Feline RDP#48: Feline Extempore

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Tabby

I have killed him I think, or perhaps he’s just sleeping
This monster knows no respect, and stops me from leaping
It says peep, peep, peep and then begins to move
I know he wants to attack and is searching for the groove
Wherever he goes, he will follow all my steps
I have to train daily to build muscles on  triceps
But I am winning I know, I stopped him in his tracks
Although he took a different route, following the cracks
I cannot hear him breathing, but do not think he is dead
As soon as I close my eyes, he will begin to spread
Taking over my territory and making me a fool
I must bite through his wires, and then he cannot pull
There is one thing that is good to show that he has class
He does not touch my tuna fish, but only eats the grass

Feline RDP#48: Feline Extempore

Feline RDP #46: Open Feline

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Tabby

Now he is my prisoner. I have stopped his wandering around in the garden, he will no longer block my paths. This is my territory and no machine can change it it must remain open land. Today the humans had to call for help.  Their Mowey was no longer walking on my territory. It refused and I saw them shaking their heads and talking  about it. They had no idea.

Suddenly two men arrived, not just one but two. They had to remove some of the tiles to examine Mowey’s connections. I could have told them the problem, but no-one asked me.  I am just a mere feline that was once worshipped as a god.

And so they prodded and suddenly appeared with another cable, but discovered that the original cable was OK and nothing was broken. It was then that a loose connection was discovered. This was the problem. The humans shook their heads wondering how this could have happened. They had no idea.

OK, if I could laugh I would, but as you know felines do not laugh, The word does not exist in meow.  After a closer examination by these two men Mowey peeped again. They even sent him into the open lawn, not even asking my permission and unfortunately he found his wheels again. I then heard the humans say that Moweys body was now empty and it would take a few hours to revive him completely. He will be back tomorrow. In the meanwhile I am staying where I am just to make sure that he does not escape.

Tomorrow is another day of course. Now where was that wire I managed to pull out yesterday? I think it was the one in the middle.

Feline RDP #46: Open Feline

Feline RDP #45: Feline Kerfuffle

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Tabby

“Tabby, laying around again on the lawn?”

“Of course Mrs. Human, I have to relax after all the hard work I do all day long.”

“But you sleep almost all day.”

“Exactly, and that can be quite exhausting, not to mention having to search for a sleeping place.”

“But you don’t search you are always laying on the grass on the lawn.”

“But not always in the same place. It depends what the sun decides. I tried to apply my influence on the sun that it would stay in the same place, to save all the hard work of moving to avoid its heat and bright light, but it just ignored me. Me, that was worshipped as a god.”

“Yes Tabby, you cannot have everything. Even I have to close the shutters when the sun is shining.”

“You are a mere human, but I am a feline and deserve more respect from the sun. And now I have to move yet again, this is so exhausting. Perhaps you could construct some sort of sun protection, perhaps a roof over my body so maintain my body temperature.”

“But the sun would still change its position.”

“Not if you construct something portable and move it now and again when the sun moves. That would be perfect.”

“I am sure it would be Tabby, but I do not have the time  to sit in the garden and move your sun blind to ensure you are comfortable.”

“Typical human, only think of themselves.  I will have to move continuously otherwise and that is really exhausting.”

“I do not have the impression that you think of others Tabby.”

“That is something different. We felines are the centre of the universe.”

“Except for the sun, it seems.”

“I am working on that one Mrs. Human, in the meanwhile I just need a portable roof over my feline head.”

Feline RDP #45: Feline Kerfuffle

Feline RDP #44: Feline Spoof

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Tabby

Humans are strange, not even a laugh
They wash themselves with soap and water and even sit in a bath
They also have tongues, but never do a good lick
Just use them for ice cream. now that is really sick
They always sleep at night and never by the day
Where is the fun if you don’t see in the dark and cannot find your way
They even wear eye glasses,  they were made so incomplete
And just look at their paws, their legs are finished with feet
I am glad I am a cat, can climb but never  fall
The humans do not know how to make a perfect hairball
They want to get us organised, just like the busy bees
But we were being gods when they were still in trees

Feline RDP #45: Feline Spoof

Feline RDP #43: Feline Superstition

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Untitled

“Tabby leave that mower alone.”

“No way Mrs. Human, I am keeping my eye on it, before it begins to move again. I am sure it is planning to overtake my territory. Today it made three circles around me, I was surrounded.”

“But you always make three circles before you settle down to sleep, so perhaps Mowey was must copying you.”

“No way, although Mowey did go to sleep afterwards. Now I am keeping an eye on him to be prepared when he awakes.”

“Tabby, Mowey will now remain quiet until tomorrow at the same time and he cannot get any further, so there is no need to worry.”

“Perhaps I should create a hairball to keep myself safe from Mowey.”

“I don’t think that will help Tabby, Mowey has a job to do.”

“So do I, to protect my territory. There is only one thing for it.”

“What are you doing now?”

“I told you creating a hairball, that will stop the curse of the Mowey.”

“But you are making a mess on my lawn and if Mowey rolls into it he will spread the hairball all over the lawn and it might even cause a breakdown.”

“That is the idea, that will teach him. Furballs are always good against threats Mrs. Human. And today is Friday the 13th.”

“I didn’t know that felines were superstitious.”

“Of course not, but you always mark it on the calendar so it must mean something. Humans always have strange ideas.”

“It is tradition Tabby, strange things can happen on Friday 13th. What are you doing?”

“This definitely calls for a hairball tactic for protection in that case. Calm down Mrs. Human it is all in a good cause. It will protect us both from the curse of Mowey.”

Feline RDP #43: Feline Superstition

Feline RDP #42: Feline Grooves

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Tabby

“Tabby, you lay in the same place every day at the same time.”

“I have to keep an eye on this Mowey thing. It moves along my paths and even makes new grooves.”

“It is our automatic lawn mower.”

“I don’t care, it is a threat to my territory. Where I want to go, it follows me. I am geting a Mowey complex. Yesterday I managed to stand in its path.”

“What happened?+

“I discovered it has no respect for the feline paws and it continued on its way as if I did not exist. I had to jump out of the way. We should exterminate it.”

“But Tabby, I need Mowey to cut my lawn.”

“What lawn? Looks a bit bare to me.”

“It will grow again Tabby, that is because of the hot weather.”

“I think it is because of this mowing threat you have in the garden. Every day it moves when I tell it to keep still. It has no respect for the feline power.”

“That is because it is a machine.”

“Kill it Mrs. Human, otherwise it will take over. I do not trust it, although it does have  respect for my wall. It will not touch any bricks  and always moves on to another place.”

“That is because it can only follow a certain path. There are grooves underground with wire and it can only follow the electric current going through the wires. Tabby what are you doing, stop digging.”

“I will remove the wires and they this monster will no longer cross my path.”

“But this machine cost a lot of money and it has a job to do every day.”

“So do I Mrs. Human. I keep our home free from mice and other felines.”

“So does the mowing machine Tabby. It frightens the mice away and also other felines.”

“Yes I noticed. Kill it Mrs Human, or switch it off.”

Feline RDP #42: Feline Grooves

Feline RDP#41: Feline Vintage

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Tabby

Who is vintage? I am in the most interesting years of my life. I know it all and can still do it. Perhaps a little slower than I was, but even humans slow down when they get older. At least my fur is still the same colour and my whiskers. I am now in the prime of feline life. The kittens ask me for advice. I tell them to defend their territory above all. After all we spend our time on marking the boundaries to prove that it is ours. I also tell them to make sure there is an escape route near just to be sure. Cat flaps can be very useful in this connection. Lives are something to guard, and although we have nine, they are quickly mislaid.

I had my midlife crisis a few months ago when I realised that the mice were ignoring me and the birds were laughing at my attempts to catch them, but where there are butterflies there is always a way, although my jumps no longer seem to be high enough and when I clap my paws together, I am left with nothing. They fly away before I have a chance. Thank goodness for tuna fish in a food bowl, at least it is dead.

I still have five lives, but for my 16 years, that is quite a good record. Other felines only have one left at my age. No, do not ask me, I will not tell you. Losing lives for a feline is a very private matter and personal. We just continue as always and keep it to ourselves.

Feline RDP#41: Feline Vintage