It is a feline life that I lead: insulted daily by playing the waiting game becase the window is closed. Mrs. Human tells me I can enter at any time I wish, the cat flap is always ready. What she does not realise that leaving through the cat flap is no problem, it is open, but entering? Now that is a tricky piece of work, and a waste of time.Why should I position myself at a certain angle in front of the flap and push with my fragile head to open the cat flap, when my human is quite capable of opening the window. She should be waiting for my entrance at all times, and not disappear to do something human.
Oh, did I mention it, hope is definately not a word that would exist in the Meow Dictionary. Felines do what they want and go where we want to. We also sleep when we want to, there is no question of this funny word “hope”. I do not know where humans get such strange ideas. I do not hope for a bowl of tuna fish, I want a bowl of tuna fish and I get a bowl of tune fish, although no always. My human often mistakes the word “tuna fish” for “vitamin pellets”, but I am working on that one.
So, now to the purpose of today’s meow masterpiece.
I would like to wish all humans reading my words of wisdom a very happy New Year. I would now wish all felines that are following my advice on how to treat your humans with success, a very happy new life next year. Remember, that we should always be considerate towards the unfortunate humans, they cannot help it that they are humans, they were born that way. If you have prolems then I would advise buying a copy of my new Book “How to educate your humans”. For just 5 tins of tuna fish, or two branches of catnip it is yours.