoft corporation and says I should go to my pawpad as there is something wrong with it. They will help me to correct it.”

“Fluffy, that sounds very suspicious. The might get into your pawpad and discover all your pawwords.”

“Yes Tabby, I think you are right. Even we cool cats have to be careful with those catscammers.”

Daily Feline Prompt: You’re a Feline Winner

Daily Feline Prompt: Meowshould, Meowwould, Meowcould

Tell us about something you know you should do . . . but don’t.

Aviary, Solothurn

“I should really advise Mrs. Human to keep a few interesting birds in our home.”

“Yes Tabby, then tell her.”

“I don’t know Fluffy, you know she always gets the wrong end of the whisker.”

“Typical human. You mean she is sure that we are only thinking of ourselves.”

“Of course, although that would be the right end of the whisker. We are thinking of ourselves.”

“But we don’t have to tell her. Just convince her that some nice little feathered friends would be an ideal addition to our home.”

“Sorry to say Fluffy, that it won’t work. After we ordered the fresh tuna fish in a tank online she will not believe us.”

“That was also something I couldn’t understand. The fish were delivered complete with tank and hammer to hit them on the head. There was even a nice sharp fish knife to go with it all.”

“I know Fluffy, but humans are a bit funny in that respect. She found all sorts of excuses not to keep the fish tank: not enough room, water splashes on her furniture and she even refused to kill the fish.”

“That was where I found she was really being silly. No-one said she had to kill the fish, that would have been part of our fun to kill them. And so you don’t think she will like the idea of live birds in a cage.”

“Fluffy, she is suspicious and does not trust us.”

“That is not very nice Tabby, but I don’t trust humans either.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Meowshould, Meowwould, Meowcould

Daily Feline Prompt: Well I meow

Tell us about something you’ve done that you would advise a feline never to do.

Nera and Tabby in the garden cupboard

“I remember the day very well. Nera and I were having an intensive conversion on the foundation of felines as gods. She was convinced that it was due to our intelligence, but I was persuading her that it was Bastet that actually put things into action, buy organising the massacre of a few thousand mice and rats in the corn chambers.”

“An did she listen to your wise words Tabby?”

“Nera never listened to the words of other felines, she only listened to her own words.”

“So you were right and she was wrong.”

“Nera was always right.”

“You mean it was our intelligence that lead to us being gods and not Bastet.”

“Not exactly, we were intelligent enough to be gods, but Bastet was the consigliere and organiser. She was also easier to model as Nera because she had short hair, so she told Nera to return to the earth, live her nine lives, and when she was finished she could return to the Eternal Corn Chambers and help eat the remaining few thousand mice and rats.”

“And all this was discussed in the garden cupboard.”

“Oh yes, we were inspired as there was a mouse nest in the corner.”

“Did you eat them Tabby.”

“Mark my words, past tense “there was a mouse nest”.

“Oh I see.”

*Hi felines, how are things.”

“Why look it’s Nera on a visit.”

“Hello Nera, I was just telling Fluffy about the day when we were in the garden cupboard discussing god and the feline world.”

“I remember it well Tabby, yes.”

“Nera, what’s that star shaped badge on the fur.”

“I have been promoted for my good ideas and am now No. 2. I even got a life more.”

“You mean you now have 11 lives.”

“Yes, I advised Bastet to get a vacuum cleaner for the remains of the mice and she found it easier than crunching the bones with her teeth. I now have to go, it was only a quick visit and Fluffy.”

“Yes Nera”

“Pay attention to what Tabby tells you, but pay more attention to what I say.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Well I meow

Daily feline post: The purrfect feline game

You’re set to play catch the mouse with a group of four. Write a story set during this game. Or, describe the ideal match: the players, the relationships — and the hidden rivalries.

Fluffy helping to stick football photos

“Tabby do we play games?”

“Not that I know of, our life is an earnest task. Everything we do has a meaning, a purpose and playing games is definitely not part of it.”

“That’s what I thought. Mrs. Human once got this book and began sticking photos in it. I think it was something to do with a football tournament and she had to have all the photos, but she never got them all. What a waste of time. I am glad we have more important things to do. The prompt says to describe all about our game, but the only thing I can understand are the hidden rivalries, although even that is not true.”

“Of course not Fluffy, if we have a rival we do not hide it and usually eliminate the rival with a paw swipe, a hiss, and in the worst case a feline fight.”

“But I have never seen you fight Tabby, you always run away.”

“I am not a fool Fluffy, especially when the other feline is bigger than I am. Actually it is all part of my strategy, I confuse the other feline.”

“By running away?”

“Of course, he has to find me.”

“But I though we do play games sometimes, like find the mouse or catch the bird.”

“Fluffy, they are not games, they are the training sessions. We have to keep fit and ready for the pounce. No feline will catch anything if it does not have a spring in its step and sharp claws. As the great feline philosopher, Albert Catzenstein said “You have to learn the rules of the feline game and then you have to scratch, bite and paw better than any other feline”, wise words.

“Yes Tabby, he really knew what he was talking about. He was the feline that discovered the theory of feline relativity meaning that according to how many mice there are, you should adapt your speed.”

“Exactly Fluffy, very wise. I can see you are paying attention to the laws of light pawness.”

Daily Feline Post: the perfect feline game

Daily Feline Prompt: We are not copycats

Publish a post in the style of a favorite author/blogger or photographer.

Nera, begging

“What’s a copy cat Tabby.”

“That’s a human problem, like when they copy what the other human does.”

“Oh, I see, luckily we felines do not have that problem.”

“Of course not Fluffy. We do our own thing. If I mark my territory, no other feline will dare to mark in the same place. It is a matter of honour.”

“Exactly Tabby, it is a matter of respect, no matter how much you might like the other marking feline.”

“Fluffy, you have something wrong there. We only like I, me and myself, all others are not important and we do not like any other feline.”

“You mean you do not like me.”

“Of course not Fluffy, I just indulge you. As long as I am the boss, it makes not difference. I am the alpha feline around here. What I meow is the law.”

“It used to be Nera that told us what to do.”

“Nera is no longer here, but living her 10th life in the Eternal Corn Chambers, although now and again she might give us some advice.”

“You mean when she visits all transparent with a golden glow and tells us what to do.”

“Yes, that is when we do things in Nera style. Fluffy stop trying to sit on your back leg and waving your paws in the air like a human.”

“But Nera used to do that.”

“I know that was her speciality. All felines have something special. I can open the sliding door in the kitchen for example.”

“What’s my speciality Tabby.”

“That is fairly obvious. You have dreadlocks on top of your head and leave a path of white fur wherever you walk. I suppose being a Selkirk Rex is something special, there are not many of them, but don’t let it go to your whiskers if you have any. Yes, that is also a speciality, you constantly loose your whiskers and when they remain they look like a corkscrew.”

“Oh, Tabby, I also have something special. I am so glad. Then I don’t have to visit a feline psychiatrist for my inferiority complex.”

“Of course not Fluffy, felines do not have inferiority complexes. don’t forget, we were worshipped as gods in the old country.”

Daily Feline Prompt: We are not copycats