Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Broadcast

Tabby

Good Day felines. This is Radio Meow broadcasting from whisker channel 44 moderated by your one and only Tabby.

And now for the weather.
Stay at home today, the water will be falling from the sky and you will get wet paws and perhaps drag mud into your homes. There will be water lying on the ground, but our experts have discovered that this is an advantage to your water absorbing systems, so it maybe slurped from the puddles it leaves.

There has been a report of birds searching for food on the ground due to the shortage of insects. This is your chance felines. Hide behind a tree or just wait patiently, they will soon come out of their perches and the days of good food will arrive for all. There has been a report that crows are also waiting for the opportunity to pounce, so felines beware and avoid this species. Our food advisors tell us they are too tough to chew in any case.

We must unfortunately report on a fight which occurred on the rooftop yesterday. It seems Tiddles took possession of the highest and best lookout for a moon observation. Butch had already had his eyes on this posiion and there was a disagreement. However the human breed was disturbed by the howls and hisses and arrived with a pail of cold water, drenching both cats. They both survived and there are rumours that they will meet tomorrow afternoon for a final countdown to see whose claim on the rooftop will be achieved.  For those wishing to attend the occasion, there are still places available on the surrounding rooftops. You may place your bets by a paw in at our radio station. Only vitamin pellets are accepted.

The National feline choir will be meeting for a practice tomorrow evening. There are still vacant positions for baritone voices. It seems we have far too many high meowers at the moment.

And now for some light entertainment to end todays report. I am sure it will be enjoyed by all. Perhaps your humans may not be so interested.

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Broadcast

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Jewels

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I seem to be missing something.”

“What could that be Tabby, you have everything you need.”

“Needing is not the same, I mean something that would make the other felines look at me with envy. I need a new collar.”

“But the collar you have is perfect for your needs.”

“It has nothing to o with a need. It is just a plain leather band, nothing special. I saw in Internet you can buy collars with nice designs, even with jewellery.”

“Tabby what do you need jewellery for. You can only look at it.”

“But so  can the other felines and I will be something special.”

“You are something special Tabby. I know no other feline as modest and wise as you are.”

“That is very true of course.”

“And do not forget, you cannot eat jewellery.”

“Another good point, but jewellery would give you an idea to buy me something for Catmas.”

*You have everything Tabby.”

“And a collar with diamond studs?”

“It would be far too heayy for your delicate neck. ”

“That is true Mrs. Human. I must admit you have a very good point. OK, then just make it fur lined for a softer touch on my neck”

“You don’t give up do you Tabby.”

“Of course not, I have only just begun to compose my Catmas wish list. I have even though of you Mrs. Human.”

“Oh that is really something different, you think of others?”

“Of course. To save you the exhaustion of shopping for my tuna fish, I borrowed your credit card and have now made a subscription for a years supply of tuna fish to be delivered.”

“Yes Tabby, I must say, very considerate.”

“You even get a special gift to go with it.”

“What is that?”

“A nice necklace with a pendant engraved with “The best feline.”

“But I am not a feline.”

“No, that is for me to wear.”

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Jewels

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Mug

Tabby

“Mrs. Human I have told you time and time again. I do not like it when you take mug shots of me without my express permission. There are moments when my true beauty does not show and when I am relaxing and refurbishing my good looks I do not need a camera in front of my face. It destroys my chances for cat of the year.”

“But Tabby you look so sweet when you are yawning and showing all your ferocity.”

“I am not ferocious, I am a sweet feline that is always in a good mood, except when I do not give my express permission for photos. And now leave me to sleep further, without any interruptions.”

“I was just about to prepare your evening meal.”

“In that case I will rethink my further relaxation. What am I getting.”

“It is Sunday and I thought some tuna fish would be suitable.”

“What are you garnishing it with?”

“Tabby you do not need a garnish, you do not eat it.”

“Some chopped chives would perhaps be suitable. I also eat with my eyes Mrs. Human and just a plate of fish shows no feeling and does not encourage me.”

“I never noticed that you need encouragement to eat tuna fish Tabby.”

“That is not the point Mrs. Human, but a little dignity when serving my food would be appropriate and no, do not take a photo. My life is becoming far too public here. Everyone sees what I am doing daily.”

“You mean I should not put your photos on Facepaw after I take them.”

“Definitely not, they will all be laughing at me. Imagine the kittens having no respect for me. I am their guiding paw in the world. You have already destroyed my image with this yawning photo today. And now leave me to eat my tuna fish in peace and quiet.”

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Mug

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Zip

Tabby

Zip? I am still looking for it. You know how hot it gets in this fur coat in Summer. I almost melt. We have a faulty design on our bodies. We cats need to breathe in summer and they forgot to insert the zip. It is most annoying, but one day I will find it and then you will see me in my complete form. In the meanwhile keep searching. Our cousins, the sphynx cats have no problem. They never got their fur coat, although I think they would like one in the Winter.

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Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Zip

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Snooze

Tabby sleeping

Snooze? Of course. The best way to pass time. It’s a way of one of the cat’s nine lives, if you still have nine. I lost a few on the way unfortunately, that is why I am still snoozing. I must conserve my energy for greater deeds, like preparing for a snooze. There is nothing better and I never ever have sleepless nights or days. Insomnia does not exist in meow.

Of course, I am not completely on the other side, you never know if there is danger lurking in the background, although I organised Mrs. Human to make sure that I am not disturbed. She also snoozes now and again and so I join her. Snoozing together is much more fun.

As the famous feline Purrs William Blakecat said “Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. and sleep in between”. We all know that a wakeful moment is a wasted moment. So cats and kittens remember: snooze when you can, it is the essence of life and do not forget to have a good lick before and afterwards to refresh yourself for the next snooze. Food? of course but only when you are not snoozing.

These are the wise words of a feline that has experience.

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Snooze

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Orchestrate

Tabby

Now let’s see. I think if I press that button on the right of my paw it makes it faster. Shall I go for the black keys or the white ones? The problem with the white keys is that my paw is to big and it presses two keys at one, although that is quite melodic. Mrs. Human finds that a melody is something different and there should be another key in between, but human ears are not so finely tuned as those of a feline.

I think I will stay with the black ones. Oh, look here is a key saying organ. Now that is a good one, nice and loud with an echo. Why are there no meow keys. I suppose we have another case of human production- They never take our feline taste into consideration. So now for a nice tuneful relaxation.

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Orchestrate

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Birthday

Tabby

“Mrs. Human in a month it will be Catmas.”

“I know Tabby”

“Then you won’t forget.”

“I thought that was a feline thing and had nothing to do with humans.”

“But I am making my list already.”

“List?”

“Yes the things I need, my presents.”

“You have everything you need Tabby.”

“I was thinking something special, like a mink fur lined sleeping cushion, or an elevated cat bowl.”

“An elevated cat bowl?”

“Yes I saw them in Pawnet. It means I would not have to bend my heat for eating.”

“Wait until your birthday Tabby.”

“But that is in April, far too long to wait. Ok, just order my a Versace cat bowl and a Swarovski Cat Flap, that will do for the meanwhile.”

“And what are you going to give me for Christmas Tabby.”

“Sorry Mrs. Human, but we felines do not celebrate Christmas. I could perhaps give you a stuffed mouse for Catmas, Just do not eat the tail, they are not so appetising.”

“I promise I will  not eat the tail or even the head.”

“Ok, no good throwing it away, I will take the head.”

“In the meanwhile you can move out of the toilet.”

Definitely not, far too warm and comfortable.”

“But I want to use it.”

“My litter box is at your disposal Mrs. Human. Oh, she has gone away, I think she was annoyed.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Birthday