Daily Feline Prompt: Snack Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, my bowl is empty. I thought I had left a morsel of tuna fish for later.”

“There was a morsel, but it was so small that it dried up in the heat and I had to throw it away.”

“Throw it away? But it was my rescue from starvation. I left it for later in the case that I would have hunger pains.”

“I thought you were finished with the bowl, and there was only half a bite left.”

“Half a bite is the difference between death by starvation and losing another one of my precious lives.”

“Don’t exaggerate Tabby, you still have a full bowl of vitamin pellets.”

“Vitamin pellets, that is really no comparison. I am talking about food, juice and taste bud enjoyment. I need a snack and not a fully blown up meal of vitamin pellets that I have to force down my throat and drink a bowl of water afterwards to send them on their way. I want my tuna fish snack.”

“No, Tabby, too much tuna fish is not good for you. You eat so much that you leave your vitamin pellets which are more nutritional.”

“Nutritional definitely does not exist in meow, although I think somewhere in the archives of meow it is a synonym for filleted mouse or marinated bird which I never get here in any case.”

“Humans do not filet mice or marinate birds.”

“Ok, then I will have to make do eating the mouse raw, although I might have to cough up a fur ball aftrwards. Same with bird, it will definitely produce a feather ball.”

“Ok Tabby, point taken. How would it be when I roast a chicken for me and Mr. Human for dinner and give you some pieces on your plate.”

“Mrs. Human, I do not do “pieces”, as you describe it. I am a feline, once worshipped as a god and my ancestors were not burnt at the stake or drowned in ponds with their witches to be reincarnated and eat “pieces” of chicken. Try me with a wing, or a leg – fileted of course. The bones might cause me to choke. And to save you work, you do not have to spice the chicken, I prefer the taste pure with no added flavours.”

“Oh I am glad Tabby, it would save me time not having to spice it.”

“No problem Mrs. Human, I am always willing to assist then I can. But don’t forget to debone it.”

“Of course not Tabby, we cannot have you coughing up bone-balls.”

“You are learning Mrs. Human. It is a long process, but you will get there eventually. Do not forget to wake me when the chicken is ready.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Snack Feline”

Daily Feline Prompt: Magnetised Feline

Tabby 27.06 (1)

“Having a wash Tabby?”

“I am actually having a paw nail manicure.”

“That must be very tricky.”

“Yes it is Mrs. Human. I must examine each claw for foreign matter. There is nothing worse that having a claw fight with another feline and you cannot produce a good clean scratch if there are pieces of earth and stones in between. Now I have to clean out that white stuff the builders are using. It is softens my blows. I have a reputation to keep up.”

“Tabby claws are not only for use in feline fights and I am glad when you keep out of trouble.”

“Trouble does not exist in meow Mrs. Human. What is the point of having a claw if you cannot defend yourself with it. It is also a matter of reputation. I do not want the other felines calling me a cissy because I have blunt claws.”

“But you have no reason to fight other felines.”

“We felines do not need reasons. We just apply logic. We are all conceited, angry felines, protecting our territories and food. We are under constant threat from other felines  and above all we dislike each other.”

“It must be a lonely life being a feline Tabby.”

“Lonely, never. We all hate each other, so we all have something in common. And now leave me to clean, polish and sharpen my claws.”

“But not on my table leg.”

“Mrs. Human this table leg is perfect, the best quality wood for sharpening claws.”

“And afterwards it will be full of scratch marks.”

“Of course, it will, you can show it to all your human friends and tell them what nice sharp claws I have.”

“Tabby go outside and sharpen your claws on a tree.”

“But the tree will not like that.”

“And neither does my table.”

“But the tree told me that it does not want me to sharpen my claws on its trunk. Your table says nothing because it is dead material. Every feline knows that trees, and walls, are to be respected.”

“Tabby this conversation is a little too philosphical for my simple human understanding, just go and sharpen your claws somewhere else.”

“Your bed supports?”

“Tabby!”

“Ok, Ok, just asking.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Magnetised Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Sunny Feline

Tabby

“No Mrs. Human, I do not want to go outside, I will get a sun stroke.”

“Tabby you have been sleeping all day inside, that is not healthy.”

“It is healthy for a feline. We need our sleep to recover from the engergy we use searching for sleeping places. You cannot be so cruel as to send me out in the burning sun, my wiskers will shrivel and I have still not found the zip on my coat yet. I am sure the opening is at the back of my neck which is impossible to reach with teeth, tongue or claws. If I went outside I would be doomed, exposed to the hot sun beating down.”

“Do not exaggerate Tabby, it is now cooler. It rained all night.”

“I know, and that was another attempt to remove another life. It was not just rain, it was bombs being dropped everywhere: noise and flasing lights. I had to find somewhere indoors to sleep.”

“But it was just a storm and after an hour it went away.”

“An hour? That was an hour of my fifth life. And now you expect me to allow this weather torture to continue by going out in the sun.”

“You can shelter beneath a tree in the shade.”

“I am in constant shade indoors on this comfortable chair and do not need to go anywhere.”

“But the sun has now disappeared behind a cloud.”

“That is a trick, as soon as I go outside it will appear again. You cannot trust the sun. It is all a scheme arranged between the clouds and the sun. And now leave me to sleep. I might venture outside in the evening when the sun switches itself off. Mrs. Human keep an eye on the sun and let me know when it goes away. I suppose in a way I like the sunny weather, I can at last get around to getting enough sleep.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Sunny Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline on Wheels

Tabby going for a ride

“That was fun Mrs. Human, I no longer need to wear my paws out with walking, you can now push me to where I want to go.”

“Tabby, come out of that trolley. I want to fill it with books to take down to the cellar.”

“But I do not want to go to the cellar Mrs. Human and I cannot eat books. You can push me to my food bowl in the kitchen.”

“Tabby, this is not a new transport system for felines. This is mine.”

“Mrs. Human from the day when I adopted you your possessions were no longer yours, but automatically became my property.”

“No way Tabby. I am not pushing you everywhere. You have four legs that can take you where you want to go.”

“Mrs. Human, I am saving my energy. When you park the trolley in the kitchen you can leave it there. I will call you when I wish to go further. Perhaps you could wheel me into a nice shady place in the garden afterwards.”

“Tabby you have enough energy to go places on your own. Imagine how the other felines would laugh at you when they see you being pushed everywhere.”

“Wrong Mrs. Human, the feline intelligence does not work that way. If we see another feline that has less exhausting work to do, it is when our “copycat” programme comes into action. If I have a human transport system on wheels, then the other felines in the area will also want one. Mrs. Human you could make a  fortune selling this system to other humans owned by felines. I would even be prepared to share the profits. I would pay you with a handful of hard vitamin pellets for each feline carriage that you sell and I would keep the three tins of tuna fish for me. That is a fair deal.”

“No Tabby, that is not a fair deal. What am I supposed to do with vitamin pellets?”

“Typical human, you expect me to eat them, but you would not touch them.”

“Tabby this is another one of those conversations that lead nowhere.”

“I agree Mrs. Human, so now you can push me to my food bowl, to make sure it leads somewhere.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline on Wheels

Daily Feline Prompt: Local Feline

Tabby 23.06.2017

I always stay local, it is my territory marked with my own flavours. I am sure you can see the lotus blossoms spring out of the ground as I walk. You cannot see them? That is because they are really only there for feline eyes. This territorial thing can get a little probematic. There might be a new feline in town, one that wants to  claim my territoriy as his.

Unknown Cat 24.07.2017

This example arrived a couple of months ago. He is a lookalike Tabby, but not a real genuine Tabby like me. they say he is a Bengal, whatever that is. I noticed he was in my territory as there was an unfamiliar smell in he air, not as perfumed and sweet smelling as mine. I was going to chase him away, but then I noticed his claws were sharper and longer than mine and he showed no respect for my possessional rights.

Luckily Röschti, the feline next door, had the same problem. We do respect our local rights to territory here. Röschti is quite good at feline fights and this new arrival decided to move on after an encounter, but he is still here. Mrs. Human says he has expanded his area of walks and she saw him near the river. I must have a word with Roschti, Perhaps a little push in the right direction could do wonders, especially if this new arrival on the territory cannot swim.

Otherwise we felines know what is ours. Only yesterday Roschti took a walk on the border of my territory, but I was watching and following with my eyes. He saw me and walked on. He has respect for felines like myself, once worshipped as gods. I have seen many felines come and go, but I have conquered them all, although Mrs. Human said they moved away because their human slave no longer lives here. I am convinced they moved away out of respect for my territorial rights.

Daily Feline Prompt: Local Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Cringe with a Feline

Tabby

“Tabby, daily I take a photo of your to show all your fans and daily you sleep in the garden.”

“I am not an object for taking photos with your telephone camera Mrs. Human. I am too busy in the afternoon for photos.”

“You don’t look very busy at the moment, you are sleeping again.”

“I did not hear the word “again” and I am not sleeping. I am meditating.”

“What are you meditating Tabby.”

“I am in a deep thought process about whether to remain where I am, or whether I should change my sleeping place to the sun bed. Oh the decisions in a feline life.”

“Perhaps you could sit on the sun bed and wave a paw.”

“Do what?”

“That would be a lovely photo for all your followers.”

“Of course Mrs. Human, how stupid of me. I am only here to pose for photos. Is that better.”

“Wonderful Tabby. What are you doing now?”

“No problem, I thought you would like an action photo. I was just preparing the manufacture of a hairball. Ready with the camera?”

“No tabby, that is not the sort of photo to show to thousands of your followers all over the world.”

“But it would be unique. I would even like a copy on my pawpad photo programme, to browse in a spare moment.

What are you doing Mrs. Human?”

“I am cancelling the last two photos. No-one wants to see a hairball manufacture.”

“Now that is a shame. I so wanted to send a copy on my Pawbook page to show the kittens how to do it properly. Lesson one in how to be a successful feline “Production of a Hairball”.”

“Better to send a photo of you washing, to show the kittens how to do it properly.”

“That would not work Mrs. Human, I would get into trouble with their mothers. That is a process that only maternal parents teach their kittens. I would be intruding. There are places we wash that remain a secret between our tongue and …..”

“Ok Tabby, I get your point. Just go back to sleep, I really did not want to intrude in your private life.”

“See you again tomorrow with the camera Mrs. Human, same place, same time and same sleeping position.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Cringe with a feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Illusion

Tabby

“Are you sleeping Tabby?”

“Of course not, I am just resting my eyes and tail and savouring the peace and quiet of my territory until someone asked  “are you sleeping?”.”

“Did I wake you up?”

“No, of course not, it was just your voice that woke me up asking a silly question, although I was actually floating in my transcendential state of mind pondering on the meaning of my lives that stll remain. I had a dream and saw myself walking paw in paw with the feline next door and then I reaslied it was not a dream but an illusion.”

“I am sure the cat next door would be glad to take a walk with you paw in paw.”

“That is a human illusion. Felines do not walk paw in paw, we do it all on our own. When you live by the law of “I, me and myself” you do not waste time walking with other felines. Never trust a feline, you never know what they are thinking.”

“That is true Tabby, I never know what you are thinking, although it usually revolves around food.”

“That is an illusion Mrs. Human. I relly have other important things in my life than food.”

“Such as?”

“Sleep, if I am not distrubed by the human factor asking me silly questions about whether I am sleeping.”

“Ok, point taken Tabby. And what are you going to do now.”

“Well I think I have now dealt with the sleeping part of the equation. What about the second part, E=mc2.”

“What does that mean.”

“Now that is not an illusion. Energy=the cat catches the mouse twice, as the great feline scientist Albert Paws Einstein established, meaning that if the mouse is not avaiable, tuna fish does it just as well.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Illusion