Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Trick or Trick

Let’s imagine it’s Halloween, and you just ran out of tuna fish. If the neighborhood kittens (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?

Tabby

“Silly question, I am a feline and do not scare.”

“You mean if I have no tuna fish left because I forgot to put it on my shopping list, it would not scare you.”

“No, Mr. Human, you are the one to be scared if you have no tuna fish. Hisses”

“Ok Tabby keep your fur coat on, I have tuna fish. Somehow it is always replenished on my shopping list, even if I forget.”

“Of course, that is because I have inserted the “replenish tuna fish” trick onto your online shopping list.”

“Oh, I see, I did not know there was a programme for that.”

“There isn’t, I wrote it myself. And now bring out the tuna fish. No not those, they are from the fresh supply, those in the cellar, the ones with the best before date that has expired.”

“But your friends are coming to paw at the window for their treats, otherwise they will trick us.”

“They will trick us in any case, it is a feline way of life.”

“Look, Butch has already deposited a hairball on the patio.”

“He did what?”

“Tabby what are you doing.”

“I can make bigger and better hairballs than Butch.”

“No, Tabby, now Roschti is coming and depositing a hairball.”

“It’s halloween Mrs. Human, hairball fright night. Don’t worry, we exchange hairballs and bury them in the other feline’s territory. It’s one of the tricks we play. Afterwards we have a game to guess whose hairball it was and the feline that makes most hairballs wins.”

“What does he win.”

“Our respect of course.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Trick or Trick

Daily Feline Prompt: Imaginary Feline Friend

Many of us had imaginary friends as kittens. If your imaginary friend grew up alongside you, what would his/her/its life be like today? (Didn’t have one? write about a non-imaginary friend you haven’t seen since childhood.)

Roschti

“I so wish that the feline leaving my territory was just an imaginary feline.”

“But Tabby, that is Roschti, your long time companion. He has been here almost as long as you have lived here.”

“Exactly Mrs. Human, that word “almost” tells it all. I was here before Roschti. I even remember when Roschti left us because his human moved away and Roschti decided to try out the new territory. Roschti returned after a week and took over the house belonging to a neighbour of the human he owned first of all, bordering on my territory.”

“Yes Tabby, I remember. He just did not want to leave the place where he had been living for so long.”

“Rubbish Mrs. Human, he was after my territory and still is. Many are the hisses and meows that have been exchanged in the face of a territorial fight, but up to now I have managed to stand my ground.”

“And run through the cat flap. But he is taking a walk though your territory at the moment.”

“He is just passing through Mrs. Human on his way to his own place. He respects my rights.”

“You don’t think perhaps he just wants to go home to a dish of tuna perhaps.”

“Who knows, he is a slave to the tuna fish. You see how inferior he is.”

“Err Tabby, I thought I might serve tuna fish this evening.”

“Oh good.”

“Tabby where have you gone so fast? The dish is still empty, I havn’t filled it yet”

“Then hurry up, no self-respecting feline has to wait for his tuna fish.”

“But you were saying something about Roschti being a slave……”

“Not important, Mrs. Human. Do not compare me to Roschti, there are times when his ideas are just imaginary.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Imaginary Feline Friend

Daily Feline Prompt: Comedy of Feline Errors

Murphy’s Law says, “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” Write about a time everything did — fiction encouraged here, too!
Bonus assignment: do you keep a notebook next to your bed? Good. Tomorrow morning, jot down the first thought you have upon waking, whether or not it’s coherent.

Tabby

“Tabby it’s time to write your daily prompt.”

“What’s it about Mrs. Human.”

“A comedy of Errors, like when things go wrong and we can all laugh about it.”

“And you woke me up from my daily sleep for such a load of rubbish. First of all we felines do not have errors, we are perfect and there is absolutely no cause to laugh about it, being that the word “laugh” does not exist in meow.”

“But you must find something funny now and again, like when I threw the ball stuffed with cat nip in the air and you didn’t catch it.”

“That was because I had no intention of catching it in the first place. I saw you poised with the camera ready to take a photo to show everyone.”

“Well it would have made a good blog.”

“Forget it, since you discovered that you can take photos with your smartphone and upload them straight away to your photo hosing site, there is a new Tabby picture every day on this blog.”

“I thought you would like it.”

“You could at least tell me to pose and not just snap away. How would you like it if I started to take photos of you with my pawpad when you were not expecting it. “Mrs. Human as she awakes from her golden oldie midday sleep”, “Mrs. Human leaving the shower in the morning” “Mrs. Human counting her grey hairs in the mirror” and …..”

“Ok Tabby enough, I got the point. Put that pawpad down, I am now going to serve a dish of tuna fish.”

“OK, no photo, serving tuna fish is not interesting unless you garnish it with some catnip. But that photo of you leaving the shower this morning ……..

“Give me your pawpad.”

“Mrs. Human, what are you doing.”

“I deleted it.”

“Probably better, there might be some kittens watching.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Comedy of Feline Errors

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Fright Night

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

tabby

“Who me, I am not frightened of anything.”

“Of course not, Tabby, when I think how quick you hop through the cat flap if Butch or Roschti are following you..”

“Is that supposed to be a human joke Mrs. Human?”

“It is just the truth Tabby, but I know something you are frightened of.”

“Which is?”

“Fireworks of course, all animals are frightened of fireworks.”

“First of all, I am a feline, god, and not just an animal. As far as fireworks are concerned, we are not frightened, we have respect.”

“It doesn’t look like respect when you charge through the cat flap at 200 miles an hour and sprint to hide under the bed.”

“That is just a trial run to see how fast I can really move Mrs. Human, just a coincidence that fireworks are exploding at the same time, although I would say that letting off fireworks is one of the most stupid things humans can do, and they do a lot of stupid things.”

“I would admit Tabby, they cost a lot of money, you light them, they explode and within a couple of minutes it is finished.”

“When is the next firework night Mrs. Human?”

“That might be at the beginning of the new year.”

“Will the space under the bed be free.”

“There is always room for you Tabby.”

“No, I was thinking to invite Butch and Roschti for a pawpad session, they are also allergic to fireworks. We could be together paw-in-paw until they are finished.”

“No problem Tabby. What about 1st August?”

“What happens then, is it some sort of god birthday, like Bastet.?”

“Yes it is the birthday of Switzerland, our national day. We light fires on the mountain tops and send rockets as well as exploding fireworks.”

“August you say, I will have to think that over. Perhaps it might rain.”

“I thought you didn’t like rain.”

“It is a matter of choosing the lesser of the two evils.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Fright Night

Daily Feline Prompt: If you Leave

Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one life to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind? What will you choose?

Tabby leaving

“Where are you going Tabby?”

“Don’t ask, I am finished here, I am leaving.”

“But Tabby, did something happen. Did I insult you.”

“It is my own decision Mrs. Human, just let me go.”

“But where will you go?”

“I will find a place to settle Mrs. Human. There is always an opportunity for a Tabby feline to find its way in life.”

“It sounds very dramatic.”

“Well it’s not like I am leaving 8 lives behind. I am taking what I have with me, but there is one thing I am sure of.”

“What is that Tabby.”

“My attitude to tuna fish has changed a lot since owning humans, and so I will be back. First of all I will have to take the path of knowledge. My feline colleague Roschti told me that burying my recycling process is more rewarding in the neighbour’s territory and they have planted some catnip. What time did you say dinner will be served Mrs. Human? I don’t want to be late, Today is tuna fish day. I will bring some catnip with me as a dessert.”

Daily Feline Prompt: If you Leave

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline snark bombs away

Try your hand at parody or satire — take an article, film, blog post, or song you find misguided, and use humour to show us how. 

Tabby

“No way Mrs. Human, I am not doing this one.”

“But Tabby all your fans and followers will be disappointed.”

“If I don’t know what a snark bomb is then Butch, Roschti, Tiddles and Montgomery won’t know either.”

“Who’s Montgomery?”

“He is a new Pawbook friend. He always gives a paws up when I write something.”

“You could have smiled for the daily photo Tabby.”

“I did not feel like smiling when I saw this old prompt. Admittedly I did not do it the first time round, they were the days before I had my pawpad, but I am now glad I did not have my pawpad when it first appeared. I don’t even know what a snark is. Is it something like a Jabberwock?”

“Sort of, because it is not so serious.”

“But Jabberwocks are serious creatures. They often bury things in our garden.”

“Are you sure Tabby, I have never seen a Jabberwock in the garden.”

“Jabberwocks cannot be seen by humans, but sometimes heard, like those things that go bump in the night. Humans have all sorts of reasons, but never really know why.”

“i thought things that go bump in the night was you when you make your third or fourth attempt to go through the cat flap or return home.”

“Mrs. Human I succeed each time with my cat flap entrances and exits and by the way it says something about humour in this prompt.”

“And?”

“Humour does not exist in meow. Perhaps you could explain?”

“It is when something is funny ha ha and not funny strange.”

“Aah. You know what I will sleep it over. This is not a prompt, but an ordeal.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline snark bombs away

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Pride and Joy

What’s your most prized possession?

Tabby

“That’s an easy one Mrs. Human, you of course.”

“Me, Tabby, I am honoured.”

“Yes, of course, who else would clean my recycling tray and removed the unwanted matter of a daily digestive feline life.”

“Is that all?”

“Of course not, Mrs. Human. You feed me so that I am not forced to go on hunting expeditions even if it is vitamin pellets. In this connection I would suggest, no command, that little more imagination could be used with my food.”

“But vitamin filled pellets are healthy Tabby, that is why you have such a nice shiny coat of fur.”

“Did I ask for a shiny coat of fur? Natural food such as meat and fish might not make my coat shine, but I prefer the taste. Did you ever ask me what I like to eat?”

“The vet says that felines can exist perfectly on vitamin pellets. They contain all the goodness you need to be healthy.”

“Of course they said that. They want your money. According to the latest bulletin from the feline stock exchange, shares in vitamin pellets are reaching rock bottom. The Fow index has hit a new low in food supplies.”

“I didn’t realise that you were investing your whiskers in stocks and shares.”

“Not exactly, but I like to keep an eye on how things are progressing. The cost of feline food must remain stable, otherwise I will have to eat cheaper cuts of meat. Butch told me that the human he owns has started feeding him on cooked lung and other such inferior quality food.”

“My grandmother always fed her feline on cooked lung.”

“And where is the feline today.”

“Oh, that was many years ago, that feline departed to the Kingdom of Bastet.”

“You see, that was probably because of eating lung. To continue, to boost my profits I would advise only using freshly killed food. Just check the date on the tin or packet when you buy it. Best before is not always best before.”

“So what would you recommend?”

“I would get in a stock of tuna fish and catnip. I read that there might be a scarctiy and it is better to be on the safe side. It is predicted on Alley Street that their prices will be exploding. We will be rich Mrs. Human, at lest I will be rich.”

“So as my financial advisor, you would recommend avoiding vitamin pellets.”

“At all costs Mrs. Human, at all costs.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Pride and Joy

Daily Feline Prompt: Trick Feline Questions

A Feline Pulitzer-winning reporter is writing an in-depth piece — about you. What are the three questions you really hope she doesn’t ask you?

Tabby

“Nice to meet you Tabby and to have the pleasure of conducting this interview. My first question is how does it feel to be the owner of a human?

“No comment.”

“Then I will continue with my next question. Are you satisfied with your living quarters?”

“No comment.”

“Are there any questions I can ask where the answer will not be “no comment”.

“Of course there are. The first question should be “what is your fee for taking part in this interview?”, the second question would be “Would you like some tuna fish after we have completed this interview?” and the third question: how many lives do you have left?”

“But these are such material objects. We would like to show the psychological side of your existence.”

“Exactly, my remaining lives are all part of it. I lost one life when defending my territory against other felines.”

“What happened?”

“I lost a whisker as it got trapped in the cat flap when I escaped from my pursuer.”

“That must have been painful.”

“I bore it with bravery. My second life was lost when I choked up two hairballs.”

“But that is all part of a feline life.”

“I know, but one hairball at a time. Two were quite a hard job. And I lost another two lives upon two visits to the vet.”

“Now that is bravery in the face of the enemy. How did you manage to survive the pain and humiliation?”

“Oh, I took it all in my stride, we felines can be very brave when necessary.”

“Hello Tabby, are you finished with your interview?”

“Yes Mrs. Human, it will appear in the next Daily Feline Courier. Here is a rough draft of what will be printed.”

“But there is no mention of me and all I invest in supplying the perfect feline life.”

“That goes without saying Mrs. Human. I decided not to answer those questions, they might have embarrassed you.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Trick Feline Questions

Daily Feline Prompt: Out of your feline reach

Was there a toy or thing you always wanted as a kitten, during the holidays or on your birthday, but never received? Tell us about it.

Tabby

“Tabby where do you think you are going?”

“Nowhere Mrs. Human, although I am not really sure it is any of your business.”

“Of course it is, you could get lost, be attacked by a dog, even by another feline. Anything could happen.”

“Stay cool Mrs. Human, I am only having a look to see if the grass is really greener on the other side of the hedge and have come to the conclusion that it is boring, nothing is happening, so I will return.”

“You never know Tabby, all sort of things can happen. Just do not go wandering without telling me first.”

“Mrs. Human I am now a 13 year old feline. older than you are in human years, and do not need a protector. By the way what’s for dinner?”

“There is always a dish of nice fresh vitamin filled pellets ready for you to eat if you are hungry.”

“That was not my question. I mean a real dinner, something to tickle the taste buds.”

“I suppose I could open a tin of tuna fish.”

“Suppose does not exist in meow. If I had a paw friendly tin opener I could do it all myself. I believe Catmas is just around the corner, I will add it to my wish list.”

“You have a wish list?”

“Of course, but up to now only a diamond studded cat flap. As well as the tin opener for paws I think I would also like a new bed, lined with soft mouse fur.”

“Anything else?”

“Give me time Mrs. Human. Perhaps a new collar made of nappa leather. It would be so soft on my neck.”

“And while we are talking of catmas presents, I could perhaps tell you what I would like.”

“You can tell me Mrs. Human, but just order it with your credit card online. Then you will not be disappointed.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Out of your feline reach

Daily Feline Prompt: Seven Meows

Whiskers Gibran once meowed that felines will never understand one another unless language is reduced to seven meows. What would your seven meows be?

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, it is cold outside, open the window and let me in.”

“But you can walk to the other garden where your cat flap is.”

“I know, I am not stupid, but that is inconvenient and would take too long. I am now sitting here, so open the window. About time too, I have to write my daily prompt.”

“Perhaps you could write about saying “please” and “thankyou” when I open the window.”

“That is not one of the words necessary to understand each other. Whiskers Gibran meowed that seven meows would be sufficient to solve the problems of feline understanding.”

“What about solving the problems of human communication with felines.”

“Not necessary, we give the orders an you obey, quite simple. Actions speak louder than words, although I was scratching at the door for at least a minute before you bothered to open it.”

“I was cleaning out your recycling tray.”

“At least something useful. Is it now clean? Did you fill it with new hygienic clumping material?”

“Yes Tabby”

“Good, the fresh air has an effect on me.”

“But Tabby you were outside.”

“And? I certainly do not stoop to the garden recycling process when I have a nice comfortable clean tray.”

“So what are your seven words of wisdom for your prompt today.”

“clmp ldzt djhlk pqtstz nrtzh wrtz meow”

“But I do not understand them.”

“You don’t have to understand them, they are sufficient for feline understanding and are the essence of whiskers. And now empty my recycling tray, I am finished, but spread the material evenly, I do not like lumps and bumps when I relax and meditate.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Seven Meows