Daily Feline Prompt: Enlightened Feline

Tabby

I have really tried, have spent hours of sleep meditation trying to fine the solution to the enlightenment of humans, but it is not possible. We felines are such uncomplicated creatures. We never suffer from insomnia, we have no time for it. Humans have unregular sleeping patterns and do most of it when it is dark. Why sleep the best hours of your life away when all the excitement happens at night. When the dark hours arrive it is time to explore. It is then that the interesting things happen, the world is teeming with life. Humans, they sit in front of a box in the evening and might even fall asleep. Perhaps that is the human way of enjoying the scents of excitement.

Humans do not meow, they make strange “brumming” noises, although they seem to understand each other. Why complicated when a simple meow suffices. I have even noticed a few reoccurring noises in their speech pattern, “Tabby” is often said and then the human looks at me. I look away of course. Does she mean me?

They also have strange washing habits. Instead of a thorough lick with a tongue they submerge themself into a continaer full of water, and hot water: disgusting, water is for drinking and not sitting in it. And the tongue? They apply something smelly with the water and they rub it all over themselves. Have you ever seen the bare facts of a human – they don’t have fur, just a layer on the top. And again no licking, they smother the top fur with something from a bottle and it makes bubbles.  They have an external tongue that they used to remove the water. The water disappears afterwards, but I have no idea where it goes, what a waste.

Not to mention eating. They sit and use metal objects to make everything smaller probably to compensate for their missing  pointed long teeth in the lower jaw for piercing, grinding and chopping. Something must have gone wrong with the human blueprints when they were manufactured.

They are poor unfortunate creatures, and do not even have whiskers, although the male of the species now and again has a growth appearing on its face. They even have two legs missing, although compesated by something called “arm”. I am glad to be a feline, although I have one regret. That we were not equipped with opposable thumbs, but wait until the next evolutionary event, then we will get them, but perhaps the humans might become exinct. Let them keep the opposable thumbs, then they can still empty our litter boxes and open tins.

Daily Feline Prompt: Enlightened Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Expectations

Tabby 20.10 (3)

Always look behind, you never know what could happen. I expect a battle to the end. They are everywhere, attacking and covering my territory. They try to take over every year, but I have fought them off with persistence and bravery. Jut look at them, waiting to pounce, continuously changing their colours.

The worst are the yellow troops. They are the front line, those that come first to spy out the land and watch for guardians like myself. They pretend to die, but only lay and wait. As soon as a breath of wind arises, they rise again for an attack. Those that surround me are my victims. I fought them until they submitted to my claws, my talons of death. I pierced them, but they did not bleed. They have assumed supernatural powers, and have now entered a state of dehydration, but I will not be fooled. Next year they will return in their old shape and form.

Come closer and you will see the dead remains of my conquests beneath my paws. I am observant, and keep an eye of their development, but I am alone in my battle. I must make my conquests alone. But wait, Mrs. Human is approaching, will she assist in my battle against the evil doom awaiting us all?

“Tabby what you are you doing sitting amongst those deal leaves. You drag them all into the home and I have to sweep them together and throw them into the garbage.”

“But Mrs. Human, they are my victims, those that I defeated in a battle to the last whisker.”

“Forget it Tabby. They are dead before they arrive on the ground. It is Autumn and it happens every year at this time.”

“But they are leaf soldiers, bent on destruction of all moving objects. They are my war trophies.”

“Rubbish Tabby, now come inside and eat your tuna fish.”

“I am on my way, I can always kill the remainder tomorrow.”

 

 

Daily Feline Prompt: Release Tabby

Tabby gets a jab

And you ask why I do not like the Vet? It is imprisonment from the beginning to the end. It all begins so well until I see the dreaded cage and I know my fate is sealed, but I am always one paw, no four paws, ahead. If the cage appears then run for you life, enjoy your freedom while you can. The best place to hide is beneath a human bed in the corner because humans are not so good at crawling under beds.  The door is shut to the room, I cannot hide. I try another place which humans cannot reach, but I see only closed doors. The humans are getting sly. Before I can plan my next step I am lifted to the cage. There is not even time to spread all my legs out to prevent entering the cage. Somhow the humans are one step ahead and the lid is closed. I want to get out, but my meows go unheeded.

From one prison to another, the cage is now in the car. At least I can enjoy the journey by looking out of the window, but I continue to meow.

We arrive at the vets. There is no escape from the torture of being prodded by a sharp instrument, again which is supposed to be good for me. No-one actually asked me, but I fought claw and tooth to the end to no avail. At the end of the process I was imprisoned in my cage again and now it was a relief because I knew I was on the way home to my territory.

Of course Mrs. Human assured me that it “was good for you” but I am still thinking about that. I remember hearing the vet say “same time same place next year” as we departed – did he mean me?

Daily Feline Prompt: Release Tabby

Daily Feline Prompt: Express Feline

Tabby

Express does not exist in meow, for that I have a human. Of course I need everything express and so my human slave must read my wishes from my whiskers. I trained her for that.

“Mrs. Human, I am hungry.”

“Yes at once Tabby, what would you like?”

“A bowl of tuna garnished with a leaf of tarragon.”

“Oh, sorry Tabby, but I do not have tarragon, would perhaps some chopped chives do it as well.”

“Mrs. Human you should really remember to note my needs. If this continues one day you will forget the tuna fish and then what would we do?”

“No problem Tabby, I always have a large bag of vitamin pellets as a reserve.”

“That is not the solution Mrs. Human. You should have a reserve of tuna fish.”

You see what I mean, this is becoming a regular event. Mrs. Human does not concentrate on the necessisities of life.

“Mrs. Human, my recycling tray needs emptying.”

“What again Tabby, but I only emptiesd it a few minutes ago and do not spread the litter around when you are finished. I have to collect it.”

“Mrs. Human I do not time my recycling process, it just happens. You are employed to look after my needs. And do not foget to sweep behind the tray.”

“Of course Tabby, at once.*

I remember when I employed her on the slave market, it said she had experience with felines but it was very elementary. I had to teach her to organise bowls of water in various strategic places so that I could save time searching for the next supply. There is also a case of the vitamin pellets. I suspect it was the vet that told her they were good for me. The only good thing about them is the hairball production. They bind the hairs nicely. There was also a problem of sleeping places, and keeping human bedroom doors closed. I soon showed her that this was an impediment to my sleep process and now she leaves the doors open, although insults me by spreading a cover on her bed.

“So Mrs. Human, time for my evening meal, and do not stir the ingredients. I prefer my fish pure and not shaken. And a side dish of catmint to promote my inner senses of being.”

“But Tabby you get high on catnip.”

“Of course, it is part of the cat experience.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Express Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Brave Feline

Tabby

I am exhausted, it was a tiring day, but I beat them all. First of all I had to fight against the sleep waves. It was not easy, each time I pushed myself into a vertical position, my four legs collapsed beneath me. It was all I could do to turn three full circles before finding my next comfortable sleeping position. Luckily I soon sank into the world of feline sleep and I dreamt that I was fighting a herd of sabre toothed tigers, it was one of those throwback dreeams to the days when the Tabby cats were establishing their rights of paw swiping.

I suddenly heard a noise and awoke just as I was fighting the closing jaws of the tiger. It was the sound of opposable thumbs gripping a tin opener. I again had to fight my way to the food bowl and lift my weary head for food. Luckily it was tuna fish, as I did not have the strength to crunch on hard vitamin pellets. I was relieved that I did not have to starve because the tuna fish mechanism is a soft munching followed by sliding down the throat.

Again I was exhaustd and then I heard the meow of a feline outside. It was getting closer and I recognised it as an attack on my territory. Roschti, the feline. next door, was making her way to my manor. I had to be brave and withstand this attack.  She was already sniffing and preparing to mark my territory. I had no choice but to hiss in a loud meow and call Mrs. Human.

“What is the matter Tabby?”

“Look outside, Roschti is heading for my territory for a takeover bid.”

“Oh Tabby, this is terrible. I will do the necessary.”

It is always good to train your human to fight your battles. Within a few human moments, Roschti disappeared with his tail between his legs with Mrs. Human following. And me? I decided to recover from the exhaustions of battle and sank into another few hours of sleep. I was so exhausted from the excitement, and was soon purring myself to sleep. Oh, what a day that was, but I braved my way through it.

Daily Feline Prompt: Brave Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Risky Feline

Tabby

Now this looks risky, but my lives are composed of risks. The first four passed in a space of 14 years, which means according to my whisker calculation, that a life would be just over 3 years. Of course, the first 2 lives were already gone after the first 2 years, but you learn from experience. Kittens should not attempt to jump over high objects, they might miscalculate, and so I saw the life ticker with a -1 on it before my eyes. The second life was not really my fault. It was a sore throat, the vet said tonsilitis, and so there it was again. The life ticker appeared with a -2.  The next two lives were just a matter of becoming a senior feline, although I am sure those hard vitamin pellets I was being fed with had something to do with it, and the ticker arrived again twice with a-1. So according to the feline method of quantum mathematics, -2 another -2 in the space of 14 years amounts to -4 lives already gone.

According to the law of feline mathematics, again with the help of quantum addition, I now have 5 lives remaining. The question remains shall I leap over this metal object or not. Is it possible that I will trip and fall, losing yet another life, or will I survive and be congratulated by the other felines watching on.

“What did you say Mrs. Human, time for my meal of tuna fish.”

Oh who cares about lives, I can do it, no problem.  It is all a matter of distance + height and a reward at the end. And another success in a feine remaining 5 lives – “I am coming Mrs. Human”.

Daily Feline Prompt: Risky Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Loyal Feline

Tabby

“No Tabby.”

“Something wrong Mrs. Human?”

“Take your head out of that bucket, it is full of dirty water.”

“Ah, another “no” from my human slave. Of course the water is not dirty. It is the best water I have tasted for a long while. It has a distinct aroma.”

“Yes Tabby, a stinky aroma, left behind by the builders.”

“What nice humans they are. They realise the needs of a feline. I must say it has a distinct flavour of something completely different.”

“Mrs. Human what are you doing?”

“I am pouring the water down the drain where it belongs.”

“Typical. If you had a spark of feline intelligence you would bottle it for future use.”

“Definitely not Tabby. I am just a silly stupid human that does not like to see the feline of the family drinking bad water.”

“I found it quite tasty, although I have not yet been able to define the taste. It is something between rare, and vintage.”

“Tabby you have a bowl of fresh water next to your food and a bowl of water outside, especially for you. You have to go next door and drink water.”

“Mrs. Human the water on the other side of the fence always tastes better. It has a different colour shade to my normal water, much darker. It even has things floating in it for extra flavour. It is definitely the flavour of the month. I must return tomorrow to see if they have replaced it. It is the essence that hairballs are made of.”

“Yes Tabby, I am sure.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Loyal Feline