Daily Feline Prompt: Ordinary Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I am bored.”

“Take a walk outside Tabby, I am sure you will find something to do.”

“I need something new, something dynamic, something I have never done before.”

“Why not practice walking up the ladder to your bed on top of the cupboard, instead of taking a dangerous leap.”

“No, I don’t feel like it and that would be boring. Any feline can climb a ladder, but not every feline can take an exact jump and reach the top of the cupboard. Only gifted felines like myself can do that.”

“Until you miss the top and fall Tabby.”

“I never miss the top, I am too good for that. Perhaps you could organise some birds or mice for me to play with. That would not be boring, something completely different.”

“Tabby you can go outside and find your own mice and birds.”

“That is not fun, they run away when they see me, no-one likes me.”

“Perhaps that is because you chase them and try to catch them with your claws.”

“Of course I do, that’s what cats are for.”

“Look Tabby, there is a nice doggy walking along the path, perhaps he is also bored and would be pleased to play with you.”

“Mrs. Human, I might be bored, but I do not have a death wish. Cats do not play with dogs, we fight.”

“But it would not be so boring.”

“I think I will take a sleep for a change for a few hours to give you time to think of something to amuse me when I awake again.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Ordinary Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Symptom

Tabby 23.03 (3)

“Tabby, Mr. Human and I have to go somewhere. We will be back later.”

“What? Someone will have to stay here. I will be on my own.”

“That is really not a problem Tabby, you sleep most of the time. And you can go out and in by your cat flap, no problem.”

“Of course it is a problem. What happens if I have a meowmare.”

“You will wake up and realise that it was all imagination.”

“And if I choke on a vitamin pellet.”

“Tabby I hav never heard of a feline choking on a vitamin pellet. When you chew them they become soft and you can swallow them easily.”

“But they could change the recipe and add something new that I might be allergic to. I could suffocate and there would be no-one here to rescue me.”

“Tabby, all ingredients in you healthy vitamin pellets are tested for allergic reactions, so no problem.”

“And if I decide to sleep in my favourite place on top of the cupboard. When I leap up I might miss the cupboard and fall and break a leg.”

“Tabby I have told you many times you should use your ladder to walk up to the top of the cupboard. There would be no danger of missing anything and it would be much safer, but no, you have to jump.”

“Only weak and feeble felines used spiral ladders. Perhaps I might hang on the furniture if I choose to cling to it by using my claw. I could be hanging for hours until you return. I will dehydrate.”

“Tabby you always seem to know how to retract your claw and escape with no problems.”

“Roschti might enter my home by my cat flap and then I would have to defend my territory. I would have to fight for my honour and I could be killed.”

“Roschti has his own territory next door and has no interest in yours and I have never seen you fight for anything. Can I go now Tabby?”

“OK, but fill up my bowl with normal tuna fish before you go, and leave all the doors open in my home that I have a good escape route if I might be attacked. And don’t be too long. If I am no longer here when you return, then the do not worry about me. I will somehow survive.”

“Yes Tabby I am sure you will.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Symptom

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Acceptance

Untitled

I just realised that my birthday will be in a couple of weeks time, on 2nd April, just saying. If you are preparing gifts for my birthday then you can contact Mrs. Human. She will be dealing with all the preparations for my party.

It is also the time that I renew her contract. She has been a member of my staff for many years, since 2002, and she has learned well. At the beginning there were learning difficulties. She made it clear that I was not welcome in her bedroom or on her bed, the door was constantly closed. However, after a few pawing sessions on the door and entering the room every time she opened the door and making myself comfortable, she soon gave up and now I often have a sleep on her bed during the day. She did insult me by placing a cover on the bed, muttering something about not wanting feline fur all over the bed, but I ignored it. Now we get on perfectly well together. I sleep where I want to and she makes sure I am comfortable.

When I was younger, I often took long walks in my territory. I did not ask her to come and look for me as I was perfectly capable in finding my own way home, but she would insist following my path to find me. Once I was really having fun, forgot the time, as I had discovered a complete city of mice below ground level. Time flew, and suddenly she was there. She was very concerned and worried that I was lost. Felines do not get lost, we do our own thing.

The food is quite good, always a full bowl, although the basic menu is not really my taste. Of course I can digest the wonderful, healthy vitamin pellets, but I am working on that one with some paw persuasion for tuna fish first. I think I am getting somewhere because I noticed when she returned from her shopping trip today, she had bought 4 tins of tuna fish, although the small tins. She find too much tuna fish at once is not healthy, but she did not ask me and “healthy” does not exist in meow.

I think I will renew the contract for another year. To be quite honest I have not found any other human that wants the job (but don’t tell her).

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Acceptance

Daily Feline Prompt: Minimal for the feline

Tabby

“Tabby don’t you want your food.”

“Food, I do not see any food.”

“But your bowl is full of delicious healthy vitamin pellets, especially for felines to give them a nice shiny coat, to strenthen their claws and their teeth.”

“Mrs. Human that is the minimum from minimum. Are vitamin pellets on a special cheap offer at the moment that you are continuously buying 5 Kg bags of the stuff? Every time I finish one of the bags I think now the day has come when there will be no more hard tasteless apologies for food, but no, you go to the store and buy another bag. That is not what my ancestors were fed on, they had the real thing.”

“Sorry Tabby, but I cannot encourage mice to live with us, they would multiply and they are not a healthy thing to have in the home.”

“It would be ideal of course, my forefathers kept the mice in limits in the corn chambers in the old country. I am not asking for too much Mrs. Human, just a tin of tuna fish a day, perhaps some salmon now and again with a pinch of tarrogon to enhance the taste. Even perhaps a de-boned chicken leg or wing, but at least I recognise what I am eating. Vitamin pellets all look alike and are the same size. I need variation in my diet.”

“Oh, then perhaps I could buy a different flavoured vitamin pellets. I always by tuna flavoured beause I know you like tuna so much, but they also have chicken flavoured.”

“Mrs. Human I can assure you that whatever the flavour they all taste the same. You could really add some variation to my diat. Why not ask the butcher for some fresh meat. You could prepare it according to my taste. I am sure that a filet mignon aux chattes would be more tantalising to my taste buds.”

“But Tabby filet mignon is very expensive and you might not like it, I have never fed you on filet mignon.”

“Of course not, your imagination only runs to vitamin pellets. I saw a photo of a filet mignon on my Pawpad and it is just my sort of thing. I would like it cooked rare, nice and juicy inside with a slight crust on the outside. Perhaps some herb butter spiced with catnip would add to its advantage.”

“Tabby I would also like filet mignon, but it is a very expensive piece of  beef.”

“Then just buy a portion for me, if it is expensive, I am not inviting you to eat from my bowl, and make sure that you do not cook it too much, I like it in bite sized pieces. Mrs. Human where are you going, I have not finished. Humans are so ungrateful. Now I have given her a good suggestion for my daily food and she leaves me with a bowl of vitamin pellets and goes to the kitchen to prepare her own food. I am sure she will be cooking something from real meat – she never eats vitamin pellets.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Minimal for the feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Labelled Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human I have found a very interesting site on my Pawpad. Gifts that your feline and canine deserve and I have sent you the link. I am sure you could make a list of articles to fulfil my feline life.”

“But they are very expensive Tabby. A gold thread pet mattress for $3,000. Why would you need one?”

“It is not a question of needing anything Mrs. Human, more in the sense of deserving. I am sure I could sleep much better on gold thread. And the pet bowl designed by Paws Versace for a mere $754 would be perfect. I am sure the food would taste better. Did you see it is even designed with genuine gold. You do not have to bother with the diamond encrusted dog collar, as that would be a little below my value. After all it is felines first, although perhaps they make a special excution for felines. The Swarovski cat flap is still being sold, for a mere $1,644. I would order now Mrs. Human, that sort of thing is sold out quickly and I would not want something that everything feline in the neighbourhood has.”

“Do not worry so much Tabby. In your neighbourhood there is no danger of all the felines have such luxury goods. They are satisfied with a warm comfortable bed and a normal cat flap.”

“That is the normal average feline Mrs. Human, but you must admit I am something special. Perhaps you could have a special engraving made on the cat flap with a Macdonalds “M” to show that it is my personal possession. I noticed a Kitty crystal bed which would be ideal with curtains to avoid disturbances from humans, only $31,660.”

“Yes that would be ideal for you to rest your tired bones after an exhausting day at the villa Human. What about some nice feline perfume, to make you smell better.”

“No Mrs. Human, that would be overdoing it, and at $65 it would be a cheap perfume, although that is the canine price. I will send a pawmail and ask if they also do the feline execution  which will probably cost more. After all, we felines do have a speical taste.”

“Yes Tabby, I am sure. In the meanwhile you can curl up and sleep in your cushion that I bought at the supermarket for $5, and enter and leave through your custom made cat flap that every feline in the area has. I also think your custom made collar would serve its purpose, as carrying those heavy diamonds would tire you. And your tuna fish, or vitamin pellets, taste the same in a Versace bowl or a supermarket bowl. Tabby where are you going?”

“I am having a rest on my store bought uncomforable cushion and will drown my sorrows in a some water from my normal average drinking bowl. Such is the life of a feline that chose the wrong human to own. I should have chose that guy that lives in Trump Towers, I would even have my own embroidered bath robe with the name “Tabby” on it.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Labelled Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Tabby the Conquerer

Tabby

I conquered them all, the short and the tall
I am brave to the last, I have a real blast
It was danger all the way, but I decided to stay
It wanted to pounce, so I gave it a bounce
There is no way I will lose,  I will scare it with mews
Just laying there await, is it a new bait?
Mrs. Human is my staff, but she stands there with a laugh
I will win this little number, after all it is just a cucumber.

Daily Feline Prompt: Tabby the Conquerer

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Controversy

Tabby

It is raining outside and I want to go places and see things. If I go out my paws will be wet and the water will be falling downwards. I will have to think about it. It is a bit problem in a feline life to choose the right time to do the right thing. I don’t mind the rain, as long as I can shelter somewhere where I will not get wet or if it stays on the ground where it belongs. I then have the possibility to taste its fine flavours. Perhaps I could retire to the porch on a chair, but the chair is not as comfortable as a bed, or a cushion, or even the chair where I am now resting.  Oh the problems of a feline life and the decisions we have to make.

Perhaps I could have something to eat, but at the moment it is only the iron reserve. The hard flavourless vitamin pellets that Mrs. Human tells me are good for me. Mrs. Human is too lazy to open a tin of tuna fish it seems. How can a human know what is good for me. They only eat meat that has been cooked. They do not realise the delights of fresh bird or mouse, uncooked and with its natural flavours. Humans are funny animals. They do not smell the food before eating, but just insert it in their mouth, chew it and swallow it, no delights of flavour absorption. They have noses but it seems for other purposes, although I have not yet discovered what purposes. Although Mrs. Human might empty my recycling tray after I have left my mark there, and complains that something is smelling. Perhaps their noses are consructed differently to ours. I never smell anything in my tray.

If the feline next door takes a walk through my territory I smell it immediately. There is a smell in the air that is not welcome, an invasive smell. I am sure the feline does it on purpose just to annoy me.

I just had a look out of the window, it is still raining. I have no choice, three circles on the chair anticlockwise and sink into oblivion. Perhaps it will have stopped raining when I am awake. If not, I will have to add a few hours more onto my sleep. Oh, the controversial problems of a feline.

Daily Prompt: Feline Controversy