“Err felines, have I missed something, are you getting short sighted, you need glasses. Is it now “in” to wear a tie for felines.”
“Mrs. Human” said Nera, my big black long furred chief feline “it is fairly obvious. Have you read the subject for today’s Daily Prompt? It says “Mentor Me”. It seems that at last I and Tabby have been recognised for our values. We thought we would help you on this one, in case ideas are scarce, so Tabby and I decided to write for you. We decided to dress for the job, no self-respecting feline would just wear fur for such an important task. For Fluffy our apprentice feline, it is an advantage to see how the human training programme is done correctly. Who knows, Mrs. Human, one day when Tabby and I depart for the eternal corn chambers, Fluffy will have to take over.”
“Oh Nera, I am sure Mr. Human and I will manage somehow, although I regret that you one day will no longer be supervising and looking after our well-being. It almost makes me feel sad.”
“No worry Mrs. Human” answered Tabby “we felines are well cared for in the eternal corn chambers. Bastet does not mess around with up and down, she just opens the door and we are in.”
Sometimes I think cats are a little bit ahead of humans. So now to the training programme.
“Actually you have learned quite well Mrs. Human” Nera continued. “It seems that you now emptying our cat tray in the morning and evening, which we hinted at.”
“You hinted at this?”
“Of course” it was Tabby’s turn. “We cats are clean basically. We just had to leave a few recycling samples around to show that it was time for an emptying process, and you followed our thoughts.”
Both cats nodded in approval and Fluffy clapped his paws.
“You mean that the mess and smell on the floor was done on purpose.”
“Of course Mrs. Human” said Nera “otherwise you would not have done the job properly. A clean tray morning and evening is just perfect. We decided to give you nine points for that.”
“And what are the highest points achievable?”
“Ten of course Mrs. Human.”
“So why did I not get ten points if it was so perfect?”
This time Fluffy spoke up. “Nera and Tabby told me that nothing is perfect. If we say perfect, you just give up and don’t try any more.”
This conversation was becoming more like Quality Management I thought, but I did not tell the felines. If I used the name Quality Management they would soon be on the computer and then my fate would be sealed.
“Now we come to the catering Mrs. Human” Nera continued. “Here we have to give only seven points, you have a lot to learn.”
“Tuna is only served twice a week, and sometimes once. We also noticed that our bag of vitamin pellets is almost empty. Do you have a reserve?
”Tuna fish is not healthy if you eat more than twice a week and I have noticed that you often do not deserve more than once a week. You leave hairs on the chairs and carpet and you sometimes eat a poor unsuspecting little mouse. That is why the tuna ration might be reduced. As far as the bag of food is concerned, I ordered a new bag today, which will arrive by post on Tuesday.”
“I have never seen a feline that has been fed too much tuna Mrs. Human. You have only ordered today a new bag, which will be delivered in two days? Tabby, reduce the points to five instead of seven.”
“I do not understand that Nera. The food will arrive.”
“How can you be so sure. Humans are not always reliable. What happens when the postal system makes a mistake, they might even refuse to work (which is something felines never do). The wrong food might be sent, perhaps for stupid canines instead of intelligent felines. We might eat more tomorrow, according to our digestive needs. What shall we do when there is no food in reserve. All well-trained humans order two bags of food, making sure that one is in reserve. Pay attention to this Fluffy, this is very important.”
“Yes Nera, have noted it in my pawpad. Humans must be trained for unforeseen cicumstances.”
“And now we come to the finale of this report Mrs. Human. I must say you have a lot to learn.
What is the greatest lesson you have learnt from us?
“So felines, what is the greatest lesson I have learned from you.”
“No, Mrs. Human, you must submit this answer. After all it is your daily prompt, not ours.”
“I am a bit overwhelmed Nera and Tabby, with two such super intelligent felines. Give me a little help of what I have learned from you.”
All three felines then put their heads together and a murmer of meows could be heard. It was then that Nera raised her head, pushed her tinted glasses up to the top of her nose and looked at me.
“It is obvious. Humans are to repect the needs of a feline at all times. Their food and housing should be spotless and comfortable and they should be at our service twenty-four hours a day.”
“I have just one question Mrs. Human” and Fluffy was waving her paw in the air for attention.
I thought what could possibly go wrong. Fluffy is such an obedient feline.
“Yes Fluffy, just ask” and I gave a human glare in the direction of Tabby and Nera.
“Mrs. Human, what is Quality Management?”.
Before I could tell him to forget it, Nera pawed her way to the computer and started to type the words “Quality Management” into Google.