Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.
Dear Fido, Struppi and whatever you are called
It is not that I have anything against you. I understand your feelings towards us superior gods, known as felines. We were there first and made sure we were noticed by allowing the pharaohs of the old country to be buriesd with us, in case we needed a slave when we got to the 10th life. We also made sure that Bastet, our chief god, had her statue placed in all human museums of the world, just to show we were there. Jealousy can be unpleasant at times I know.
It must be demoralising for a canine to be a subordinate species, but since we all have our pawpads we can now converse in a friendly way without descending to brutality. Of course I never chase a dog, they are bigger than me, but there is nothing more demoralising to have an animal, twice your size, making a noise to explode the ear drums, known as barking, pursuing you with its tongue hanging out. Just take a look, not exactly an advertisement for a beauty show. Do you ever se a feline with its tongue hanging out? Never, but you see we need it for other delights, such as a wash.
Another small item I would mention is burying stuff all over the place. I visit my territory for a recycling action and what happens? I dig up three bones and a few other unrecognisable objects, before I can relax and deal with my business. If you happen to stray into my territory, then have a sniff first all with your large nose. I can smell dog immediately and I am sure that you can smell cat, so keep out, stay away and just contact me by pawmail or paw book.
You know what they say, “canines obey and felines take a message, think about it and might report back if the proposition is interesting”. That says it all.
Canines stay on your side of the fence and I will stay on mine (unless I want to take over your territory as well) and do not try to follow me through my cat flap. You might get stuck and I will not release you.
With meows and many hisses
Tabby the canine exterminator, if I am not sleeping and thinking about it, and if you are not bigger than I am.