Daily Feline Prompt: The Hopeful/Determined Feline

Tabby

It is a feline life that I lead: insulted daily by playing the waiting game becase the window is closed. Mrs. Human tells me I can enter at any time I wish, the cat flap is always ready. What she does not realise that leaving through the cat flap is no problem, it is open, but entering? Now that is a tricky piece of work, and a waste of time.Why should I position myself at a certain angle in front of the flap and push with my fragile head to open the cat flap, when my human is quite capable of opening the window. She should be waiting for my entrance at all times, and not disappear to do something human.

Oh, did I mention it, hope is definately not a word that would exist in the Meow Dictionary. Felines do what they want and go where we want to. We also sleep when we want to, there is no question of this funny word “hope”. I do not know where humans get such strange ideas. I do not hope for a bowl of tuna fish, I want a bowl of tuna fish and I get a bowl of tune fish, although no always. My human often mistakes the word “tuna fish” for “vitamin pellets”, but I am working on that one.

So, now to the purpose of today’s meow masterpiece.

I would like to wish all humans reading my words of wisdom a very happy New Year. I would now wish all felines that are following my advice on how to treat your humans with success, a very happy new life next year. Remember, that we should always be considerate towards the unfortunate humans, they cannot help it that they are humans, they were born that way. If you have prolems then I would advise buying a copy of my new Book “How to educate your humans”. For just 5 tins of tuna fish, or two branches of catnip it is yours.

Daily Feline Prompt: The Hopeful/Determined Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Tabby Mopes

Tabby

“I am not moping, but life is just not worth living at the moment, at least one of my lives, the other eight are still thinking about it.”

“I am sorry to hear that Tabby, what has happened? You have a warm place to sleep, actually 5-6 warm places to sleep, a full bowl of food and always fresh water. Is there something missing in your lives Tabby?”

“That is the problem Mrs. Human.I have everything I need. Perhaps a diamond studied cat flap and a bowl of tuna fish would help, but even that is not the solution to my mood at the moment.”

“But Tabby you are healthy and that is the main thing. You have your annual jabs every year to make sure that you stay healthy and……”

“That’s it, Mrs. Human, now I recognise the Damocles Sword hanging over my whiskers. The old year is finishing and the new year is beginning.”

“That is good Tabby, you can perhaps even make a new year resolution and begin anew.”

“That’s for the humans, felines do not make new year resolutions, we break them before they are made. No, the problem is January.”

“What is wrong with January?”

“It is the month marked with a black cross.”

“That does not sound very good.”

“It is the month when I am tranported in the car to that place all felines dread, where their dignity is robbed and attacks are made on private parts.”

“No, Tabby, the only place I will be going with you is to the vet.”

“Exactly. Mrs. Human, I am healthy, I feel good thanks to the wonderful vitamin food I am given in my bowl in the shape of hard indigestable pellets. I do not need a vet, I am overflowing with health.”

“I am sure you are Tabby, but I want to keep it like that. The ladies at the vet really like you and the vet finds you are a brave feline.”

“I deserve a Bastet medal for my visit Mrs. Human.”

“And as a reward that you go bravely to the vet, you will have a surprise dinner this evening.”

“Tuna fish?”

“No, Tabby, you just mentioned how glad you are to be given the wonderful vitamin pellets to keep you nice and healthy for the visit to the vet.”

“I said that? Postpone the visit to the vet Mrs. Human, instead I will pay a visit to the feline Dr. Sigmund Paws Freud. I think my problems are more to do with a vetinary complex.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Tabby Mopes

Daily Prompt: Feline Renewal

Tabby

“Sleeping again Tabby.”

“Is that a question or a confirmation Mrs. Human.”

“Depends on the answer.”

“If I was sleeping you would not get an answer, not even a whisker quiver. I am meditating on the meaning of life.”

“You always seem to be meditating on that subject.”

“Mrs. Human it is not an easy question being a feline. We have multiple lives and must consider which life we are thinking about. The meaning of one life is simple, either you have it or you do not, but nine lives. There are many viewpoints to be considered.”

“Oh, I never thought of it like that.*

“Of coure not Mrs. Human, humans never think about anything, they are too concerned with their own life. Either you spend it on adoration for the feline race, and read their wishes from their whiskers, or you do not. I am glad to say you are on the way Mrs. Human.”

“Oh thanks Tabby, I do my best.”

“Which is not enough, if I may say so.*

“You have a problem?”

“I have mentioned from time to time an opression I suffer due to the food bowls constantly filled with hard unappetising vitamin pellets, artificially flavoured with a fish taste, which I doubt originated from a fish, but more a mixture composed in a back street laboratory somewhere and spiced with a touch of attractant to fool me into actually devouring it, but I have now resigned to this method of feline deception, based on the reason that “they are good for you”. I was reading in the “Feline Times” that this is an eternal problem between the inferior human race and the superior divine feline race.”

“But they are very healthy, the vet told me it is the best food for a growing feline.”

“Mrs. Human I am no longer growing, I have reached my full size and at the age of 14 I know what is best for me. And never believe the words of a vet, they never tell the truth. Do not forget my years of wisdom on the human scale have already passed yours, and that in my fourth life, I still have five lives to go, so I will be around for some time.”

“Yes of course Tabby. In that case I do not want to impose on your great knowledge. Tuna Fish this evening?”

“Of course, but I will finish my sleep first of all. I am almost finished, just 2 more lives to renew and I will be ready for anything. Switch the light off when you go, It forces  my eyes to shrink.”

“Of course Tabby, anything for a feline that was once worshipped as a god.”

“And still is Mrs. Human, do not forget.”

Daily Prompt: Feline Renewal

Daily Feline Prompt: Pillaging Felines

Tabby

“Tabby, have you seen my credit card?”

“You mean the one that you use to buy stuff on your computer.”

“Yes, it was in my purse, but no longer and there are some suspicious scratch marks on the leather.”

“Yes, well, not having opposable thumbs, I have to sort of dig my claws into the leather to get a firm grip.”

“Tabby, that is my credit card.”

“Mrs. Human, it is our credit card. We share, although share does not exist in meow, but I allow you to use it for a good cause. I saw there was a special offer on my pawpad for catnip and so I ordered a couple of pots.”

“But it is Winter, too cold for growing catnip in the garden.”

“No problem Mrs. Human, I also ordered the special grow lights and of course the soil to go with itfor growing indoors. You see, I take care of everything for you. It is all in this catalogue.”

“But that is expensive.”

“With a credit card it is no problem. I thought I might include my diamond studied cat flap as well. They are a special price at the moment because the sales are beginning. Shall I choose diamonds or emeralds. Everyone has diamonds, but emeralds would suit the colour of my eyes better.”

“Forget it Tabby. We are not millionaires.”

“Perhaps just a jar of Beluga caviar. It would make a change from the tuna fish.”

“Tabby I will put you on a diet of vitamin pellets and water if you continue. And give me my credit card back.”

“Typical human, no consideration for the needs of a feline. And I was ordering something for you.”

“You were, how generous, with my money.”

“Yes, I thought instead of you having to drag those heavy tins of tuna fish home from the supermarket, it would be cheaper and easier if I would place a gross order. They said delivery will be possible tomorrow.”

“Do what?”

“100 tins, is that OK? Mrs. Human, Mrs. Human. Oh, dear she has fainted, thank goodness I still have the credit card so that I can take care of things whilst she is recoverering. What would she do without me?”

Daily Feline Prompt: Pillaging Felines

Daily Feline Pompt: Feline Ovation

Tabby

“Come on, open the window, I do not have all day, I had things to do and places to go.”

“Tabby, you can enter through the cat flap. You have a special remote control on your collar.”

“I have a magnet on my collar which has a negative pole, to react wtih the negative pole on the cat flap, which opens it atuomatically. I do not have a remote control.”

“Tabby, it is all the same thing. You just have to stand in front of the flap, position yourself in the correct place, and the flap opens and I do not have to open the window for you.”

“Are you joking Mrs. Human, to use a human word which does not exist in meow. I am Tabby, and you are human, thus your purpose in life is to care for my well-being and contentment, meaning open the window. I do not have time to waste with standing in the right place to open a cat flap, that is beneath my dignity.”

“OK, Tabby, as an exception, but you really have enough time to do it yourself. The window is now open.”

“And, what are you waiting for, a standing ovation? It is your privilidge to attend to my needs.”

“So now your can do what  is so urgent and go to your important places.”

“I have nothing urgent to do, that is your job Mrs. Human. Fill up my water bowl with fresh water and perhaps a morsel of food would be necessary.”

“Ok, I bought a new bag of our favourite food today. 10 Kg of healthy vitamin pellets, flavoured with tuna fish.”

“I am convinced that the fish in those pellets are no longer swimming. 10 Kg means at least a month until I get through it all, so calm down. I am not excited, just frustrated realising that I will be chewing on them for a long time.”

“Anything  else Tabby?”

“Do not change the subject. On the other paw, have you vacuumed my cushion on the top of the cupboard and placed it outside in the fresh air.”

“Yes Tabby, it is now ready for your next sleep.”

“Great. I will  now rest for a few hours. In the meanwhile you may prepare a delicacy for my next meal.”

“Ok, sleep well Tabby.”

“Mrs. Human, I am feline, I always sleep well, but remember, I always have one ear listening in a feline way.”

Daily Feline Pompt: Feline Ovation

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Retreat

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, are you ready with your opposable thumbs on the keyboard?”

“Yes, Tabby, you can begin to dictate.”

“So here I am again, meow to all and I hope your catmas stress is now over and you can concentrate on my words of wisdom. Do I have a retreat? Of course, I am permanently in danger of attacks from unknown felines who want to conquer my territorial rights, but I am brave and withstand their efforts. I do not retreat, I fight and make my way in this jungle of agressions.”

“Er Tabby, don’t you think you are overdoing it a little.”

“Mrs. Human I never overdo anything. Just concentrate on what I say.”

“But you always retreat through the cat flap if a feline invades your territory.”

“I do not, that is just coincidence. I would have entered my home for a personal reason in any case. And now continue. Do not forget that our great leader Pawski Joseph Stalin said “In the feline army it takes more courage to retreat than advance” and that is one of the principles of my feline life. I enter the cat flap because I know it is a far, far better thing to paw then I have ever pawed.”

“Tabby you stole those words from Charles Dickens.”

“I did not, I wrote them myself. I was inspired after reading “A Tale of Two Felines”. The feline that survived escaped through the cat flap and the other is still running from the dog.

And to continue. There is no better retreat when you have a full bowl of tuna fish, a bowl of water and at least three sleeping places to choose from. Another advantage would be a diamon studded cat flap which I was hoping for at Catmas.”

“Finished Tabby, can I upload your famous words.”

“Yes Mrs. Human, it will do for today, but do not forget the remark about the diamon studied cat flap I am exhausted on pawing these words.”

“And I am exchausted in making a simultaneous translation from meow to human and writing it down and there will not be a diamond studied cat flap.”

“Mrs. Human, we all have our problems and mine is the diamond studied cat flap which I was really expecting to receive as a Catmas gift. I had to do the brainwork, planning and thinking of what you should paw for me. I will now take a rest to recover. My best ideas arrive when I am sleeping.”

“Yes, Tabby, I noticed.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Retreat

Daily Feline Prompt: Festive Feline

Tabby

“Going out Tabby?”

“I am thinking about it, on the other paw it is not really so inviting. There is no action and no birds. Is this Christmas thing now finished, can we get back to a normal feline-human relationship where your time is entirely devoted to me and my needs, or do I still have to indulge in your effort at decorating my food bowl with a holly twig? I do not like holly, it has sharp edges.”

“Oh, sorry Tabby, I thought it would put you in a festive mood.”

“Huh, “festive” does not exist in meow. Can you eat it.”

“Not really Tabby, but it might mean that you get tuna fish to celebrate the occasion.”

“Oh, I see, then I will make a suggestion to Bastet that the word will be included in the meow dictionary, having the meaning as “festive=tuna fish celebration”. Yes, I am sure that would be a success amogst the learned felines as myself.”

“No Tabby, you have got the wrong end of the meaning. It does not mean “tuna fish celebration”, it would mean that you would be happy and celebrating.”

“In that case I will cancel the idea, “happy” is anti meow.”

“Our Christmas is only finished the day after tomorrow Tabby, so we have another day to celebrate.”

“Catmas finished yesterday.”

“That was a short festive occasion.”

“We now have Feline Moon feast.”

“Oh, I have never herd of that. How long is it.”

“Until we decide it is finished, but usually all year until Catmas. We have to fill in the days somehow, and meowing at the moon is worthwhile.”

“But it is not always such a large moon.”

“Who cares, big moon-big meows, new moon-new meows and in between we have the normal meows. Yes, we felines are a festive folk.”

“I thought you was striking “festive” from the meow dictionary.”

“I changed my mind, it might come in useful.”

“It seems to me you are always changing your mind.”

“Yes, it’s a feline thing, humans will never understand it, but lower forms of life have problems with a super intelligence as ours”

Daily Feline Prompt: Festive Feline