It all began with a claw with some forks at the end. I found it on the borders of my territory. As a feline of the better kind, with the MacDonald’s “M” on my tabby forehead, I applied my intelligence and checked to see if it was one of mine.
The front paw showed no anomalies. I stretched out my claws for a detailed check, but all the claws were there, each one of them. I performed my famous scratcing exercise on the table leg. Mrs. Human was busy cleaning my recycling tray so she did not notice. She tends to get excited when I leave my marks on human stuff called furniture. If she ate normally like any respectable feline, she would not need a table, a bowl on the floor would be just as useful. I then decided to have a look at the back paw. Losing claws on front paw are bad enough as they disturb the climbing action.
Losing a back claw could also result in a minor tragedy. A feline with a missing back claw would be the joke of all the felines. It would be a blemish on my good looks. On the other hand I heard that a lot can be done today with missing claws. There are even vets that implant claws. I was watching a human film about some secret agent called James Bond and there was a two legs with steel teeth.
“Mrs. Human, I think a visit to the vets would be in order.”
“Are you ill Tabby, do you have fever.”
“Rubbish, I am healthy. I found a claw and it could be mine. I am still examining my paws to see if one is missing. I have just seen that I could have a substitute claw, perhaps in steel, or even in gold. I read that human doctors can do that with teeth, so I am sure the vet can do it with claws.”
“Tabby, that would be very expensive.”
“Mrs. Human, money is not a problem when it concerns me and all the other felines would be jealous and would be queing for my paw prints.”
“Where is the missing claw?”
“I haven’t found out yet Mrs. Human, but I found a claw and it must be mine.
“Show me. No Tabby that is one of Fluffy’s claws, your feline apprentice that is now in the etnernal corn chambers. I kept it as a Fluffy memory and it must have fell out of his special memory box.”
“Oh, in that case. Do you have a memory box for me as well.?”
“Of course Tabby, I have your first collar and your immunisation permit with all your jabs registered. There is still room for more jabs.”
“Mrs. Human, let’s forget the whole thing. I have had a paw check and my claws are complete , and we do not want to give the vet unnecessry work and who needs a gold claw, although it would be a good idea.”