Daily Feline Prompt: Strange feline perfumes

Tabby

Something is wrong here. “Hey Mrs. Human, Mr. Human, I am supposed to take a walk outside, the great outdoors.” I was just take a view throught the window, wondering which path to take. I did not have a big choice, I noticed all the doors in my place were closed – strange, they are usually open and then I saw it and smelt it, the dreaded cage. This can only mean one thing, it is that time again.

“No Mrs. Human put me down”. If I spread my paws and grip at the sides, that will stop them. No it doesn’t, I am trapped. “Mrs. Human what are you doing with the top of the cage – No, let me out, I want to go home.”

and that was it. Trapped and locked in a metal cage. “Mr. Human, where are you taking me?” No answer, this can only mean one thing. And now into the thing they call car. A loud noise, and I can see light ahead. Look, trees, we are passing trees, and I can see water falling from the sky, but I am not getting wet. I quite like these journeys in the car, lots of interesting places to see, but just a minute, Mr. Human is now stopping and opening the door. I am floating through the air, at least the cage is. I have a suspicion. “Mr. Human this is a mistake.”

Same place same time again, on the table at the vet. She is prodding and looking into my eyes and now holding me. “Ow” that one hurt, but she is now stroking me and telling me it is all over. No, what an insult, she is looking at my wonderful teeth. Where are we going, on the scales. She said 4 Kg 700 grammes, the same weight as last time. Of course I am careful with putting on weight, I have the pefect feline figure.

And now I am sailing again in the cage, back to the car. Mr. Swiss is moving the car. Trees again are passing by, houses, and I can see birds. I can now smell that home is near. Leaving the car, back to my normal surroundings. The lid is open, I am free. Now what was I doing before we left? Ah yes, I was thinking about taking a walk outside.

What were the vet’s last words “Same time same place next year”. Oh well, what’s a year?

Daily Feline Prompt: Strange feline perfumes

Daily Feline Prompt: Human or Feline Replacement?

Tabby

“Tabby, where are you?”

“I am viewing the extent of my territory outside.”

“Ah, yes I can see you, sitting in front of the window again.”

“Actually I think it would be time for a makeover. Spring is arriving and my paths should be improved upon.”

“You will have to be patient Tabby, I will organise the gardener and he will come in a month to organise things.”

“In a month, by then the mice will be out in the fields. I want to take my chances whilst they are still building their tunnels. Every human should know that.”

“Tabby I am no longer as young as I was, and cannot manage the gardening work on my own.”

“Mrs. Human I think I will have to find a new human who is fit enough to care for me and my territory. You used to read the wishes from my whiskers, now I have to remind you of your duty.”

“You think so Tabby?”

“Definitely. I saw a shout out for someone wanting a kitten in your Facebook last week. I could make a call for a human slave to take care of my needs in Pawbook.

Yes,

Human needed for 100% care of feline, no free time allowed and permanent residence permit.
Regular filling of food bowl when empty with tuna fish – no vitamin pellets allowed
Care of recycling tray
Regular care of hairball collection
Regular cleaning of various sleeping cushions
Permanent observation of window for opening when necessary to allow entrance of feline.”

“You mean my services are no longer needed Tabby.”

“Decisions must be taken Mrs. Human, even presidents have to be firm. We cannot have humans sleeping on the job and moving around all the time. I have to have a control of all movements at all times.”

“Oh, in that case you could perhaps move to where Roshti lives. He heard that you are unsatisfied with your feline kingdom and said he would not mind taking your place. He loves the healthy vitamin pellets, and likes to stay in places where he is needed. He will even take care of his own hairball collection and is quite happy to take over your territory as it is, with no alterations. Yes, I think I could easily adapt to Roschti, we would get on like a human-feline house on fire. He even has a wonderful red coat.”

“Do what Mrs. Human? Does not come into the question. I am not letting that red coated horror feline put a paw over my cat flap. Forget it. I am not letting anyone into my territory, it is mine and is to be preserved as it should  be.”

“I thought you were moving out Tabby, and searching for a new human.”

“I changed my mind Mrs. Human – for the time being.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Human or Feline Replacement

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline in the daffodils

Nera with daffodils in garden

“Look Mrs. Human, that’s my litter sister Nera surrounded by flowers.”

“Yes, Tabby, she liked to sit amongst the daffodils in Spring when they flowered.”

“I remember Mrs. Human. She found that their colours matched her luxurious silky fur.”

“Someone talking about me?”

“Nera, on a visit. Mrs. Human has fainted again.”

“She always faints when I reappear, must have a nevous constitution.”

“Perhaps we should have more understanding Nera, she is a mere human and they only have one life. They are not used to having 10 lives. Anyhow how are things up in the Kingdom of Bastet. Are they feeding you well?”

“No problem Tabby, I help myself. It is not called the etnernal corn chambers for no reason. The mice reappear every day. Some even have golden whiskers, the same colour as the flowers on my photo. How I am looking, just as pretty as ever?”

“Sort of, although your outlines are getting a little be thin at the edges. I must say that yellow ring over your head looks good.”

“That is my halo, all the best felines get one. Bastet said I am one of the best and might get promoted to feline first class. I now have a complete regiment of mice under my command. How are you keeping Tabby.”

“Bearing up Nera, but she is still trying to feed me those hard vitamin pellets.”

“Yes, I remember Tabby, that is why I brought you some provisions, look.”

“Oh great, two mice with golden whiskers.”

“But eat them before you know who sees them. She has a thing for mice with wings.”

“Yes I know. They are very tasty Nera.”

“That is because they are prepared with feline abrosia.”

“What’s that?”

“You only get it where I am now living, don’t ask, just be glad for the supply. And now I must go, Mrs. Human is waking up.”

“Did I see Nera Tabby?”

“No Mrs. Human, it must have been an illusion, she is now in the eternal corn chambers.”

“What is that spicy smell, have you been eating a mouse, I can see the tail.”

“Where, I don’t see a tail anywhere.”

“Oh it has disappeared, that’s funny.”

“Don’t worry Mrs. Human, there are things between …. you know.”

“Not really, but I am sure I saw Nera.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline in the daffodils

Daily Feline Prompt: Automatic Feline

Untitled

Being a feline, I have a tail
It follows me over hill and dale
Sometimes it curls, sometimes it is straight
It is always there, my faithful mate
I cannot control it, it does what it will
Although it depends on the way that I feel
If I am happy it is upright and tall
If I am miserable it is hard to install
The secret of the mood swings is a delicate trick
It lays in the secrets of quantum mathematic

Daily Feline Prompt: Automatic Feline

Daily Prompt: Feline Filters

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I have been reading in a human scientific magazine and discovered sonething very interesting to improve my quality of  my drinking life.”

“Tabby, there is not very much to improve. You have everything you need.”

“A feline never has everything, there is always room for improvement. Do you filter my water before you fill my water bowl.”

“It is already filtered Tabby. The drinking water we have is clean and has no impurities.”

“Are you sure? I read you can buy filters to make water even better.”

“That is not necessary Tabby, your water is good enough.”

“Good enough for who? A feline. Mrs. Human we felines deserve more consideration. Water is the feline wine and vintage is everything.”

“I always give you clean water from the tap.”

“But it has no kick, no flavour.”

“If you mean that the water you drink from the puddles outside is better, it is not. It it full of impurities.”

“You could perhaps fill my bowl with bottled water. I read that bottled water is full of healthy minerals and I am sure it would be more tasty.”

“So is the water from the tap Tabby.”

“But it is not the same. I am sure water in a bottle is better.”

“No, Tabby, I am not buying bottled water when the water we have at home is just as good.”

“I only want to improved the quality of my feline life.”

“Your feline life does not need improving.”

“Mrs. Human I will have to think about that one, there is always room for improvement.”

Daily Prompt: Feline Filters

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Simplicity

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I had a dream.”

“I suppose you would Tabby. When you sleep at least 23 hours a day you must dream a lot.”

“No Mrs. Human, I do not mean that sort of feline meditative dream, I had an action dream where you are involved as my assistant.”

“What do I have to do now, I do not have room for a fish tank to keep your own tuna fish.”

“No Mrs. Human, life does not revolve around tuna fish, at least not all the time, only when I am hungry.”

“Ok, so what is your wish.”

“I do not have wishes, only needs. You must build a wall around my territory to keep out the invaders and foreign elements.”

“Sorry, do what?”

“A wall. If I have my own wall, life will be so much better for all.I will not have to share with other felines that always want to invade my territory. They drink from my water bowl and Roschti, the neighbour’s feline has even eaten vitamin pellets from my food bowl inside when you leave the window open.”

“No Tabby, I do not build walls. I am not living in a place where we need walls to keep others out.”

“But other humans command it to be done. And you should build the wall now, there is no time to lose, before they begin to arrive and intrude and move in on my territory.”

“Tabby we have two or three felines also living here, so there is no danger that they will possess your territory. They have their own territory where they live. Forget it. And Roschti only ate some vitamin pellets from your bowl. I thought you did not like them.”

“That is not the point Mrs. Human, what’s mine is mine. Other felines are different, they smell different, and some even have other sorts of whiskers or are fluffy.”

“No Tabby, does not come into the question that I am surrounding the garden with a wall. And who is going to pay for the wall.”

“I thought you would pay at the beginning, but afterwards we could charge the invaders to pay a share a well.”

“How do you want to do that. If there is a wall that prevents them from entering, they certainly will not pay for it”

“You are the human, you can organise that part of it.”

“And what about the mice that live on the other side of the wall, and the birds that sit in the trees on the other side of the wall. They will no longer be available. You will be stuck behind the wall alone and no longer be able to share everything outside the wall.”

“Oh, that part was not in my dream. I only dreamt that there was a wall to keep everyone out.”

“Think about it Tabby, walls are not always the answer. You will be missing a lot if you are walled in. And you will definitely no longer be allowed to enter the territory belonging to the other felines. They might build a wall as well.”

“Ok forget the wall, I was just being progressive.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Simplicity

Daily Feline Prompt: 10 cats

Tabby

“10 little felines sitting on a tree, one fell off and then there were three.”

“Tabby what is that supposed to be?”

“That is my poem for today’s prompt.”

“But it does not work that way. If there are ten cats in a tree and one leaves the tree there are then nine cats left and not three.”

“Who says so?”

“It is human logic Tabby.”

“Yes but it is not feline logic Mrs. Human. If I said “then there were nine” it would not rhyme with tree.”

“Then you will have to alter the words to something that rhymes with nine.”

“Ah, I see, someting like “10 little felines sitting on a sign, one fell off and then there were nine” – is that logical enough.”

“It rhymes, but it is not really logical Tabby, because there would not be enough room on a sign for ten cats and why would they sit on a sign.”

“But why would they sit on a tree. Chances are that that if they climb the tree, they would be risking a life to return because climbing down trees is not a feline thing. We only climb up. Sitting on signs is more sensible, they might not be so high.”

“But felines do not sit on signs usually.”

“That is because they prefer to sit on trees and sign rhymes with nine, or perhaps they could sit on a line?”

“No Tabby that does not make sense. How can 10 cats sit on a line, it means having room and width for 40 paws.”

“It’s a stupid prompt in any case. It only makes sense if you have 10 tins of tuna fish in the cupboard, or 10 catmint twigs. Of course, I might have 10 whiskers although now and again I lose one. Mrs. Human, I find this prompt not such a sensible prompt, but wait I have the solution “10 little felines sitting on a tree, 7 fell off and then there were 3″ now that is perfect.”

“Yes Tabby, great, but you did not say why each cat fell off to complete the poem.”

“Mrs. Human, if you want some cat logic, we do not fall off of trees, because we have claws on our paws to maintain a grip on the tree, so the whole thing is no logical, human or feline and lets forget the whole thing. Where’s my food bowl with the tuna fish, now that is logical. “One bowl of tuna fish looking very sweet, one is enough for Tabby to eat.”

Daily Feline Prompt: 10 cats

Daily Feline Prompt: Devastated Feline

Tabby

“Tabby keep still, I want to take a photo.”

“What again, you are always taking photos of me.”

“That is because everyone likes to see you. You could perhaps wave a paw and smile when I take your photo.”

“And do an irish jig as well? I am a feline, worshipped as a god in the old country and my status is to be respected. So how do I look?”

“I thought you did not like having your photo taken.”

“Did I say that? I was just stating the fact that there are times when I would rather do something else than pose for a photo, although I must say you have captured one of my serious states of whisker mind. It shows the determined me, with a motivation reflecting in my eyes. I know what I want and I will get it no matter what.”

“And what do you want Tabby – a nice dish of vitamin pellets.*

“Mrs. Human you are so good at devastating my hopes for a decent meal. We still have at least four tins of tuna fish in the cupboard.”

“Yes, but there is still half a 10 Kilo bag of pellets.”

“Those pellets seem to survive everything.”

“They do Tabby, they have a eat before date until the end of the year.”

“Oh great, I am now eating fossilised pellets. We now have January and I will still be eating from the same bag at Catmas.”

“They are very economic to buy Tabby.”

“How nice, now you are saving money on me as well. My ancestors are turning in their pyraminds, they were treated as something special, they had their own mice territories, nothing preserved or from tins.”

“Oh, then I should not open a tin of tuna fish for your dinner.”

“As one of our great feline fighters said “Every time we consume vitamin pellets, we contribute to feline devastation and the wasteful misuse of resources on a global scale”, so open the tin now, my existence depends on it.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Devastated Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Oversight

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, you can change that heading on my blog. Felines do not make oversights, it does not exist in meow. We do everything with a purpose.”

“So you intentionally slept on the top of the cupboard. I thought you now preferred to sleep on the settee.”

“It is a matter of how the mood takes me. I decided it was time to see the world from above and how it was developing. You get a completely different perspective if you look down on things, although it is also a matter of interpretation. Even humans tend to see things as they want to see them. I read of an important human that estamated from looking down, that he was the most popular human in his job, because everyone wanted to see him.”

“And what did you deduce from that Tabby?”

“He was wrong, there were spaces in between where the grass was being covered up to protect it, but there was no-one to protect it from and so he had made an oversight. He was not as popular as he believed he was although he still thinks he is. So are the humans, they see things they want to see.

I do not have this problem Mrs. Human, from my perch up here I see my queendom that stretches as far as I can see. My food bowl in the kitchen, my chairs in the living room, and my beds in the bedrooms. I can even see my territory outside, which is still covered by the dreaded snow.”

“It is not all yours Tabby.”

“Of course it is, I just let my staff use it to keep them near so that my wishes can be fulfilled.”

“Oh, sorry, my oversight.”

“And now I will descend.”

“Be careful Tabby, take the stairs. No, do not jump.”

“No problem Mrs. Human, I am feline and feline is all powerful, as I said we make no oversights. That is probably one of the basic differences between humans and felines.”

“Yes, Tabby I am sure you are right.”

“So where is the tuna fish, I am ready to eat.”

“At once Tabby.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Oversight

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Success

Tabby

“And as the bravest of all felines took a step onto the frozen layer of snow, she knew she had conquered all obstacles. Mrs. Human was there to take a photo of this memorable moment in time, a symbol for all felines, yes we can do it.”

“Err Tabby, don’t you think you are overdoing it just a little bit.”

“I am not overdoing anythig Mrs. Human, they are the closing words of my newest publication “The Call of the Feline”. I have decided to record the details of my battle with the white death.”

“You were fighting a battle?”

“This was not an easy task Mrs. Human. One day I arose from one of my beds, I am not quite sure which one, but I think it was the one on top of the wardrobe. I descended and found it was time to take some fresh air. It was then that the truth hit me, fresh air was combined with a risk. Outside everything was white. Where was the usual friendly, inviting brown surface of stones and earth? Where was my favourite tree? Everything had been transformed, there was a new evil sent into this feline world and it was cold. It froze my paws at a touch, my whiskers were becoming brittle. It was then that I was forced to retreat.”

“That is true Tabby, you did retreat for at least a day.”

“Almost a day Mrs. Human. I did not give up immediately. I needed time to think about it.”

“And did that help?”

“Of course, a feline always thinks things over. We do not dive into risks with all four paws. The second day arrived and the dreaded white curse was still laying across the feline land.”

“Sounds good Tabby.”

“Yes, that was the beginning of the second chapter. I wanted to build up the suspense to keep the reader interested in my fate.”

“And afterwards.”

“I thought about it again (third chapeter)”

“It seems to me you were thinking about it a lot.”

“Of course. Everest was not conquered by taking a walk, it all had to be planned. Equipment had to be organised, tents had to be placed in strategic places.”

“How did you manage on the journey Tabby, did you have a tent.”

“You cannot compare Mount Everest to my territory. I did not need a tent, I managed to find shelter beneath the remaining parts of the hedge. I also found the container for garden rubbish offered some sort of protection. You are breaking my concentration Mrs. Human.”

“Sorry Tabby.”

“To continue: the brave feline fought its way placing one paw carefully after the other and praying to Bastet that he would not sink so deep that his disappearance would not be noticed until the warmer weather returned. Bastet was with me and I crossed the snow fields unscathered.”

“I must have missed that part Tabby. I thought you only pawed your way to the path and back, where there was no snow.”

“I will ignore that last remark. And now for the final part, a photo of me against a background of snow, after completing my journey into the unknown white world.

My memoirs of this journey to the unknown are now available. Orders may be placed on my Pawbook site. 5 tins of tuna fish for one copy of my book and if you wish for a personalised copy complete with paw print, it will be two tins extra.”

“Finished Tabby?”

“Of course, I now have to recover from the exertions of writing.”

“Planning any new adventures?”

“I was thinking about it “How I managed to rescue my hairball after being covered by an avalanche”.”

“I am sure that will be exciting, definitely a best seller.”

“Of course.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Success”