Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Compass

Tabby

“Are you going out or not Tabby?”

“I am thinking bout it Mrs. Human, but it is not an easy decision. Everything is the same colour, completely flat and endless.”

“That’s beause is has snowed and has covered everything in white.”

“Mrs. Human I do not do colours, just shades and this is a mono shade, all the same: bright and dazzling. Open the window, perhaps it has a smell.”

“Snow doesn’t smell, it is just frozen water.”

“No way, water is water, like wet.”

“If you go out and put your paws in the snow, you will find that is also wet.”

“But it’s cold. I am not going to risk frostbite on a claw, it might break. Shut the window again, it is cold outsisde. Although wait a minute, I can see a mark in the snow. Someone has walked across the snow and survived.”

“That was Mr. Human who had to walk to the birdhouse to feed the birds.”

“Did he survive?”

“Of course he did, it is only snow. and the birds need their food. It is difficult to find in beneath the snow”

“Yes, I can only agree. We must feed the birds to enable them to get fat and remain healthy for the kill. My doggy friend Dusty has a sister that loves snow. She rolls in it and walks in it, but dogs are something completely different. That can even sniff snow, says their human. We felines are more into the meaning of life coupled with days spent in the shade of a tree. Imagine a feline rolling in snow, our fur would get wet, not to mention the whiskers getting frozen. I think I will have a sleep for a few hours. If I begin to meow in my sleep it will be a meowmare because of the snow. Wake me gently, I do not want to be absorbed by layers of snow. I might become a feline yeti.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Compass

Daily Feline Prompt: Blissful Feline

Tabby

It was a hard day’s work and now I have to rest
Sleeping is exhausting and I am not at my best
Humans say I have a good life because I do not work
Of course I am working, I do not have time to lurk
I have to wash continuously and that makes me feel so tired
Afterwards I collapse in a heap, a rest is required
Sleeping is a science that cannot be ignored
It must be done very carefully, and energy must be stored
Whilst I am resting my eyes, I am thinking all the time
Perhaps I might need to scratch, to clear away the grime
And then there is my food, which I have to walk to find
It is waiting in a bowl, Oh the exhaustions of my mind
I do not have an easy life, I must fight for every wish
Mrs. Human bring me food, a bowl of tuna fish

Daily Feline Prompt: Blissfull Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Silent Feline

Tabby

I love silence, there is nothing better than an uninterrupted sleep in silence. It would amaze you to realise how humans can be annoying with their voices. There are certain things, I must admit, that I can be envious of humans.

They have opposable thumbs, I know I have said it before, but there are cetain aspects in life that can be unfair. On the other paw, if we had opposable thumbs we would have to do it all by ourself. Imagine emptying my recycling tray, yuck. We felines know why we bury it all after it happens. However, humans have their use, they empty our trays. They even have specially designed emptying devices where the recycled matter remains in the scoop and the accompanying material is returned to the tray. Personally I find if my human would replace the complete tray after each use it would be perfect, but humans like to save time and energy. They can be quite lazy.

I have no chance to save anything I have to do all the brain work for the human. Of course we communicate, at least I communicate, although am often misunderstood. If I scratch at her sleeping cushion door during the night, it means I need and want attention. I am ignored. She does not realise what a disruption this is to my life.

However, I am glad that she does not possess the powers of telepathy as we felines do. Imagine if she could read my thoughts, she would be one paw ahead all the time. Luckily we felines can read the thoughts of a human mind, and I can tell you complete chaos rules in the human mind. We felines are cool and calm, humans are completely the opposite. Their resononing is full of “ifs” and “whens” and “it might be” and “perhaps”. We abolished these words from the meow language centuries ago because we know what we want and our purpose in life is to get it, if we feel like it. Everything else is just a side dish.

Daily Feline Prompt: Silent Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Meager Feline

Tabby

“Tabby I havn’t seen you all afternoon.”

“I am on strike.”

“On strike, but it is only workers that strike.”

“I am the hardest worker here. I slave away from morning to evening. My life is one hard fight for survival and now I have had enough. My efforts go unrecognised. Are you insinuating that I am lazy and do nothing all day.”

“Oh, Tabby, I am so sorry, I did not realise you lead such a hard life. It seemed to me that you were sleeping and I did not want to disturb.”

“But you have disturbed,  interrupting my deep state of sleep meditation. It is not easy when I rest my weary head on my cushion to relax and a human asks stupid questions. I was deep into nirvana endeavouring to become at one with the feline world and I get a silly remark about not seeing me all afternoon. Of course I am here.”

“You mean that you do not relax when sleeping?”

“I sleep 23 hours and day. It is hard work to force my remaining energy into one hour. I have to eat and drink and ensure that my outside territory is safe from other prowling felines. Even my 23 hour sleep is disturbed when I have to wash myself and change my sleeping position now and again.  Sleep is not just sleep, it is an eternal battle with finding the correct position. Do you realise the amount of energy needed to lick my paw and wipe it over my whiskers, and each whisker needs an individual clean. When I awake I am exhausted and then I have to eat. You could also consider the energy I am forced to use to chew on those hard vitamin pellets when I am awake. And producing the occasional hairball also needs concentration to get a perfect shape and form. I refuse to eat another hard vitamin pellet.”

“But that is all you are getting at the moment Tabby. They are healthy and good for you and there is nothing else.”

“Nothing else? That sounds a bit meager.”

“No, I used the last tin of tuna fish yesterday. You will have to wait until tomorrow.”

“Oh, in that case I will break my strike, but only until tomorrow. And now I must hurry. There is only half an hour left before I begin my sleeping exhaustions again. What a life I lead, from one stress to another.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Meager Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Legend

Tabby

“Mrs. Human open the window, it is cold outside.”

“I thought you wanted to be outside, I opened the window to let in some fresh air and you walked out, so I was sure you wanted to be outside.”

“Did you ask me? No, you just assumed. It is my time of the to write my memoirs for my fan club, they are all waiting. I am an icon of feline perfection, a legend in my own time. My fans are becoming impatient and you shut the window on a genius, typical human.”

“It was an accident Tabby, I really did not see you outside.”

“Of course you realised I was not here.”

“Don’t make such a fuss Tabby, it is not the end of the world.”

“It is the end of my world Mrs. Human. What if you had forgotten me? I could have frozen to death, be buried in an avalanche or attacked by a dog.”

“You are exaggerating again Tabby. There are no dogs, the snow has melted and temperatures are now warmer and I have now opened the window.”

“You do realise that you are obstructing the course of my written words. Everyone wants to hear my brave deeds. I am a legend in my own time Mrs. Human. Today I battled my way through three sleeping positions, until I maintained the perfect organisation. It was not easy trying to find a comfortable corner. I even had a battle with a bowl of hard vitamin pellets, which I am forced to eat as there was no tunafish. I am a heroine, a leading whisker for the whole feline race. As Abraham Paws Lincoln said “My dream is of a place and a time where I will once again be seen as the last best hope of the feline race” and I am on my way, if my stupid human would not lock me out.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Legend

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Inheritance

Tabby

I really do not get this inheritance stuff. Looking around me in my home where I let Mrs. Human live as my slave, It all belongs to me in any case. She just makes sure that it fits my requirements. Mrs. Human empties my recycling tray and cleans my food bowl after I have eaten. She is also responsible for my food supplies, although she does not always follow my instructions. It seems I have an inheritance of a large plastic bag filled with vitamine pellets which she fills constantly when my bowl is empty. Yes, when I enter my tenth life she may give them to my arch enemy, Roschti, the feline next door and may he choke on them whilst trying to swallow them, as I almost did now and again.

Of course I have my secrets, Mrs. Human does not have to know everything. Outside in the garden, just beneath a tree, there is a burial ground containing various remains of my digestive system, and a few hairballs. The hairballs are my own private possession and as my ancestors, which were worshipped as gods, my possessions will travel with me to my tenth life. We felines leave nothing behind as I may need it on the next stage of my journey. My litter sister is already living her tenth life, and she sent me a message to say I do not need to take anything with me. It is all there in the eternal corn chambers. All I have to do is keep it mouse free, which is second nature to me.

In the meanwhile I have no intention of leaving my fans with an empty blog and will return tomorrow with more exciting tales from living with the humans and how to deal with them.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Inheritance

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Theory

Tabby

I am now having a rest. It was exhausting playing the Whisker concerto with four paws. Mrs. Human found it rather monotonous. Perhaps it was because I was meowing to the tune: no music appreciation.

We felines are not so much into theory. We do not waste time thinking about why or how, we are creatures of action. The basic idea is “if it moves, smells good, kill it and eat it”. Not all moving objects fall into this category. I have never met an appetising spider: too many stringy bits on the legs. A mouse is more tasty, although, only certain parts. And birds, well that is something really special. I prefer them fresh, but a morsel of cooked chicken from Mrs. Human is also appreciated. It is so degrading when I have to sit on the floor and wait for her to notice my pleading eyes. I follow her eveywhere until she donates my deserved reward in the shape of a chicken limb, filleted of course. It is all a matter of human training.

There is no theory, just a matter of commands and obeying humans. A feline sleeps when and where it deems necessary. If a human happens to be on your chosen place, then watch her with the intense look, if she is trained well she will realise it is time for her to choose another place. If she refuses, visit your recycling factor.  She will empty the factory immediately, in which time you will occuply the chosen chair.

There is the theory of the tin opener which you hear before the human has decided to apply it – all in the feline built-in human detection system. You now sit and watch savouring the scent of the tuna fish contents of the tin. A push of the food bowl with the paw in the right direction is also a good clue if the human forgets why she is opening the tin, just to be sure.

As I said this is not theory, we are creatures of action.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Theory