Daily Feline Prompt: Felines are a Mystery

Tell us something most people probably don’t know about felines.

Cats in a window in Oxlow Lane

“This sounds interesting Tabby.”

“It is, I got it from a forum site that Mrs. Human belongs to and it was especially posted for us from a guy calle Lee that lives in the States. He is also owned by felines. One of his felines is the boss. read what he tells us.”

“Well, here at Cat Central life goes on apace.

Numbnuts the neighbour has acquired another three cats that he keeps outside most of time and generally ignores. (Why the hell do idiots like that even want to have a pet seeing as they just neglect and ignore them?)

Anyway, one of the big dogs (Alsatian sized) from the end of the road was on the loose last night. Known to be a cat killer. Wandering around the neighbourhood.

Those three cats hang out on the porch of their owner’s house.

Along comes the dog. He’s going to go after the cats on the porch.

Around the side of the house comes our tomcat who has befriended these hapless cats.

Tomcat places himself between the dog and his friends, does the inflating cat trick and just stands there, silent, staring at the dog.

Woof, growl, feint – doesn’t work. Cat won’t be intimidated. Cat stands there like Chuck Norris in a shoot out – just radiating “Come get some, Motherf….”

Dog doesn’t know what this cat is up to. Cat hasn’t read the “Cats are afraid of dogs” rulebook. Cat is also very, very confident and very, very calm. Cat may have tactical nuke hidden on his person or something.

Dog shuts up, turns around and goes back to his house, looking nervously over his shoulder, Tomcat is following close behind to make sure he (the dog) gets the hell out of Dodge.

You could offer me ten thousand quid for that cat and I wouldn’t sell him…”

“So you see Fluffy, that’s the way to do it.”

“Great Tabby, you do it first and I will follow.”

“I will have to think about it.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Felines are a Mystery

Daily Feline Prompt: Whiskers Check

We all have complicated histories. When was the last time your past experiences informed a major decision you’ve made?

Migros delivery with Fluffy“Tabby I think I am about to make a major decision.”

“You are Fluffy. Tell me about it.”

“I need some advice. Which bag shall I begin with. The one at the back , second from left looks interesting. I can see some butter. I love butter.”

“I know you do Fluffy, but it is not my sort of thing.”

“Mrs. Human always gives me a small piece of butter in the morning.”

“Of course she does, when you sit in front of the fridge and wait for it. I am not a butter cat myself, I prefer a piece of noodle or even those potato chip things that humans have.”

“Just a minute Tabby, I can smell meat in the bag on the right. I think that is Mrs. Human’s dinner.”

“Let’s have a sniff Fluffy. Yes, the aromas of fresh kill reach my nose. That’s the bag we should tear apart.”

“What do you two felines think you are doing with my shopping. Take your claws out of those bags.”

“But Mrs. Human, we only wanted to save you the trouble of unpacking all that wonderful aroma filled food you have brought from your hunting trip in the supermarket. By the way, did you remember to get some tins of tuna fish?”

“Tabby I am still feeding you on the 100 tins you and Fluffy ordered on your pawpads with my credit card.”

“Oh yes, we forget, although the permanent servings of tuna fish are becoming a little boring. On my pawpad app for the supermarket it shows a special offer for Norwegian salmon, 2 for one it says which would be ideal. One for Fluffy and one for me. If Fluffy does not like salmon, it would just be two for me.”

“Tabby I like salmon, so forget it. we can share.”

“Fluffy, felines do not share remember. Book of Bastet, chapter 2, verse 3 “Felines look after themselves in the first place. No. 1 is I, No. 2 is me and No. 3 is myself. There should be nothing leftt afterwards.”

“Ok Tabby of course. Then you order yours on your pawpad and I will order mine.”

“Just a minute felines, who is paying for this salmon feast.”

“Err, I know. She who has a pawcard.”

“No way. I now have a new credit card and it is not paw accessible.”

“Tabby, looks like another tin of boring tuna fish tonight.”

“I know Fluffy, beggars cannot be choosers.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Whiskers Check

Daily Feline Prompt: Meowmares

Describe the last meowmare you remember having. What do you think it meant?

Fluffy on the bed

“Fluffy stop making such strange noises in your sleep.”

“If they are in my sleep Tabby I cannot stop making them and I am having a meowmare.”

“Oh, I see, that is not so good. What is the problem.”

“A big fish was following me and I escaped.

“That is good Fluffy.”

“And then you arrived and caught the fish.”

“Well that is a good result. I rescued you from a fate worst than being in the same dream as the ginger tom from next door.”

“Wait Tabby, the ginger tom was also in the dream.”

“And what happened?”

“You dropped the big fish and ran away and the ginger tom eat it.”

“That is a real meowmare Fluffy.”

“And then he died.”

“The ginger tom?”

“No, the big fish.”

“Then it was a happy ending after all.”

“I am not so sure Tabby. Mrs. Human is calling, She said something about a plate of tuna fish.”

“Well, what are we waiting for.”

“Perhaps the fish is still alive.”

“Who cares, as it says in the book of Bastet Chapter 84, verse 3, if it breathes kill it. So come on Fluffy, first come, first served or dream on.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Meowmares

Daily Feline Prompt: Fill in the meow

Two cats walk into a chicken coup

Feeding time for the chickens and rooster in Feldbrunnen

“What do you think you are doing here. This is reserved for my hen harem and we do not need any feline influence. You are making them nervous.”

“It is part of today’s assignment. We were supposed to walk into a bar, but they don’t serve felines in a bar and we don’t drink, so we thought we would go somewhere more suitable.”

“I am Harald the rooster and I do not need felines. I had enough when the fox thought he could get away with it, but thanks to my talents I scared the fox away. If you want an egg, you are welcome. They sell them at the entrance.”

“But felines don’t eat eggs, we are carnivores.”

“Are you indeed, then go to the field next door, the cows would be pleased to see you.”

“But they are so big and make a loud noise.”

“And that frightens you, so you visit my girls and think you can make off with one of them. Forget it. Mabel, Florrie, Daisy come here. Show these two felines what you hens are made of.”

“Do you want it vocal or physical Harald.”

“Do it vocal and if they stay you can try physical.”

“Cluck, cluck, cluck – cock a doodle do”

“Oh my ears Tabby.”

“Mine too Fluffy, I think we will leave. If that is vocal, who knows what physical will be.”

“Another victory ladies for us. Look at those two cats running.”

“Shall we go after them Harald. We could get some fur samples for your trophies to hang up next to the fox tail.”

“No leave it ladies, I don’t think they will be back so soon.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Fill in the meow

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Zone

Tell us about your favourite way to get lost in a simple activity — running, hunting birds and mice, sleeping, whatever. What’s it like when you’re in “the zone”?

The finished lawn

“That is a silly prompt and a silly question Tabby.”

“I cannot agree more Fluffy. Our zone is as far as the eye can see, although I must say that it depends upon the borders we set.”

“Tabby, Fluffy, move over, I want to remove the sun shade.”

“Mrs. Human, do not disturb. It does not come into the question. Fluffy and I want the sun shade to remain in our zone.”

“But the sun is no longer shining.”

“Does that make a difference? If Fluffy and I want the sunshade to remain it remains. And where do you think you are going with that chair?”

“I wanted to put it on the other side of the table so that I could rest my legs on it.”

“And what if Tabby and I want to sit on it. No Mrs. Human, leave everything as it is until we say otherwise.”

“Tabby, Fluffy I also want to sit outside.”

“Did she ask our permission Fluffy?”

“I don’t think so. Mrs. Human Tabby and I will have to discuss it and then we will let you know.”

“But there is enough room for all of us.”

“That is a matter of how you look at it. Basically as far as the space is concerned, it would accommodate us physically, but there is a psychological aspect to take into consideration. What do you think Tabby?”

“I will have to clarify a few details with Mrs. Human. Mrs. Human what do you actually want to do outside.”

“I was thinking about laying on the sun bed for half an hour before I cook the evening meal.”

“Half an hour? But I wanted to lay on the subbed and there is not room for both of us.”

“I was also going to prepare a fine dish of tuna fish for you both when I had rested for my 30 minutes on the subbed.”

“In that case I think we will have to re-examine the case. What do you think Fluffy?”

“There is a detail to be clarified. Mrs. Human after your sun bed thirty minutes, will you go immediately to our dishes and prepare the tuna fish.”

“I said so, of course.”

“Ok Mrs. Human on that condition you may have the sun bed for thirty minutes. Fluffy, set the alarm on the pawpad for thirty minutes to remind Mrs. Human to fix our tuna fish meal.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Zone

Daily Feline Post: Feline Encounters from Outer Space

The friendly, meow-speaking extraterrestrial feline you run into outside your house is asking you to recommend the one book, movie, or song that explains what humans are all about. What do you pick?

Sphynx

“That is not a difficult question to answer is it Fluffy. We just tell it to get lost, move on and go back to where it came from.”

“Of course Tabby, as if we felines would accept something that did not smell like we do.”

“Of course when you go into it, we are all extraterrestrials I suppose. The origin of the feline species is not of this world. Being gods, we originated in another place.”

“Tell me all about it Tabby, I love hearing stories of how great and intelligent we felines are.”

“Fluffy, they are not stories, it is the truth. Originally we felines had our own planet, known as Koshka, but our great leader Bastet I found that we should visit other civilisation to spread the feline word and collect some more territory on the way. It was then that we beamed ourselves onto the planet Earth and what did we find? Bastet I sent us with his daughter, Bastet II. She was wise, and we landed in a country on the primitive planet Earth where the apes had descended from the trees and could even walk upright. They were the ideal slaves. Bastet saw our advantage. Our main diet on Koshka was mice, rats and anything that moved on four legs and was not a god.

Planet Earth was perfect. Not only were there rodents in abundance, but the primitive humans would eat corn which was a main part of the rodent food. Unfortunately the mice were eating the corn and so Bastet II organised the felines to take over and rid the corn chambers of the mice and so we were recognised as the gods we were by the humans. They went on their knees to thank us and carved statues of Bastet II in honour of her great deeds.

Luckily this was spread to other countries that felines were the solution to all problems. With the years we let the humans get on with it. If you need a mouse you can always find one, but in the meanwhile the human brain developed, under the influence of the feline gods, and they were trained to feed us, to care for our needs.”

“Why are we still on earth and not on Koshka Tabby?”

“Do you really want to return to a planet full of felines with no humans that know how a tin opener works?”

“What about Bastet II?”

“She is still here keeping an eye on the human breed and our tenth lives. Her daddy Bastet I is on Koshka. Now and again Bastet II sends a shipment of tuna fish tins by transporter to Koshka.”

“But how do they open the tins on Koshka.”

“It’s called evolution Fluffy. The have moved on on Koshka and open the tin by telepathic waves. I think it has something to do with the atmosphere on Koshka.”

“Is that really true Tabby.”

“Of course, it stands in the book of Bastet somewhere, but I cannot remember on which page.”

Daily Feline Post: Feline Encounters from Outer Space

Daily Feline Prompt: The Lingering Felines

Tell us about times in which you linger — when you don’t want an event, or a day to end. What is it you love about these times? Why do you wish you could linger forever?

Nera drinking water from the toilet

“Nera loved to linger didn’t she Fluffy?”

“Oh yes, Tabby, especially in the human recycling tray. That was her favourite place.”

“Mrs. Human was not so pleased, although as usual Nera was not the same opinion.

“We felines do not have same opinion especially human opinions. “Do what you want to do, not what you should do” (Book of Bastet, chapter 15, verse 1).”

“I remember a conversation she once had with Mrs. Human, whilst she was sampling the fresh, cool water.”

“What do you think you are doing Nera, that is not a water source, that is our toilet.”

“There is nothing so fresh, so cooling to the feline fur than a human recycling tray with a constant supply of fresh water.”

“Nera we call that the toilet, it is not a feline water bowl.”

“Toilet does not exist in meow.”

“I know Nera, perhaps you could compare it to your feline tray for your recycling process.”

“But there is no clumping sand in this toilet thing, just permanent, fresh water, quality grand cru.”

“Of course Nera was right, as she always was. The humans constantly renew the water in their tray, it is always so fresh. I have often tried it myself when Mr. or Mrs. Human might forget to cover the source with that lid thing.”

“But Mrs. Human notices, because she says you leave paw marks on the nice clean lid.”

“Of course I do Fluffy, I have to mark my territory.”

“Those humans can get really fussy, they just want to keep that first class water for themselves, typical.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Lingering Felines