Daily Feline Prompt: Tiny Feline

“Look, Mrs. Human, my secret weapon claw.”

“That is your secret weapon.”

“Yes, all felines have them, they can be very useful. If you have a territorial disagreement with a fellow feline, you just show your secret weapon claw and they quiver wth fright.”

“And then you win the battle.”

“Not quite. Some felines have bigger secret weapon claws than others. That is why I like to keep it sharp.”

“On my furniture.”

“Of course. The wooden leg of your armchair or your bed is very suitable. The leather polster on the chair also serves its purpose for a final polish.”

“But Tabby, I have scratch marks everywhere afterwards.”

“Which shows how suitable it is. If you have scratch marks, it means that the purpose is fulfilled and my secret weapon claw is getting sharper and ideal as a combat weapon.”

“But sometimes I notice you have a problem when clawing on a soft fabric and remain hanging.”

“Yes, they are occupational hazards. Nothing is perfect.”

“And sometimes I might find a claw which has been discarded.”

“One of the sacrifices of war. Otherwise I am quite well equipped.”

“But that secret weapon looks quite tiny.”

“That is because it is a secret weapon. No point in having a weapon that everyone sees.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Tiny Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: The Artifical Feline

“Look into my eyes. You will now immediately go to the cupboard and remove a tin of tuna fish. You will open it and place the contents onto my food bowl.”

“Sorry Tabby, you said something?”

“I have been reading a meow book about feline hynotism. It is the answer to all our wishes to ensure that the human fulfils our needs.”

“But Tabby I do that in any case, no need for hypnotism.”

“That is wrong. I have often yearned for a dish of tuna fish and what do I get? A bowl of hard unappetising vitamin pellets. This meow book is a best seller. It had the original title “50 Shades of influencing your human” but someone got there first, copyright stuff and all that, so now it has been retitled “The Artificial Human”.

“But we are not artificial Tabby, we are the real thing,”

“With a few manufacturing mistakes. So, now look into my eyes.”

“I often look into you eyes Tabby, but you never look into mine, you just blink and look away.”

“Of course, I do. There is nothing more boring than looking into the eyes of a human. I see only a simple life form, not even programmed for seeing in the dark.”

“I have an electric light if I want to see in the dark, or a torch, Tabby”

“Another proof of the imperfection of the human breed. We felines see in the dark by a slight manipulation of our eyes. And now concentrate, Mrs. Human. Go to the cupboard.”

“But I do not want to go to the cupboard, there is no reason to go to the cupboard.”

“That is not in my book of meow hypnotism.”

“Peraps it is more for hypnotising other felines.”

“You think so. That will not work. Felines do not look into each other’s eyes, unless they are sizing up the distance of scratchy quantum mathematics, judging the angle of paw.”

“Souds very aggressive to me. You know what Tabby. You would be better reading that Paws Siddartha book about forming the perfect lotus flowers as you walk. That would be more rewarding and who knows, they might become realistic one day.”

“You think so? But I still want tuna fish for my next meal.”

“OK, Tabby. You see it also works without hypnotism”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Artifical Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Volunteering


“Tabby, I should shake out that cushion you were sleeping on. Do you think you could volunteer to move to another place?”

“Do what? This feline does not understand “volunteer”, please explain Mrs. Human.”

“It means that perhaps you could move to somewhere else, naturally just as comfortable as where you are now, as I would like to clean the cushion you are lying on.”

“Now that is very complicated Mrs. Human. You want me to go somewhere else, of my own free will, to move my tired, exhausted body to another place. I do not think that will happen Mrs. Human.”

“But Tabby……”

“No buts, Mrs. Human, another word that we decided to ban from the meow book of meows. I have deposited my body on this cushion because this cushion was calling for me. It is now a bearer of my scent. If you carefully examine it, you can already see the lotus flowers appearing.”

“Tabby sorry, but no lotus flowers, just the scent of your fur.”

“Even you have noticed that it is now my cushion. If you remove it and shake it out in the fresh air, it will not longer be mine. My right of possession will be removed and I wil have to invest another 2-3 hours of sleep on the cushion to take possession. That is hard work. And you want me to volunteer for such work. No, Mrs. Human, felines definitely do not volunteer. In the unforgettable words of the Dalai Bastet, “I did not become the chief feline on a volunteer basis” and we felines were not once gods because we volunteered, we were given the job due to our charisma. We do not volunteer Mrs. Human, we are appointed. And now I have decided to take a rest on your bed, so you may clean my cushion, but be careful of the lotus blossoms. I have counted them all.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Volunteering

Daily Prompt: Millions of felines


“Tabby, I was thinking.”

“Does it hurt Mrs. Human?”

“Tabby, you should show some more respect for the human race.”

“Oh, I do Mrs. Human. Where would we be without your opposable thumbs and the tin opener. Not to mention that we would have to empty our own litter boxes and  fill our food bowls ourself. By the way my litter box should be emptied I noticed, since at least an hour.”

“But you were sleeping Tabby”

“And now I am awake, so clean it.  You were going to tell me a revelation amongst human thoughts.”

“Yes Tabby, I thought you might like to have a little playmate, perhaps a kitten so that you would not be so lonely.”

“We felines are never lonely, it does not exist in meow, so forget it. This is my home, my territory and there is no room to share. You have not by any chance made endeavours to bring another feline into my territory.”

“Oh no, tabby, I was just thinking it might be a good idea. You have plenty of room to share.”

“Mrs. Human you are using words that I do not find in my vocabulary, hence they do not exist. Forget it, I am one in a million and you should go on your knees and be thankful that you have me to feed and spoil. I am unique, see the lotus flowers sprouting from my paws as I walk.”

“Tabby I only see dead vegetable matter that you have dragged in from the garden.”

“Then use your imagination.”

Daily Prompt: Millions of felines

Daily Prompt: Ancient Felines


Of course we were here first. Humans were not even sitting in the trees eating bananas when we arrived. The were still earthworms. We had it all planned. First unpack the mice and let them run free and return to our bith planet Koschka and wait a few hundred years until they had gone forth and multiplied. Bastet had made the plans carefully. You see Koshka was getting a little overcrowded. We blamed it on the Main Coons. They were the result of an experiment to have bigger and better felines, but they got too big. That was why it was organised with a special ship to place them on American soil. There was more room and they liked to go on long walks. They called their territories states.

And then we had the Egyptian experiment. That was the beginning of it all I suppose. It all started when we planted the Mau felines, as we called them because of the noise they made, in the sand. It was perfect. The ideal recycling tray. The mice were their first and there was never a hunger sitution.

One day there was a problem. The humans discovered they could leave the trees and begin to walk upright. They were carnivores and threw the bananas away, or gave them to the apes. We were also carnivores,  so you can imagine there were a few conflict situtions. We soon got it sorted. Bastet organised a shipment of corn with instructions, in human language of course, about how to plant it. Humans always did everything we felines told them to do, just a question of good training, and the corn began to grow. The humans began to harvest, another Bastet idea. They stored the corn in chambers which was the feline intention. We then had it all, a perfect recycling plan. The corn grew, the mice came to eat it and the humans watched their havest disappearing until we felines arrived in the corn chambers and began to kill and eat the mice. This was when they began to worship us as gods, which we are of course.

That is the story of the beginnings of civiisation today. And the planet Koshka? It is still there in its orbit, but remains on the other side of the moon. We do not want to be discovered. We are still in the process of developing the genetic formation of opposable thumbs, as well as the paw friendly tin opener. According to what arrives first of all, we will beam ourselves down to Earth with a few felines of the new generation and this time we will do it right. Who needs meow when it can be done by gods.

Daily Prompt: Ancient Felines

Daily Feline Prompt: The Underground Feline


“Do not Distrub Mrs. Human. I have to take a rest it was a hard day’s night.”

“I noticed you were out for most of the night. Where were you?”

“The mice were moving and it was time to discover their underground life.”

“And you went underground?”

“Are you mad? Felines do not go underground, we wait above until a mouse might appear, unknowing that I will be waiting.”

“And did they appear?”

“That was the problem. They remained underground. I could feel their movements with my paws, I even reached into a hole in the ground, and felt their fur, but they disappeared. I think they are preparing for their long Winter sleep. I have decided that is not a bad idea. I think I will join them, in a feline way of meow of course. A well known feline once said “The feline one day falls through a hole in the cat mint, and from that moment he is following the dark rapids of an underground river which may sometimes flow so near to the surface that the laughing mice are heard above”.”

“Very philosophical Tabby, but what does it mean?”

“It means that I am now falling into a deep sleep and cannot concentrate because of the noise you are making.”

“But I was just opening a tin of tuna fish.”

“Aah, in that case I will postpone my underground sleeping adventures until later. Be careful where you walk, there are some lotus blossoms laying on the ground from my paws.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Underground Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: The Waiting Feline


“Mrs. Human, come at once.”

“Tabby, at once does not exist in human.”

“Then invent it, it is urgent. I thought it was a human word.”

“Tabby every time I want something from you, you tell me it does not exist in meow.”

“That is because it does not exist in meow. We felines are perfect. If we started to adopt human words in meow, chaos would  rule. We felines are organised and cannot use srange human words like “wait” or “just a minute”.”

“So what is so important that you cannot wait.”

“It is a question of my existence. As the French master feline Honore de Whiskers Balzacpaw said “An unfulfilled meow vocabulary drains the color from a feline’s entire existence” and now open the window, at once.”

“Aha, what is so important?”

“Do not ask silly human questions Mrs. Human, open the window.”

“But you have your very own cat flap in the window. You just have to give it a gentle push  with your nose and you can go out.”

“Mrs. Human I am not in the feline mood for wasting valuable feline time in pushing open cat flaps, apart from the fact that it is degrading for a feline to push anything with its nose. Our noses are meant for more important things, like sniffing out mouseholes and finding birds. Now I really do not have the time to wait, open the window.”

“OK Tabby, just for some peace and quiet I will open it. Your winy meows can be very annoying. What is so urgent outside?*

“I have a distinct urge to roll on the patio. It soothes my fur and gives me a feeling of perfect Siddartha felinismus. Just watch how the lotus blossoms spring from my pawing movements.”

“Is that all? I have never seen a lotus blossom spring from anything on your paws up to now.”

“Of course not, because I have to go through that stupid idiotic cat flap. It takes all the inspiration away from my paws.”


Daily Feline Prompt: The Waiting Feline