Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Water

Tabby hiding in the bath

Water is not just water, H2O or whatever the humans use as their description. It is Feline2Special, to be regarded as something apart, unique. In the olden days, back in the old country, we felines would know where the best water would be. Many felines peferred the North bank of the Nile, but felines with the special nose would trace it to the so called Blue Nile and its source in Lake Tana. Ok, I am not an expert, read it all in Felipedia on my paw book, but the true taste of water depends on the origins.

Mrs. Human is unfortunately not an expert, she thinks that filling my indoor and outdoor bowl with the same water daily, is sufficient and even adapts her loud voice when she finds me drinking from an unknown source, such as a water can, where the remains of the rain collects. This is, naturally, the best water for the taste buds of a professional feline water drinker, full of the original flavours of the surroundings. My perfect taste is known throughout the feline world and I am recognised as a conoisseur.

Humans, you can compare it to a wine. You can get good wine and bad wine. We felines only appreciate the good water. The longer it ferments, the better the taste. Fresh water from a tap, with all the strange chemical contents, is to be compared with cooking wine. It serves its pupose for the thirst, but human, who drinks wine because they are thirsty? No, they drink it to savour its bouquet, its aroma, and for that we have a perfectly developed tongue. No human would swallow a glass of wine, no, they let the liquid diffuse in the mouth, absorb its quality and eventually it will be slowly swallowed, its aroma being absorbed by the organs of the body. So it is with water and the feline. We do not just swallow the water, we use our tongue to lap it up slowly, allowing each drop to slide into our taste buds.

I must now retire to my pawpad to complete my thesis on the meaning of feline water. In the meanwhile, prost meow as we say in our tongue.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Water

Daily Feline Prompt: The Deprived Feline

Tabby

“Tabby you don’t look very happy.”

“Mrs. Human, I do not, never, do happy. Today is tuna fish day, so where is it?”

“Today? I thought it was tomorrow.”

“That is the problem when humans think, they are not used to thinking and often forget what they should be thinking. As our famous Katarate Paw fighter Bruce Whiskers Lee said “If you spend too much time thinking about tuna fish, you’ll never buy it” and it seems that thinking is not such a good human attibute. In other meows, actions speak louder than words.I am a deprived feline, my internal digestive tract is acccustomed to today’s bowl of tuna fish and what do I get instead?”

“Healthy vitamin pellets?”

“Healthy does not exist in meow, especially combined with the words “vitamin pellets” which has not solved the problem.”

“Err, Tabby, would it bother you if I served tuna fish tomorrow instead of today?”

“Hissss, MEOW, would it bother me? Of course not, I have complete understanding that you will neglect my well being, deprive me of my favourite food, and replace it with something hard and unpleasant.”

“Oh good, Tabby, I thought you would be annoyed.”

“Annoyed, me, of course not. I will just have to write a letter of complaint to the Society for prevention of tuna fish deprivation. And now I would suggest that you put on your shoppping clothes, take your bag and go to the supermarket before it closes for my tuna fish ration. I will give you 10 minutes, which should be sufficient. What are you waiting for – go.”

“Of course Tabby, so sorry, I will immediately organise your tuna fish. Is there anything else I could bring?”

“Perhaps a twig of parsley, just for decoration. We felines eat with the eyes you know, and the whiskers and the tongue not forgetting the sharp teeth that I will embed in your hand if you do not go now. You do realise you have broken one of the main laws of the human-feline slave treaty, or as we meow “a good human slave is only a good slave if they never forget”. Mrs. Human, you are growing old.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The deprived Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Fence

tabby

Mrs. Human said we will blog again, for the time being. She obeys my orders to blog for me, due to paw friendly problems. This theme is an important feline theme to be discussed into deail.

“What did you say Mrs. Human, not too much detail, people do not like reading pages of feline details.”

Strange animals humans, as soon as it gets interesting they want to stop. I will keep it short. As you can see from this photo of myself relaxing in my fenceless territory, it is ideal. Of course there are boundaries, but they are only visual to the feline eye, whiskers and nose. On the left there is a hedge. Every feline knows, even my favourite enemy Roschti, the feline next door, that if you want to go through the hedge you must take the opening between the third and fourth tree, this is our path. All other paths are not allowed by feline law.

You might think that I am completely surrounded by trees and there is no way out. Forget it, there is always a way. Perhaps a human with their lack of legs, having only two, may not be able to cross these obstructions, but a feline? No problem: where there is a feline will there is always  a way. There is no tree wide enough to prevent our path to a wider territory.

Of course we are speaking here of widths. Height is something else. Many are the felines which have arrived on a higher branch in the pursuit of a tasty bird have been tricked into a feeling of security. The bird flies away and the feline is left alone and defenceless on a branch, but this is where the human slave can do something useful for a change. They can climb the tree to rescue the feline. Mrs. Human is not so keen on this method, but humans also have their purpose now and again. They are not only there to fill the food bowl.

“Yes Mrs. Human, I am coming to a close.”

Looks like someone wants to use our computer. So my advice to any humans owned by a feline reading my wise words is to only install fences that their feline can walk through or jump over. If any human not sure if their garden is feline friendly in this connection, they may make a comment and I will give the exact allowed dimensions in my next blog.

“No problem Mrs. Human, you can translate them from meow, I am making notes on my pawpad.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Fence

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Empty Complex

Tabby

“Mrs Human, empty my recycling tray now.”

“It looks empty to me Tabby.”

“I can assure you it is no longer empty.”

“I am sure you can wait, I can see nothing in your recycling tray.”

“That is because it is a natural feline instinct to cover what has arrived in the recycling tray. You also pull that chain thing after recycling. I do not have a chain, am still waiting for the prototype to be developed. In the meanwhile I only have paws to hide the evidence.”

“OK Tabby, I will empty your recycling tray, although I am sure it could wait.”

“If you remember, my first sentence ended with the word now.”

“Of course Tabby, at once, please excuse me for not heeding to your command.”

Tabby food bowl“Mrs. Human, we have another problem.”

“You have made use of your recycling tray again?”

“No, my food bowl is empty. That is a major tragedy Mrs. Human. There are only three hard vitamin pellets in my bowl.”

“I thought you did not like vitamin pellets.”

“That is not the point. Felines must have a full bowl of food, no matter what it contains. It is a psychological foundation to a feline life to have a full bowl. It gives us security, an existential belief that philosophical thinking begins and ends with the feline subject as such. Without a full food bowl, we are lost, wandering entities searching for a target in our meaningless life, be it a pellet, a leaf of catnip or a tuna fish filet garnished with tarrogon. Imagine if a passing feline would see that I have an empty bowl. I would be relegated to the bottom rang of the feline territorial hierachy, a nothing, just a mere whisker of a feline.”

“Oh I did not realise that this would be the cause of such a tragedy. I will immediately fill your bowl Tabby.”

“But not with vitamin pellets, it does not look so good if the other felines see it and your rang in the levels of good feline keeping will be reduced.”

“You mean I am assessed according to how well I look after you.”

“It will be noticed Mrs. Human. A good human slave reflects on the value of the slave keeper. If you are lazy and do not heed to my wishes the other felines will begin to talk about me, all due to your negligence of my well being.”

“I see, would you prefer tuna fish or salmon?”

“Yes, that sounds better Mrs Human. A mixture would be a good idea. In the meanwhile while I am digesting my food, you can empty my recycling tray. No good just playing with your computer, you should do something worthwhile.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Empty complex

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Companions

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I am having a few quiet hours with I, me and myself and need nobody, no-one.”

“I thought I would keep you company Tabby. It must be a lonely life on your own with no other felines to be your companions.”

“Companions, please explain.”

“Other felines that would go for walks with you, someone to share your toys with, perhaps to make a stay over at your home, for company.”

“The only think I would share with anyone, is my dish of hard vitamin pellets, and they could happily take them over. Felines do not share anything. There are so many words you said that do not exist in meow, they are not worth talking about. I am a feline, I, me and myself, and need no-one. For get the stay overs, they would become fight overs. Felines do not socialise, except on pawbook.”

“But pawbook is not real life.”

“I have enough real life here Mrs. Human and in real life  I can assure you, there is no such thing as companions, friends, joint ventures, or walking paw in paw. It only exists on my pawpad and in pawbook. Real life is a bowl of tuna fish, sleeping, hunting birds, sleeping and mice and sleeping.”

“But it seems you are sleeping your life away Tabby.”

“Do you have any better suggestions?”

“Where are you now going Tabby.”

“It is the hour of the day when I search for a place to sleep and do not disturb. I believe you now have the hour of the day when you will tell everyone about it.” 

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Companion

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Summer

Tabby

“No action today Tabby?”

“My brain is always in action, but it is too hot to move. This summer thing is arriving again and I am practicing on how to reduce my movements.”

“It is not that bad Tabby, summer is a good time of the year. Nice warm weather, soaking up the sun and sitting outside in the fresh air.”

“I beg to differ Mrs. Human. Do you see a zip on my fur coat? No, because it is a permanent attachment. If you feel warm, you wear something cooler, like shorts or one of those strappy t-shirt things. And what do I wear, my fur coat of course, no alternative. Imagine living the complete summer with a fur coat.?”

“But that is nature Tabby, and I am sure that your body adapts to the fur coat in summer and winter.”

“No, Mrs. Human, I have to adapt. I spend my spare time searching for shady places, which do not remain shady.”

“You can lay beneath the apple tree.”

“Until the sun decides to move and then the apple tree is no longer a shady place. So I have to move and find another shady place. It is exhausting. I have had to change my sleep programme. Instead of sleeping 23 hours and searching for somewhere to sleep for an hour, I now only sleep 22 hours as I need the extra 2 hours to discover a shady place.”

“I thought you slept outside during the summer.”

“I do not have a big choice do I? Even humans complain that it is too warm inside. At least we felines use our intelligence and stay outside. I will be glad when the days grow cooler again. Perhaps you could organise a paw friendly  AC for my room during the summer, then I could stay inside.”

“Anything else Tabby, perhaps your own ice box to cool your paws and for iced water to drink?”

“Yes, that woul be a good idea for a feline friendly summer – and don’t forget to search in Internet if you find a mail order company for a feline furcoat with a zip.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Summer

Daily Feline Prompt: An Aimless Feline?

Tabby

“Going somewhere Tabby?”

“Not really Mrs. Human, I am bored, no aim in my feline life, I have seen it all and done it all, just having an aimless look in the garden.”

“That sounds very depressing Tabby, cheer up and be happy.”

“Happy does not exist in meow, and hence cheering up is also not possible.”

“But here must be something I can do to improve your state of aimlessness.”

“Nothing Mrs. Human, it has no point. Of course a bowl of tuna fish, or even salmon garnished with a sprig of tarrogon might help. Perhaps a plantation of catnip in the garden would help to raise my spirits. I could lay on it, absorb its psychedelic influence in my whiskers, and there would again be a purpose in my feline 9 lives.”

“Perhaps that is the problem Tabby, we humans only have one life to fulfil and felines have nine.”

“One of the reasons for our superiority over the human race. We can do everything in nine different flavours. What do you think you  are doing with that bag of hard, tasteless viatamin pellets Mrs. Human?”

“I am filling your food bowl to ensure that you have enough to eat.”

“Mrs. Human have you not been listening. I need something to raise my spirits, to disperse my negative feelines, I might become depressive, with negative thoughts, and all you think of is filling my bowl with vitamin pellets. I think I would rather explore the unknown in this garden to disperse my nine suicidal thoughts. As the great feline writer O’Henry Paws said “The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate” which would be the solution to my feline problems at the moment. I will now depart to the unknown heedless of the dangers of the undergrowth in the garden.”

“Ok Tabby, be back in an hour I will be preparing your bowl of tuna fish for tea.”

“You could have told me before, it would have relieved my aimless desperate thoughts.”

“I wanted to surprise you .”

“Surprises do not exist in meow, I think I will stay and avoid my aimless walk into the unknown, life now has a meaning for me.”

“In a bowl of tuna fish.”

“Yes, but donot forget to garnish it with tarragon.”

“Not with cat mint.”

“Mrs. Human, the feline eats with the eye.”

Daily Feline Prompt: An aimless feline?

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Perfection

Tabby

“Tabby what are you doing, drinking that dirty water out of a leaf. You hae a perfectly good drinking bowl with fresh water in your food corner.”

“Mrs. Human, again it seems that humans have a certain imperfection in the understanding of the perfect feline ideas. I am drinking fresh rain water which has collected in this wonderful large leaf. This water is excellent, perfect, with absolutely no impurities, it is fresh and only an hour old. What could be better. It is clear that you find with your strange human ideas, that you are convinced I will have a digestive problem by drinking this water, even perhaps I could be poisoned. Are you so sure that the water you receive through this tap object is better than the water that falls from the sky. No, of course not.”

“Tabby, can I perhaps say something.”

“Of course, go ahead, but I will probably disagree. Humans are not always as perfect as they think they are. As the great Oscar Wildecat said “It is through water, and through water only, that we can realise our perfection”.”

“Are you sure it was Oscar Wildecat, I though it was a human with other words.”

“Stop contradicting me, you wanted to say something, I believe human wisdom on the quality of water?”

“Yes, exactly before I was interrupted by your words on the perfection of water. The water that falls from the sky is collected by humans, processed and purified to enable that what we receive from the tap is fit for human consumption.”

“That is exactly my point Mrs. Human. It might be fit for human consumption, but feline consumption is on a much higher level. Our water should not be processed, but as it falls from the sky.”

“Ok, but we humans cannot lap it up from a leaf as felines can.”

“Another point I wanted to make. Of course you cannot, because the blueprint for your physical shape had mistakes from the beginning. They might have constructed the opposable thumbs, but the perfect tongue was forgotten. On the other paw, I do not really want to share my leaf water with a human, but I prefer to keep it exclusive. Mrs Human you can drink your water from a tap, and I will drink mine from a leaf.”

“And what do you do, if it does not rain and there is no water in the leaf?”

“Then I will drink it from my bowl of course, water is not always perfect, but that enables us to recognise how good the water is when it is collect in a leaf. Just a natural perfect act of Bastet.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Perfection

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline City

Tabby going for a ride

“Let’s go”

“Go where Tabby”

“I want to go places and see things Mrs. Human. My food bowl list had many unfulfilled items.”

“You have a food bowl list?”

“All felines of the 9th life have a food bowl list.

Kill a mouse
Eat a bird
Roll in catnip
Be chased by a canine
Fight with another feline
Have kittens
Have a few paw scars
Produce at least 10 hairballs
Mark the neighbour’s territory
Climb a tree and be rescued by a human
Be awarded the Purple Paw”

“That a lot of items on your food bowl list Tabby.”

“And now I will go and climb the tree along the path.”

“Which one, there are many.”

“I thought that fir tree would be a good start. You can go and prepared the ladder now.”

“What ladder?”

“The ladder you will need to rescue me because I will not be able to descend afterwards but give me time. I want to enjoy the view from the top and will take my pawpad with me to take a photo.”

“Forget it Tabby, I do not climb trees with or without ladders, I would have to get the fire department to rescue you.”

“Even better, you could take a photo with your big camera and post it on Pawbook. All the others felines would be jealous. Otherwise I think I have completed all items on my food bowl list, except for the last.”

“Yes, how do you get the purple paw Tabby.”

“It involves whisker demons, and dangerous missions which may/will cost my 9th life. Usually it is only felines with the 10th life that have The Purple Paw. That is why we do not talk about it. And now you can push me to the bottom of the garden in my new transport system.”

“Actually I organised it to take some stuff to the cellar.”

“Forget it, it is now mine. You have two arms and can carry your stuff to the cellar.”

And so a normal day goes by in the house owned by Tabby and his human slave.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline City

Daily Feline Prompt: Open Feline

Tabby

“Tabby what are you waiting for.”

“And I thought humans were on a higher level to everything else, with the exception of the feline of course. I am waiting for you to open the window.”

“But Tabby, if you just turn your head a little to the rightt, you can see your feline flap and that is always open for you to use.”

“The problem being that it might be open for human understanding, meaning if I approach the flatp and move my head in a certain direction, the magnet that hangs on my collar will cause it to open, because of the opposing poles of magneticsm, yes it is open. However, this means a cerain amount of extra energy being spent on the action which I prefer to save for more worth while circumstances, such as have a complete lick before manoevering myself into a comfortable sleeping position. So open the window.”

“Err, Tabby I think I lost you somewhere.”

“Of course you did, humans are no accustomed to understanding those of higher intelligence. I am still waiting Mrs. Human, move and open the window.”

“But you can enter by the cat flap.”

“This is becoming a déjà vue Mrs.  Human. I know I can enter by the cat flap, but I can also enter through an open window, which is more comfortable. I save energy for more worthwhile tasks, as I already told you. This is becoming a waste of valuable feline time.”

“Tabby stop wiping your paw on my window, you are leaving paw smears.”

“Do I have to repeat my meow. And about time too, was that really to much to ask, to open the window.”

“I thought it over and decided that opening the window was less work than cleaning the window.”

“And now you realise why we felines are on a higher level of intelligence, actions speak louder than meows.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Open Feline