Daily Feline prompt: Feline Test

Tabby“I see that Mrs. Human has left the window open, so I will take a walk into the unknown. I can hear birdsong. I am a very keen birdwatcher, and study very carefully their shapes and sizes. I prefer the full bodied bird. I am not so keen on those that just have wings and bones. They must have some layers of nice juicy meat on their bodies. Shall I take the path to the right or the left. Life is full of decisions.  I believe the birds in question are settled in the tree straight ahead

Tabby
which means to keep on the straight path.”

“Tabby, where are you going?”

“Shhh, Mrs. Human, you wil disturb the course of nature. Look the birds have now flown away because of the noise you were making.”

“You are not telling me that you are on a bird hunt Tabby. There is enough food at home. Leave the birds alone.”

Tabby“But Mrs. Human, it is all a part of the test I have to pass in my ornithology lessons. I am not hunting the birds Mrs. Human, I am studying their movements.  I am making notes of their habits, and tastes, and if I pass the test I will be rewarded.”

“I did not realise you were so interested in bird life.”

“Of course I am Mrs. Human. You cannot just pounce and kill. Most birds have a second sense and fly away. You must be wary, and careful. Creep up on them slowly, to maintain the surprise effect and, of course, be as silent as possible. When the birds are convinced that you are no longer there, pounce. If you have learned the lesson well, there will be fresh bird for the evening meal, unless you would oblige by roasting them Mrs. Human? I might even be top of the bird study class.”

“Forget it Tabby, there will be no roasted bird or anything like it. You have your healthy vitamin pellets if you are hungry.”

“Yes, Mrs. Human, of course Mrs. Human.”

“Tabby, are you not feeling well. I though you did not like vitamin pellets.”

“I do not have a big choice do I?”

Daily Feline prompt: Feline Test

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Facade

Tabby

Feline lives are one big facade
One of the reasons I am on my guard
There is always a feline that has sharper claws
It is then that you need the faster paws
It is all in the whiskers but I pretend to be brave
By showing my teeth and my tail gives a wave
I once had eight lives, but lost some on the way
If you hiss at the wrong feline, it is the price you must pay
But I will continue, to fight the good fight
I just make sure that I can see in the night
And if things get tough, and a fight will begin
I call Mrs. Human who will make sure I win.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Facade

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Disagreement

Tabby

“Mrs. Human I am going for a walk, so you have enough time to prepare my evening meal of tuna fish for this evening.”

“Tabby, this evening is not tuna fish. You had tuna fish yesterday.”

“Then what little delicacy are you preparing for this evening Mrs. Human?

“I thought a bowl of healthy vitamin pellets, garnished with perhaps a flower from the garden.”

“Do what. You cannot eat flowers so foget it and I am allergic to vitamin pellets, they cause the production of fur balls.”

“That is not true Tabby. Fur balls are a biological process cause by the non-digestion of grass and other vegetable elements that the feline system cannot cope with.”

“Mrs. Human we can cope with everything, except for the super healthy ugly brown hard vitamin pellets that you call food. You only serve them as convenience food. You can compare them to the frozen fish fingers that you cook now and again for your human meal. Everyone knows that fish swim in water, with help of their fins, they are not rectangular with a coating of breadcrumbs.”

“But they are very tasty and save a lot of cooking time if you want a quick meal.”

“Exactly. We felines are conosseurs, we do not do quick and time saving. We like to savour the flavours of our food, and this is not possible by forcing down the tasteless vitamin pellets.”

“But Tabby, the are healthy and maintain the silky shine on your fur, make your eyes bright and shiny and strenthen your whiskers.”

“Stop reading the text on the plastic bag that the pellets arrive in. You will start believing that rubbish. You are being manipulated by the synthehtic feline food processing industry Mrs. Human. I have decided to return to my roots. From now on I want only environment friendly food, freshly killed with no artificial additives, I have become “megan”.”

“Megan?”

“Yes, it is something like “Vegan” from the human word “vegetable”, but as we felines are not able to digest the vegetable, we are “megan” from the words “meow” and “meat”.  This means that vitamin pellets are now tabu, to be preserved as a reminder of the vitamin pellet killing days.”

“I don’t quite get it Tabby.”

“You do not have to “get it”, just serve a plate of tuna this evenng, or kill a mouse, and I will be happy.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Disagreement

Daily Feline Prompt: Unfinished Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, can you hurry up with the photo, I have some unfinished business to attend to.”

“I am almost finished Tabby. What do you have to finish?”

“I was just about to sharpen my claws when you called for  a feline shooting. I would have preferred to have had them sharp and sparkling before the photo, but as usual you were stressing around with the mobile phone and I had no time. Do you think my fan club will notice that my claws are not as perfect as they should be.”

“I do not think it would matter Tabby. Humans are more interested in your fur and your artistic pose. They are not so much into sharp claws.”

“But if I put this photo into Pawbook, I should really have a closeup showing my sharpened claws. Perhaps you could take a second photo for Pawbook after I have sharpened them. If Tiddles and Cuddles see me with blunt claws, they will spread the word that I am not paying attention to my overall appearance. There is naturally another problem Mrs. Human, even worse.”

“What would that be?”

“When I walk through the lawn my pawprints will not be so impressive and the lotus flowers will not appear beneath my feet.”

“Forget that Tabby. I have told you again and again you are not the feline re-incarnation of Paws Siddartha, you are Tabby with the MacDonalds “M” on your forehead, and no lotus blossoms grow where your paws tread. Tabby, where are you going?”

“Just having a look in the mirror for a paw examination. Look, I can see a leaf already appearing between my claws.”

“That is a blad a of grass that caught up in your paw as you were walking. Lotus blossoms are bigger and not green. Forget it Tabby.”

“But if I have a MacDonalds “M” on my forehead. Perhaps Hamburgers might appear where I walk. I will be the new re-incarnation of the MacDonalds feline.”

“Of course Tabby, so now go and sharpen your claws. No, not on the chair leg, on the tree trunk.”

“Typical human, always something to moan about. Chair legs are much smoother to sharpen claws on than tree trunks. I get splinters from tree trunks, hisss, hiss, hisss.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Unfinished Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Dilemma

Tabby

“I have a problem Mrs. Human.”

“Tabby, are you ill, shall I make an appointment with the vet, or is it serious? I can put you in the cage and we can go right away to the uncle vet. No point in losing time, it could be serious.”

“Mrs. Human, stay cool. There is no reason to go to the vet, it would be wasting his time and mine. I am perfectly healthy. Put the telephone down, there will be no calls made to the vet. Perhaps you should call your human doctor for some tranqilisers to calm you down. We felines do not do half jobs, if our time has come we go and in any case there is always a new life waiting for us. I still have a reserve of 5 lives, so no panic. No, my problem is more in a psychosomatic direction.”

“I know, it is because the lotus flowers do not spring out of the ground when you paw your way through the grass like your feline Siddartha.”

“Is that supposed to be a joke Mrs. Human.”

“No, of course not, just saying. The word “joke” does not exist in meow I believe.”

“Mrs. Human can you be serious? In the words of the great Paws Buddha “To keep the body in good health is a duty… otherwise we shall not be able to keep our whiskers strong and clear” which is the reason for my dilemma. I should maintain a healthy balance in my remaining lives, and that is the question. Here I am doing my relaxation exercises and cannot remember whether I should curl up clockwise, or anti clockwise.”

“Is that so important Tabby?”

“Of course it is. I am in a dilemma. If I slept an hour ago in a clockwise position, I should now maintain an equilibruim by sleeping anti-clockwise. I must keep in tune with the universe, the moon, the stars and the magnetic field surrounding my whiskers.”

“What happens if you sleep twice in a clockwise position.”

“That is a catastrophe. It would bring my complete world to a different dimension.”

“But if your make the wrong choice of how to sleep, you will notice it and can correct it on the next sleep.”

“That is a possiblitiy of course. I will think about it. I think the best solution would be to make a reminder on my meowphone. Of course. “next sleep clockwise” and after the next sleep I can change it to “next sleep anti-clockwise”. Why didn’t I think of that. By the way I have just noticed another note on my meowphone, it says next meal tuna fish.”

“That’s funny, the same is on my iPhone.”

“Of course, I connected my meowphone to your iPhone to ensure that we do not have any dilemmas about my meals.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Dilemma”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Pretense

Tabby

“Hello Tabby, I had to search for you.”

“I decided to make an inspection of my territory to make sure that the other felines were obeying my rules and regulations.”

“But this land belongs to everyone to share.”

“The territory begins just behind me. At the moment I am in no-cats land to see the possibilities of extending my territory, although Roschti the feline next door also has intentions on this part.”

“But Tabby, you do not need more space, you have enough.”

“That is not the way it works in feline territorial rights. The first one to deposit a paw mark and rub the whiskers on a tree has made a claim and it must be defended.”

“What happens when another feline has also pawed and rubbed the whiskers on the same tree.”

“That is where  a conflict situation could arise and then we have to lay down the law and establish our rights.”

“You mean there will be a dispute?”

“Of course, you cannot allow any feline to take over your possessions just because he might be there first. It is a fight to the last claw and whisker.”

“So you are preparing to fight for your territory.”

“I will think about it Mrs. Human. In the meantime I will withdraw to my favourite chair on the porch. It is now your responsibility Mrs. Human. If you notice a feline intruding on my territoriy, just chase it away.”

“I thought that was your responsbilitiy.”

“Not when I am sleeping. You should really begin to earn your right to take care of me Mrs. Human and not be so lazy. This is not a game of pretense. You are my official feline territorial rights protector. Do you really think I would make my paws dirty in a fight? This is not a game, but the real thing.”

“But what if Roschti arrives and wants to take over your territory.”

“That is your problem, just do not make a noise if he scratches you. I am now sleeping.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Pretense

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Panic

Tabby

“Tabby, Tabby! There you are.”

“Of course I am here, where else should I be – no panic. I was relaxing in a wonderful sleep until I heard you panicking.”

“I had not seen or heard from you for some time and could not find you.”

“I discovered a new resting place in your kitten’s room. It seems your overgrown kitten was not here and I discovered this comfortable place. As soon as my paws touched the surface, I realised it was made for me and my luxurious fur. I fell asleep immediately until being awakened by your excited and panicky voice.”

“But I could not find you. I searched all your favourite sleeping places, I even went outside to see if anything had happened. Thank goodness I found you.”

“So now the big panic is over, can I sleep further. By the way I do not have favourite sleeping places, I have sleeping places. Favourite depends on the time of day or night, whether they fit my mood and according to the condition of the nerves. Sometimes I need a soothing place, far from the human influence, which is usually an open door to a cupboard. Sometimes I like to be on the top of the world, in my cushion on the cupboard, where I can look down on my territory and control all the movements in my home.”

“Yes Tabby, that is when I get nervious because you are very high on the cupboard and I worry that you might fall.”

“Mrs. Human, I am feline, I do not fall, I float downwards, and always arrive on my paws. It is the feline law of gravity.”

“But your litter sister Nera once broke her leg because she fell.”

“She did not fall, we were plying who could get to the top of the cat gynmastic center first of all, and I won. She just had bad luck.”

“Which cost me a lot of money.”

“There you have it again, no real care about my condition, I am just a question of what I cost.”

“Of course not Tabby, I think of you every time I see a new delivery of tuna fish at the supermarket. If you had an accident it would be quite expensive to visit the vet.”

“No-one expects you to visit a vet. my injuriesare self healing, being the Siddartha of the feline tribe, with the lotus flowers where I walk.”

“Yes Tabby, forget the lotus flowers, I have never seen one here.”

“Not yet Mrs. Human. And if you saw one growing between my claws you would panic in any case. Forget and let me sleep. I am now in your ovegrown kitten’s room in case you have another panic attack, OK?”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Panic