Daily Feline Prompt: The Dramatic Feline

Tabby

“Tabby, you do not have to be afraid of the noise, it is only a thunder storm and will soon go away.”

“Who says I am afraid? Tabby felines are never afraid, we have the MacDonald “M” on our forehead. It is just that we felines had very sensitive ears. I can hear a can opener being used if I am on the far side of the garden.”

“Yes, I know Tabby. I only have to take it in my head and you appear, it is almost like magic.”

“It is not magic Mrs. Human, it is just the feline perfection and knowledge that tuna fish might be involved. Another proof of the inferior human equipment. I have often called you and my wish is disregarded because you do not hear me, or you are not paying attention, which is probably more the reason.”

“I always pay attention to your needs Tabby, but sometimes I have other things to do, like washing and ironing and cooking.”

“Mrs. Human the feline wishes should always be No. 1 on your list. I have never required you to wash or iron anything belonging to me, and my food arrives either in a  large plastic bag containing the infamous hard vitamin pellets, or in a tin where you apply the paw unfriendly tin opener. But these trivialities aside you must realise that a clap of thunder might sound like a normal bang to the undeveloped human ear, but to the finely tuned acoustics of a feline ear it is to be compared to breaking through the sound barrier.”

“That sounds very technical Tabby. I did not know you knew about sound barriers.”

“Of course I do. Every time a plane does it I can hear it.”

“But we have no airports near were we live.”

“Mrs. Human, when will you get the hang of it? You do not have to have an airport nearby. The airport can be in another country as far as I am concerned, we felines hear all and see all, we are perfect. And now leave me to sleep in peace and quiet now that the storm has finished, although there is another one coming.”

“I cannot hear it Tabby.”

“Of course you cannot. Do I have to explain it all again. Mrs. Human either you are not listening, or your human disadvantage of poor hearing quality is the reason.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Dramatic Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Admration

tabby

“Tabby Have you seen my mirror?”

“You mean the one with the pink frame?”

“Yes, do you have it?”

“I need it at the moment as an important object in my personal development.”

“But I need it as well.”

“You have a full length mirror in the hall, to check if you are perfect when leaving my home.”

“You can use that as well, I want the smaller mirror.”

“No chance. I need it.”

“Why does a feline need a mirror?”

“Why does a human need a mirror?”

“I like to be sure that I look OK before leaving.”

“And I like the reassurance that I am perfect. I could observe myself for hours in the mirror. I have such wonderful pointed ears. Have you seen the fur linings? That is a symbol of bravery, and of course an enhancement to my perfect facial aspects. Look at my whiskers: so well proportioned, I cannot believe how perfect I am. Each whisker has its own individual aspect of perfection.  A work of art, each one. Any not to mention my teeth, look Mrs. Human. I am never tired of admiring myself.”

“Very nice Tabby, but showing your teeth is quite threatening.”

“Very nice are not the words I wanted to hear. Each tooth is a proportion of beauty, reflecting my its individual symbolic. I am the perfect feline beauty. No, Mrs. Human leave that mirror here. I am not finished. I have only got to the teeth.”

“But I need it.”

“You do not need it, you just want it. I need it, it is a confirmation of my individual, unique features. I’m not going to lie: I still have days when I walk by the mirror on my way to the food bowl and think “What a perfect unique picture of feline beauty I am”. Can you think the same Mrs. Human?”

“No, not really, but then I am not a feline.”

“That is not the question, it is a fact that admiring myself regularly confirms my status in the feline world. I am the best since they tinned tuna fish. And now I must ponder on all the beauty reflected in the mirror when looking at myself. You may now have the mirror, Mrs. Human, but clean it and remove your finger marks before returning it to me that I have the same detailed perfect reflection.”

Daily Prompt: Feline Admiration

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline and the Wind

Tabby

“That was a quick entrance through the cat flap Tabby.”

“I was being chased, and had to escape.”

“I didn’t see any other felines. Who was chasing you.”

“It was an invisible force, my fur stood up, my ears were pinned back and I even had to close my eyes. There is something unknown out there, I think it is something to do with the leaf soldiers. Probably a practice session.”

“The leaf soldiers, but I though they only appeared in Autumn, when you had to kill them as they fell to the ground.”

“It depends. The enemy of the leaf soldiers is outside, I can feel it in my whiskers. Look at the trees, they are swaying, we are in danger, there is a stronger force than the leaf soldiers, it is the leaf soldier secret weapon, forcing the leaf soldierts to bend on their trees. There was a foce aiming for me and it came from above.”

“Tabby, don’t you think you are confusing this enemy with the wind.”

“The wind?”

“Yes, it blows and when the leaves become weaker in autumn, the fall to the ground. They are not soldiers, just fallen leaves.”

“Calll them what you want, but they fall on my head and are to be followed and pounced on until they are killed. But now we have a greater enemy, the wind?”

“It is not your enemy, you should not try to fight against it. If you turn it will be behind you and can even be a help to push you along quicker.”

“I will have to think about it. But what if it rains as well?”

“You can always come home and wait until it stops raining.”

“I think I will wait until the wind stops blowing as well. I prefer to watch through the window. It is probably some sort of leaf soldier training programme.”

“Yes Tabby, of course.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline and the Wind

Daily Feline Prompt: The Unstoppable feline

Tabby

It is a stress life as a feline, humans do not realise the tasks I must complete. They think all I do it sleep and eat, but I am alert all the time. Even sleeping is a strain, I have to turn in a circle three times until I actually find the correct axis to turn on. You cannot imagine what can happen if I turn on the wrong spot. I might be facing in the wrong direction. How do I know it is the wrong direction? Of course I know, it is a feeling that only a feline realises, something like Mrs. Human not understanding why I do not like hard vitamin pellets in my food bowl. She finds them healthy, I find them yuck. One of the reasons my hairballs always appear after a dinner of vitamin pellets. I like to prove my point and hairballs are the best method of proving to a human the essence of the unstoppability of a feline.

So after measuring the tangent of the sun to my sleeping place, I can eventually turn my three circles and sink into oblivion, although oblivion means something completely different to a feline. Our oblivion is eyes closed but one ear open and whiskers ready to sense a change in the direction of the wind. The nose is also important to reaslise there are unwanted scents in the atmospherics. All felines have their own scent. Mine is perfect of course, but the others? I prefer not to talk about it. Perhaps there might be a territorial invader nearbye, so always make sure you have a quick and direct path to the cat flap. I should remain and stand my cat against invaders? Are you mad, I might lose the fight, fur will fly and there will be scratches. No, it is always better to play safe and escape to the inside of your home.

But I always return to brave the realities of daily feline life. You cannot stop me, and if there is a problem, I can always enrol the assistance of Mrs. Human who is very good at telling other felines to remove themself from my territory. Why do it all yourself, when you have a human slave I always say.

Daily Feline Prompt: The Unstoppable Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: The feline crisis

Tabby

“Oh dear, meow, I have a crisis situation Mrs. Human.”

“Oh dear, can I help you Tabby?”

“I am beyond help Mrs. Human, I despair, I am unsure, I do not know where to turn to.”

“Tabby, this sounds serious. Do I have to take you to the vet.”

“Do you have a death wish Mrs. Human? Defintely not, I will just have to bear with it, and persevere, although it will not get better.”

“Perhaps there is a feline psychologist that can help.”

“Are you insinuating that I need psychological help? I will have to find my own solution, but it will be a difficult road to take.”

“I think you should now tell me all about it. Are you being bullied by another feline perhaps?”

“Of course I am, but that is the feline way of life. If we were not bullied, there would be something missing. I bully Tiddles, Tiddles bullies Roschti, and Roschti only walks through my territoriy because he wants to bully me. No self-respecting feline would not bully. I can live with that. No it is something else.”

“Then tell me about it.”

“You would not understand, Humans never understand feline problems.”

“I might.”

“It is like this. I sit on the grass in the garden in the shade.”

“Is that not so good.”

“That is OK, but then the sun moves and I am no longer in the shade.”

“And that is your problem.”

“Of course it is. How would you like to search for a resting place every half an hour because the sun moves. It is most inconvenient and there is no end to the problem.”

“You could perhaps stay inside, then there is no sun. I believe tomorrow it will rain, then there will be no sun.”

“Is that your solution? Do you realise what that means. Water that arrives from above is almost as bad as sitting in a shady place when the sun moves and afterwards you are in the hot sun beating down on you. There is no cure, I am suffering, I have a crisis situation. It is most inconvenient, as the feline Politician Henry Paws Kissingfur said “there cannot be a feline crisis this week, my schedule is already full”.

“Look Tabby, there is a large cloud coming that will cover the sun for at least an hour.”

“At last, I can relax, my problem is solved for the time being. Although it will return again, I am sure – there is really no relief for a feline when in dire straits.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Crisis

Daily Feline Prompt: The elusive feline problem.

M - Swallow Tail Butterfly

Tabby“Tabby, taking it easy?”

“No, not really. I am metally preparing myself for a stratigic attack. Look up through the branches of the tree. An appetizer for my dinner.

“That is not a meal supplement, but a beautiful butterfly.”

“Now don’t get sentimental Mrs. Human, Butterflies are very beautiful I must admit: a feast not only for the eyes, but for the digestive organs.”

“I cannot agree. I love to see butterflies in the garden.”

“Yes Mrs.Human, wonderful appearance. And now I must concentrate, they can be very elusive.  I have to line it up and target the exact angle of attack. I also have to be patient. It is now quite high, but it will soon descend and then my time will arrive to pounce. I quite like those large butterflies, they have more meat in the body.”

“Tabby, I forbid you to eat that butterfly. I am glad to have them in the garden.”

“I agree again, Mrs. Human, but they only really live for a week. Just imagine this butterfly now only has a day left. They it would not really make a big difference if I ate it today. Would just shorten things up a bit.”

“In that case you could wait until nature takes its natural course and devour it when it is dead.”

“That is not logical Mrs. Human. Have you ever seen a dead butterfly.”

“No, Tabby, you usually eat them before they have a chance to die of natural causes.”

“It is a mercy killing Mrs. Human, and they are recycled as well.”

“Somehow I am losing the logic of your discussion Tabby.”

“Shhhh, look it is preparing for a flight. Watch me.”

“Tabby stop jumping up and clapping your front paws together.”

“Mrs. Human, do not make such a noise. You fightened it away. I missed it and now it has gone to another tree.”

“Quite right to. Why not try to catch a few worms or slugs?”

“Because they are not feline food, we leave them to the birds. It is all a matter of the circle of nature. The birds feed the slugs and worms to their babies, the babies grow up and if we felines are lucky we might catch a bird and eat it. Your see, nature regulates itself constantly, it is all a question of recycling.”

“Ok, but in the meanwhile leave the butterflies alone. They lay eggs that turn into caterpillars which the birds also like to eat. If you eat the butterfly, there are no caterpillars and no bird food.”

“I will have to think that over Mrs. Human, somewhere your logical thoughts do not comply with feline intelligence.”

The elusive feline problem

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Sanctuary

Tabby 03.07 (2)

“Mrs. Human, sit somewhere else, I need isolation. A place for myself where I can relax and let my medidtative thoughts carry me to another place.”

“I am sorry Tabby? I know I am a mere human, but this place you call “my home” does happen to belong to me as well. I also live here and at the moment I am siting on the porch”

“Ok, but stay on the porch and do not walk around my sanctuary in the garden at the moment.”Where are you going now?”

“I am going into the living room. There is something I want to look at.”

“OK, but avoid treading on the carpet, I will be laying there this evening.”

“But at the moment you are laying on the lawn.”

“In the evening it will be carpet time, my inside sactuary, and I really do not want human foot prints all over it.”

“In that case I will have a lay down on my bed.”

“No, that will not work. Laying down on the bed is only for after lunch sleeps and now it is the middle of the afternoon.”

“I did not realise I would have to ask your permission Tabby.”

“Of course not, you should just consider my needs but it would be ok now, Just remember to reserve a place for me next to you when you take your next midday sleep. We must have organisation, cannot have humans taking over my private places when they feel like it and I need a place belonging to my meditative moments.”

“Am I allowed to fill your food bowl with perhaps some tuna fish or is that another part of your sanctuary.”

“Don’t ask silly questions Mrs. Human, my bowl filled with tuna fish is my sanctuary.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Sanctuary

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Clock

Tabby

I really do not see the problem with all this clock stuff. I am glad there are not so many clocks around now, distubing with their ticks. I remember in my kitten days there was a constant tick, tick, in the background with these human clock things. Today life has quietened down thanks to a few feline clock developments and I can now take one of my sleeps without disturbance, although I usually have one ear open, supported by a few whiskers, just to be on the safe side.

It seems everything is digital today. What the humans do not realise is that we felines were doing digital in the olden days, way back when we were clawing our symbols in hieroglyphics in stone. We did not need time, we just had a feeling to sleep or go hunting. You get a sudden twitch in the whiskers, a tense feeling in the paws and the nose of course. If the wind is blowing all sorts of scents will be delivered as a signal to go into action. Who needs time? Time is an  imaginative sequence of inframediate signals, a transitional psychedelic pattern, being filtered through the whiskers and analysed carefully in the tail. Are you following? No, it does not matter, the thoughts of a feline are difficult for a human to comprehend. We are naturally years ahead in our development. We do not have 9 lives for nothing, they are needed for a full analysis to enable our internal clock to function perfectly.

Do you ever see me looking at a clock or watching the digital signals on my Pawpad or Pawphone. Of course not, they are only there for decoration. The time sense of a feline cannot be explained, “it exists, therefore it is” as the great feline philospher Renée Paws Descats said.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Clock

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Punishment

Fluffy Claw

“What is that picture hanging on the wall next to the your sleeping cushion Tabby.”

“That is my latest creation. It is called “The Claw” and will make me famous in the feline world. It is a symbol for our bravery against the foe, and a guiding light for our persistance in the slavery of the humans.”

“That is not very nice, Tabby. After all I do for you, clean your recycling tray, feed you and give you water and the claw is now a symbol of domination against the humans.”

“But you must admit it is very impressive. Its marks remain on human skin to emphasise our dominance.”

“You marks are scratches and they hurt. How would you like it if I hung a photo of a human nail on the wall.”

“It is not the same Mrs. Human. Our claws are our weapons, our defence against wrong doings, and a reminder to follow feline instructions. Remember the last time you got a punishing scratch. It was when your arm happened to cross my path when I wanted to sleep on your bed in the early morning hours and you told me to leave. It was only a small warning to remind you that we are in charge.”

“Yes, but not in my bedroom. At least only during the day and not night.”

“Day and night does not exist in meow, we sleep according to our whiskers and not according to stupid human laws. In any case human finger nails are not the same as feline claws. Our claws are to determine leadership, to spread respect for our feline race. Human finger nails are more decoration than tools of punishment. Imagine a feline with painted claws.”

“Now that is an idea Tabby, what colour would you prefer. Ouch – you see you scratched me.”

“Of course I did, that is what claws are for. And do not even think about painting my claws. I would be the laugh of the black claw gang.”

“The black claw gang. Are they dangerous?”

“We felines are never dangerous, it is just a matter of keeping your distance and showing respect. Come to think of it, can you get nail varnish in black – Tiddles, my pawbook colleague,  would be jealous. I could take a feline selfie. No forget it, you would probably paint each claw in a different colour with some sort of human “isn’t that pretty” idea.”

“It would be no problem Tabby. I could even file them to look better.”

“OK, on second thoughts, all claws painted black and filed to sbharp points, yes that would really impress my feline colleagues.”

“On seond thoughts Tabby, let’s leave it as it is. I do not think I want a Tabby feline with razor sharp black claws. The Tabby “M” on the forehead does the job nicely.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Punishment

Daily Feline Prompt: The slow feline

Tabby

Time for a sleep and take a rest
No need to hurry , just pawing my best
I might take a walk, but I feel so tired
It is all in the whiskers, they are so highly wired
I could go find a mouse, if it wasn’t so far
The problem is always to know where they are
Life is exhausting I am counting my lives
There are not many left, but I will survive
Look there is a butterfly, now that is a trump
They are very tasty, but to catch it I must jump
I do not feel like jumping, using too much strength
It would wear me out, to go to such a length
Life is exhausing, my brain needs a rest
Sleep is what I need, that would be the best
What do I hear, I now have a plan
There is movement in the air, distinctly hear a can
Time for a move, I now have a wish
My bowl is being filled with some tuna fish
It is time for action, I will now take a seat
Time to move fast, there is food to eat.

Daily Feline Prompt: The Slow Feline