Mrs. Human is doing human things today, like cleaning out her closet, so she left me to do the necessary. I do not really need her help, she can get very complicated sometimes. I remember in my teenager days (feline teenage days of course) when she decided to tidy the garden cupboard. As far as I am concerned it was looking good, but she decided otherwise. A real feline gym, with all the apparatus that you could need. She called it the garden cupboard and would make funny noises when she discovered a spider hanging somewhere, although to be quite honest, she is not really frightened of spiders. You should see her if she finds fly children somewhere in the garden, where their mum deposited them on an apple to ensure the had enough to eat whilst they were growing. She could really go into hysterics.
“Tabby, what are you pawing on your pawpad.”
“Nothing Mrs. Human, just helping out with my daily feline prompt.”
“But why are you smiling as you are doing it.”
“Am just enjoying myself Mrs. Human, carry on with your closet cleaning, no problem.”
So where was I. You are never alone with those humans, they always have to poke their noses in. Thank goodness they do not have long whiskers.
Mrs. Human fogot to close the shed door and I was in straight away. That was fun. Two bags of garbage, although I do not call it garbage, just lots of fun, especially if you can claw open the plastic. It is Bastets annual celebration day, everything laying on the floor. We felines can pounce and dig into all the ingredients. It is mostly cardboard and paper and that can be fun: tearing it into pieces and scattering it all over the plance. If it is a windy day it might even spread around the garden. You know what fun that is. Unfortunately Mrs. Human does not find that fun, especially if there are some remains of the food in the bag. I am not talking hard vitamin pellets, but the real McCoy, like potato peelings or onion skins. I usually leave the soft squashy fruit where it falls, we felines are allergic to it. Now and again a mouse might breathe its last in the cupboard. We do not really do dead mice, only those that live, but it is still a feast for the eyes.
I then played climb the ladder, but eventually got tired and found a nice little place behind a chair, which almost became a big mistake. I fell asleep and did not notice that Mrs. Human closed the shed door. She also did not notice that I was in the shed, silly human. I mean I trained her for such emergencies. I suppose all bad things end well eventually. She noticed that her feline was missing, was disraught and I heard her tearful calls outside the shed “Tabby, Tabby, where are you?” I replied with a weak meow as it I was taking my last feline breath, and she opened the shed door and found me. I glared at her with my special “This will not go unnoticed” look and left the shed. Note she did not take me in her arms, as I trained her not to some time ago. She apologised profusely for locking me in the cupboard as all good slaves should and I believe she even produced some human tears, which is the idea.
“Tabby are you finished with your daily feline prompt.”
“Yes Mrs. Human, no problem.”
“May I read it, you might have made some grammatical mistakes?”
“Too late Mrs. Human, I have already uploaded it and I never make mistakes.”