Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Illusion

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Tabby

“Are you sleeping Tabby?”

“Of course not, I am just resting my eyes and tail and savouring the peace and quiet of my territory until someone asked  “are you sleeping?”.”

“Did I wake you up?”

“No, of course not, it was just your voice that woke me up asking a silly question, although I was actually floating in my transcendential state of mind pondering on the meaning of my lives that stll remain. I had a dream and saw myself walking paw in paw with the feline next door and then I reaslied it was not a dream but an illusion.”

“I am sure the cat next door would be glad to take a walk with you paw in paw.”

“That is a human illusion. Felines do not walk paw in paw, we do it all on our own. When you live by the law of “I, me and myself” you do not waste time walking with other felines. Never trust a feline, you never know what they are thinking.”

“That is true Tabby, I never know what you are thinking, although it usually revolves around food.”

“That is an illusion Mrs. Human. I relly have other important things in my life than food.”

“Such as?”

“Sleep, if I am not distrubed by the human factor asking me silly questions about whether I am sleeping.”

“Ok, point taken Tabby. And what are you going to do now.”

“Well I think I have now dealt with the sleeping part of the equation. What about the second part, E=mc2.”

“What does that mean.”

“Now that is not an illusion. Energy=the cat catches the mouse twice, as the great feline scientist Albert Paws Einstein established, meaning that if the mouse is not avaiable, tuna fish does it just as well.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Illusion

Daily Feline Prompt: Committed to the Feline

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Tabby 11.06 (3)

“There you are Tabby, I was looking everywhere.”

“And now you have found me Mrs. Human, big deal. You may return to my home, I think my recycling tray needs refreshing, my bowl of food is half empty and fresh water would also be a good idea.”

“Any other commands Tabby?”

“I am thinking about it. Perhaps you could check if my tuna fish supply is sufficient.”

“Tabby I really have better things to do that look after your needs and wishes.”

“Such as?”

“Human needs and wishes.”

“But your needs and wishes are to ensure that my needs and wishes are fulfilled. Remember when you adopted me, you signed on the dotted line to say that I would be first and that you had at last found a genuine purpose in your life.”

“I signed that? I remember a torn tuna fish tin label with a pawprint on it where I had to add my finger print,  but I thought that was some sort of feline game, not a contract.”

“Game does not exist in meow Mrs. Human, but at that time your meow knowledge was only in the beginner stages. So what do you have to do that is more important than fulfilling my wishes?”

“I have to prepare the meal for Mr Human and I and have some ironing to do.”

“All you have to do is fill my bowl, that is half empty, and I do not wear clothes, so ironing is superfluous.”

“But there are others here Tabby, not only you.”

“As far as I can see I am the only feline, everything else is just an extra. Perhaps you could give me a tummy tickle before you prepare my tuna fish dish. No not there, a little more towards the right leg at the front. Yes, that is perfect. And now I must fulfil my commitment to my sleeping plan. Time flies when you are having fun, doen’t it Mrs. Human.”

“If you say so Tabby, of course.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Committed to the Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Paper Feline

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Tabby and the pawpad

Who needs paper? I remember in my kitten days Mrs. Human would have a roll of paper hanging in that place called bathroom. That was fun. I would dig my claws into the paper and exercise my front paws by pulling on the paper, but the fun did not last for very long. Suddenly there was no paper left. Mrs. Human was not very pleased because she needed that paper for some other purpose, although she never told me for what. It must be some sort of secret humans keep to themselves, although I noticed all humans used it, even humans that did not live in my place.

My paper days are now gone since I have my pawpad and it is much easier to handle.  I often visit Pawbook to see the meowies that the other felines post. I also keep up on the newest developments for a feline life. Mrs. Human thinks that finding special offers for feline food is the only important part of iPad life. On my Catcatcat page I have now seen that Cat Caves are on a special offer for only $40 and you get three free balls with them to play with. Mrs. Human found that it was expensive and she could buy a bag of hard unappetising viatmin pellets with that money. That is where humans do not understand the real meaning of life. I am sure I would be the only feline in the neighbourhood with a real wool Cat Cave.

I told her time is running out, only 23 hours to go on the special offer, but she was not listening, so I had to borrow her little plastic card to get the number for the online deal. Who needs paper  money when plastic does the job just as well.

Daily Feline Prompt: Paper Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Loopy Tabby

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Untitled

I should really do something with my life, go places and see things. It cannot be the meaning of a feline existence to only sleep and eat and look for somewhere to sleep.

On the other paw all the other felines I know do not do anything else. If we meet we hiss and glare and exchange paw swipes and sometimes discuss the best sleeping position and places.  Some are even something completely different and come closer for a sniff, but they cannot be trusted. It is not normal for a feline to come close and meow something like “let us be friends”. They are the suspicious ones to avoid, to ignore and show that you are the boss.

So now back to my feline loop. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and what am I doing. Laying next to some sort of plant that Mrs. Human waters. If it was catnip I could understand her motivations, but a green grass lookalike that she tends to with love and sprinkles on something she calls salad. It doesn’t even smell good and I would not dare to eat it. She should be passing her time tending to my needs and not to her own – typical selfish humans, they never spare a thought for a helpless feline like me.

So I will now move, stretch and yes, lay on the lawn. The sun has shifted, it is now beating down upon me and I need shade. I must break out and do something completely different. Just wake me in an hour or so when it is time for my next meal. After my meal I will definitely do something different, devestating and never before seen. I will try the chair on the right, it has a new cushion and looks ideal for a sleep. Routine is a destroyer of the body and mind, we must always be prepared to change our sleeping places.

Daily Feline Prompt: Loopy Tabby

Daily Feline Prompt: Meddling Felines

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Tabby 05.06 (9)

“Tabby, are you planning to make yourself comfortble on that sunbed?”

“I am thinking about it, why. Any particular reason.”

“I would like to sit there for a while.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know Tabby, perhaps an hour.”

“You mean that when I have finished my wash, which is a very importnt part of being feline, you want to sit on this chair. Are you going to wash yourself there?”

“No Tabby, I am not going to wash myself on the chair, for that I have a bathroom. I was just thinking it would be comfortable to relax on that chair, put my feet up and read a book.”

“There again you see how wrongly constructed humans are. If you were based on the feline style, you could hop onto the sunbed, curl up and sleep. there would be no problems about putting feet up. You could even make yourself comfortable in a shady place on the lawn.”

“Humans do not make themselves comfortable on the lawn, we would have grass stains on our clothes.”

“Another fault in human construction. If you had fur and a nice long rough tongue, like me, you could just lick away the grass stains and lay down where you are. No messing around with sitting on sun beds, where I want to sleep.”

“But you can sleep on one of the chairs, they are also comfortable and there is enough room.”

“True Mrs. Human, there is plenty of room on a chair. It even has a nice soft cushion. I would suggest that I will now make myself comfortable on the sunbed and you can sit on the chair.”

“But Tabby.”

“No buts Mrs. Human. I am sure you can read your book sitting on a chair.”

“But you can sleep on a chair Tabby.”

“That is not the same, it would be below my value as once being worshipped as a god in the old country. We felines do not make do with second choices, we take the first choice. However I do not want to be selfish, when I have finished sleeping on the sunbed, you may take your place here.”

“Thanks Tabby, but I would need time to clean away the cat fur remaiders before I could settle. I will make do with the chair if that is OK with you Tabby.”

“Of course it is Mrs. Human, no problem.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Meddling Felines

Daily Feline Prompt: The relieved feline

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Tabby

“Is that strange human still there Mrs. Human?”

“You mean the man that was doing some building work outside on the porch.”

“I do not know what he was doing, but he does not belong here in my territory. He did not ask for permission to intrude and he was not welcome. I went out for a drink from my private water supply and he was hovering.”

“But there is always water avaialble inside in your second water bowl.”

“That is not the same thing Mrs. Human. I want to drink from my bowl outside.”

“I am sure it would not have bothered the man if you had been outside.”

“But he would have bothered me. There is nothing worse than being observed in certain private moments when you want to be alone with your thoughts, especially when drinking.”

“Oh, I didn’t realise that was such a private moment for a feline.”

“There are many things you do not realise about felines Mrs. Human, but as a slave to the cause of caring for feline needs you are OK. The intruder has now gone so you may refill my bowl of water outside.”

“But there is still water left in the bowl.”

“That is not the point. I was being observed by a strange human in my territory and who knows what influences he had on my private bowl of water. Perhaps he had altered the taste, made it less enjoyable. I need a fresh supply of water.”

“But he did not touch your water, humans have their own water to drink.”

“Are you implying that feline water is not good enough for humans. Our water is the best. You have obviously never shared a bowl of water once licked by a feline. You would then realise what you are missing.”

“Thankyou for the invitation Tabby, but I really don’t think it would be my thing.”

“It was not an invitation Mrs. Human. My water is mine, not to be contaminated by a human tongue.”

“Don’t worry Tabby, I would not dream of tasting your water.”

“Good, I am glad we have clarified that matter. Mrs. Human stop smiling, this was not a joke, but a serious matter.”

“Of course Tabby.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The relieved feline

Daily Feline Prompt: A bottled-up feline

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Tabby 15.06 (1)

“Something wrong Tabby?”

“Everything is fine Mrs. Human, but I was wondering what this father’s day thing is that humans are celebrating.”

“They are honouring their fathers.”

“I don’t get it, what is there to honour about it.”

“That they were there for you from the beginning and were always ready with help with support. Of course not all fathers are like that, but there are always exceptions to the rule.”

“In that case feline fathers never realised there was a rule.”

“But even every feline has a father.”

“That is the problem Mrs. Human, we felines do not remember ever seeing a father and our mothers lost track of them after a few minutes.”

“You mean you never knew your father.”

“The question should be “which father”. We were 4 in our litter and we all looked different. Nera was the black long haired fluffy type, there was a ginger one with the red fur, and there was a black and white sort and of course me, with the Macdonalds M on my forehead.”

“You mean you were the only Tabby amongst the litter. But your mother must have known who your father was.”

“Which father, I think she met many fathers on that memorable evening. It was the catnip harvesting season and they were all a little high.”

“Oh dear, how sad. But Tabby Mr. Human and I are now your mum and dad.”

“No thanks Mrs. Human, although I could do with the opposable thumbs, but that voice, that hair and an insufficiency of two legs – no, I don’t think so. My dad might have done the disappearing trick,  but at  least he had whiskers and could wash himself with his tongue. He could even wash places on his body that are out of reach for a human.”

“OK Tabby, you have made your point. It seems that felines can do quite well without a dad.”

“Of course we can, even our mums moved on as soon as we could kill a mouse all on our own. That’s feline life for you.”

Daily Feline Promopt: A Bottled-up Feline