Daily Feline Prompt: Rest in Feline Peace

Write your obituary. 

Nera the cat

“Now Nera is really resting on that photo Mrs. Human. What’s an obituary? We don’t have that word in meow.”

“It is when someone leaves us for ever, we write about all the good things they did in their memory.”

“Aha, now I know why we don’t have that word. We never go anywhere, we just change places and we don’t even try to do good things.”

“But Nera left you.”

“She did not leave us, she transferred to a different level.”

“You mean the rainbow bridge?”

“Forget it, Nera arrived at the rainbow bridge and found it boring waiting for everyone that she knew to join her, so she did some transcendental feline meditation to go further. Bastet sent a scout looking for talent at the Rainbow Bridge, saw Nera and engaged her in the eternal corn chambers. Since then she has been hunting mice and keeping order there.”

“But Tabby, who told you all that.”

“Nera of course.”

“But she has departed, she is no longer here.”

“Of course she is Mrs. Human. I will call her with my magical power paws. Nera, Nera, are you there, give us a message.”

“Tabby, don’t be silly, I don’t do messages, of course I am here, I am always hovering around in between mouse hunting. Hello Mrs. Human. Hows things? Mrs. Human?? What’s wrong with her Tabby, why is she laying on the floor?”

“She’s human and doesn’t understand the power of feline or meow. I found her looking up Bastet in one of those human books. Who needs a book. We have it all in the feline senses. In any case she has fainted, probably because you appeared with all that transparent smokey stuff surrounding you. Perhaps your form did it?”

“Whats wrong with my form?”

“Well let’s face it Nera, when you live in the Kingdom of Bastet, being half transparent is a bit different and walking through walls instead of entering by cat flap is not the usual thing down here.. Fluffy and I don’t mind, but probably Mrs. Human finds that a little bit over the top.”

“Then perhaps it is better if she faints. I will now go have a cookery course up there with Bastet. I have to learn how to prepare mouse au vin. Those pharaohs had all sorts of supplies in their pyramids and we have to use the wine up now and again. Have fun, see you soon.”

“Mrs. Human, are you awake?”

“Did I see Nera who left us last year.”

“No, no, Mrs. Human, probably just a figment of your imagination.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Rest in Feline Peace

Daily Feline Post: The Feline Circle of Five

A feline once said, “You are the average of the five felines you spend the most time with.” If this is true, which five felines would you like to spend your time with?

The Crow

“What’s that crow doing on that photo Tabby. It is all about the five people you would want to spend the most time with.”

“We don’t do people, Mrs. Human, so a crow is just as good. Be honest, you were dying to show everyone the photo you took of that juicy visitor to the garden. Do you have a gun Mrs. Human. He is too big for me and Fluffy to take on, he might fly away with us.”

“Tabby, I do not have a gun and the crow paid us a polite visit and did not drop his calling card as an invite to a feline lunch session. So what about your five persons.”

“I don’t think so, Fluffy have you any ideas?”

“Five in a circle? The only circle I know is the one I make with my four paws before I sink into a sleep. Why do I have to have 5 people to spend time with. Felines don’t do spending time, we either sleep or eat.”

“That’s it Fluffy, you have hit the sparrow with the paw, figuratively speaking.”

“I hope so felines.”

“Stay cool Mrs. Human, it is just a phrase in our meow dictionary. No I have it, the five things in the circle: tuna fish, fresh bird, mouse chews, salmon bites not to forget a portion of catnip. Yes, that will do.”

“How brilliant Tabby.”

“Fluffy stop clapping your paws, I do not find it brilliant. Tabby just recited the perfect menu for felines. She omitted the vitamin enriched pellets, which would have at least been a good idea. Tabby do you have no other bright ideas, Perhaps Me, or Roschti the lovely little feline that lives next door. You know how you like to play with him.”

“Mrs.Human, do you need new glasses? I do not play with Roschti, we are serious in our paw actions and I definitely do not want him in my inner circle, unless he brings a tin of tuna or a twig of cat nip.”

“You forgot something important Tabby.”

“I did Fluffy.”

“Yes the book of Bastet, where it all stands written about not building circles of five. Do not include the wrong feline, chapter 51, verse 14.”

“Thankyou for that reminder Fluffy, yes definitely not Roschti, he would destroy the magical formular.”

“You have a magical formula felines? No don’t answer that question, just a stupid human idea.”

Daily Feline Post: The Feline Circle of Five

Daily Feline Prompt: Plead the Feline Ninth

What question do you hate to be asked? Why?

P1020646

“Fluffy, this is a threat to one of your nine lives, perhaps more than one. So would do you do?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“No, you do not plead the fifth, there must be a question you do not want to answer to plead the fifth.”

“The dog is definitely asking me to paw off one of my nine lives, so I plead the fifth and run. It says in the book of Bastet, if you are confronted by a dog, especially a fierce dog, then run, chapter 247, verse 2.”

“Just a minute Fluffy, I will have to look that one up. Yes, but it says do not go without a hiss or scratch in verse 3.”

“Tabby, if I meet a dog like that I do not ask questions, or wait to see what happens, I go. What would you do?”

“Don’t ask silly questions Fluffy, I am a year older than you and have more experience.”

“And what is the answer.”

“Forget it, I plead the fifth.”

“We don’t have a Fifth in the Book of Bastet, just a couple of thousand laws to abide by.”

“Hello felines, what are you talking about, you seem quite engrossed in your conversation?”

“Don’t ask silly questions Mrs. Human, we plead the Fifth.”

“Is that a new sort of tuna fish aroma.”

“No Mrs. Human, it is a case of not answering your stupid question. It is none of your business what we are talking about. We are not giving any answers that may incriminate our lives.”

“Seems you have been reading too many feline criminal books.”

“Well I was reading a story about Feline Marlowe where he arrested a gang of drug peddling catnip criminals.”

“Sounds like a good book Fluffy.”

“Not as good as the latest from Feline Bosch and the paw raiders.”

“Oh, that sounds good Tabby, can I borrow that one.”

“You can up-paw it on your pawpad from Flamazon. Mrs. Human you may go, we are busy.”

“Doing what?”

“None of your business, we plead the fifth feline amendment which means time to sleep.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Plead the Feline Ninth

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Me Time

What’s your ideal Saturday morning? Are you doing those things this morning? Why not?

Fluffy

“Shhh Mrs. Human, Fluffy is having “me time”.”

“It seems to me he is in permanent “me time”.”

“Bastet said that every feline being is entitled to 90% me time daily.”

“And the other 10%?”

“Obvious Mrs. Human. We prepare ourselves for “me time”.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Now that was a wonderful “me time”, I am now awake and ready to go.”

“Go where Fluffy?”.

“To search a nice comfortable place for my next “me time” of course.”

“You see Mrs. Human, we follow the words of Bastet to the end. Baste tells us “me time” and we do “me time”.

“I see Tabby, but where does the washing time and the eating time fit in?”

“That is the preparation time for the “me time”. No self respecting feline enters its “me time” phase without being clean for it, or with hunger, book of Bastet chapter 653 verse 99.”

“Tabby how that must be a big book that Bastet wrote.”

“Oh yes, she brings something new every day.”

“How does she decide what to write.”

“That’s easy. She watches the humans and when they decide something anti feline, she writes a new chapter with some new verses to solve the problem.”

“In other words, she makes it up on the way.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it like that. She applies instinct.”

“Which is?”

“That’s that thing that humans have never been able to explain, but don’t worry Mrs. Human, we will let you know if you do something wrong.”

“I am sure you will Tabby.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Me Time

Daily Feline Prompt: Last Feline Words

You have the chance to write one last post on your feline blog before you stop blogging forever.

cat walk 1

“But we only just started to blog regularly Mrs. Human.”

“Tabby it is only figuratively speaking, just as if.”

“Aha, figuratively does not exist in meow, but we will continue, won’t we Fluffy?”

“Of course Tabby, no problem. Shame that Nera is no longer here to blog with us.”

“Who said I am not here?”

“Nera, you are paying us a visit, how nice, but don’t do it so dramatically. Mrs. Human doesn’t believe in Bastet and she has now fainted.”

“That is not my problem. Now and again I like to make an excursion to see how things are going. What’s this about “stop blogging forever”?. Tabby write today’s blog “A voice from the grave” no, perhaps strike “grave” and write the Kingdom of Bastet.”

“Ok, Nera, do you want to paw it on the pad or shall I?”

“I will dictate and you will paw, My paws are not so good at this earthly stuff.”

“So write, In the words of Nera, the chief feline I will always be with you.”

“Is that all?”

“It’s enough.”

“Aha, Nera where are you going. You are fading again.”

“I am supernatural, and Mrs. Human is waking up. We don’t want to make her faint again when she sees me. Besides, I have a job to do for Bastet. We got a new shipment of mice today, and I have to sort them out in sizes and colours. Bye everyone and don’t forget, continue the good work and blog.”

“Tabby, Fluffy, did I see Nera? No, it couldn’t be, she has left us for a better place.”

“Is that figuratively speaking Mrs. Human?”

“Sort of Fluffy. But I am sure I saw her.”

“Forget it Mrs. Human, just a figment of your imagination.”

“But there is a small ball of black fur on the carpet, and neither you or Fluffy have black fur.”

“Mrs. Human, Mrs. Human…..”

“Forget it Fluffy, she has fainted again. Paw that black fur under the carpet. It is getting near tuna time and we don’t want her to faint again otherwise there will be no tuna.”

“Will do Tabby, no problem. Those humans have no understanding for the feline world.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Last Feline Words

Daily Feline Prompt: Fight or Flight – a feline conversation

Write about your strongest memory of heart-pounding, belly-twisting nervousness: what caused the adrenaline? Was it justified? How did you respond?

My friend's Alsatian

“That is a dog Fluffy.”

“I cannot see the dog on the photo because I am blind, whatever that is, but I know what a dog is Tabby. They have a sort of, well, doggy smell, not as sweet flavoured as us felines and they bark.”

“So what do you do when you know there is a dog near.”

“I run Tabby as fast as my four paws will carry me.”

“That is because you are a beginner Fluffy. We are felines and we do not succumb to nervousness when there is a dog nearby.”

“So what do we do Tabby.”

“We look it in the eyes with an intense “I could kill you” look.”

“Does that work Tabby, does it go away?”

“If the dog is smaller than you are it might yap a bit and go, if it is a specimen like in the photo, an Alsatian, it will stay and return your stare.”

“So what do we do then.”

“We remain where we are of course and try it with a hiss.”

“And that will frighten the dog.”

“It could be that the dog barks.”

“Oh yes, they can be very loud. But then they go.”

“Errr, they should Fluffy, but there are canines that have no respect for us felines that were worshipped as gods in the old country.”

“And then”

“Yes Fluffy, it is then we apply the laws of Bastet, chapter 2, verse 3.”

“Which says?”

“Run for your life and dive in the next cat flap or up a tree. I would add that trees are only used if you know you can descend after the canine has gone.”

“What if the canine doesn’t go?”

“Fluffy, don’t ask silly questions.”

Daily Feline Post: Fight or Flight – a feline conversation

Daily Feline Prompt: Three Perfect Feline Shots

Take a subject you’re familiar with and imagine it as three photos in a sequence. Tackle the subject by describing those three shots.

Tabby eating

“Is that your shot Tabby?”

“What’s wrong with it Fluffy?”

“Well it’s OK, so what about the other two.”

“Mrs. Human said three shots would be too much, She doesn’t have the time to sort it on my paw pad, she has enough problems with her own three shots.”

“Yes, but munching away at vitamin filled pellet food is not particularly interesting.”

“Of course it is Fluffy. Other blogging felines can see how deprived we are with our food. Just a bowl of dry pellets, when we should be eating tuna, caviar, salmon. They will complain and Mrs. Human will have to rethink her diet plans for us.”

“I don’t think so Tabby. Humans have the idea that we eat healthy food and that fresh fish and meat is not so good.”

“Tell that to the lions, or even Bastet. It says in the book of Bastet, chapter 333, verse 20 that felines should be fed with fresh meat at all times and dead mice should not be dead longer than five minutes and we get dead pellets which probably never lived.”

“But on the 10 kilo packet it says made with chicken.”

“Fluffy, chickens have legs and walk. They are not dried pieces of chemically flavoured brown material.”

“Oh, well I quite like the pellets now and again. Washed down with a dish of fresh water they are ok. Mrs. Human said I look very healthy at the moment and am putting on weight.”

“Good for you Fluffy, but you would look more heathy and put on more weight if you were fed with fresh meat.”

“Where are you going Tabby?”

“Picture 2 and 3. Picture 2 is me with a dead mouse and picture 3 is me eating the mouse. I just have to catch it first of all.”

“Oh, in the meanwhile you can see picture 2 of me having a wash and picture 3 sleeping after my meal of chicken vitamin pellets.”

“OK Fluffy, what’s all this rubbish with the pictures. I will leave out my picture 2 and 3 and join you with the wash and sleep after the delicious dry boring vitamin pellets.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Three Pefect Feline Shots