Daily Feline Prompt: Roaring Feline Laughter

What was the last thing that gave you a real, authentic, tearful, hearty belly laugh? Why was it so funny?

tabby

“Tabby, smile for the camera.”

“You must be kidding Mrs. Human. Since when does smile exist in meow.”

“But you must have an expression to show when you find something is funny.”

“Mrs. Human, felines do not do “funny”, unless of course it might be that the feline next door gets carried away in the claws of a buzzard, or is captured by a fox. That might bring a slight smile to my face.”

“Now that is not very nice Tabby.”

“Nice also does not exist in meow. And who cares. If I was caught in the paws of a fox, or kidnapped by a bird of prey, the cat next door would also clap his paws. It lays in the feline nature of things. What’s mine is mine and everything else is also mine if I am there first.”

“But you can still turn your head to the camera.”

“No, this is one of my artistic poses, and the back of my head also has its appeal. Just look at the fur tips on my ears. They are perfect, not every feline has them. It is only the special chosen felines that have the points of their ears accentuated by wisps of fur. And of course the perfect symmetry of my head. I can see a slight bump on the left hand side, but that is the remainder of the hard feline vitamin pellets that I have not yet chewed to satisfaction. The digestion of such food takes longer. If it had been feline friendly tuna fish, or even a morsel of minced filet steak this unsightly lump would not be showing. By the way, I thought I saw a chicken somewhere. Did you kill it yourself?”

“No Tabby, I bought it in the supermarket and will be cooking it later.”

“Ok, then a leg will do me, even a wing, but remove the bones first.”

“Tabby I did not intend to serve you chicken as well.”

“And if I smile for the camera. You can even take my photo as I am devouring the chicken.”

Daily Prompt: Roaring Feline Laughter

Daily Feline Prompt: The Eighth Deadly Feline Sin

Remember the seven cardinal sins? You’re given the serious task of adding a new one to the list — another trait or behaviour you find particularly unacceptable, for whatever reason. What’s sin #8 for you? Why?

tabby

“That is a human thing, we felines have no sins. We are innocent, sweet, kind and industrious. We think only of the others”

“Really Tabby. What others?”

“I me and myself of course. This whole prompt is more for humans. The only thing I find unacceptable is the bag of vitamin pellets you buy to feed me. Yes, the 8th deadly human sin is “feeding felines with vitamin pellets.”.

“But we mean it well Tabby. We want our felines to be healthy and without illness without vitamine deficiency. We look after you and take you regularly to the vet to ensure that you stay healthy.”

“Sin No, 9 Mrs. Human. Never take your feline to the vet without feline permission.”

“But you never give me permission.”

“That is why you should add this as a sin to the human list. We do not want to go to the vet. Did Bastet go to the ve?  No, and Bastet survived without jabs and things that are good for you. A good mouse or bird meal is enough.

“But Bastet lived in ancient Egypt and there were no vets.”

“Of course not, we were immortal, worshipped as gods, and of course sin free.”

“What about the protection of your territory. You attack the other felines if they put a paw on a blade of grass that you have marked.”

“Of course, it is a matter of respect. If your next door neighbour planted an apple tree in your garden what would you do?”

“I would point out that it is my garden and he should at least ask before planting the tree. If he refuses, I tell the police.”

“You see how complicated humans are. The feline next door decides to mark my grass. I hiss I scratch and then……”

“And then the feline next door retaliates with a hiss and a paw swipe.”

“Yes, Mrs. Human, we have our own way of settling things, we do not need police.”

“But what about the part where you run away and charge through the cat flap.”

“That is not the point Mrs. Human, I was just exlplainig how organised we felines are.”

“Oh, I see. You run away and we discuss it.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Eighth Deadly Feline Sin

Daily Feline Post: Feline Saturday Night

Tell us about the most exciting big night out you had recently.

tabby

“What’s a big night Mrs. Human? What’s a night?”

“Night is when it gets dark and you need street lights to show the way.”

“Aha – what’s dark?”

“Well it’s like when I switch the light off at home, then you cannot see where you are going and might trip over something.”

“Mrs. Human have I even tripped against anything?”

“No, I don’t think so”

“And have I ever asked you to turn the lights on?”

“Not really.”

“In that case I assume that you now realise that we felines see just as well in the “dark” whatever that is, than in the “light” which is also something that does not exist in meow. If I take a walk at night, the only difference is that life is more interesting in the grass. I might encounter a poor little mouse that has lost its way.”

“And you help him to find the entrance to his mouse home.”

“Are you mad? I help him to find the way to my digestive system. That is one of the reasons why Bastet made sure that her felines are always prepared. As the great feline author, Edgar Whiskers Paw Poe said in a feline reflective moment  “Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before and then I realised that darkness does not exist for a feline, and why dream about it, just do it and if it moves kill it and eat it”, yes, he could tell a few good feline tales about the reality of life. I remember his story The Black Cat. My departed litter sister Nera, who is now in the eternal corn chambers living her 10th life, was a black cat. I believe he wrote the story after meeting her. To answer the actual prompt, every night is Saturday night for a feline, although Saturdays do not exist in meow, but I think I get the idea.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Saturday Night

Daily Feline Prompt: Just Another Feline Day

Our days are organized around numerous small actions we repeat over and over. What’s your favorite daily ritual?

Tabby having a wash

Are you insinuating that all my days repeat themselves? Of course not, every day has a different purpose and meaning, I love variety. Today I awoke and jumped onto my four paws and had my daily thought. Eat and visit the great outdoors. Unfortunately I only found a dish of dehydrated vitamin pellets. Mrs. Human could perhaps change her routine and arise an hour earlier to fill my dish with fresh meat or fish, garnished perhaps with a twig of catnip. That would be something completely different and break the monotony of my day. I checked to see if there was fresh water in my outside dish. There was none. These humans really only think of themselves and never spare a thought on a poor neglected Tabby feline.

I decided to call Mrs. Human. After a few minutes she arrived, wiping the sleep out of her eyes. I pointed selectively with my paw at my water bowl, filled with the remaining dregs of yesterday and hissed. She went immediately into action, saying things like “Poor Tabby” and “I am so sorry Tabby, I was still in bed” and she filled my water bowl with fresh water. I made a reminder to intensify my human training programme, they are becoming slow in reacting.

Now I decided to do something completely different. I selected a comfortable position on the human bed and began to wash myself. After food and drink, it revives the circulation. Generally I begin with the tummy fur, but this time decided to wash the remainders of breakfast away from my face. With a paw lick I wiped across my whiskers, my face and naturally behind the ears. I paid particular attention to the mouth, we cannot have other felines smelling what I had for breakfast. It is shameful enough to eat the pellets, the others do not have to know.

And now, my favourite daily ritual. I circled three times, sank, put my head down and closed my eyes. You think I was sleeping? Of course i was, you can never get enough sleep. I planned to wake again some time at the human midday to see if something new had arrived in my dish.

Yes, a feline day is full of excitement.

Daily Feline Prompt: Just Another Feline Day

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Quotes

Do you have a favourite quote that you return to again and again? What is it, and why does it move you?

Tabby

“Tabby  sleeping again?”

“Mrs. Human I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake” as the great feline writer Ernest Paws Hemingway said.”

“Is that your quote for today Tabby?”

“One of them, there is a quote for all parts of feline life. Do not forget “to err is human, to purr feline” – Robert Tiddles Byrne, meaning that we are the most purrfect creation.”

“But Tabby, without humans like me you would be lost. Who would serve your food regularly and look after your health with annual visits to the vet.”

“Just a small correction Mrs. Human. If you are talking of hard unappetising vitamin pellets, that is not food, that is an excuse for doing the job. And speaking of the vet, there are certain things in a feline life that are superfluous, vet visits being one of them. “There are times in a feline life when vets are not to be seen or heard” and that quote is from me. Of course Cleveland tuna fish Amory, one of our great feline historians remarked “anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows that cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind”.

“Which means?”

“You are exhausting my patience Mrs. Human, go and do something intelligent like preparing a bowl of tuna fish or emptying my recycling tray. A bowl of fresh water would also be a good idea. I noticed it has not been renewed for at least two hours.”

“But it is still fresh.”

“That is a matter of how you look at it. The great Tiddles Whiskers said ……”

“Ok Tabby, now go to sleep, you must be tired. In the meanwhile I will attend to your wishes.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Quotes

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Life After Blogs

Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

Tabby

“Mrs. Human is this my life without my computer, my food bowl and my water? Let me out immediately. Hiss, hiss.”

“No problem Tabby, but today is end of January.”

“I don’t care about Januarys, I only care about my nine lives and am not yet ready for my tenth. I am in a cage. Are you going to sell me on the feline slave market?”

“No Tabby, of course not. It is the day when you visit auntie doctor for your annual jabs.”

“For what? I am healthy, active and feel fine, at least I did until you put me in this cage. Let me out.”

“Tabby you will be at home before you can say Bastet.”

“I have no intention of saying Bastet or even seeing him today. I have an important appointment with a branch of catnip. Mr. Human, put me down, I do not like this, I am swaying back and forth.”

Half an hour later

“Tabby how was it?”

“Don’t ask silly questions. Dr. Frankensntein/Mabuse or whatever her name was  inserted a needle in my private parts. It was insulting. Then she had the audacity to say I had traces of tartar on my teeth. I had visions of my teeth being scraped with a saw, but she said it was not so bad. Then came the insult that I have put on weight, 300 grammes”

“You should really have more exercise Tabby, instead of sleeping the day away.”

“I have enough exercise walking to my food bowel and my recycling tray. That keeps me fit.”

“Now you have it behind you Tabby, and can forget it until next year in Janurary.”

“Mrs. Human, strike January from the calendar. I will now have a sleep to recover. I just have to be careful how I lay down.”

“Why”

“Why? I had a monster needle inserted into my private parts. Do you think that goes unnoticed?”

tabby

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Life After Blogs

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Takeaway

Give other felines in WordPress one piece of advice based on your experiences blogging.

If you’re a new  feline blogger, what’s one question you’d like to ask other feline bloggers?

tabby

Good Day fellow feline bloggers. As you can see the best condition to record your daily blog is a comfortable place were you can stretch your paws to relax and have your computer near. Another advantage is to be in a quiet place. I choose the bathroom. There is floor heating and no-one really bothers you unless the human wants to visit its recycling bowl. If there is an alternative recycling bowl for the human, then train the human to use it when you are occupying this room.

Unfortunately I am allowed only one piece of advice, so I will make it short. Write about I, me and myself in that order. No-one interests what you say about the others, unless you want to destroy the reputation of a feline that is annoying you. “Cuddles is a sissy” or “Curly is a coward, he runs away from mice” – this is allowed, it will ensure that your purr counts will increase. You may repeat certain sentences such as “We love tuna fish” or “Down with vitamin food pellets”, you will then perhaps have a chance of winning the international feline Bastet prize for feline bloggers, and perhaps have a special place in the eternal corn chambers when you achieve your 10th life.

Mention humans only if necessary, and in a negative sense of the word “My human forgot to empty my recycling tray this morning”, or “I scratched my human because he refused to give me a tummy tickle”. These statements may be accompanied by a loud “HISSS” on your site. And never forget to organise the best possible paw friendly computers and pawpads available. This is easily done by usage of the human toy known as credit card. You will find the links on www.pawfriendlycard.cat.

If there are any further questions, you can reach me by pawmail.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Takeaway