This is MY Land

“What was that for a noise, sounded like a heard of horses was charging into the home.”

“It was me coming through the cat flap Mrs. Human,” meowed my chief cat Nera. “I got annoyed with the ginger tom cat next door. We had a small disagreement, but I am sure he has now got the point.”

“The point of what, Nera? There was enough noise when you crashed through the cat flap.”

“It is very logical Mrs. Human. If you examine the land surrounding the cat flap as far as you can see, then who does it belong to?”

“Nera, part of it is my garden, and the rest is for all to use that live here: green meadows and fields. I am not aware that it actually belongs to anyone.”

“Typical human.”

“What rubbish is she talking?” and Tabby cat arrived. “Everything a cat’s eye sees outside is ours.”

“Thank you Tabby, exactly. Mrs. Human it is our fief.”

“Your what?”

“Fief, Mrs Human. We cats, myself, Tabby and our adopted brother Fluffy live here. You pay the money and we make sure it is mouse and rat free, as well as keeping it nicely perfumed with our scent. We are also prepared to defend it against any invaders. We just had an invader so I showed him he was not welcome; he is still licking his wounds and snarling through his teeth.”

“This all sounds a bit mediaeval to me.”

“It might to a human, but to a highly sensitive and intelligent race as we felines, it is one of the principals of our beliefs. After all it is the ginger tom next door that digs holes in your garden for his waste disposal.”

“Just a minute Nera, you don’t have to make him a scapegoat for everything. I definitely saw you marking your territory yesterday evening next to the rose bush. I am not colour blind and can tell the difference between a ginger cat and a long haired black cat. Nera you were burying your organic refuse, not the ginger tom. You don’t have to blame him to justify your misdeeds.”

“Mrs. Human, there is a difference in marking territory and using it as a waste disposal unit.”

“Nera, Mrs. Human is just, well, human. You cannot expect too much from her. Through our careful planning we have made our home comparable to a fortress. No wandering strange tom, or she cat for that matter, can cross our marked boundaries without a fight. We are always ready to protect what we have built up over the many years we have been here.” And Tabby stamped her paw on the ground.

“Cats, you must be joking. This place belongs to me and Mr. Human and we decide who comes and goes.”

“And who guards it through the night. You and Mr. Human just disappear. I have never noticed you searching for mice in the evening when they come out, or chasing rebel cats away from our revere.”

“Yes, Nera” added Tabby “Strange animals humans; they sleep during the night when they should be on guard, and during the day they are awake when nothing happens” Nera nodded in approval of Tabby’s statement and cleaned her whiskers.

“So, stop that whisker cleaning and paw stamping. Up to now I have said nothing, but now I am slowly losing my sense of humour.”

Nera glared at me with her yellow eyes. “This is serious Mrs. Human, we are not joking. We don’t even have the word for humour in our cat language, or have you ever seen a cat laughing? What we do is serious. If it wasn’t for me and my sister Tabby, you would be overrun by other strange cats, all marking their territory in your garden. Think of the smell, just disgusting. Not to mention having mice in your garden cupboard, eating their breakfast, dinner and tea.”

“To be quite honest Nera and Tabby, you do not always smell like a rose either.”

“We are not here to be insulted Mrs. Human. If that is the idea of a human sense of humour, then forget it. Come on Tabby, let’s go to bed, it is daylight outside and we will revise the situation this evening.”

“Yes, Nera, you are right. Unthankful animals, those humans; just do not appreciate all the work we invest in keeping our home protected from smelly, ginger tom cats.”

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