Feline RDP #23: Feline Heart

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Tabby

“Of course I have a heart Mrs. Human, it is part of my biological make-up.”

“In this case Tabby, it is more in the figurative sense of the word.”

“Speak meow Mrs. Human, I do not get that one and I am sure that “figurative” does not exist in meow.”

“It is more the meaning of when you give your heart to someone, perhaps a tom cat, or even to me, because you like them so much.”

“That is where the problem begins. I do not give my “heart” to anything, especially a smelly old tom cat. My mum said they have only one thing in mind, and she is the proof. I was one of many. Sometimes I meet another feline and he calls me sister which I can believe. And what’s in a name, I do not like them either. And Mrs. Human, stay cool, I am keeping my heart for I, me and myself.”

“In the meanwhile Tabby, would you stop scratching the paintwork at the entrance next to the window.”

“Mrs. Human that is a wall, and I am depositing my scent on the wall. The wall quite enjoys it. I was having a discussion with the wall yesterday and I felt that he needed more close contact.”

“Walls do not talk Tabby, they have no feelings.”

“Of course not Mrs. Human, that is because the conversations are all in telepathy. You see, walls do not have a heart, they do not need one, but they can still exist.”

“Of course it exists, but only because it is there.”

“Which proves my point. Walls are my friends. They might not have a heart, but who needs a heart when you can absorb the scent from my paws. And now I am hungry Mrs. Human, hearts do not eat tuna fish, but I do. And serve it with heart. đŸ™‚ ”

Feline RDP #23: Feline Heart

Feline RDP #22: Feline Pond

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Tabby

I have my own pond: one of the duties of Mrs. Human. She has been given instructions to keep it filled day and night for my needs. Water is the essence of drinking. There is a rumour that felines need constant supplies of milk, but this is only for kittens. For the real felines, the important ones like myself, water is the No. 1 drink. The best water comes from above and the longer it lays on the ground the better the flavours mature. I noticed one of my feline colleagues named Lucy has also deemed fit to write an article on the importance of water for todays prompt.

It is to be compared to wine, it matures and almost lives, although maturing for too long might have too much life in it. There is nothing better as a grand cru eau de pluie to finish a meal. Whether it was a mouse or a bird, even tuna fish, water purifies the digestion- I would just give one warning. Drinking water after a meal of vitamin pellets can cause problems. The pellets begin to dissolve and expand which can lead to a case of indigestion, although by manufacturing a hair ball and expelling it immedately, this problem is soon cured.

So remember kittens, drink your milk, but also your water. Water will make you strong and will improve your spraying mechanism.

Feline RDP #22: Feline Pond

Feline RDP #21: Italian Feline

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Tabby

“Mrs. Human take that smelly green thing away. I had to squeeze through the window to avoid it.”

“But Tabby, today the theme for your blog is Italian and it is basil. The leaves go very well with tomatoes and cheese.”

“I am sure they do Mrs. Human, but it is not something that I like to include in my diet.”

“But today we had spaghetti for lunch, which is typical Italian food and you enjoyed the sample I gave you.”

“Oh yes, it was very good, I just had to separate the meat from the white worms. I do not eat worms.”

“But that was the spaghetti.”

“It was a dead worm. I stared at it for a while and noticed it did not move, so it must have been dead. Italians must be funny people if they eat dead white worms.”

“It is typical Italian food.”

“Are Italians also humans?”

“Of course they are Tabby, they just live in another country and speak a different language.”

“You mean something like Persian felines, or Ragdoll cats. You can even get cats with no fur, like that one that lived on the other side of my territory. Roschti the feline next door is also different to me, he doesn’t have the Macdonalds “M” on his forehead, and is something they call ginger, but we all speak meow. Even the Siamese felines speak meow, the same as I do. Humans are funny, they do not understand each other because they speak different languages. If I hiss all the felines understand me.”

“Well we have that in common Tabby. If I hiss, or scream in human, all the humans understand me.”

“So humans only understand each other when they are fighting.”

“We try to learn each other’s languages.”

“You see, we felines have no problems, we are international, that is why we were once worshiped as gods, everyone understood us. Now look at the world, everyone having problems with their territorial rights and they don’t even meow in the same language. I say bring the felines back to organise everything and put the humans back in the trees. By the way Mrs. Human, do you like bananas?

Feline RDP #21: Italian Feline

Feline RDP #20: Feline Check

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Tabby

“Tabby you have changed your position. You usually rest beneath  the plants.”

“Just trying something new Mrs. Human. Here there is shade, the sun is ignoring this part of the garden, and it is nice and cool on the paving stones. Sleeping where the plants are can get quite irritating. There are moving objects on the plants and there is nothing more annoying than having ants creeping around in the fur. From here I also have a good view of my territory and if a bird might chance to fly past, I can keep my eye on it.”

“Good idea Tabby.”

“Perhaps you could make a check on my territory Mrs. Human. I am so busy with my sleeping preparations I do not have the time.”

“Tabby I am not a feline and do not have a territory, that is your problem.”

“It is only a problem if left unattended. Imagine if the cat next door moves in on it and has a recycling problem. It means that technically speaking it becomes his territory and then I must defend it. That would lead to hissing and paw swipes and injuries. It would be much better if you could take care of my territory.”

“Tabby I really have other things to do than doing a check on your territory every five minutes.”

“I thought I was the purpose of your human life, the reason for your existence and without me there would be no point in life.”

“Exactly Tabby, that is why I am now applying my opposable thumbs to the tin opener to serve a bowl of tuna fish.”

“With juice and all the trimmings?”

“Of course Tabby, that was part of my training programme, remember.”

“Of course. My observance of the sun tells me that in half an hour human time, my sleeping place will no longer be in the shade, but in the full sun. You know what that means Mrs. Human?”

“Of course Tabby, it means that your tuna fish should be ready in half an hour.”

“Exactly, you get 10 points,”

“What shall I do with 10 points?”

“Tell the other humans, Mrs. Human. They will definitely be proud of you.”

Feline RDP #20: Feline Check

RDP #19: Shaken Feline

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Tabby

I was shaken when I heard that I should no longer catch a bird
Mrs. Human told me no, my feelings were quite low
Vitamin pellets do not fly, which makes me want to cry
My reason for living is taken, I am feeling very shaken
I have just only one wish, a plate of tuna fish
But it seems to be getting quite rare, so Bastet hear my prayer
Let it rain tuna and its juice, I am sure it will be of use
I need a boost in my mood, and my reason to live is food
I hear a clap of thunder, the fish is falling under
Oh no, it was only a dream, six hours sleep makes me scream
But I hear the sound of a tin, I think my life has a win
Yes my human fills my dish, with some wonderful tuna fish.

RDP #19: Shaken Feline

Feline RDP #18: Feline Stellar

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Tabby

Sometimes these daily prompts can get so tiresome. I have a feeling that I am repeating myself constantly, but what can I do. Life revolves around I, me and myself. I just have to keep reminding everyone how important I am. I am still eating my food from a normal bowl, bought in the store, instead of the Versace designed dish suitable for my life standards.  And I am fed with plain, average, pellets. They are apparently healthy, because of the vitamins they have, but – vitamins do not breathe, it is dead material. Give me a bird or a mouse anytime, even tuna fish once lived. The only real living thing I see is a fly that might arrive on my paw and that is kitten food. Not for royalty like myself.

Felines were intended to lead the human race and to be respected. Something went wrong somewhere when the humans came down from the trees and got their opposable thumbs, which we felines did not get. We felines were sure we were perfect, we still are, but when the tin opener was invented (by a human), things began to go downwards. We had no chance. And then the computer arrived. I still have my pawpad, but paws are not as good as fingers. Admittedly we have claws, but typing in credit card numbers is difficult and there are so many things I would like to order. One day I will return and claim what is rightfully mine. In the meanwhile I will sleep it over “Mrs. Human fill my water trough, I am dying of hunger and my recycling tray needs to be emptied. In between give me a tummy tickle” Have to remind her now and again who is the boss here.

Feline RDP #18: Feline Stellar

Feline RDP#17: Feline Antediluvian

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Tabby

“Tabby you have been sitting on the lawn for at least an hour.”

“Shh, I am waiting.”

“What are you waiting for.”

“I am waiting for the big ship. Look up into the sky, it is black and it will soon rain. You as a human should know what will happen.”

“Yes Tabby, it means that I will not have to give my garden any water, because it will rain.”

“That is why I am waiting. I do not like rain, and I will be the first on board.”

“On board what?”

“On the big boat, the ark. I just hope that the guy with the long beard does not choose the feline next door as my partner.”

“But Tabby, that happened thousands of years ago, if at all. Today we have things like dams to stop the oceans from rising and covering the earth with water.”

“You never know Mrs. Human and I cannot swim, but neither can the feline next door, which is his bad luck. I hope I don’t have to share a cabin with dogs. Perhaps they will put me together with the tigers, or even better with some birds.”

“Yes Tabby, you might be lucky and be able to share with a vulture and an eagle.”

“I mean the edible kind of bird and not winged monsters.”

“It has now began to rain Tabby and the ship has not yet arrived.”

“In that case I will wait indoors. Tell the guy that I have decided to stay at home, his boat is unreliable. And I heard there will be no fish on board.”

“Of coarse not Tabby, they swim in the sea and do not need a boat.”

Feline RDP#17: Feline Antediluvian