A Fishy Tale

I was at last finished with my shopping. It was a long list of food to be bought in the supermarket as well as a visit to the pet shop where a ten kilo bag of cat vitamin pellet food was necessary for my cat family. Nera, Tabby and Fluffy’s food dishes had to be constantly full. You never know when a cat is hungry.

At last I arrived home, put the key in the door and struggled with the shopping bags.

“Hello cats I am home” I called, being prolific in meow language.

No cat came to greet me to examine what I had bought. The only noise I heard was a splashing sound coming from the living room.

“Strange” I thought “Cats, where are you?” I called but still no answer. I followed the noise to the living room and opened the door. What a sight! In the middle of the room was an aquarium; king-sized and swimming in the tank were three large fish, very large. I was greeted with a splash of water on my face as one of the fish dived to the bottom of the tank, waving its tail on its way and causing a spray of water to disperse over the living room carpet and furniture. If that was not enough of a shock, I saw my three cats each one sitting next to the tank and watching the fish with alert eyes, with the exception of Nera. She was the largest cat and was standing on her hind legs peering into the water, trying to reach one of the fish with her paw.

“Cats, what are you doing. Where does that aquarium come from and what are the fish doing in the tank. Nera, come here at once.”

Tabby and Fluffy ignored me, their gaze fixed on the movements of the three fish. Nera’s back legs were probably feeling tired, after standing on them so long and she walked over to me.

“Mrs. Human” she said “first of all you will not get an answer by just calling “Cats”. We are felines, cat sounds so common. And it is obvious what we are doing. We are studying fish life, an important part of our training.”

“No, Nera, I am not swallowing that one. Fish do not belong in my living room, they belong in a river.”

“Wrong Mrs. Human, these three wonderful juicy specimens are salt water fish and belong in an ocean, but Hong’s Fish Emporium was selling them on the Internet complete with tank, so we decided it would be much better to have our own tuna fish fresh from the sea, instead of having a slight metallic taste from a tin. We have even saved you work, Mrs. Human. You don’t have to open the tin any more. The instruction leaflet delivered with the tank said a slight knock on the head with a hammer will do the job if it takes too long for them to die from suffocation when you take them out of the water.”

“Who is Hong” I asked, lost for anything more intelligent to ask.

“Oh me and my two feline colleagues here bookmarked Hong’s web site. It is so interesting. Hong supplies fresh fish for restaurants. We decided to order three,  one for each of us. Hong doesn’t ask questions, he just delivers.”

“Just a moment. Hong definitely does not deliver free of charge.” I was losing my patience.

“No problem Mrs. Human. We paid with your credit card. It was sort of peeping out of your purse in you handbag.”

“You paid with my credit card!!!!”

“Not really Mrs. Human, It was Fluffy. He has the smallest paws and can type better on the computer than me and Tabby.”

“I don’t care who did the payment operation Nera, but that smelly tank of fish is disappearing from my living room. I do not intend to kill fish and serve them to three cats.”

“You don’t have to Mrs. Human” spoke up Tabby. “We will do the killing, you just have to take them out of the tank and put them on the floor. We don’t even need a hammer. A firm bite with our teeth will do the job just as well. Hong even sent a small fishing net in the parcel.”

“Yes Mrs. Human. It was only thirty francs extra. Marked down from fifty, it was a bargain” said Fluffy.

That evening three very disappointed cats had a meal of their usual vitamin pellets, washed down with a few laps of water. They looked through the window with sad feline faces as the van from Sea world appeared to pick up three live tuna fish. I was sure the three fish would be much happier swimming in the aquarium of the local zoo as finishing their fishy lives in the digestive system of three cats.

A day later I overheard my three cats as they were having a conversation.

“You know what” said Nera to Tabby “I just don’t understand humans. We did all the work, ordering the fish and even doing the financial bit on the computer. All Mrs. Human had to do was to serve the fish after removing the bones. As far as I am concerned she didn’t even have to cook it.”

“You are right Nera” answered Tabby. “Instead she spent all morning cleaning her beloved living room, our scent is completely gone, and moaning about how inconsiderate and selfish cats are.”

“Not only that Tabby” said Fluffy “she even said that it will be a long while until she serves us tuna fish again. Nera, what are you doing on that computer thing?”

“I just found a web site, called Ivan’s Russian delicacies.  You can order caviar. It is quite reasonable. Something called Beluga and fresh from Russia. Fluffy, go and see if Mrs. Human’s handbag is open.”

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