Daily Feline Prompt: Feline-Human Congregation

Tabby

“Tabby is that a new sleeping place?”

“Why, does it bother you Mrs. Human?”

“You have so many soft comfortable cushions I was wondering why you are laying on the hard stone floor”.

“Mrs. Human do not trouble your human head about the reasons why I choose my resting place.”

“But it must be uncomfortable.”

“I am very comfortable, otherwise I would not lay here.”

“But isn’t it draughty in front of the window.”

“No, it is not draughty, the window is closed.”

“I am sure you would be more comfortable on a nice soft chair.”

“Mrs. Human is this the third degree?”

“But Tabby you cannot be comfortable.”

“First of all, I am very comfortable.The floor is heated and my body likes to have a warm place to relax. The sun is shining outside, and the waves of warmth are engulfing my body in a pleasant way. I can spread out my luxury body with enough room to accommodate my four paws and tail and I am protected on all sides to prevent my enemies wanting to claim this area as their territory. In other words I am perfectly happy and contented to lay here where I am There is only one little problem I have.”

“Tell me Tabby. Perhaps I can help you.”

“Yes you can Mrs. Human. You could stop asking stupid questions and just let me enjoy a relaxing sleep in the sun on a nice warm floor on my own.”

Daily Feline Peompt: Feline-Human Congregation

Daily Feline Prompt: Astral Feline

Tabby

You might think I am sleeping
But I would be telling a lie
I am travelling in space
and flying so high
Felines waste no time,
we have to sleep long
we visit our origins
Where we really belong
Earth is just a satellite
for food and our drink
Humans are a colony
Where we like to have a link
Our home is far away
on a distant astral plain
It is populated by felines
Where we begin to train
one day we go further
to find some good turf
The best place for slaves
is the planet earth
The humans they feed us
and give us to drink
They care for our recycling
and give us time to think
We need no action,
we have much to give
Our astral  territory
is the place where we live
So if you think we are sleeping
we are just repairing our claws
We are actually at a distance
entering our feline doors.

Daily Feline Prompt: Astral Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Conversant Feline

Tabby 12.02 (1)

Are you paying attention kittens, this is your first lesson in human.

“Bird” means meow, wow with emphasis on wow, because bird wows you.

“Mouse* means meowee wow, very similar with emphasis on meoWEE. to make a pont, the mouse being smaller than the bird.

“Meow” combined with a coughing sound and spluttering noises, means look human, my first hairball. This is very important as humans do not like hairballs, and you must train them from the beginning to accept your hairballs, and to praise them if their shape is perfect

“Clank clank” combined with the waft of a breeze underlined with a fish taste, is the sound of the tin opener and the smell of the tuna fish contents of the tin. This is one of the most important actions in the human nature, and remember if you miss this, you are missing the meaning of life as a feline.

If a human begins to meow, she is trying to communicate with you so you must ignore this. Humans should at no time think they are taking over. Never forget they are a lower species and will never be able to possess the basics of meow. There is no problem in applying telepathy on the human brain. The brain of a human is underdeveloped and so there will be no problem in persuading your human to comply with your wishes.

However this must be done carefully, we do not want to transfer your human into a state of shock when it begins to deal out double portions of tuna fish, and do not forget the forbidden word “meow pellets” should never be spoken, Otherwise your food bowl will be continuously filled with hard indigestible and tasteless vitamin pellets. One mistake and your fate is sealed. I made this mistake as a kitten, and now I am permanently given the pellets wih tuna fish only as an exception.

Daily Feline Prompt: Conversant Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Assay

Tabby

In the old country I would have been modled in metal, in gold at least. We felines were recognised for our true values, we were worshipped and what could be better than have our image established in gold or some other worthy metal. I was thinking with diamonds for my eyes, although our glanz and gloria days are now gone. We are fed with pellets from a plastic bag and humans put a plastic collar around our necks, as a symbol of ownership, although I only permit that to keep the humans happy.

I noticed that it is now possible to have diamonds added to my whiskers, and I am thinking about it. Note my Macdonalds “M” on my forehead, that is a speciality of the Tabby feline.

I own my human, but they do not make collars big enough for my human, and not  having opposable thumbs, I would not be able to guide the human to a suitable place. However, there is an advantage in the opening of the tins of food. I am still able to control the human element: just a stare with my eyes and a telepathic influence works wonders.

And now I must go, it is time for a claw manicure, the points need sharpening

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Assay

Daily Feline Prompt: Encrusted Feline

Tabby

When you sleep and are away
You are gone in a place were you want to stay
Your whiskers are frozen, they will not move
My body is floating in a completely new groove
Encrusted in dreams of days long ago
I was burnt with my witch, they were days of woe
I escaped to a land we were worshipped as gods
Mice were our life, they arrived in their squads
And then I moved on I needed a slave
I adopted my human, she was not very brave
I trained her with force, to comply with my wish
I told her no pellets, so she fed me with fish
And now I can relax, I have my own bed
I know when I awake I will be fed
There is no moral to be found in this tale
Just do what you want. a human does not fail
She cleans out my tray, keeps my bed free of crumbs
And has one big advantage, the opposable thumbs.

Daily Feline Prompt: Encrusted Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Constant Feline

Tabby

I am constantly followed by a camera
It happens every day
No matter what I do
The camera makes its way
Mrs. Human is following my pawsteps
to learn how to do it right
We felines are so clever
We are really very bright
Of course I am the best
And many read my wise words
We felines are just brilliant
If we are not distracted by birds
Our brains are constantly ticking
We have to be alert
Always one paw ahead of humans
To ensure we remain unhurt
There is a moral to my story,
let the felines always run free
When we were worshipped as gods
The humans still lived in a tree

Daily Feline Prompt: Constant Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Compromise

Tabby

“Tabby whenever Mr. Human and I sit at the table in the kitchen for a meal, your are outside and staring at us both.”

“What do you expect Mrs. Human, it is feeding time for humans and I find it particularly thoughtless when you pile your dishes with meat delights and there is nothing for me. I feel deprived, and left out. You do not love me.”

“I though love did not exist in meow.”

“It depends on the situation Mrs. Human.”

“Like most events in a feline life, a matter of convenience. Ok, here is a piece of ham. Tabby, it will not move, you have to walk over to it when it landed on the floor.”

“I thought you might have the decency to serve it on a plate with some trimmings. I eat with the eye you know.”

“Tabby, you can take it or leave it. I want to get on with my own food.”

“Is that all, just  a meagre piece? I like my ham with an edge of white to it.”

“Tabby eat it or leave it.”

“What about some roast beef. You are also eating roast beef on your plate. I do not compromise Mrs. Human, I want only the best.”

“OK Tabby, here, go and fetch it.”

“I am not a dog and do not fetch. Move that piece of roast beef nearer to the ham, no better, put a selection of your food on a separate plate for me. I like my food served with style.”

“Tabby it is not your food, but human food, so take it or leave it.”

“I will report you to the Society for prevention of feline starvation.”

“Tabby do not overdo it. You have never starved here, quite the opposite. You are putting on weight.”

“Are you finished your food Mrs. Human?”

“Yes, there is no more.”

“In that case I will go, but do not forget tomorrow, same time and same place again.”

“Of course not Tabby, how could I when you away sit in the same place at the same time every day, witing for some extras.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Compromise