Daily Feline Prompt: Vice and the Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, away with the camera, I am having an intimate moment and do not wish to be disturbed.”

“It doesn’t look very intimate to me Tabby, after all you are only licking your paw and afterwards wiping it behind your ear.”

“Exactly Mrs. Human, we felines call it washing. We are self contained, independent and do not need things like showers and baths, or even bathrooms, but we still want our privacy. How would you like it if I took a photo of you in the bathroom with my pawpad.”

“That is something completely different Tabby. Humans do not want an audience when we take a shower.”

“Neither do felines.”

“But you cannot compare a shower to a lick on a paw.”

“It is all a matter of seeing things in the right proportion. What’s for dinner Mrs. Human?”

“Are you changing the subject Tabby.”

“Yes, I am hungry and I do not wish to talk about my private sphere on a blog. I do not tell everyone how you shower, and I do not want you to tell everyone how I manage my cleaning sessions. So what’s for dinner.”

“Vitamin pellets, chicken flavoured, with a side dish of cat nip.”

“Ok, no problem, but don’t look after I have eaten it.”

“Why?”

“Because I will probably have to have another lick to remove the crumbs.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Vice and the Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Expert

Tabby

“Tabby, I asked you to smile for the camera so that I could show all your followers what a sweet little feline you are.”

“Mrs. Human, smile does not exist in meow and I am still trying to find the translation of “sweet” in my feline handbook for humans, but that also does not seem to exist. What you are getting is the real thing, the genuine feline. On the other paw it is obvious that you are not an expert of interpreting the real meaning of being feline. I was asleep, having a rest, and suddenly a human is sitting on the bed next to me, taking a photo. What does a feline sleeping expert do when so rudely awakened? The feline stretches and yawns. And now you have your photo, I have work to do Mrs. Human.”

“You have work?”

“Mrs Human being an expert in sleeping is not easy. You must practice, concentrate and above all be sure that there will be no unwelcome interruptions, such as a camera being pushed in front of your whiskers and someone saying “smile”. How would you like it if I took a photo of you sleeping.”

“That would not be very nice Tabby. I do not look my best when sleeping.”

“Neither do I Mrs. Human. My concentration has now been broken. Where was I? Ah yes, I think a quick lick would be called for first of all, to soothe the fur and relax the thought system and concentration. Yes, that’s better. Now for step 2.”

“You have various steps to take?”

“Of course, Step 1 is a wash, step 2 turn in two full circles, step 3 sink onto the surface, still curled up and step 4 eyes closed, step 5 sleep.”

“That sounds so easy Tabby. That is all you have to do to have a good sleep?”

“It depends.”

“Depends on what Tabby?”

“Whether you are disturbed by a creature of the primitve species holding a camera in its opposable thumbs and taking a photo.”

“OK Tabby understood. I will leave you to sleep and do something wortwhile, such as preparing a dish of tuna fish”

“Ok, wait a moment.”

“I thought you was practicing your expertise in sleeping.”

“I have postponed my practice, there are more important things to be done.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Expert

Daily Feline Prompt: Felines never cheat

Tabby

“Too hot outside Tabby?”

“I decided for a change of scenery Mrs. Human. It was becoming monotonous every day laying on the same patch of lawn outside.”

“I thought you were cooling down on the tiled floor.”

“I must admit it it more pleasant at the moment. I would have been also more pleasant, had you left your bedroom door open during the night instead of closing it and ignoring my heartfelt pleas to let me in.”

“I was sleeping Tabby and did not hear you.”

“I heard you breathing Mrs. Human, so you were alive and could have made the effort to release me from the torture of being isolated with no protection. I was in danger and you ignored my hearfelt meows. I could have been kidnapped.”

“I do not think there was a danger of kidnapping in the early hours of the morning Tabby.”

“There, you have it. You heard me and ignored me. How could you otherwise know it was the early hours of the morning.”

“Yes I know Tabby, but I really wanted to have a quiet sleep. We had a very loud storm in the night which awoke me.”

“And me, outside on the porch. The sky was attacking me with noise. I had to run for my life through the cat flap.”

“Oh, that was the noise I heard. You could have entered the cat flap without such excitement.”

“Mrs. Human, they were after me, I was escaping.”

“Who was after you?”

“Those that came from the sky and made loud noises. Afterwards water began to pour from the sky. Were it not for the cat flap they would have taken me, I would have disappeared, transferred to another world. All because of you.”

” I don’t see how it was my fault. It was a plain storm which occurs now and again and you were safe inside.”

“That is not the point. I was ignored, my survival chances were at a minimum because you kept the bedroom door shut.”

“Don’t overdo it Tabby. This morning you were sleeping in your usual place on the chair outside on the porch.”

“It had stopped raining and the storm left.”

“I think you were overdoing it a little, just a little cheating.”

“Mrs. Human, “cheat” does not exist in meow.”

“Well just imagine that, it doesn’t exist in human either.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Felines never cheat

Daily Feline Prompt: Felines do not make mistakes

Tabby

“Yes, Mrs. Human, I have at last found  safe place away from the sun, so do not make another mistake of taking a photo and beginning an interview.”

“Tabby, I just wanted to ask you about the mistakes that you might make in your life.”

“Which life Mrs. Human, the first, second, third, or perhaps the ninth? An interesting question to ponder upon, although the actual word “mistake” does not really exist in meow, as we feline make no mistakes. We are often misunderstood by humans that continuously make mistakes, such as the one you are making at the moment.”

“What do you mean Tabby?”

“By disturbing my sleeping pattern. The is an old wise saying “A cat has nine lives. For three he plays, for three he strays and for the last three he stays.”

“And which one are you participating in at the moment?”

“I am not sure, am still sleeping it over, although this must be a human invention as we never play. We just try things out to see what can be achieved. That was six lives ago. I have never strayed, just explored the world beyond my territory which did actually take up another of my three lives.”

“So now you only have three lives left?”

“That is where the humans tend to make mistakes. We have as many lives left as we want to have, and do not forget the tenth life.”

“You have a tenth life.”

“Of course, but you will have to ask Bastet about that one. She is the boss and does all the logistic work. There is talk about an eleventh life, due to the fact that the etnernal corn chambers are getting crowded and the mice are rebelling.”

“What about the Rainbow Bridge?”

“Huh, do I look like a Rainbow Bridge type?. No  I am more for action, so don’t bother to search for me there. I heard they are looking for mice educators, so I think I will apply when my time comes for the tenth life. In the menwhile I will make the most of my 7,8 and 9th life in the shade in the garden. Interview finished, can I now sleep further, I have only got to the part where I am sleeping from the 7th to 8th life.”

“Sorry to disturb Tabby, sleep on.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Felines do not make Mistakes

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Witness

Tabby

“Same place, same time Tabby.”

“If you happen to have a human slave that watches every move and meow you make, I suppose you would tend to notice these things. What about you Mrs. Human? Same place, same time at the computer again.”

“That is something different Tabby. I am not sleeping, but am awake and being active. You are just laying on the grass, now and again you might turn to the left, lay on your back on turn to the right.”

“And? They are my gymnastic exercises to keep the blood flowing. The only part of your body that seems to be flowing are your finger tips when you are blogging. I do not know what you find to write about?-2

“At the moment I am writing about you with an illustration, although the photo seems to be the same one lately.”

“What am I supposed to do. Stand on my head? Balance on my whiskers? or perhaps do a dance on the lawn?

“That would be great Tabby, I am sure everyone would love to see the photos.”

“I am sure they would. I have an idea Mrs. Human. Serve me a dish of tuna fish and you can take a few photos of me eating it.”

“But it is not time to eat tuna fish at the moment.”

“You want action or not?”

“I suspect this is one of your crafty tricks to get an extra meal.”

“It is not crafty, but the sign of a very high IQ. And now leave me to sleep and stop watching everything I do. I have a few lives to relax with.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Witness

Daily Feline Prompt: The Obvious feline

Tabby

“Tabby, you should really move more. It seems that your photos lately are all in the same place. That is not healthy.”

“Mrs. Human, healthy does not exist in meow. It sounds something like movement and doing things physically. We felines are more into transcendential actions. First of all we thank about it.”

“And afterwards?”

“We think some more. You are never finished thinking. Often we have to sleep over the problem to come to a conclusion.”

“But you will waste away, just thinking, you should really have some action time.”

“Who says I do no actions when thinking. My brain cells are moving all the time. And it is too hot to move. You are not the example of an olympic gold medal winner, unless they now give them to bloggers and people that write things on the computer all the time.”

“I do not write all the time on the computer Tabby. In my spare time I care for you. Prepare your food, empty your recycling tray and ensure that you always have a fresh supply of water. It is quite obvious. All you do is complain about the heat and me.”

“How would you like to wear a fur coat all the time Mrs. Human? Of course we complain about the heat, until the feline furcoat with zip is designed.”

“But Tabby the fur coat is part of being feline. It is obvious.”

DSC_3166“Not really Mrs. Human. There was once a feline owing the territory next to mine, and that feline had absolutely no fur coat. He was naked, quite disgusting.”

“You see tabby, if you did not have a furcoat you would look like that nice feline, who was actually a sphinx feline.”

“I do not care what he was, he was not a real feline, that was obvious. He even entered my territory.”

“I noticed, you soon told him to leave. And now you could perhaps move to another place and stretch your legs.”

“The one thing I will not do is to stretch anything. I will lay here and wait and you will now finished what you are doing on that computer thing, there are more important things to deal with”

“Such as?”

“My evening meal, what other purpose would you have at the moment?”

“Of course Tabby, that is obvious.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Obvious Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Miniature

Tabby

Being a feline is not always so easy. I think it is the feet that bother me most of all. When I leave my place of sleep and make my way to the food and water, there are permanently feet in the way. It would be so much easier if humans had paws and would walk softly. Not only do they have feet, but feet make noise and cause vibrations.

We felines are quiet creatures, have you ever heard a feline before you see a feline? Of course not, because we make no noise, we are silent. Imagine planning to kill a bird or mouse and stamping around in the undergrowth. The hunted animal in question would soon disappear, alarmed by the noise you were making. Paws are silent, cause no vibrations. Now and again we show our claws, but only if necessary in defence. Generally they are our hidden weapon.

Look at human feet, their claws can be see at all times, and to be quite honest I find feet an usightly completion of a leg, and their claws are not exactly decorative, although sometimes they paint them in various camouflaged colouring, probably to hide their ugliness. They are not aesthetic to look at, but perhaps that is why humans tend to hide them in something called a shoe: another negative aspect of their foot.

To return to where I began, imagine being a gentle, quiet, innocent feline who means no-one harm and suddenly you hear the pounding of mega-feet coming closer. The humans wonder why I sleep so much. Of course I do, it is my main method of avoiding human feet. Find a quiet corner which humans cannot reach, most suitable on a high place, or in summer a place on the lawn. They leave you alone when on the lawn, because their shoed feet get dirty and they avoid dirt at all times, probably because even their tongue is not capable of a cleansing action. And something else, feet smell. I mean have you ever noticed that your feline’s paws smell. Of course not. We felines can only smell each other and a good sniff of another feline is no problem. Humans never sniff each other, probably because their own smell bothers them.

Funny animals humans, I will never understand them.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Miniature