A Rude Awakening

Nera

“Nera cat where do you think you are bouncing to at full speed.“

“Mrs. Human, didn’t you hear, the postman rang the door bell” answered Nera my big fluffy long haired black cat.

“Since when do you get excited when the postman calls?”

“I have my reasons Mrs. Human. So answer the door, he rang again. You know he only rings twice.”

I think my cat Nera is watching too many films on the television lately.

“Was that the postman” and Tabby her litter sister arrived on the scene.

“Of course it was Tabby” was Nera’s answer.

“Tabby, Nera, I think I heard the postman” and that was Fluffy the youngest of the three cats.

“So cats, I think you had better tell me what is so important about the postman when he calls.”

“Mrs. Human go and see what he has, and then you will see how important it is” and Nera was waving her tail back and forth with excitement.

I opened the door and the postman was there with a parcel.

“Good morning Mrs. Human, I have a registered parcel for you. Please sign for it.” and he was holding his special computer mini-screen for a signature, so I obliged.”

“There is something to pay” Mrs. Human.”

“Something to pay Mr. Postman, I don’t remember that I ordered anything.”

“Your address is on the parcel, but the names are Nera, Tabby and Fluffy Cat, with a c/o Mrs. Human.”

“How much?” I asked

“It will be fifty Swiss Francs plus … let me see…. oh yes, twenty Swiss Francs for the registration. seventy Swiss Francs total.”

Not wanting to call my three cats and have a conversation with them in front of the Postman, some people reacting rather strange when I talk meow with the cats, I swallowed the bitter pill and paid. The postman left and I closed the door.

“NERA, TABBY, FLUFFY come here at once.”

“Mrs. Human, don’t shout so loud, you know we cats have sensitive ears” and all three were standing in front of me, this time three cats’ tails were wagging together.

“Can you tell me what I have paid seventy Swiss Francs for in this parcel?”

“Mrs. Human” said Fluffy “I think there must be a mistake. Nera said it only costs fifty Swiss Francs.”

“That’s true Mrs. Human” Tabby added “she told us it was reasonable for the price when she found it on the computer internet thing.”

I was gradually starting to get loud again. “Nera, this all seems to be your idea, please explain.”

“Well it’s like this Mrs. Human. I was sort of sleeking around on the computer and found this site where they had a special offer. Three diamond studied collars for fifty Swiss Francs. Now calm down Mrs. Human, they are not real diamonds unfortunately, just imitation, but I am sure that Bobinette and Roschti, our rival cats in the neighbourhood, will not notice the difference. They don’t have such a refined taste as I do.”

I was flabbergasted. “Nera are you telling me you placed an order on the computer and I have paid seventy Swiss Francs for three imitation diamond studded collars for you three cats.”

“It said fifty Swiss Francs on the computer, Mrs. Human, looks like the postman has cheated you.”

“Cats, there is no cheat. The extra twenty francs is for the postage.”

All three cats were now watching me and answered “Postage is a human thing, and that does not interest us.”

Suddenly the cats did a jump together and had the parcel on the floor. There was a tearing and pulling with twelve paws and the parcel was unpacked. On the floor were three collars, each one with sparkling imitation diamonds on it.

“Oh, they are lovely arn’t they Tabby.”

“Definitely Nera. Come on Fluffy, Mrs. Human can put them on us and remove the old worn out cheap plastic one with the stupid fishbone design on it.”

“I am not sure that I will do anything of the kind cats” was my answer. “I have paid human money for your fancy collars.”

“No problem, Mrs. Human. You can save the money by not taking us to the vets this year for our jabs” said Nera.

“You see Mrs. Human how intelligent Nera is” joined in Tabby and Fluffy. “We are even saving you money, the jab visit costs a lot more.”

“You know what cats, after this rude awakening, I have made a decision. Your tuna fish ration will be cancelled until it is paid for.”

A joint HISSSS was the answer and some yellow-green glares from three pairs of eyes.

They walked off muttering to each other about what a rude awakening is and whether that costs even more money.

I now have three cats parading around the garden, in their territories, wearing three collars that sparkle in the sunshine, being followed by the jealous eyes of the neighbours’ cats Bobinette and Roschti.

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