Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Leap

Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt. Not sure how to participate?

“Meow Mrs. Human, of course I know how to participate. I have been pawing these daily feline prompts for almost a year, but do those inferior humans know how to do it.”

“There seems to be a malfunction today Tabby, but I am sure they will rescue the situation.”

“I am not so sure. If felines were organising the prompts, there would be no glitch or mistake, it would work. As one of our great authors George Big Feline Brother Orwell said “The essence of being feline is that one does not seek perfection, we are perfect” which is a clear true statement. So what do you want for an illustration today, Mrs. Human, shall I pose with my Felinitzer prize for the best feline blogger.”

“You won a prize?”

“Not yet, but I am sure that just made a mistake in my address.”

“No, Tabby, I was shopping this morning and noticed a special offer in the supermarket, so I took a photo, especially for you.”

tuna fish

“Meow Wow, there must be at least 200 tins of tuna fish piled up, and just for me.”

“It was a special leap year day offer. They are not all for you Tabby. There are other felines that like tuna fish and you do not eat the tins in the red paper.”

“I have never had a tin in red paper, so let’s try it.”

“You would not like it, it has no tuna fish juice, but only oil.”

“Who wants oil in the tuna fish. That must be a mistake.”

“Not quite Tabby, there are humans that like their tuna fish in oil.”

“But I am not a human, a feline and we all know that humans have a defect in their taste buds. So that is my pile on the left. Where have you put them?”

“I only bought 4 tins at a special price.”

“That is a human mistake and a feline tragedy. Just a moment Mrs. Human, so that is dealt with.”

“What is dealt with?”

“I just ordered the pile on the left with my paw card on my pawpad. Delivery tomorrow by UPS.”

“UPS” –

“Yes, United Paw Service all in WARP time (whiskers and rolling paws)”

“In the meanwhile you can serve one of the tins as a special leap year surprise.”

“But you have had you ration this week.”

“We have an extra day Mrs. Human, let us celebrate.”

Daily Feline prompt: The Feline Leap

Daily Feline Prompt: Five Feline Items

A classic question, revisited: what are the five items you must have on a deserted island?

Tabby

“Tabby, where do you think you are going with those five tins of tuna fish?”

“I have been invited to a desert island by FelinePress and I can take five objects with me for survival.”

“I think you have misunderstood that one. If you are isolated on a desert island, you will not survive with just tins of tuna fish. And who is going to open the tins?”

“Ah, you have a point Mrs. Human, which shows that humans have made progress since the days of the ape. Of course, I will leave two tins behind and take you and a tin opener. The should solve the problem.”

“Thank you Tabby, but you are only allowed to take five objects.”

“And a tin operier is an object and a human – well we can discuss the last one.”

“You will not live long with only a couple of tins of tuna fish.”

“By the time I have finished the tuna fish, you have surely caught a few fish from the sea to replenish quantities Mrs. Human. There will also be birds on the island and I will take care of that one. A nice big juicy parrot or perhaps a vulture.”

“How will you catch a vulture?”

“Easy, I will leave a fish and when the vulture pounces to devour the remains you will kill it.”

“Tabby I do not intend to go vulture hunting for you.”

“It is not only for me Mrs. Human. I will have a wing and leg, and a nice juicy piece of breast, and you can have the rest.”

“Oh thanks Tabby. But I have a better idea. You could take a whole 10 Kg bag of vitamin pellets and then there would be no need to hunt or fish.”

“Mrs. Human, you really have brilliant ideas, but that will not work. Who is going to eat the vitamin pellets?”

“I thought it would be a good balanced diet for you.”

“You know what Mrs. Human, forget the island. Let us just stay here and enjoy life with a tin of tuna fish and a tin opener. That would be a healthier solution.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Five Feline Items

Daily Feline Prompt: Longing for Feline Gravity

You are on a mission to Mars. Because of the length of of the journey, you will never be able to return to Earth. What about our blue planet will you miss the most?

Migros Cat

“Who is that Tabby?”

“Anyone can see who that is, it is Red Mark 240.”

“That’s a funny name for a feline. Where does he belong?”

“I could tell you Mrs. Human, but you wouldn’t believe me, so what is the point. Humans only believe what they see.”

“Well I can see that is is a reddish, so that is why his name is Red probably.”

“All the felines that live on his planet are called Red with their No. On Mars they are very well organised.”

“No, Tabby, I do not believe it. It cannot be that a feline arrives from Mars.”

“You see, Mrs. Human, I told you that you would not believe it.”

“I did not see him arrive and I am sure there are no space ships available to transport felines.”

“Do not underestimate the feline intelligence. We definitely do not need space ships. That was in the old days when Bastet arrived on earth from planet Koshka. Since then a lot has happened. We colonised Mars a few thousand years ago and today we travel by warp.”

“By warp?”

“Yes, it is all in the power of the feline brain, an organ which is not so well developed in humans. Red Mark 240 is visiting Earth on holiday, to see how we colonists are doing. He has also invited me to a return visit.”

“But Tabby, if it is true, then you will not have all the luxuries you have on earth on planet Mars.”

“I have luxuries? I would not classify hard vitamin pellets as a luxury. Red Mark 240 tells me that Martian vitamin pellets are soft and red and melt in your mouth.”

“Tabby are you kidding?”

“No, I am definitely not kidding. He also said that the Martians treat him with respect and are permanently bringing him tuna fish in 100 variations. He prefers the one with red Martian sauce, made from the red catnip that grows on Mars. Look he gave me some as a welcome gift.”

“Looks a bit funny to me. The leaves are red and a sort of red liquid is dripping out of them.”

“Yes, they have more power than our catnip, but he said only to eat it in the evening. It might be that the earthlings worry when they notice our eyes turn red, but by morning the usual colour returns. Not to mention that when he takes a jump he sails through the air and lends softly on his paws. It is all due to the lack of gravity on Mars.””

“Your friend Red 240 seems to be disappearing.”

“Yes he has to go now to report to his boss, Big Red. He is beaming himself up on a warp.”

“He is gone Tabby, was he really there?”

“Of course he was. I will be returning his visit tomorrow evening,  but should be back by morning. I will take some tins of tuna fish with me as a gift. On Mars they have developed the paw friendly can opener. Yes, their felines have made progress in the past 5,000 years.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Longing for Feline Gravity

Daily Feline Prompt: Counting Voices with a feline

A lively group discussion, an intimate tête-à-tête, an inner monologue — in your view, when it comes to a good conversation, what’s the ideal number of people?

Tabby

“Err, Mrs. Human, I am being crowded out here. All I wanted was a five minute, or an hour’s sleep, according to where the dreams take me, and suddenly I am surrounded by a selection of human objects. Tell me it is just for the photo and I can go back to sleep, although the one on the left has a faint smell of catnip. I will keep him and the rest you can take away.”

“It is all to do with your feline prompt Tabby. I though it would be fun to show everyone that you are not so alone in your feline life.”

“Mrs. Human I am never alone when I have you.”

“Oh, that is sweet Tabby, you have never passed me a compliment before.”

“Compliment is definitely not in the meow dictionary and I was thinking more of the moments when I just want to retire to I, me and myself and Mrs. Human has another bright idea, like showing everyone me in fifty different poses.”

“Then shall I go, or do you want to have a conversation?”

“No, I do not want to have a conversation. We felines like the quiet moments in life when we can meditate.”

“You meditate Tabby?”

“Oh yes, when I can get some peace and quiet without humans hovering around. I was meditating about the various tuna fish flavours according to the vintage year, I meditate about 50 ways to keep other felines (and humans) away from my territory and I meditate about the various flavours of catnip, Feline banner, being the strongest. Perhaps you could take a walk into town, and stand at a street corner. If you see a feline approaching you with a black and white striped scarf instead of a collar, that will be Nippy Joint. He has the best flavours to sell. Bring me a few twigs. He accepts a credit card.”

“But Tabby, that would be dealing and I might get arrested.”

“No problem Mrs. Angloswiss, Nippy Joint has blue eyes, an inheritance from his Siamese father, and no-one would suspect a blue eyed feline. And now leave me to enjoy the peace and quiet of I, me and myself and don’t forget the paw card as payment. Nippy Joint  has a built in chip in his front tooth to operate the transaction.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Counting Voices with a Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Pace Oddity

If you could slow down an action that usually zooms by, or speed up an event that normally drags on, which would you choose, and why?

tabby

“Mrs. Human, my water bowl is empty.”

“But Tabby, it is almost full.”

“Let us get a few thing straight. If I say my water bowl is empty, it is empty. Look, just a dredge of old stale water.”

“Ah, I see, you men the bowl outside. But your bowl inside is full up to the brim.”

“Mrs. Human, I do not wish to drink water inside, but outside, where I can savour the fresh air.”

“Ok, Tabby, I will fill your bowl outside. If you are so thirsty you can drink from the full water bowl inside in the meanwhile.”

“Meanwhile does not exist in meow Mrs. Human. We abolished words like that some time ago. “later”, “tomorrow”, “next week” etc. We felines know only “at once”, “now” and “immediately”. You even have a choice Mrs. Human. I would suggest “immediately” for the best results.”

“Why stress Tabby, there is plenty of time.”

“I am not stressing, I am at my normal feline pace. Is it my problem when humans see everything in slow motion.”

“OK, just a minute, for the sake of a peaceful life, I will fill your bowl outside.”

“It has nothing to do with a peaceful life and no “just a minutes”, in feline time minutes do not exist, just space and time warps, according to the discovery of Stephen Cat Hawkins. It has to do with the relationship between feline and the subordinate human species. As the great feline psychologist Albert Katzeinstein said “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former”.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Pace Oddity

DailyFeline Promp: Pat on the feline back

Tell someone you’re proud of just how proud you are.

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, stop touching me.”

“But Tabby, I am giving you a pat on the back.”

“Is that a human custom Mrs. Human, I am not your personal guinea pig/cat. I am to be taken seriously and pats on anything to do with my anatomy are not exactly my wish for a successful life as a proud feline. Tummy tickles and rubs are OK, but only when I give my permission.”

“It is a token of showing how proud I am of having you.”

“So, let us get a few things clear Mrs. Human. I have you, I moved in and this is my territory. I allow you to live with me because now and again I need opposable thumbs, and also tuna fish. This pride thing comes before a fall  according to the human logic, and you have fallen enough lately Mrs. Human. I cannot deal with accidents as I have to rely on you to empty my recycling tray and to open tins.”

“Thank you for you interest and consideration Tabby.”

“Huh – consideration does not exist in Meow.”

“Oh, sorry, but pride does?”

“Of course it does I am proud of myself, after all I was once worshipped as a ..”

“god?”

“Yes, Mrs. Human, you are learning at last. So now you may shake the cushion on my bed, there are a few feline hairs attached to it. No, Mrs. Human, outside, that it gets some fresh air. Yes, now place it on my bed, smoothing out the edges that I have no creases to disturb my sleep. You may now give me a tummy tickle. Not there, towards the right side. Now just under the chin, but carful. Yes, wonderful.”

“Anything else Tabby, Tabby. I think she has fallen asleep,”

“No Mrs. Human, I am watching you with one eye to make sure I get no more pats on my back.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Pat on the Feline Back

Daily Feline Prompt: Meow Your Feline Horn

Felines are not self-deprecating, they are so perfect. Tell us your favourite thing about yourself.

tabby

“The mirror just a little to the right Mrs. Human and tell me when to smile.”

“Is that OK, Tabby?”

“It will do, almost perfect for a human. I think you have captured my allure, my charisma, my charm. Yes it will do. Oh I am so perfect, I just do not know where to begin. Just look at me, I could stare into the mirror all day, but alas there are other more important things I must do. A feline’s day is never finished.”

“Yes, Tabby, what do you do all day?”

“I beg your pardon. Now I must have a wash and groom. Perhaps a talent scout might call for a feature in “Perfect Felines” and I want to look my best. Mrs. Human if he calls then make yourself scarce, I do not want my chance for fame to be spoilt by human presence.”

“Up to now no-one has called Tabby.”

“Oh, well they probably need time to organise things. How do my whiskers look? Do you think I should comb them through with my paw, perhaps a little at the edges that they are nice and pointed and all facing the same direction. There is nothing worse then having whiskers at the false angle. Oh, do I have bad breath Mrs. Human, tell me your honest opinion? There is nothing worse then smelling of hard vitamin pellets. Perhaps it would be a good idea to give a plate of tuna fish.”

+But Tabby, smelling of fish is not so good.”

“Of course it is. It is the feline equivalent of Chanel No. 5, although we call it Garfield No. 1. We measure our aesthetic values on a higher scale than humans. Just a moment where do you think you are going with that mirror?”

“I thought you were finished Tabby.”

“Finished, of course not. That was just a preliminary portrait, a trial. Take a few more photos and I will choose the best for the illustration in “Perfect Felines”. I think a portrait of me laying on my back would be a good idea or do you think it might be a little saucy.”

“No, Tabby, it might be feline pin-up photo of the year.”

“Mrs. Human, there is a knock at the door.  I think it might be Daryl F. Katz, and don’t forget you may let him in, but then disappear.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Meow Your Feline Horn