Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tagline

Often, our blogs have taglines. But what if felines did, too? What would your tagline be?

Easter bunnies

“Rabbit, definitely, that’s the thing I like about Easter, it is all rabbit and chicken.”

“Meaning what Fluffy?”

“It’s obvious Tabby. None of those boring vitamin filled pellets, but something we can really get our teeth into it.”

“I don’t think so Fluffy. I don’t want to disappoint you, but the only bunny rabbits Mrs. Human will get are the ones made out of that chocolate stuff and as far as chickens are concerned, forget it. I think she is planning a Chinese Chicken dish at some time and that will be accompanied with strange spices and vegetables.”

“Oh, and what about us?”

“Unless you like to eat eggs for breakfast, I do not think we will be sharing in this Easter feast.”

“Eggs? What do you do with eggs.?”

“I remember in my kitten days I would paw them around on the floor if I got one, but that was replaced with a human feline toy known as “ball” and I would roll it around on the floor.”

“I remember Tabby, I had one too and it had a distinct strong flavour of catnip. Oh, they were the days, not only something to play with but we got high on it as well. So what’s left for us on this Easter thing. I don’t remember Bastet mentioning it in her book.”

“Of course she didn’t, she had other things to do, although many of us celebrated our removal to the world of Bastet as a side dish in the pyramids. They are the chosen few that sit on the council with Bastet.”

“Something like Nera?”

“Not exactly, she is helping to organise it all.”

“Hi felines, how are you keeping.”

“Hi Nera, paying us a visit.”

“Yes just for a few moments. Bastet said I could do a sort of re-incarnation, after all it is Easter.”

“I didn’t think we did Easter.”

“We don’t, but Bastet found it a good opportunity for a re-appearance. Look I brought you something. We had an excess of mice in the corn chambers.”

“Oh thanks Nera that is great. At least we have something special for Easter, I love corn chamber mice, they have more fat on them.”

“OK, bye felines, have a nice Easter. I have to go. I can hear Mrs. Human and we don’t want her to faint again when she sees me. She seems to have an allergy towards semi transparent black cats.”

“Bye Nera, see you again sometime.”

“Did I see the glimpse of a black feline, a sort of Nera lookalike, although transparent.”

“No Mrs. Human, must have been your imagination.”

“Tabby, she fainted.”

“No problem, Fluffy, just a human reality problem.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tagline

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Show must go on

If you were involved in a movie, would you rather be the director, the producer, or the lead performer? (Note: you can’t be the writer!).

At the vets

“What is that Fluffy.”

“It’s the poster I designed for our new film.”

“We are now in the film business?”

“Yes Tabby, Our daily feline prompt requests being involved in a movie. We can be director or producer or the star. I decided to do the directing and producing and you are the star.”

“And what is this film called.”

“I thought I would do a horror movie “The Demon Vet Strikes Again”.

“What’s in it for me?”

“That is according to the success of the film, but the famous scriptwriter Feline Tarantino said he would help with the screenplay. It all begins when a brave feline is taken to the vets.”

“That happens every year Fluffy, do I now get paid for it?”

“Wait a minute. The screen play says that the vet is infected with the dreaded anti worm pill virus and gives it to all the felines that visit his surgery.”

“You mean pure, without crushing and mixing it in yogurt.”

“Yes, that is the pure horror of this film. He then takes a jabbing tool and inserts medicine into the tender part of the feline. she shrieks with a horrific meow and jumps from the table.”

“What happens then Fluffy?”

“That depends on you. You now have to develop your method acting talents, something like Marlon Gatto in “On the Water Rooftiles” film.”

“What’s method acting.”

“In the dramatic meow arts, method acting is a group of back paw techniques applied to create in themselves the thoughts and feelings of their characters, so as to develop lifelike performances.”

“Ah, I get it, if it itches, then scratch it, but not just a normal raise the leg move, do it with feeling. Raise the leg artistically, with feline, meow, hair splitting vibrance in the feline vocal chords and do it all in slow motion, with feeling. No problem Fluffy, can I cough up a hair ball as well.”

“No, I don’t think so Tabby, that does not go down to well with the audience.”

“I thought I would bring some reality into my actions.”

“You can do that in the last scene.”

“I kill the demon vet?”

“No, Tabby, he kills you with a poisoned syringe.”

“I don’t want to die.”

“You don’t, it is all in the film and you will leave an undying memory in the film world.”

“I will have to think about it. What’s the pay?”

“Three mice, two tins of tuna fish, already opened and a bowl of Red Cat.”

“Ok, I will sign.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Show must go on

Daily Feline Prompt: A Feline Twist of Size

Tell us a story — fiction or non-fiction — with a twist we can’t see coming.

Fluffy and Tabby

“There is something wrong here.”

“Seems to me everything is normal Tabby.”

“No, it definitely isn’t. On the photo you are bigger than me.”

“Perhaps it was the plant I ate yesterday.”

“You mean it made you grow?”

“The ginger tom across the road gave it to me, said that it was full of feline vitamins which would make my whiskers grow.”

“And you believed him. Selkirk Rex felines do not have whiskers. They break after they poke through, every feline knows that.”

“But he said there was a special ingredient in the plant that only worked on Selkirk Rex felines, known as Selkirk joint.”

“Never heard of it Fluffy and your whiskers are still the same length.”

“But you said I had grown and am bigger than you on the photo.”

“You are, does he have any more of that joint stuff?”

“You can ask him, but he wants 500 grammes of catnip or a tin of tuna fish for it. I had to raid our supply of catnip, but it was worth it. I am now the biggest Selkirk Rex in the neighbourhood according to your description.”

“Fluffy, you are the only Selkirk Rex in the neighbourhood, so you have always been the biggest. And you mean there is no catnip left for me?”

“I am sure it will grow again Tabby.”

“Then stop rolling in it, otherwise it will not grow again.”

“Hello felines, how are we today, any problems or needs.”

“Morning Mrs. Human, silly question, we always have needs.”

“So Fluffy come down from the table, I want to take a photo of you with Tabby, but not on the table. The angle is wrong.”

“The angle is wrong?”

“Yes Tabby, it distorts the lens of my camera and Fluffy looks twice as large as usual. It is better I take a photo for one of your feline blogs where you sit in the garden relaxing paw in paw, then the proportions are normal.”

“Mrs. Human, we do not do paw in paw, I am me and Fluffy is well, a normal sized Selkirk Rex that has been swindled by a confidence trickster of a ginger tom and has Maine Coon illusions of size.”

Daily Feline Prompt: A Feline Twist of Size

Daily Feline Post: Food for the Feline Soul (Whiskers and Paws)

Tell us about your favourite meal, either to eat or to prepare. Does it just taste great, or does it have other associations?

Liver and broccoli

“Tabby what are you doing wearing that human apron?”

“It is time to prepare food for the feline soul Fluffy, and what could be better than fresh kill and I do not want every feline in the territory to smell the benefits of what I am cooking.”

“Did you kill that yourself Tabby?”

“No, of course not Fluffy, we cannot have my faithful blog disciples thinking I am some sort of a feline killer cat. I put it on Mrs. Human’s shopping list on her iPad and it worked.”

“You mean we can transfer our paw texts to the human iPad.”

“Of course, just a matter of knowing how. I found the instructions online from the feline text assistant pages, no problem.”

“Did Mrs. Human mind you putting stuff on her list.”

“We will never know Fluffy, I sneaked it out of her shopping bag before she noticed that she had a few items she did not really want.”

“There was more?”

“Of course, you cannot eat such luscious tender animal parts without spicing it up. I have some catnip, tarragon (just a few pinches) and something called catweazle powder.”

“What is that?”

“A new spice, I saw it on the feline channel on the Feline TV introduced by the master feline cook Tiddles Oliver. Apparently you take one portion of mouse whisker, finally pulverised in the mortar and add a pinch of ground tuna fish bones. Afterwards you mix it with paw essence. It is the best food spice since marking juice.”

“Sounds great, so what are you cooking?”

“I though devilled liver à la Mode de Tabby.”

“Is that a new version of Meow language you are using?”

“Yes, all the famous chat de cuisine apply it to the description of their dishes.”

“Looks great.”

“Fluffy, what are you doing? It is not yet ready to be eaten.”

“Oh, do you have to put something else in it.”

“No, but the accompanying water has only now been poured into the bowl, and we have to let it breathe for a few moments to be able to savour the complete aroma.”

“Tabby, I am not fussy, I drink water pure, straight from the puddle, tap or toilet. Tastes all the same to me.”

“That is because you are a Selkirk Rex Feline. You do not have it in your feline taste buds like a pure Tabby Feline.”

“And you do?”

“I do not have the mark of the MacDonalds “M” on my forehead for nothing. So now we can begin.”

Daily Feline Post: Food for the Feline Soul (Whiskers and Paws)

Daily Feline Prompt: I walk the Feline Line

Have you got a code you live by? What are the principles or set of values you actively apply in your life?

The Migros cat at langendorf

“What line Tabby?”

“Forget it Fluffy, we don’t walk lines, even the feline in the photo is walking between the lines at the local human supermarket.”

“Those humans have funny ideas for their blogging stuff. Everyone know that our code in life is I, me and myself.”

“Even Mrs. Human was moaning about this prompt. She said it is all fur ball stuff, regurgitated from last year at the beginning of the human month of April. She shook her head and wondered if there were idiots and golden oldies organising the prompts.”

“But Mrs. Human is a golden oldie.”

“That’s what she said Fluffy, but she found that even she in her grey haired moments would not dream of choking up such a load of rubbish.”

“So that is she doing to do Tabby?”

“She said something about going for a walk and hoping that this sick prompt will go away in the meanwhile.”

“And she leaves us to get on with it?”

“Not really Fluffy, do we ever do things that the others want?”

“No, definitely not. It would be an insult to Bastet and her teachings. I remember Capital 721, verse 44, where she says that all self respecting felines disobey anything human and as we do not recognise money, we have no values. Verse 45 goes on to say that we do not do “actively”, the word is banned from Meow. Active is something that means work, and “work” also does not appear in a respectable feline life.”

“Oh, Fluffy, you are so right. Let’s cough up a fur ball in memory of the good old days when we could digest the daily prompts and take them seriously. Cough! cough!”

“Tabby, that was not nice. Be careful where you deposit your fur balls, all over my paws.”

“Sorry Fluffy, but the production of a fur ball knows no limits and takes nothing into consideration.”

“What’s consideration Tabby? I cannot find that in my Meow dictionary.”

“It’s something humans talk about now and again.”

“I have a brilliant idea Tabby, let’s sleep it over.”

“Yes Fluffy, you are right. I will have to apply some of my Freudian Feline thoughts on this subject.”

“Tell me about it”

“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my many years of research into the feline soul, is “What does a feline fur ball want?””

“That’s good Tabby, something to ponder whilst we are asleep. Of course “Sometimes a fur ball is just a fur ball”.

“Oh the wise words of a philosophical feline, Fluffy you impress me.”

Daily Feline Prompt: I Walk the Feline Line

Daily Feline Prompt: But no Catnip

Meow us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?

Cat seen from window at work

“So there I was waiting in the middle of the field waiting for Bubu.”

“You mean the catnip dealer Tabby?”

“Yes, he promised me some samples from the new harvest. It was supposed to be a record harvest, one of the best up to now. Fresh from the garden and no feline had every sniffed it or rolled in it. Real virgin stuff.”

“What’s virgin Tabby?”

“Fluffy do not ask silly questions. Suffice it to be said that we are both errr like that.”

“Is it something good.?”

“According to how you look at it. Do you want screaming kittens waiting to be fed.”

“Not really Tabby, but that’s not my job.”

“I know, it would be mine, but – you know what, forget it.”

“Ok so what happened.”

“Bubu did not turn up. I had three dead mice ready as payment.”

“Where are the mice?”

“I still have them.”

“If Bubu won’t get them you could let me have one, before they start smelling.”

“They already smell, but sort of feline appetising smell. Here take this one.”

“Oh, thanks Tabby, so what happened.”

“Well after waiting in the middle of a field being exposed to all sorts of dangers I decided to go home. It was then that Roschti walked past smelling of catnip in all his whiskers and fur.”

“You mean he did a catnip raid on Bubu.”

“Looked like it, although it was a wonder he found the way home. He was as high as a bird, and meowing like a feline on a hot tin roof.”

“So what did you do.”

“What did I do. I waited until he fell into a catnip trance and pounced.”

“And”

“Come with me to the bottom of the garden, it’s dream time for us.”

“Great, well done Tabby, who wants tuna fish when we can have catnip.”

Daily Feline Prompt: But no Catnip

Daily Feline Prompt: Third does not exist in Meow

Head to “Blogs I Follow” in the Reader. Scroll down to the third post in the list. Take the third sentence in the post, and work it into your own.

Garfield? - the neighbour's cat

“We have a problem Fluffy.”

“No food left in the bowl?”

“No, food is not our only problem.”

“It’s my only problem. Tell Mrs. Human to fill it up.”

“There is food Fluffy, but the daily feline prompt is a problem.”

“Why? Is it your turn today or mine?”

“It says something about “Blogs I follow”. We do not follow blogs, We are felines not dogs and follow no-one. We do our own thing.”

“What else does it say?”

“We have to scroll down to the third post on the list and write about the third sentence.”

“But Tabby, we are only programmed for No. 1, second and third is unimportant.”

“I know, it must be a human thing. Let’s just do it our way, as usual. I noticed that the ginger tom from next door did not follow yesterday, but it was a completely human mistake.”

“Must have been Tabby, felines do not make mistakes, unless confused by a human. What happened?”

“It seems it was tuna fish day, although that is a mistake in itself. Felines are programmed to eat tuna fish daily, it is only the humans that have things like organisation. Anyhow Mr. Human was in charge as Mrs. Human was writing her human bloggy stuff. He decided to put the bowl of tuna outside in the garden.”

“He did what? But we always have our bowls of food inside.”

“I know, another human big idea. They think because the weather is warmer and the sun is shining we want to eat outside. We were not asked. Anyhow as usual we did not eat it all and left some for later, after our wash and sleep. In the meanwhile Roschti, the ginger tom, invaded our territory and saw the half full dish.”

“Oh no, I can imagine the rest. Did you fight bravely for our rights to finish the dish.”

“Sorry, I was sleeping, remember and so were you. I had my usual one eye half open in case something happened.”

“And you let him eat it all?”

“Do you really think I was going to risk my whiskers in a fight with a subordinate ginger tom for half a dish of tuna fish?”

“And that was why there was none left, just a dish of vitamin dried pellets?”

“That’s the way the tuna flakes, as we felines say.”

“Did Mr. Human at least defend our rightful possession.”

“Forget it. “Look Mrs. Human, Roschti is eating the remainder of the tuna fish, ha, ha, ha” he said. He actually thought it was funny.”

“Typical human. I think we should disown him for ignoring our rights.”

“So do I, but there is a problem.”

“If we do that we have to ignore his pathetic attempts to feed us further bowls of tuna fish. He would not be there to open the tin.”

“And Mrs. Human?”

“Mr. Human would probably tell her we are ungrateful felines and would join him. Sort of human assistance support organisation.”

“There is only one solution, we will go on strike and sleep all day.”

“Somehow I don’t think that will make an impression.”

“We could hire a killer to depose of Roschti.”

“Oh, great, but as far as I know, Roschti is the only killer we can hire in our area.”

“Let’s just sleep it over. What was that prompt, the third post and the third sentence. Let me see.”

“Won’t work, we don’t have the word “third” in meow.”

“Let’s sleep it over.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Third does not exist in Meow