Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Miniature

Tabby

Being a feline is not always so easy. I think it is the feet that bother me most of all. When I leave my place of sleep and make my way to the food and water, there are permanently feet in the way. It would be so much easier if humans had paws and would walk softly. Not only do they have feet, but feet make noise and cause vibrations.

We felines are quiet creatures, have you ever heard a feline before you see a feline? Of course not, because we make no noise, we are silent. Imagine planning to kill a bird or mouse and stamping around in the undergrowth. The hunted animal in question would soon disappear, alarmed by the noise you were making. Paws are silent, cause no vibrations. Now and again we show our claws, but only if necessary in defence. Generally they are our hidden weapon.

Look at human feet, their claws can be see at all times, and to be quite honest I find feet an usightly completion of a leg, and their claws are not exactly decorative, although sometimes they paint them in various camouflaged colouring, probably to hide their ugliness. They are not aesthetic to look at, but perhaps that is why humans tend to hide them in something called a shoe: another negative aspect of their foot.

To return to where I began, imagine being a gentle, quiet, innocent feline who means no-one harm and suddenly you hear the pounding of mega-feet coming closer. The humans wonder why I sleep so much. Of course I do, it is my main method of avoiding human feet. Find a quiet corner which humans cannot reach, most suitable on a high place, or in summer a place on the lawn. They leave you alone when on the lawn, because their shoed feet get dirty and they avoid dirt at all times, probably because even their tongue is not capable of a cleansing action. And something else, feet smell. I mean have you ever noticed that your feline’s paws smell. Of course not. We felines can only smell each other and a good sniff of another feline is no problem. Humans never sniff each other, probably because their own smell bothers them.

Funny animals humans, I will never understand them.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Miniature

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Learning

Tabby 22.08.2016

You put the left paw out
The right paw stays in
Close Your eyes
And sleep will win

It is quite easy
I learned it as a kitten
My mum said it was the best
With sleep I was smitten

Mum really taught me a lot
She said you have a tongue
So lick away on the paw
You begin to have some fun

Wipe the paw behind the ear
The fur becomes so clean
Do not forget the whiskers
Those you must carefully preen

Now it will become quite tricky
All felines learn the art
Sit and take it easy
and lick the private part

My mum knew how to do it
Even how to climb a wall
I remember the day when it happened
And I produce my first hair ball

You can really learn anything
you just have to know the how
I remember the very first time
I produced the perfect meow

I had to do some practice
It made the neighbours swoon
But I remember the night very well
It was because it was a full moon

Are you listening all the kittens
You must always have a wish
There will always be a reward
You will get a tuna fish dish

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Learning

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Fifty

Tabby

“Tabby do you realise that you are now 72 years old?”

“Rubbish, Mrs. Human, you are as old as you feel and we do not count years but lives. I have now lived at least half of my lives, according to the feline law, and things going well, there are still a few lives left. Of course, that is the earthly life, but there is also the non-earthly lives and that could add up to a few years more. In any case gods do not die, they live forever, so what’s the problem?”

“But according to the computer one year of a feline life is more than one year of a human life.

“Which life are you talking about Mrs. Human. You have to regard the age of a feline based on nine lives. Of course, when I get promoted and get my 10th life, then it all begins again. In the meanwhile many tins of tuna will be eaten before my tenth life arrives. How many lives do humans have?”

“We just get the one life Tabby.”

“That is not a good deal, I would complain.”

“That’s the way life is Tabby.”

“This is a problem. It means I will have to concentrate my efforts in human education. If you only get the one life, then we should not waste time. Perhaps you could do a night shift now and again.”

“No tabby, I am here for your needs 12 hours a day and the rest I sleep.”

“Perhaps you could practice cat sleep. You then get the benefit of being awake and sleeping at the same time. We call it infinity sleep, being ready for action at all times.”

“I don’t quite get that one.”

“It is easy Mrs. Human. You go to bed, but when you hear me scratching at the bedroom door, you are immediately there for my needs and comfort. You could even fit an extra meal in during the night, just something light. We do not like heavy nocturnal meals.”

“It seems to me you are quite fit for your 72 years, which are actually 14 in human years, so I think you can manage quite well on your own during the night.”

“But, we need full care and attention at all times, especially when we become old and frail.”

“Nothing old and frail Tabby, remember you were worshipped as gods and they are immortal.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Fifty

Daily Feline Prompt: The feline water

Tabby

This is your bowl of water: not just any water, but yours, the water you must first of all examine with a careful eye, and nose. Does it look good, nothing unwanted floating on the surface: does it smelll OK, no strange aromas of other felines or impurities. It is also advisable to listen. Perhaps you can hear a soft throbbing, a hum, even a squeak. I know it is not possible, but do not trust a bowl of water until you have made a thorough examination. Humans do all sorts of strange things and call it improvement, I like my water pure, not shaken.

Tabby

Before tasting the water, place your paw in the bowl carefully. How is the temperature? Is it too cold, too warm, the correct blood temperature. The paws are sinsitive organs and notice immediately if something is wrong. They are tuned to the correct temperatures at all time, and never let you down.

Tabby

And now the final test. The tasting of the water. Lick it gently from the paw,, but do not swallow yet. Absorb the temperature, the consistency, and ask yourself “am I jeopardising one of my nine lives by drinking this water, will I survive, will I become the feline taster of the year.” Not all felines are gifted with such taste organs as myself.

Tabby

This is the face of a happy feline, a feline that has tasted the water and found it to be perfect. A feline that knows what belongs to the art of water tasting. A feline that has tasted many waters, but has discovered that the best water is only to be judged by the paw test.

Felines do not jeopardise your choice of water by just drinking any water. Be sure that the composition, temperature and consistency is perfect and above all it must breathe. Do not be lead astray by water from a bottle. An open supply of water is the most perfect. Let it absorb the atmosphere, the vitality of the fresh air. Of course if there is nothing else available then drinking from the human tap is also OK. After all water is only water really.

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Water

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Youth

Tabby

“Tabby, where have your youthful days gone, when you would spring around, chase after insects in flight and jump to catch a fly or butterfly. All you do now is sleep almost all day.”

“Things are not what they used to be Mrs. Human. Even I feel my age in my whiskers. I leave such exploits to the kittens. There is a time in the  ninth life of a feline when you conserve your energy for more important tasks.”

“And what do you consider more important Tabby?”

“Oh there are many on my whisker list.”

“You have a whisker list?”

“Yes, humans have a bucket list, we have a whisker list.

Take a ride on the back of a dog
Meet Garfield in person
Play the leading role as the heroine in a feline movie, something like “Gone with the Paw”
Write a bestselling book “How I learned to stop eating tuna fish and came to love vitamin pellets”
Light fireworks on a day when the humans want peace and quiet (revenge therapy)
Scratch your vet whilst he is preparing a jab
Put an electric fence around your territory to stop other felines intruding
Invent the paw friendly tin operner.
Buy an aquarium for your own private tuna fish.”

“Is that all Tabby?”

“Not quite, I am still thinking about some more.”

“I am glad you did not include me on the list and write “ban humans”.

“Definitely not Mr. Human. I would never be so cruel – to myself. I need a human slave to take care of my needs, whilst I am sleeping. By the way I plan to use my recycling tray in five minutes. Be ready for the cleaning process afterwards.”

“Of course Tabby, same litter as always?”

“Yes, although I read on my pawpad that you can now get litter with catmint scent added.”

“Is that a good idea Tabby? You might get high and forget to leave the tray afterwards.”

“That’s true Mrs.Human, you could perhaps put some in a separate tray, a sort of appetite encourager, before I enter the recycling tray for the real thing.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline youth

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline eyes

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, where is my bowl of tuna fish?”

“In front of your eyes Tabby.”

“Where?”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot that all felines are short sighted and see clearly only objects that are far away.”

“Are you insinuiating that I do not have perfect sight?”

“Of course not Tabby, insinuating does not come into the question. It is common knowledge that felines do not see clearly in front of their nose. They are creatures of the night, can see in the dark, and are able to notice a mouse at the end of the garden. It is only the objects in front of their nose where they have problems.”

“If that was true Mrs. Human, I would starve to death.”

“No problem tabby, as long as you can smell everything with your nose.”

“But you must admit that I have beautiful eyes, clear and perfectly formed. How comes you wear second eyes in front of your normal eyes?”

“They are my glasses Tabby, as my eyes are no longer so good for seeing things clearly. The glasses magnify everything and I can see better.”

“So if I wear glasses, I will no longer be so short sighted and see my bowl of tuna fish quite clearly.”

“I do not think that would work Tabby. You would have to have your eyes tested, probably by the vet, and have them measured for the correct magnification.”

“You go to a vet for your glasses?”

“No Tabby, I go to the optician, but you would have to go to the vet. And felines do not wear glasses. Where are you going?”

“I can see a mouse family on the other side of the field, might be an interesting hunt.”

“I cannot see any mice Tabby, where?”

“In front of your eyes Mrs. Human, perhaps you are short sighted.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Eyes

Daily Feline Prompt: Meow Moon

Tabby

“Tabby what are you meowing at. You are waking up the whole neighbourhood.”

“Mrs. Human, I am practicing. It will be a full moon tonight. You are not a genuine feline unless you have a strong meow to accompany the moon.”

Meow, meow, I can make you all swoon
Tonight is the night when I call the full moon
There is something in my whiskers that tells me to sing
I am a true feline, this is the real thing
A bird can tweet, a mouse can squeak
We felines are the best, our voice is not meek
There is something in a moon, that guides our cause
We can meow high or low, you can hear us through walls
This is our song to seranade the night
When the moon is round we are ready to fight
My mum met my dad at such a time
He was meowing quite loud, it was a fine rhyme
It was only a short visit, but mum was smitten
A few weeks later she gave birth to a kitten
There is a lot to be said for singing to the moon
Mum and dad got the message, they both had a swoon

“Tabby did you compose that song yourself.”

“Of course I did, I call it song to the moon.”

“What about your mum and dad, did they sing it as well.”

“No idea Mrs. Human. I cannot remember my mum and she could not remember my dad either.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Meow Moon