Feline RDP Monday: Copious Felines

Tabby

I am a Tabby cat
And now I lay in the grass
See the Macdonalds “M” on my head
To show that I have class
The feline next door is also a Tabby
but not as special as I
His hairballs are not as good as mine
He cannot even try
Tabbies you might see everywhere
but they are all so weak
I am the best, most intelligent of all
Because I am so unique
I can also talk to walls,
they even answer back
But it is all exclusive for me
Understanding I do not lack
I am the bravest of them all
I do not have any fear
But wait a minute, I need the cat flap
A dog is barking near
They seek us here, they seek us there
Tabby Felines are everywhere

Feline RDP Monday: Copious Feline

Feline RDP Sunday: Fathoming Feline

Tabby

“I really do not understand felines, Tabby. You sleep all day and never seem to suffer from insomnia.”

“Mrs. Human I do not sleep all day, we felines have important work to do and insomnia does not exist in meow.”

“But work does not get done if you sleep all the time. Where would you be when I would spend all day sleeping.”

“You spend all night sleeping Mrs. Human, that is sufficient. During the day you need to be awake to tend to my desires. The feline day has 24 hours  Mrs. Human: twice as intensive as yours. I do not only sleep, that is a myth that the humans invented to keep them content. We felines need our sleep to ponder on the daily chores.”

“But you have no chores if you sleep all the time.”

“Mrs. Human we have stress. We sleep for at least 23 hours which is exhausting in itself. We only have an hour left to eat, wash, and organise our humans. Imagine the stress we have, not to mention the manufacture or a few hairballs to complete our artistic needs.”

“But I do not notice that you are in a hurry when you are not sleeping. You take your time with washing and eating.”

“That is because luckily our day has more that 24 hours.”

“But the day always has 24 hours.”

“Only if you are a human. We felines have a different time measuring system. It might seem that we sleep for 23 hours, but we are floating in our own hemisphere of sleep, with additional time in between. According to the mathematical sequences of Bast’s law, our 23 human hours are merely 12 in feline variations. It just seems like 23 hours to a human but all the other chores are done whilst we are sleeping.”

“But I do not see you moving in your sleep except for now and again when you turn three circles and sink down afterwards again into you cushion.”

“That is the springing feline point Mrs. Human. What we felines achieve in those three circles is beyond human comprehension.

And now you have at least 12 hours at your disposal Mrs. Human in human measurements. I would say you could put those 12 hours to good use by composing a dish of tuna fish, filling my two bowls with fresh water and refreshing my recycling box. You may also dust down my various chairs and sleeping cushions and there will also be time to go shopping for more supplies: the tuna fish tins are running low.”

“Yes of course Tabby, but I also have some work to do for myself.”

“You know what that guy said Mrs. Human: Felines first.”

“I do not remember him using the work “felines”.”

“That is just a small detail.”

Feline RDP Sunday: Fathoming Feline

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Slapdash

Tabby

“Tabby, don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what, Mrs. Human.”

“As if I should throw you some of my food from the table.”

“Not at all Mrs. Human. I expect you to serve it in a bowl, garnished with fresh herbs.”

“You do not eat herbs Tabby, so I wil not bother.”

“Typical slapdash human. We felines also eat with the eyes, you know. And what are we eating this evening.”

“We are not eating anything, but I am eating my evening meal.”

“What about me, I also have a right to an evening meal. It is written in the law that felines are  to be given preferred attention.”

“Not in my law Tabby.”

“But in mine. Human laws change all the time, but our laws have remained from the beginning. What is mine is mine and what is yours is also mine. It is written in the Book of Bastet on the first page.”

“Seems to me that Bastet was quite the egoist with her laws.”

“Of course. The first words that any kitten learns in meow are “I, me and myself”, so where is my food?”

Tabby

“There you are Tabby.”

“What is that, a few crumbs for me to eat on the floor. Where is the respect to a feline that was once worshipped as a god?”

“Past tense Tabby, those days are over. We now have equality and you have a bowl full of healthy vitamin pellets.”

“Big deal, but it seems that some are more equal than others. I would never treat a Persian cat differently to a Tabby, we all eat the same.”

“Of course Tabby, although I believe the vitamin pellets are made of better quality for Persian cats.”

“And I am sure they do not have to grovel on the floor to lap up the morsels thrown to them by their humans. You see, no appreciation for the Tabbys.”

“Where are you going Tabby.”

“I am going to bed for a good sulk.”

“Oh, that is a shame. I happen to have some liver as an extra. It was too much for me.”

“You could have said something. So bring it on and garnish with something that makes it look good.”

“Of course Tabby, anything for a quiet life.”

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Slapdash

Feline Friday RDP: Grubby Feline

Tabby

“Tabby that is not a nice photo.”

“I find it perfect Mrs. Human. It shows my dental features with all the details. I have even received requests for a paw printed photo from my fans. My feline colleagues all agree it is one of my best photos. You can even see my tongue.”

“Felines have other ideas about a good photo Tabby. It looks a bit grubby to me.”

“I beg your pardon. Grubby is something else. I wash at least once an hour during the day. Humans should take an example from us felines.”

“You cannot compare Tabby. We humans only need a shower during the day, but felines do not wear clothes to protect them and have to constantly clean their fur coats.”

“And you think a shower is enough during the day? Of course if I had found the zip on my coat in summer you could have put my fur coat in the washing machine, so I have to do it all by myself. You would be surprised what I find in the fur when I wash it. What about you Mrs. Human. How do you manage with the ants and other creeping things.”

“Tabby humans do not have the same problems as felines.”

“But you scratch as well.”

“Tabby can we change the subject of this conversation.”

“Of course if you do not want to talk about it, I understand. We felines also have embarrassing moments, especially when we have tics.  It is time for my tuna fish Mrs. Human, but wash your hands before preparing it.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I always have a good lick before eating and afterwards, so the least you can do is to make sure your have clean hands.”

“Of course Tabby, anything to oblige.”

Feline Friday RDP: Grubby Feline

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Oasis

Tabby

This is my oasis, what more could a feline want. I have trees to sharpen my claws and places with soft earth serving as a perfect recycling tray. Now and again a bird might even arrive, although I must admit, I am no longer as fit as I was and they tend to escape my claws, but life is good. This is my territory and I come and go as I please. Mrs. Human has told me that soon there will be a big change and the grass will be replaced with stones. This is not a problem for me, if the paws can move them then you can bury whatever you have to bury beneath them. I can even spray them to mark my borders.

There will be raised beds for the flowers, so what could be better, although I do not need flowers. Just  few catmint plants will do, for a place to get high now and again. I have plans for this new system, but don’t tell Mrs. Human, she often has her own ideas. I was thinking of making my sleeping quarters on the top of these new raised parts, where I have the perfect view of all my land. I hope Mrs. Human has designed a place for my food bowl and water. Perhaps I can persuade her to have a place built for my hair balls, what could be better.

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Oasis

Feline Wednesday RDP: Feline Feast

Tabby

This is my restaurant, my centre of action, only second to my sleeping place. The bowls are always filled and never empty. This was one of the stipulations I made when Mrs. Human moved over to make room for me.  I told her that I like my life to be organised and do not have patience to wait. Unfortunately she was under the impression that as long as the bowl was full it was enough, but it depends on what it is filled with.

As you can see in this case the bowl is filled with the tasteless vitamin pellets. I put my paw down about this and so there is a third bowl, reserved for the tuna fish, although only served now and again.  Mrs. Human finds that each meal is a feast for me, there are other cats that have to hunt for their food. She does not realise that hunting is part of the fun. She is not very clear about this. I have brought her a share of my hunting trophies, now and again a mouse, but she throws them away in the garbage. No appreciation of my efforts and I was inviting her to a feline feast.

Now and again she throws me samples of her food. Today I got a piece of cordon bleu, meat fried with cheese in a sort of a crumbled layer of bread. Even the name could not be pronounced in meow.  Now the meat was OK, but I really do not have the patience to perform a autopsy to find the meat beneath various strange textrures and felines do not eat cheese, at least this one does not. She could have prechewed it before throwing it at my paws. That is another problem. She does not realise that we felines eat with our eyes and a lump of indescribable human food does not exactly invite.

A feast? OK, where is the steak, preferably rare. You see, humans have no idea.

Feline Wednesday RDP: Feline Feast

Feline RDP Tuesday Prompt: Orange Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, why does Roschti, the feline next door, have orange fur?”

“I suppose his mum or dad had orange fur and he inherited it.”

“But my mum had black fur and I am not black.”

“Probably your dad was a tabby.”

“I asked my mum, but she could not remember. She said on that memorable night there were many cats, some black, some white and some like me. My litter sister Nera was black. I am probably a mixed salad.”

“She probably had the same fur as her mother.”

“But there were two others, our brothers and sisters: one was grey and another was like me, but much bigger.”

“But we like you all the same Tabby, no matter what colour fur you have. It is the inside values that count.”

“You mean the production of my perect hairballs.”

“Not exactly Tabby.”

“But they are a product of my inside. Roschti also manufactures hairballs, but they are the not as perfect as mine, and have a reddish shade with them.”

“That is because her fur is coloured red.”

“My hairballs are much more interesting, they are multi coloured.”

“Yes Tabby, but I did not mean hairballs when talking about your inside values. I mean your inner qualities.”

“Like eating tuna fish and making nice mounds in the garden after finishing my recycling process.”

I was thinking when you cuddle up to me for a tummy tickle.”

“Oh, that. No problem, that is usually when I cannot handle all the living irritations in my fur by myself and need a helping hand. It works quite well, especially if ants are involved.”

Feline RDP Tuesday Prompt: Orange Feline