Daily Feline Prompt: Mighty Feline

Tabby

Yes, I am the mighty cat and here I am regarding my vast territory through the window sitting on a high place, as suited to my status in life.

My territory stretches as far as the eye can see, feline eye of course. It is not an easy task to keep everything under control, but thanks to the assistance of my friend the wall, it is possible. The wall deters all effort of invasion by other felines and humans. I distribute my wonderful irresistant perfume all over my land to ensure that everything remains under my control. If you look carefully through the window you may see a deep grave. This is to deter invaders into my private realm. Yes, the bones are collecting in the depths from those that did not conquer the gap. So remember if you wish to pay a visit, “mind the gap”.

Humans have also made efforts to enter through the window, but my Mrs. Human has been trained by myself to deter any close encounters of the third kind. There has been building work in my territory. The builders have even built a tower around my possessions, but up to now I have maintained my position, by hiding in the shadows. They are bigger than I am and have weapons that carve and cut and even scrape, but I observe everything. One day they will leave and my territory will again be mine.

I want harmony and friendship, not conflict and strife. I am guided by outcomes, not ideologies.

“Tabby, I think you are overdoing it just a little.”

“Mrs. Human I spent all day yesterday composing my mighty words.”

“Something sounds a little similar to the words Mr. Trump used when addressing the United Nations.”

“No problem, Mrs. Human, he didn’t write it himself either.

To continue, cats first, the wall second and everything else at the end.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Mighty Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Crumbs

Tabby

“Tabby, are you having a wash on my bed cover.”

“You have to take the chance when the feeling grabs you Mrs. Human. I noticed that it was necessary to perform a crumb removal from my fur, so why go somewhere else when I am so comfortable. Your bed is nice and big, and there is plenty of room to turn and stretch and get to those furry corners with the tongue that are otherwise difficult to clean.”

“But not on my bed. All the unwanted material from your fur is on my bed cover.”

“Is that a problem Mrs. Human. I have to carry it around with me and am glad to remove it at last.”

“But not on my bed cover.”

“Have you a better suggestion?”

“You could go outside to your territory.”

“To my territory? No, never. I might sleep in my territory and all the unwanted material collects again in my fur. I would be continuously scratching in awkward places and that is tiring work. I am exhausted afterwards.”

“But I have to clean my bed cover from what you clean out of your fur.”

“That’s life Mrs. Human, we all have our problems and it is only a cover to protect your bed linen, nothing important. As said, Mrs. Human, that is just part of the daily routine. Now just remove the bed cover and shake it out somewhere and then I can again resume my sleeping place. Stay cool, I have finished my wash, all impurities have now been removed from my fur. Oh just a minute.”

“What is the matter.”

“I forgot to lick in an important place.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Crumbs

Daily Feline Prompt: Tentative Feline

Tabby

“No,  Mrs. Human, today I will stay here and sleep.”

“It would do you good to take a breath of fresh air.”

“I took a breath this morning and decided that fresh was not the flavour of the day.”

“But you cannot sleep your life away Tabby.”

“Watch me.”

“You must eat now and again.”

“I know, they are the in between moments when I drag myself to my food bowl. And I am definitely not going outside, the sky could fall on my head. I must be tentative with my five remaining lives.”

“Tabby I have never heard of the sky falling on the head of a cat.”

“Of course not, because that was when he lost the lives that were still remaining and did not survive to tell everyone about it. And now leave me to rest.”

“But you have been sleeping for a least ten hours.”

“Good then I still have another 13 hours to go.”

“But the day only has 24 hours.”

“I know, I can count as well. 10+13 = 23, meaning I still have an hour to search for another sleeping place and even take a bite to eat before the next day arrives.”

“But life is not only eating and sleeping.”

“My life is, although there are times when I decide to take a holiday.”

“You take a holiday?”

“Yes, I visit my territory and pay a social visit to my friends.”

“You mean the other felines in the neigbourhood.”

“They are not friends, I just have to put up with them. I have the wall, and the stones. Now and again even the trees decide to have a conversation and permit me to sharpen my claws on them.”

“Sounds very exciting.”

“We felines do not do excitement, we prefer the intellectual experiences of life. And now I must sleep. Set your human watch for 12 hours with the alarm. You will need the extra hour to prepare my food. I prefer it to be room temperature, if it is too cold it could be a shock to my vegetative system.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Tentative Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Glorious Feline

Untitled

“Tabby, Tabby!”

Can you hear her, it is Mrs. Human. At last I have found a glorious place to be myself: to meditate on the meaning of a feline life, relax and enjoy the peace and quiet.”

“Tabby, where are you?”

Now she is worried, searching everywhere, and this time I am completely innocent. I did not leave the cupboard door open, after all I do not have opposable thumbs. If Mrs. Human forgets these things, then it is her problem. I waited a few cats whiskers, expecting her to return and close the door, but she had more important things to do it seems, although personally I am of the opinion that there is nothing more important in the life of a human than a feline.

And now I have a comfortable place all to myself, resting on the soft stuff humans call clothes. I have a ceiling and a floor and three walls, what could be better? I am surrounded in safety.

“Tabby, where have you gone. Oh dear I forgot to close the cupboard door.”

“Meow Mrs. Human, I am in the cupboard. Meow, Meow. Human,  we have a problem. She doesn’t hear me. I am now locked in, and no-one knows where I am. I will die. There is no food and no water.  They will find me in a month, a mummified object just like in the old country when my ancestors were worshipped as gods. Who knows, perhaps I will return as the deity that the humans will worship. In the meanwhile: scratch, scratch, meow, meow – I am dying.”

“Tabby, there you are. Did you lock yourself in the cupboard.”

“Mrs. Human, remember, I do not have opposable thumbs, so it was a human device that locked me in the cupboard.”

“But you have no business to be in the cupboard. That is for humans.”

“I decided to take possession of the cupboard, thinking that you had made it extra comfortable to rest my luxury body with all these human soft articles. And you have no business to shut the door before checking if I had taken possession of the cupboard.”

“But now I have found you Tabby.”

“Big deal, so what do I get for compensation.”

“Compensation?”

“Yes of course, I was trapped by human opposable thumbs.”

“Tuna fish?”

“At least.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Glorious Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Sting

Tabby

“I am watching you Mrs. Human, so make no false move.”

“Are you threatening me Tabby?”

“Of course not, I do not bite the opposable thumbs that open my tins of tuna fish, but today is the day.”

“What day?”

“What you call Sunday, and what I call Tuna fish day.”

“There is no day called Tuna Fish Day.”

“You always serve tuna fish on your Sunday, and I am ready so you may begin.”

“I was actually planning on vitamin pellets. They will give you healthy teeth, bright eyes and strong whiskers.”

“My teeth are fine Mrs. Human, I can bite through the toughest vitamin pellet and have you seen how my eyes reflect in the dark. They are comparable to the headlights of a human car. Vitamin pellets are not necessary. As far as whiskers are concerned, that is my business. Humans do not have whiskers so they have no idea what components are necessary in vitamin pellets to make them stronger.

Whiskers are part of our wave lengths for decisions to be made on volume and size. They are the key to the solution of a quantum mathematical volumes, especially in the manufacture of hairballs. We can talk to walls, to trees, and even to stones, altbough the stones are still in the constructive phase. They are a hard plaster to crack, but we are getting there. So do not apply your deception, your sting on us felines, we see through everything.”

“And you can apply your whiskers to solve such mathematical problems.”

“No problem, Mrs. Human.”

“Then perhaps you could adapt your whiskers to opening tins of tuna fish.”

“That will not work.”

“I thought felines were so perfect.”

“Of course we are, but imagine that we could open tins of tuna fish. The humans would be superfluous, they would have no point in their lives. They would drift aimlessly thinking of the days when their life was filled with the necessity of pleasing their feline masters. No, Mrs. Human, life continues and so perhaps you could now open a tin of tuna fish, it is Sunday for the human, and tuna fish day for the feline.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Sting

Daily Feline Prompt: Recreating Feline

Tabby

Here I am taking a re-creational sleep. You will all agree that the life of a feline is a life full of problems and stress: tiresome for the body and above all for the mind. I am continuously in action from when I wake until I again can relax when my work is done. It is not an easy life, but I do my best to maintain a positive outlook. I sink, no collapse, onto my sleeping place and there we have the first problem. Where is my sleeping place? Shall I select  a cushion indoors? Which cushion? There are two on top of the closet and of course there is a king sized cushion know as human bed.

I try the first cushion, but it is uncomfortable, There is still some fur from my last sleep remaining. I drag my weary body to the next cushion and decide that the view is not according to my wishes. I like to overlook my complete queendom and a human is walking around. Humans can be very ruthless when I wish to relax, making noises and moving objects. I do not like objects to be moved, it disturbs my equilibrium. The third possibility the human bed, is now occupied by a human and so I have no choice but to curl up next to this body and allow my tummy to be tickled. You must make the most of the opportunity when it arrives.

It is now the 23rd hour of my sleep process and so a new sleeping place must be recreated to suit the remainder of the day. Perhaps my outside territory has something to offer. A nice quiet spot on a grassy surface to curl up and forget the problems of my life. Not even this is allowed. A human appears with a camera and takes a photo whilst I am sleeping, trying to sleep. Can a feline never relax in a human world? Just a moment, I hear a noise. It is the sound of opposable thumbs manipulating a tin opener and the secent of tuna fish is filling the air.

OK, I will postpone the 24th hour of sleep, I must again recreate my schedule. Oh the problems of a feline life, I am exhausted with the continuous reorganisation.

Daily Feline Prompt: Recreating Feline

The Daily Feline Prompt: The Flavoured Feline

Tabby

“Today I would like something completely different for my dinner Mrs. Human.”

“That is ideal Tabby. I was at the pet store today and bought something new for your dinner.”

“But I am not a pet Mrs. Human, you are my pet, actually slave.”

“Yes Tabby, but the human word for animals that we humans care for is “pet”.”

“Pet sounds so degrading, as if we are to be pampered and spoilt and it is we felines that spoil and pamper our chosen human.”

“Oh, I must have misunderstood something that got lost in translation from meow to human.”

“You did, but to continue. What is this new astonishing food that you have discovered in the feline food emporium?”

“Look, here they are.”

“Vitamin pellets? That is pure junk food. You have been filling my bowl with them since I took over.”

“But these are different Tabby. They have a completely new and revolutionary flavour.”

“Tell me, they look the same as the usual pellets, and you know we felines always eat with our eyes as well as everything else.”

“I always buy you tuna flavoured, but these are beef flavoured, a special offer.”

“Mrs. Human I have been living on special offers since I took over, and no matter what the name of the flavour is, they all taste the same. I have been eating fish, and now I eat cow. Why not do the real thing once so that I can see what these animals taste like in their natural state.”

“But I would have to cook the meat and it would not be as hygenic as your usual food.”

“I am not fussy Mrs. Human and would prefer it uncooked. Hygene does not exist in meow. In the meanwhile, just open a tin of tuna fish applying your opposable thumbs, I am not fussy and keep you new spectacular vitamin pellet flavours for Roschti, the feline next door, he will eat anything. His tastes are not as refined as mine.”

The Daily Feline Prompt: The Flavoured Feline