Daily Feline Prompt: Elaborate Feline

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Tabby

“Let me in, I am dying of neglect.”

“Tabby you look quite healthy to me and your cat flap is open.”

“My cat flap is on the other side and I will have to go on a walk to get there. In the meanwhile anything could happen. I could be attacked by a dog, die of starvation and thirst and it might rain: not to think about the sky falling on my head.”

“Tabby, do not exaggerate, it is only a short distance and not all felines have their own door.”

“It is a shorter distance through this window and would be less exhaustion if you would open it. You are again taking advantage of the fact that I do not have opposable thumbs. And what have you done to your fur Mrs. Human. Have you become a British short hair human?”

“No Tabby, I went to the hairdresser to have my hair cut.”

“Is that something like a human vet?”

“I just wanted to have shorter hair.”

“Did you have tics and fleas. Perhaps you should put that stuff on the back of your neck to get rid of them.”

“Tabby humans wash and keep themselves clean so there is no great danger of getting insects in our hair.”

“I also have a good lick with my tongue at least three times a day, and I can scratch in places that you do not even know exist, but I still have to endure the evil curse of medicine being absorbed into my body.”

“That is something completely different Tabby, your body is covered with fur and all sorts of germs can crawl into it.”

“In future I would prefer to go to the hairdresser. I have seen them on my pawpad. They can even make your fur curl, or you can have your fur in a different colours. I would love to be a redhead, just like Garfield and perhaps I could have my fur more in layers. I would become feline of the year.”

“But what about your Macdonalds “M” on your forehead. That would disappear.”

“That could be coloured white.That would be very original.”

“No Tabby, stay as you are, that is much better and for such elaborate details, I would really have to send you to the vet.”

“In that case, I will remain my usual beautiful self. So where’s the tuna fish.”

“Coming immediately Tabby”

Daily Feline Prompt: Elaborate Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Bestowed Feline

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Tabby

“It’s that time of the year again when I move to the great outdoors. There are things to disover and to do.”

“Yes Tabby, but before you sniff around too much and disappear in the long grass, I have something for you.”

“You mean a food parcel Mrs. Human, in case I get hungry on my travels.”

“Not exactly, but come here.”

“Just a moment, what is that you have your hand. It looks very familiar.”

“It is for your own good Tabby. When you begin to creep around in the undergrowth you can pick up all sort of insects. Just a drop of this liquid on your fur and it disperses and kills them before they have a chance.  Come here.”

“No way, it is my fur and you are not going to touch it.”

“Tabby, just a drop on your neck.”

“No, that is the worst olace you can put it. I cannot reach it with my tongue.”

“You are not supposed to reach it. I am sure you do not want to have worms throughout the summer.”

“I have never seen a worm in my fur, that is just another story from the vet to make you buy his poison and make my life a misery. Mrs. Human, what are you doing, stop, no I will die.”

“So that is the job done and now you will be worm free.”

“I can feel the pain, it is entering my body, I have only a few minutes to live Mrs. Human.”

“Rubbish, it is all in the mind. You are perfectly healthy thanks to the medicine. You will have a worm free and tic free summer.”

“Tics, I have never seen a tic or a worm. I tell you it is all a story invented by the vets.”

“Of course you have never seen a worm, they live inside of you, and tics hide in your fur and suck your blood.”

“I have just realised that I am living a dangerous life Mrs. Human.”

“Not at all Tabby. thanks to me and the vets and the medicine you are a very healthy feline and stop trying to lick the medicine away from your neck.”

“But it is taking over my body I can feel it entering. Just grant me one last dying wish Mrs. Human.”

“You are not dying Tabby, but what is it, just for the sake of peace and quiet.”

“A bowl of tuna fish as a last meal. All victims are granted a last wish.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Bestowed Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Vague Humans

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Tabby

The trouble with humans is that they are always so vague. They can never be certain. They are so insecure. “I will serve tuna fish for your dinner” is so indefinite. Will they or will they not. What happens when the human forgets, which is a human characteristic. Then we felines are the victims. We wait for the sound of the tin opener, we sniff and search for the scent of the fish in the air and nothing happens and why you might ask.

In the meanwhile that noisy instrument called phone makes noises and the human picks it up. We felines, at death’s door and starving, are forgotten. The tuna fish remains in the unopened tin and humans are making noises on this thing called phone. Eventually there is silence, the phone is dead. We felines are hanging onto life in the meanwhile.

What does the human do? The human does nothing, the tuna fish is left in the tin because humans forget. Instead of making false promises, they should serve the tuna fish at once and ignore the ringing phone. We felines do not waste time with discussions or making statements which have no paw and whisker, but humans do. This is just one example of the vagueness of the human mind. If only they would be as reliable and caring as we felines. And my recycling tray? Ok, better not to mention the fact that I used it a few minutes ago and it still needs human attention to empty it. I even took. care to cover up my products, but I will take my revenge, The next product will not be covered, but left. That will teach a lesson.

Daily Feline Prompt: Vague Humans

Daily Feline Prompt: Partaking Feline

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Tabby

Every day I have to partake in this Feline Prompt. Perhaps I do not have time in my busy life, but no consideration for my feelings is taken into account. “Tabby it is time for a photo” or “Tabby tell me what you did today”. Mrs. Human can really be annoying and a stress creator. She is so concerned on writing my blog, that she is not paying enough attention on preparing my tuna fish, emptying my recycling tray and preparing my sleeping places. She really only thinks of herself sometimes.

I am also someone, the centre of her world. I have to remind her now and again. I waited a full minute for her to open the window and let me out this afternoon. Her excuse? I can use the cat flap. The cat flap is on the other side of my home. You see how selfish she can be expecting me to paw my way to the other side. That is exhausting, I tell you humans really only think of themselves.  I get more care and consideration from the wall that I stare at. The wall understands my needs. We do not lose many words over the situation, but for me it is therapy. Staring at a wall helps to relieve the stress of my day. I can sleep much better afterwards.

Today I almost had insomnia, and only slept for 10 hours instead of the usual 16 hours. Why do humans have to make so much noise when they open my tins of tuna fish with a tin opener. And filling my bowl with water could also be completed with less noise. A gentle trickle of water does the job just as well as opening the tap as if it was the Niagara Falls.

Humans can be annoying, but as a feline I have to put up with it. One day we will be recognised as the gods we once were. In the meanwhile we just have to put up with the egoism of the humans. If only they could be as perfect as we felines are.

Daily Feline Prompt: Partaking Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Mallet

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Tabby

“Tabby, Tabby, answer me.”

“Stop shouting Mrs. Human, it hurts my ears.”

“Thank goodness, I have been calling and there was no answer. I was very worried.”

“Ok, say it, your thought I had a life less. As you can see I am alive and kicking. Actually I was having one of my favourite dreams where the felines again took over the world. We were in charge and all the humans bowed down to us. Dreams like that you savour and enjoy and when a human with its booming voice disturbs I try to ignore it. The problem is that humans never give up and they get strange ideas. If you had held a plate of tuna fish under my nose you would have realised the immediate reaction and you would have discovered that I am still living my fourth life.”

“But I care for you Tabby, and was worried.”

“And so it should be, but do not overdo it. And now leave me to sleep on. When a feline sleeps we can do it all on our own. A quiet warm place in the sun with a bowl of water near in case I might wake an be thirsty. We need no help to sleep, not even a knock on the head with a mallet, we invented the science of sleep.”

“Yes Tabby, of course, felines can do everything.”

“Not quite, the opposable thumbs have not yet evolved, but when we have them, you might be redundant.”

“You mean you will no longer need me.”

“I will find a few tasks for you to perform. Even with opposable thumbs I will not stoop to cleaning my recycling tray. There are certain little pleasures I will leave you so Mrs. Human, do not worry. And now leave me to sleep, I was at the part where I had my own diamond studied cat flap to enter my kingdom.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Mallet

Daily Feline Prompt: Authentic Feline

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Tabby

I am an authentic feline. I love myself above everything else. I have no time for others, I spend most of the day sleeping, eating and keeping myself clean. I have no time for anything else, for that I have a human. I have spent many years training her to realise that I am the part of her life that gives her meaning for her existence.

She empties my recycling tray when necessary and ensures that my food and water bowl are always full. I only have to meow and she is there asking what is wrong and tending to my needs. She tends to overdo it with vet visits, and once a year takes me for my jabs, which she finds are necessary to keep me healthy.  She has a habit of serving hard vitamin pellets, finding  they are good for me, but nobody is perfect, except for me.

And now I must go, I can hear the sound of a tin opener which means another duty will be completed in the fulfilment of my need for tuna fish. It is time for a tummy tickle. Yes, humans have their purpose in a feline life, you just have to train them.

Daily Feline Prompt: Authentic Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline parallels

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Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I have a problem.”

“Oh dear, then I must make an appointment for you with the vet.”

“Not that sort of problem. I am feeling completely healthy. I even managed to produce a perfect hairball.”

“I noticed, although a hairball is never really a perfect product.”

“Do not change the subject, humans have never appreciated feline hairballs. No, it is a cosmetic problem. I have more whiskers on one side than the other and they are not growing parallel. One is even curled”

“But that is normal Tabby, Whiskers do what they want.”

“It spoils my perfection. Perhaps I should have a whisker transplant.”

“No Tabby, not even the vet will do that for you.”

“But my good looks are spoilt, I will never have a chance of being feline of the year with my misplaced whiskers.”

“Tabby I am sure no-one will notice your whisker problem. Of course I could trim them with scissors to get them all the same length, but they would have to be half the length to get them all parallel.”

“Short whiskers! Does not come into the question Mrs. Human. No self respecting  tabby feline has short whiskers and I could die with whisker frost bite.”

“Perhaps if I removed a few with my tweezers, it would then looks more balanced.”

“You mean pull them out. No way, I would have to go to the vet for anaesthetic.”

“I don’t think so, just a quick pull and the whisker is removed. Tabby where are you going. Now she has walked off. I think she is annoyed and I only wanted to help.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Parallels