Daily Feline Prompt: Mousekiller, Feline Fighter, Bird Hunter

When you were 10, what did you want to be when you grew up? What are you now? Are the two connected?

Tabby trying the new bag out

“When I was 10 Mrs. Human, I cannot remember being 10, is that a human thing?”

“You are now 13 years old in human years, so it would have been 3 years ago.”

“But I am not a human, never have been and to be quite honest, have never wanted to be a human. I am feline so let’s stick to the plain truth.”

“OK, you would probably have been quite small then.”

“I don’t remember wanting to be anything when I was small. I just want to grow up and see the world”

“Yes I remember taking the photo when you jumped into the bag. I really though you wanted to go with me.”

“Don’t be silly, I just wanted to be protected on all sides, to make sure that I wouldn’t be attacked and it was nice and cosy in that bag. So at the age of human 10 my only wish was to be fed and have someone to empty my recycling tray if it was not possible to bury my unwanted matter in the garden. I remember I wanted to be the feline that everyone feared, the one they respected.”

“And did it work out?”

“I think it did, but Roschti and Bubu did all they could to prevent my rise to fame. I fought against them and I was always  first in the cat flap to rescue my nine lives when they were chasing me.”

“Now you have achieved everything you wanted?”

“Mrs. Human, I cannot be bothered to think about it. Even I find this a silly prompt. Once a feline always a feline. Feeling mice was part of growing up and also preparing for them: doing mice drills, or having mouse supplies. The looming feeling was part of my life. My experience of mice has always been more the fear of them, or the possibility.”

“That was clever Tabby and very wise. “

“Of course it was, I read it somewhere on my pawpad in Whiskerpedia, but it is how I felt in the growing up process. The need for the hunt and the success was always in my blood, even before I was 10 and it still is. Yes I am the great feline hunter, when I am not sleeping.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Mousekiller, Feline Fighter, Bird Hunter

Daily Feline Prompt: Felines Unplugged

Sometimes, we all need a break from these little tins of tuna fish. How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?

Tabby

Mrs. Human, Mrs. Human. No answer and it’s time for my daily feline blog, but who needs a human? She seems to be busy on her pawpad, sorry computer. I am sure she has exciting things to tell other humans, although not as exciting as my unplugged world. I even meow unplugged now and again, although it seems my voice is not always appreciated, especially when I am bored in the early morning hours. Mrs. Human is not happy.

As the introduction states, I do not always have to be surrounded by tins of tuna fish. My tuna fish days are usually Wednesdays and Sundays, although I often have to give a claw prod on Mrs. Human to remind her. She is no longer one of the kittens and she even has problems bending to empty my recycling tray. I might have to look around for a new human, although the market is quite exhausted at the moment. Human kittens are often in the learning phase. They seem to think that a stroke and cuddle and keeping the cat flap closed is the answer to a feline dream.

Of course Mrs. Human had to learnt the hard way, but I put my paw down. I remember it as if it was yesterday when she had a repair on one of the window handles. The human that was doing it had a telephone call on one of these human phones that they carry with them, or is it part of their anatomy. Anyhow he was talking to another human about her new window with the built in cat flap and my whiskers and ears were alert.

“Mrs. Human, did you know you can have a window together with a cat flap.”

“No Tabby.”

“I thought not, so I ordered one today with the human that fixed your window handle.”

“But Tabby that is expensive”

“No problem Mrs. Human, all paid for online with your credit card. It will be delivered tomorrow.”

I think that was the first time when my human realised that eating tuna fish and sniffing cat nip was not the ideal feline life. We wanted to get out in the fresh air and fight our own battles. We needed an unplugged life and so it happened. The window was fitted with the cat flap and I was free. Many were the nights and days when I would wander unplugged through the grass killing anything that breathed and was tasty for an extra snack. Mrs. Human was not so happy when I would bring the kill home: even when I gave her a leg or ear. Humans are fussy and not so keen on mice although they do eat birds, but big birds without feathers. And now I must go I can hear the sound of a tin opener, it is Sunday. Unplugged is good, but so is my home  Mrs. Human I am coming and don’t forget to garnish my tuna with a sprig of parsley, we felines eat with the eyes.

Daily Feline Prompt: Felines Unplugged

Daily Feline Prompt: Humble Feline Pie

Tell us about a time you found out after the fact that you’d been mistaken and you had to eat a serving of humble pie.

tabby

“Open the window Mrs. Human.”

“Say please.”

“No, please does not exist in meow. It is cold outside, there is snow on the ground and my whiskers are freezing. They will become brittle and break off and I will die. So open the window at once.”

“Tabby it would not hurt to say please.”

“It would, my vocal chords are not created for such anti meow effects. Open the window, one whisker is already broken.”

“Tabby you will not die by losing one whisker and I thought you have 9 lives.”

“I did have nine lives, but if you continue to treat me without respect for my feline character I will be tempted to go to other measures.”

“Such as?”

“I will ignore my recycling tray and deposit my produce on the carpet. I will induce a hairball moment on your bed and I will walk on the bath with my muddy paws. Shall I continue?”

“Just a moment Tabby, I will open the window and then we can have a discussion about the meaning of the word “please”.”

“I am not in the mood for a discussion in connection with the analysation of a word which would be of no use to a feline. Do you really think I would say to Roschti, “please do not chase me to claim territorial rights” or “Roschti, please let me have a share of that mouse you are devouring”. You see Mrs. Human the word “please” is non-existent in meow. As one of our prophets once said “Felines have no desire to please the humans. What pleases them I did not want to learn and what I know is far removed from their primitive understanding.”

“Who said that Tabby.”

“Actually it is based on some quote from an ancient greek feline guy called Tiddles Epicurus, he was one of the best.”

“Ok Tabby, who I am to argue with a quote from a greek feline.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Humble Feline Pie

Daily Feline Prompt: The Luckiest Felines

Who was the first person you encountered today? Write about him or her.

Tabby

“Tabby, you could at least move a little into the light for a better photo.”

“I am not a feline model Mrs. Human and I did not invite you to take a photo. This is all about the first person I encountered today.”

“So you are going to write about me?”

“I do not write about humans, they are only mentioned as a side dish, or shall I tell everyone how you emptied my recycling tray and filled up my water bowl and vitamin pellets.”

“But you can write about I, me and myself.”

“That is what I mean. Felines do not write about humans, slaves are boring.”

“You could tell everyone what I am wearing.”

“Felines don’t wear things so that is not interesting. You always have the same furless appearance.  If you were striped, had long fluffy fur or silky black fur it would be more interesting. You don’t even have passengers in your furless coat.”

“I hope not, and neither do you.”

“That is because I am a short furred Tabby and give myself a lick at least three times a day. You just have one big lick in the morning in that shower thing and now for something more important. I have wasted enough words on my blog today about humans. I have to keep an eye on Roschti, he is trying to climb up the bird house again and now he has moved to the garden opposite where the human that lives there is chasing him away. No justice for us felines.”

“But I think that Roschti was digging in her herb garden.”

“That’s what herbs are for, to dig into. And now I have wasted enough time with you Mrs. Human. We felines do not do encounters, we just do hiss, fight, eat, sleep and a fur lick. Now and again a tummy tickle is pleasant, did you hear Mrs. Human. Here I am laying on the floor ready for a tummy tickle.”

“At once Tabby.”

Daily Prompt: The Luckiest Felines

Feline Daily Prompt: Teach your feline (Bloggers) well

We all know how to do something well — write a post that teaches readers how to do something you know and/or love to do.

Tabby

Here is the first lesson. If you notice your human wants to take a photo of you, then walk away. She will follow you with the camera and you may think there is no escape, but she will soon get irritated  because she has no suitable adorable photo of Tiddles to show all her blogging friends. Eventually your human will lose patience and put the camera down, then is your chance to stand on your back legs, wave your front paws and perhaps even twiddle your ears. She will then take the camera in her hands again for a unique photo, but in that moment when she wants to point and shoot, you disappear into the recycling tray.

Another thing to remember is to disappear now and again. Your human begins a search in all sorts of strange places. She thinks you might have been locked in a cupboard. To be quite honest I have been locked in a cupboard, but it was a nice cupboard: closed in by four walls and on a comfortable soft cushion of pullovers. Scratch on the door when you want to be released and do not forget to draw a few threads from the pullovers before you leave. We call that leaving your mark. In this connection a pile of washing ready to be ironed is also to be recommended, although it could be that the human dislikes feline fur traces left on the linen. Just walk away it is a human problem, and they things called brushes which they can use to remove the fur. Personally I find a fur layer enhances the washing surface.

The human may still be searching for you. If only she would raise her head. She would see that you have taken the pole position in your apartment where you can watch every move the human makes.  In that case a further lesson, always be one paw ahead.

Now the most important thing. If you hear the sound of the tin opener, be prepared. Of course there are tins that humans open for themselves, but you can never be too careful. It might be the tin containing the tuna fish, and we felines do not want to miss out on a dish of tuna fish.

Daily Feline Prompt: Teach your Feline Bloggers Well

Daily Feline Prompt: I can’t stay mad at you – Suspicious Felines

Do you hold grudges or do you believe in forgive and forget?

Tabby

“Of course I never hold grudges Mrs. Human. As long as my food bowl is full and there is enough water, what could there be to forgive. On the other hand, I do think you take liberties with my food supplies.”

“But Tabby you always have enough to eat.”

“That is not my problem. I just find that there are some humans that do not understand the needs of a feline. Did Bastet eat vitamin pellets? No, definitely not. And what about my ancestors that were worshipped as gods? They would have tipped vitamin pellets into their litter tray.”

“Yes, but Tabby, in the days of Bastet and being worshipped as a god there were no vitamin pellets.”

“Exactly, that all arrived afterwards, when it was forgotten that we are gods and we were not created to swallow pellets. We felines were destined for something better, our dainty palettes need to be pampered with real food. What’s for dinner this evening?”

“Your bowl is always full, you can eat when you want to.”

“That is not an answer to my question. Do you humans always have to ignore our needs. I remember only last year when you did not serve tuna fish for a complete week some time in winter. We now have Winter again, so do not repeat the experience.”

“You remember what you ate, or didn’t eat, last Winter.?

“Of course. I might not hold grudges, but we felines register it all in our whiskers and never forget. It is all marked in my diary.”

“You have a diary?”

“Of course. But not a diary like humans, it is an online diary tucked away in the diary section of my brain, where the telepathic department is. I can see it before me, 12th December 2014, no tuna fish served until 19th December 2014. Not that I hold a grudge, but it is imprinted on my circuits.”

“But I think it was snowing then and I could not go shopping with the car.”

“That has nothing to do with it. There are busses and even trains. I will never forget that as long as I have my 9 lives, well at least 6 of them. I think a couple got lost on the way.”

“Ok, Tabby, but this evening there is tuna fish.”

“Of course there is, it is Wednesday and on Wednesday there is always tuna fish. Not  that I would hold a grudge if you did not serve tuna fish, I might recycle somewhere else than my recycling tray, just to make a point.”

Daily Feline Prompt: I can’t stay mad at you – Suspicious Felines

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Seat Guru

You get to plan a dinner party for 4-8 of your favorite writers/artists/musicians/other notable figures, whether dead or alive. Who do you seat next to whom in order to inspire the most fun evening?

Tabby

“No way. I am the best inspiration for a fun evening.”

“Tabby you can really be asocial sometimes.”

“I am probably asocial at all times. Now that word does exist in meow written in capital letters in red and underlined with a thick whisker. We felines do not socialise. Imagine sitting around an oversized food bowl with Roschti, Tiddles, Butch, Priscilla and the rest. We could just as well invite Dusty from across the pond and his two canine colleagues. I am sure we would all get on like a house on fire, and I mean that in the literal sense of the word. Mrs. Human, you get it. We felines like to be amongst ourselves, and I mean I, me and myself.”

“But you must feel lonely sometimes Tabby, without having same feline playmates.”

“Now you are going a little over the psychological understanding of the feline. How often must I tell you, we never play.”

“But you like to chase a ball around on the floor.”

“That is a rehearsal for the real thing, when we have the mouse or bird cornered.”

“And what about the delightful games you play with the toys stuffed with catnip.”

“Some call it delightful, others call it getting high. The catnip is in a toy? Never noticed that part of the deal. All I know that is after one or two sniffs, the world is mine to take. Butterflies wing their way between my ears, my whiskers are like electric wires and I am a god again, like in the old country. Who needs a dinner party – just a plate of tuna fish and as a desert a twig of catnip and I sit next to myself for my fun evening, especially when I see double after the catnip.”

Daily Prompt: Feline Seat Guru