Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Protest Movement

Tabby

“Tabby, I opened the window, you can go out.”

“I leave my home when I want to, and not because you have opened a window.”

“Ok, then I will shut the window.”

“Mr. Human, what have you done?”

“I shut the window, because there is cold air coming into the room.”

“I did not give you permission to shut the window.”

“But you said you do not want to go out.”

“Of course not, I was making my point. I meowed nothing about shutting a window. I was enjoying the fresh air and the view in the garden. You were the creature that began to talk about going out. I made no mention of going anywhere. I was quite comfortable watching things outside and now I think I will go out. Open the window.”

“Ok Tabby it is now open, but you are still sitting in front of the window.”

“I changed my mind and will stay here, but do not jump to concluions and leave the window open. It is not cold, if you had a built in fur coat like we felines, we would find the temperature just right. One of the constructional human defects.”

“But we have opposable thumbs.”

“Of course you do, do you really think that we felines are going to do everything for the humans. Humans exist to obey the feline commands. If we felines had opposable thumbs, you would have no purpose to your human life. You would be bored and not know what to do with your time. That is why we allowed you the opposable thumbs, to open our tins of tuna fish and empty our litter tray, as well as refilling our water bowls. You may now close the window, I have seen all I wanted to see, and I am in the mood for a tummy tickle. Another advantage of opposable thumbs. A little more to the right, yes between the two front legs and mind my paws. Not so energetic, gently, yes that is perfect.

Imgine not having opposable thumbs Mrs. Human, something would be missing in your human life.”

“Yes definitely Tabby, I would not be able to give you a tummy tickle, or open a tin of tuna fish.  What a boring existence that would be.”

“Mrs. Human are you being ironic?”

“Oh no, of course not Tabby, I would not dare.”

“OK, then open the window again and no protests. You are here to serve.”

“Of course Tabby, of course.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Protest Movement

Daily Feline Prompt: Martyred Felines

Tabby

“Tabby, tired?”

“I am meditating Mrs. Human.”

“About something interesting`”

“Just a feline problem. If you must know, myartyrdom.”

“I thought you have to be dead to become a martyr.”

“That is the feline problem Mrs. Human. Having 9 lives means that we have to surive 9 matyrdoms until we reach our tenth life in the eternal corn chambers where we have an eternal supply of mice, all being matyred by felines.”

“Sounds very complicated Tabby.”

“Yes it is, that is why I have to meditate about it all, organise my martyred existence. I think I have the first martyrdom behind me, although I did not really lose a life, just made me realise that there are times when lives are just not worth living.”

“Oh, that sounds very serious. What happened.”

“I was given vitamin pellets to eat, and I became a martyr.”

“But they are healthy and you are still alive.”

“That is the problem. I am meditating about why I am still alive, becaue vitamin pellets are an insult to the feline way of life.”

“That is because they are good for you Tabby. No feline ever lost a life by eating vitamin pellets.”

“Talking of life Mrs. Human, I heard somewhere that today is your birthday, so I have a gift for you.”

“For me Tabby, how sweet, I never  expected anything from you.”

“Of course you did not expect anything from me, I did not intend giving you anything, “give” doe not exist in meow. However, I have made an exception. I even wrapped it in some of that paper I like to play with in the human recycling room. You know the one that arrives in rolls and I can pull, until it covers the floor.”

“You mean toilet paper.”

“Yes, that is the human word for it, but it was all I had.”

“It looks very interesting Tabby, like a ball of something. Oh, yes well, thankyou.”

“It is a very personal gift Mrs.Human. My last fur ball produced yesterday evening. I thought you would like to have one for your bedside table. It is made of your favourite vitamin pellets, with some grass mixed in to enhance the colour, although we felines do not see colours. See how thoughtful I am. You do not seem vey happy about my gift.”

“Oh, of coure I am Tabby: something personal is always to be treasured.”

“Perhaps you would like another one, then you could have one on each side of your bedside table.”

“No thankyou Tabby, I do not want to put you to too much touble, I am sure this furball gave you a lot of work to do.”

“Well, it did, shall I tell you how I made it.”

“No, that’s OK Tabby, I like my gifts to be rare and unique.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Martyred Felines

Daily Feline Prompt: The Vanishing Feline

New Cat 04.12 (2)

“Mrs. Human, come weekly. We have an emergency situation, there is a disappeaing feline in the garden. Her head is fading and slowly the remainder of her body.”

“No Tabby, she is not disappearing, it is a mistake of the camera lens. The focus was not so good.”

“Rubbish, the camera is swallowing her. I knew there was something strange about that long lens you screw onto the camera. It is long and makes

it easier to swallow us all. On the other hand, take a few photos of Roschti, the feline next door, I have wanted him to disappear for some time. He thinks the place belongs to him. Even sprays on my places in the garden.”

“Tabby, all felines that visit our garden leave their mark somewhere. The feline on the photo was busy covering traces when I took the photo.”

“And afterwards she was swallowed by the camera. In future when taking photos of me, use your telephone. It is too small to absorb me. If I want to vanish I will choose the time and place.”

“Tabby, you will not vanish, it is not possible.”

“Of course it is, just watch me shake my whiskers.”

“Tabby where are you.”

“Here Mrs. Human.”

“But you are now on the other side of the room. How did you do that.”

“Whiskers are not just ornamentation Mrs. Human, they have a purpose. One of those built-in feline radar attachments. Do not forget the famous words of the feline writer Christoper Paws Hitchins “humans owned by felines are compelled to realize that, if they provide the felines with food and water and affection, it confirms that the felines are in effect gods”.”

“Are you sure Tabby, I though his actual words were a little different.”

“That was probably the human version you mean. The felines improved on it of course. And now release that feline from the camera lens.”

“Of course Tabby, look there she goes.”

“In my territory. Mrs. Human take her photo again and release her somewhere else, in Roschti’s territory.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Vanishing Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Don’t touch my whiskers

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I don’t remember being asked to give my specific permission to put that photo on my blog site.”

“But Tabby I was sure it would be OK.”

“You cannot just shoot photos of me because you are sure it is OK. It is not OK. I like to pose for the photos that everyone sees, showing my perfection. This is a side view, and my profile is not always best from the right side. I have less whiskers on that side.”

“I did not realise that it was so important.”

“Meaning that photo will do for a Tabby blog. My Blogs are sacred, they show the essence of being feline. You cannot just do a feline selfie of me and think that will do.”

“But it is not very often that you actually pose for a photo Tabby. You never look at the camera and I found your profile is very intersting.”

“Oh, you think so. Yes I suppose I do look rather pensive and studious. Ok, I will let it go this time, but in future ask. I did not even have time for a lick before you took the photo, my fur behind the ears is not as well-groomed as usual. I had just awoken from my beauty sleep and had no time for a grooming session. What will my fans think of me?”

“You have fans?”

“Of course, I examine my blog statistics daily and every day there are more, so I cannot afford to disappoint them. We could have a portrait session later. I will first of all have a restful sleep and afterwards a fur lick. Perhaps I could have my fur balls in the photo as well, that would make an impression on my followers”

“Yes Tabby, it definately would, but it might not be a good impression. We do not want to make the fans jealous of your wonderful fur balls. Not every feline produces such perfect fur balls.”

“That’s true. OK, just a plain portrait from the front and the left side. I will just have to manicure my claws first of all.”

“But no-one will see your claws Tabby.”

“Of coure not, but it is the internal values that are important.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Don’t touch my whiskers”

Daily Feline Prompt: Panoplying Feline

Tabby

“What’s that Mrs. Human?”

“I thought I would give you a choice today, a real feline Panoply, or perhaps that word does not exist in meow?”

“Of course it exists in meow, it was one of our inventions. We are not completely behind the feline moon Mrs. Human, our intelligence was there before the pyramids were built. We were already training the mice for the corn chamber invasions, before the humans actually had corn chambers. A good feline is always prepared, which is more than I can say for humans. For example where is the tin operner?”

“I must have forgotten it Tabby, sorry.”

“Typical human! A choice which is not choice, not exactly a panoply to be exact. If you want to use these words Mrs. Human, the make sure you know their meaning first of all. This is no panoply, just a photo to look good for my blog. A bowl of unappetising hard vitamin pellets, which I would not touch with a whisker, and a tin of tuna fish which is closed. No consideration for my unopposable thumbs which are not designed to pick up tin openers to release the contents. Where is the panoplyable effect. Open the tin and dispose  of the rubbish in the bowl.”

“I was just thinking Tabby ……”

“Don’t think, nothing positive ever results from it. I have an idea. You could take a photo of my fur ball arrnangement. That would be completely in line with the subject of today’s prompt. A section, arranged according to their various sizes and contents of course. Now that one over there is my favourie. It happened after eating a bowl of vitamin pellets.”

“I though you do not like the pellets Tabby.”

“Of course I do not, an insult to my taste buds, but they make super hairballs when mixed with the other ingredients. A super consruction of a hairball and that one over there is my second best.”

“It looks the same as the other one.”

“But it is not the same. If you look closer and have a sniff, you will find it has a certain speciic smell.”

“No, Tabby, sorry. I am not interested in your hairball collection. Let us change the subject.”

“No problem, so open the tin of tuna fish. No good just looking at it – and dispose of the vitamin pellets. No, on second thoughts I might force the vitamin pellets into my digestive system. It is a long time since I manufactured a perfect hairball.

Daily Feline Prompt: Panoplying Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Construction

human slave
“Mrs. Human, I do not remember giving you permission to reconstruct my blog.”

“I thought it was so appropriate.”

“Well, it is reality of course. We felines have to put things into the correct perspective. We must always be one whisker ahead when it comes to humans. They are so unreliable.”

“But Tabby, you can always rely on me. When did I ever let you down.”

“Do you want it online in a message, or would you prefer it in black and white so that you could perhaps put it on your bedside table as instructions for the day.

Vitamin pellets will no longer be served. They are artificial and are not a constructive nutrition for the feline brain. It is a well-known fact that fish encourages the development of brain cells, and thus only fish will be served in future.”

“Just a minute Tabby, the healthy vitamin pellets are tuna fish flavoured and the vet told me it is the best food for a feline, especially when they grow older.”

“The vet has no idea. Does he eat them, has he tried them out. Of course not, he is too busy making profits from the sales of the vitamin tablets. And I am not growing older. I remain the same. I have just lost a few lives on the way, but still have enough.

To continue: The human will be present at all times to ensure that her feline does not lack for any requirements. This means a permanent view of the window to ensure that the feline does not have to force its sleek and wonderfully formed feline body through the cat flap.”

“But Tabby you can come and go as you wish. You have a magnet on your collar which automatically opens the flap when you wish to enter.”

“Mrs. Human I had to wait at least a minute yesterday. The cat flap did no open at once and I had to carefully position myself in front of this magnet thing to ensure that the flap opened. If you were in the right place at the right time, this would not have been a problem. You would have opened the window and I would have entered as it should be.”

“Anything else Tabby?”

“I am thinking about it. Oh yes, as Winter has now arrived, I will be spending more time inside than out in the cold and I noticed that I will require more resting places. This morning I tried the chair in the living room and discovered that I have no cushion to rest my weary body. Buy me something suitable, but preferable in a soft non synthetic fabric. We felines like to feel natural materials on our body. Leather can be very cold and unfriendly to the fur. ”

“Of course, Tabby. I will immediately attend to your wishes.”

“You may go, but wait, do not forget to take the list with you.”

“Of course not.”

Tabby

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Construction

Daily Feline Prompt: A Feline Echo

Tabby

“Back in the bathroom Tabby? Looks like echoes of Winter are approaching.”

“There are seasons of feline happiness to be celebrated on a warm carpet in a warm bathroom surrounded by walls everywhere. No echoes of other felines wanting to infringe upon my territorial rights, just I, me and myself with a human now and again asking silly questions. And now give me a tummy tickle to make my contentment perfect.”

“Yes of course Tabby, how’s that?”

“Perfect, you may continue.”

“Sorry Tabby, I must go. I have other things to do.”

“Why all the stress Mrs. Human. I am not yet finished.”

“But I am, I cannot sit in the bathroom spending time on tummy tickles.”

“But they are necessary to my transcendetial whisker meditations. I was reflecting on the relaxing influences of a human massage in the right place at the right time and you have other things to do. What could be more important than me? I am the centre of your universe, the fulfilment of your human purpose. Without me you would be lost, no target in your human life, a wandering creature looking for a meaning to life. So now perhaps beneath the chin, slowly and carefully. Do not forget the side of the face. I particularly savour that. Where are you gong.?”

“Tabby I really must go. I cannot spend the next hour giving you tickle therapy when I must prepare your evening meal.”

“Oh, I see. That is no problem. I assume it will be something to endow my deigetive system with a purpose. Vitamin pellets need no preparion: open the bag and throw them into my food bowl – no consideration for my well being and no visual advantages. I assume in that case it will be an unfogettable meal, one worthy of a feline master chef reward.”

“Definately Tabby, Nothing can be good enough for my feline master. How is tuna fish, straight from the tin, not shaken, just carefully mixed, with a sprinkling of cat nip.”

“Exellent, but do not forget the juice. I like to have some licks of juice before digesting the main course. It makes it all worth while. And afterwards as a dessert you may continue the tummy tickle.”

“Or course Tabby. I sometimes have the feeling that I spoil you too much.”

“Too much does not exist in meow Mrs. Human.”

“Of course, how stupid.”

Daily Feline Prompt: A Feline Echo