Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Clutch

Tabby 22.11.2017

I finally did it. I am on my way to regaining the feline status in the human world. We were worshipped as gods when we arrived on this planet. We were given the best treatment and the humans were our slaves. They even made statues of us and worshipped, but something happed in the meanwhile. The humans began to think, at least that thought they could think. The old customs disappeared and we felines were relegated to pets. Pet! Yes I know, how degrading.

In the meanwhile we are still working on our original values and now look. What do you see. I was sitting at the window and a human was outside. As soon as he saw me he bowed his head.

“Tabby, he was measuring the distance of the tiles outside, it was the gardener.”

“Shhh Mrs. Human. That is a completely false interpretation of his action. He recognised my superiority in this world. He realised that you do not look a feline goddess in the eyes and you remain still until she gives her permission to rise. He was kneeling and making sure he would stay in this position by fixing himself using his opposable thumbs and hands.”

I am glad that this historical moment has been captured by the camera. It is proof that the time for the return of the feline domination is nigh. This is just a beginning.

“Mrs. Human, why are you not on your knees and bowing your head.”

“For the simple reason Tabby, that I am busy opening a tin of tuna fish. The only time I get to my knees for a feline is when I am cleaning out the recycling tray.”

“Which shows that you are learning Mrs. Human.”

“Not exactly Tabby, it is on the floor and I cannot reach it otherwise.”

Somehow I think Mrs. Human has not got the hang of feline dominance yet, but she will learn. And now the man has left me without asking for my permission to go.

“Tabby, he has finished his job and his work is finished for today.”

“Oh, where’s my tuna fish?”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Clutch

Daily Feline Prompt: Gremlin Feline

Tabby

“Tabby, have you been on my computer?”

“Of course not, I have my own pawPad.”

“But there are paw marks on the screen and I have a blue screen.”

“Sorry Mrs. Human, blue doesn’t exist in meow, nor does red. We felines were never into colours, but preferred textures. If you had said your computer was feeling slippery, or hairy, even sticky, I might be able to help you, but a blue screen?”

“Tabby a blue screen is when something is wrong with the computer.”

“Well I did have an urge to try it out. There was a game called “catch the mouse” and my pawpad screen was too small for me to capture the mouse. I decided on a real computer it would be more realistic.”

“And?”

“I caught the mouse, but when I lifted the computer with my nose to see where the mouse had gone, I didn’t find it and it inadvertently, accidentally, fell on the floor, but nothing broke.”

“And now I have a blue screen.”

“Perhaps you should switch it off and try again.”

“Yes thankyou Tabby, that was my idea.”

“And is it working again?”

“Yes it is, you were lucky. What are you doing now.”

“I am still looking for the mouse. Look there is it Mrs. Human, you have saved the day. It is still in the game, but now it is a different mouse. The ears are larger and it is standing upside down.”

“Tabby, paws away from my computer.”

“But I only wanted to find the mouse, Perhaps it is hiding again inside the computer.”

“No, Tabby, go and play with your pawPad.”

“It doesn’t work Mrs. Human, my battery is down.”

“Then recharge it.”

“It takes too long, but your computer is ready and waiting. Oh look,is that funny coloured mouse on your computer screen blue?”

“Tabby!”

Daily Feline Prompt: Gremlin Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Mercy

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, how often have I instructed you not to disturb my sleep. I lead an exhausting life, full of stress situations. There is no peace for a feline.”

“But Tabby, I do all the work for you. I empty your recycling tray, fill your food bowl and

always ensure that you have enough water.”

“But I have to organise it all for you Mrs. Human. I am continously writing instructions for your work plan, being in charge of human logistics is not easy.  I was recovering from this daily turmoil that you cause and again there is a camera taking a photo. I had to do my best to smile for all my followers, not to create an impression that I only think of myself, and you think my life is one big round of enjoyment. Just imagine when I awake after my 16 hours sleep, how my eyes can barely open. My legs feel as if they are weighed down and it is all I can manage to drag myself to the food bowl. And what awaits me there, hard vitamin pellets that need more energy to chew. I manage to foce them down my throat, but it is not easy after an exhausting sleep. All you do is open a bag and top up my bowl with more dreaded pellets and I have to eat them. Do you realise what that means for a hard working feline like myself. I almost have no time to have a good lick.

Do you wash me Mrs. Human? No, of course not, it is all my own hard work. From the tip of my ears to the spaces between the claws. Not to mention certain places on my body that are really difficult to lick. I collapse with exhaustion when I am finished, and you are convinced that I do nothing all day and take the credit for all the hard work.”

“Tabby, I really think you are overdoing it. I keep your living quarters clean.”

“And how you do it. I am subjected to torturous noises on my ears because the monster, known as vacuum cleaner, is applied. Mrs. Human you should really take more consideration of my feelings. And now go and do something  useful and quiet like opening a tin of tuna fish.”

“But I though the noise might disturb you.”

“Disturb you, it is like a symphony of luscious relaxing notes as the handle is turned on the opener and pierces the lid of the tin in a gentle way, not to mention the aroma of the  juices rising from the fish. So now get on with it, I have not got all day to wait for a decent meal, I have a few hours to spend in a restful sleep recovery session. You should really have more mercy on the feelings of a poor hardworking feline.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Mercy

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Nest

Tabby

“Tabby, you have been sleeping almost all day. You should go out and get some fresh air.”

“I am thinking about it. I have been thinking about it since I awoke this morning.”

“But that was 6 hours ago.”

“It is a complicated thought process. This morning I decided to go for a walk, but it was not the right time. I looked out of the window and discovered that there was nothing interesting to see, and decided to wait until later.”

“You will not find anythig interesting if you stay on the chair sleeping all day.”

“That is true, but if I move to the outside, there might not be anything happening, so I can just as well stay where I am. Are there any birds outside Mrs. Human?”

“Yes, they are continuously flying to my birdhouse for food.”

“In that case perhaps I might take a walk outside for a birdwatching exercise. On the other paw, I will think about it. The life of a feline is so exhausting with all the stress I have. I will have to relax for a while in my nest on the chair and decide what to do. Is it cold outside.”

“Yes, Tabby, it is very cold.”

“And you expect me to take a walk and freeze my whiskers, not to mention frostbite on my claws. No, I will stay here. Now where was I in my dream? Yes it was the part when I raided the bird’s nest and caught one in my paw. And then it turned into a vulture. Now that was a real meowmare Mrs. Human. I will have to dream on to see what happens. Wake me at tea time when my bowl has been filled.”

“Tabby, you are sleeping again.”

“Purrrrr, purrrrr. There are so many exhausting decisions to make in a feline life.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Nest

Daily Feline Prompt: No Feline Sludge

Tabby

I don’t like sludge, I like to keep my paws clean. I lived amongst sludge for a complete summer, my world was destroyed by humans dressed to produce sludge. It all began with a large metal cage around my territoriy where the humans would climb and produce sludgy pieces of sludge. I am sitting on a stone which is an island amongst the sludge. You can see the mess. When it rained it was more sludge and it would stick on the fur.  I spent all my time cleaning my paws. There is nothing worse than taking a walk and suddenly something digs into your paw. It needed a complete manicure with teeth to get my paws into walking order again and removing the gritty pieces of sludge.

Even Mrs. Human complained about my paw marks everywhere on her stone floor. It was not my fault, but the sludge. I actually found the paw marks quite artistic, but she has no sense of design, especially when I left the marks on her favourite chair. It was also my favourite chair, but that did not seem to bother her. She can be very possessive.

This is all now in the past. The sludge has disappeared and life is almost back to normal. I just avoid the water when it comes from above.

Daily Feline Prompt: No Feline Sludge

Daily Feline Prompt: Particulars in a feline life

Tabby

“Tabby what are you sniffing around at in those old toys.”

“That are not toys but therapeutic assistants to develop my physical strength and mental capacities in a feline life. Where is my automatic creeping mouse, the one that would squeak if I put my paw on it?”

“Tabby that was a long while ago, when you were a kitten and you once had a fight with it. I had to throw it away, it was injured. Your claws tore it to pieces.”

“You mean I killed it? But that is what mice are for. You should have bought a replacement.”

“Forget it Tabby, you are tool old for such toys today.”

“And what about my catmint pouches. They no longer have the same inviting smell. I had some wonderful moments of transcendential wanderings with the catmint. You must replace them Mrs. Human.”

“Catmint does not last forever Tabby?”

“But you could have replaced the filling for me. Now I am left with odourless catmint parcels and I don’t get a kick out of them.”

“I should have thrown them away long ago.”

“Quite right Mrs. Human and replaced them.”

“What are all those balls doing in my therapy box?”

“You used to like chasing them if I threw them. You would return them, carrying them in your mouth and drop them at my feet to throw them again.”

“Yes, I remember. What a boring game that was, I only played to keep you happy so that you could throw them again.”

“I though you enjoyed that game.”

“Mrs. Human I do not play games, if I chase after something it has a logical meaning.”

“Like bringing it back to me.”

“Well it seemed to keep you amused. Any now you can put away my therapy box. But wait a minute, Leave me that grey thing in the wire cage.”

“You want to play with it?”

“Definitely not, I want to disect it to examine its construction.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Particulars in a feline life

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Atmospherics

Tabby

I was sitting in front of the window pondering whether to leave or not and Mrs. Human opened the window as she was trained to do. After a time spend debating whether to go or not, I decided to leave my home, although there was a slight doubt whether it was the right decision. This was a mistake as my stupid human closed the window. She left me no choice, and I was shut out. After a few desperate meows no-one appeared at the window. She had left me to my fate.

It was typical human, no patience. Just because I happen to sit next to a closed window and make a few paw swipes it does not mean I want to go out, it means I am thinking about it and the thought process can be somewhat complicated.

I might look like I want to leave, but there are many factors to be taken into consideration. Perhaps leaving is not my real wish but I am just testing atmospherical conditions with my whiskers. Is there a friendly atmosphere waiting for me? Are there perhaps other felines with territorial problems waiting to pounce? Perhaps the birds will fly as soon as they see me. Is that sky safe, will it fall on my head? I sniff to see if there is water in the air which might attack me when I leave. I look in the distance and hear strange noises, who knows what might happen if I go further. Just as I decided not to go Mrs. Human closes the window and leaves me with no choice.

The silly human does not realise that things are not based on a sudden whim in the feline world. We have to think things over. Mrs. Human complains about the cold draught coming through the window, but I find it a whiff of fresh air. Just becaue I sit for a while and contemplate the safety of my future by leaving or not, it does not actually mean that I want to leave my home, I am thinking about it.

Typical human, I so hate stress in my feline life. Oh well, I have no choice but to walk around the home and enter through my cat flap on the other side.

“Oh Tabby, you are back again. I thought you wanted to go out.”

“Mrs. Human, do not think so much, it is not good to overtax you brain.”

“But you were sitting in front of the window waiting to go out.”

“All a matter of interpretation Mr. Human.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Atmospherics