“Tabby, have you seen my credit card?”
“You mean the one that you use to buy stuff on your computer.”
“Yes, it was in my purse, but no longer and there are some suspicious scratch marks on the leather.”
“Yes, well, not having opposable thumbs, I have to sort of dig my claws into the leather to get a firm grip.”
“Tabby, that is my credit card.”
“Mrs. Human, it is our credit card. We share, although share does not exist in meow, but I allow you to use it for a good cause. I saw there was a special offer on my pawpad for catnip and so I ordered a couple of pots.”
“But it is Winter, too cold for growing catnip in the garden.”
“No problem Mrs. Human, I also ordered the special grow lights and of course the soil to go with itfor growing indoors. You see, I take care of everything for you. It is all in this catalogue.”
“But that is expensive.”
“With a credit card it is no problem. I thought I might include my diamond studied cat flap as well. They are a special price at the moment because the sales are beginning. Shall I choose diamonds or emeralds. Everyone has diamonds, but emeralds would suit the colour of my eyes better.”
“Forget it Tabby. We are not millionaires.”
“Perhaps just a jar of Beluga caviar. It would make a change from the tuna fish.”
“Tabby I will put you on a diet of vitamin pellets and water if you continue. And give me my credit card back.”
“Typical human, no consideration for the needs of a feline. And I was ordering something for you.”
“You were, how generous, with my money.”
“Yes, I thought instead of you having to drag those heavy tins of tuna fish home from the supermarket, it would be cheaper and easier if I would place a gross order. They said delivery will be possible tomorrow.”
“Do what?”
“100 tins, is that OK? Mrs. Human, Mrs. Human. Oh, dear she has fainted, thank goodness I still have the credit card so that I can take care of things whilst she is recoverering. What would she do without me?”
Dear Tabby, You felines are truly an advanced species. The only thing I understand in your story is “tuna fish”. What is this “paw-pad” this “credit card” this “beluga caviar” of which you speak and can I use them somehow, too? Eagerly awaiting your response, your friend forever, Dusty T. Dog
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Meow Dusty
Don’t bother your doggy head about these things.You have an owner that deals with it all. These are problems of the gods,as we are. You cannot imagine the stress I have sometimes, bearing on my whiskers, when I have to do all the organising for my human – she is so helpless. If I point her in the right direction, she might understand. Just do what your human says, let her do the thinking. As soon as the canine pawpad arrives I will let you know. With credit cards you cannot buy bones, I think that is more a do-it-yourself job. Bear up Dusty, you will get there some day. In the meanwhile just give your human a lick now and again, they like that sort of thing.
Tabby T. Cat
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I usually just gaze at her with an adoring expression, but that’s because I adore her. I hope that’s as good as a lick. Yours always, Dusty T. Dog
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Young adult children and I have had remarkably similar conversations, except without threats of vitamin pellets and water. Maybe I SHOULD have threatened them with vitamin pellets and water. It might have worked out better.
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My young adult children are no longer so young, and they have their own credit cards now, so I must have done something right on the way.
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