Daily Feline Prompt: Substandard Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, can you see it? I thhttps://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/substandard/ink I will have to undergo whisker surgery.”

“Everything looks OK to me.”

“Mrs. Human, do you have whiskers?”

“No, they are reserved for other animals, like dogs and cats. Even mice have whiskers.”

“Do no insult me Mrs. Human.”

“But your whiskers are perfect.”

“You must make a detailed examintion. The fourth whisker from the top is wilting, it is disintegrating. That is the beginning of becoming old. I will become bald, whiskerless.”

“I am sure they will grow again.”

“What do you know? And look at the bottom whisker, that is a mere shadow of a whisker: no substance, I will be the laugh of the territories: the feline without whiskers.”

“Don’t be so dramatic Tabby, all felines lose a whisker now and again.”

“I am not just a feline, I have a reputation to maintain. Make an appointment for a whisker replacement.”

“I don’t think that vets specialise in that sort of thing.”

“Vet? I need a qualified plastic surgeon, one that knows his handwork. Perhaps you could organise a catalogue so that I could select an approriate whisker.”

“Tabby, whiskers are whiskers, there is no choice.”

“I don’t want any whisker, substandard whiskers are not my wish. Perhaps they have gold whiskers, or even a silver whisker would suit my style. Do you think it will hurt?”

“I am sure it will not be painless, but you could always have the operation under anaesthtic.”

“Is that good?”

“It would mean you would sleep during the replacement operation.”

“Oh sounds painful.”

“That is the price you would have to pay for beauty and I don’t think your insurance covers whiskers.”

“Who needs an insurance, I just need a new whisker. Do you think my whisker will grow again.”

“Of course Tabby, and I am sure it will be the most beautiful whisker in the territory.”

“You are not kidding me, are you.”

“Of course not Tabby.”

“Then stop making human laughing noises.”

“Where are you going Tabby.”

“Want to have another look in the mirror, to see if it has grown since yesterday.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Substandard Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Lust

Tabby

“Meow, this is the life.”

“Happy Tabby?”

“Happy does not exist in meow, just I me and myself, which if the pefect state of being. Of course a bowl of tuna fish, or some cat nip would complete my feline bliss, but you cannot have everything.”

“I saw Roscti, the feline next door, taking a walk. Perhaps you would like to join him?”

“I don’t think so, we do not see whisker to whisker, although we do share one interest.”

“What would that be Tabby.”

“Roschti wants to take over my territory and I want to take over his. We have had many claw and hiss discussions about it, but somehow we never reach an agreement.*

“But you could become such good friends and share your territory.”

“Hey Roschti, do you want to share my territory?”

“Forget it, but I would make a takeover bid. Choose your weapon: claws or teeth.”

“You see Mrs. Human, there is no point so let’s just leave things as they are. Roschti glares at me from over the fence and sharpens his claws on his pile of wood, and I watch him from my side sharpening my claws on my tree. We get on perfectly well together. Bascially we have common interests and a have a mutual lust for fighting.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Lust

Daily Feline Prompt: Felines are not pests

Tabby

Me a pest? I am always at my best
Meow and again I just take a rest
Life is hard when you are a feline
I am so contented and really never whine
My purpose in life I am so sure
Is to empty my bowl and then meow for more
Sometimes I take a walk to see I can still do it
I might find a mouse and then decide to chew it
I meet other cats and want to be their friend
but it doesn’t work that way and qickly comes to an end
So lives go on, I still have five that remain
I must now have a sleep, it will refresh my brain
Do not forget, felines are never at their worst
and most important of all, cats always come first.

Daily Feline Prompt: Felines are not pests

Daily Feline Prompt: Shallow Feline depths

Tabby

Another obstacle to conquer in my daily feline life. Shall I jump over the bottomless pit, or return and go the other way. If I jump I might not reach the other side and lose one of my remaining 5 lives on the way. It would not be a soft landing with all those boulders at the bottom. I might even break a claw, even worse a paw or a leg.

On the other paw I am the feline wonder, fear nothing and achieve everything. It is really only a small step for a feline but a large jump for a lost life and it could have consequences. If I arrive at the other side who knows what I may encounter. They took my normal walk away. It was then shallow, with no depth. I could walk across to the other side, but then there was no other side if I remember rightly. They took my tiles away, they removed my right to walk on the safe side and now all that is left is jumping over the pit.

On the other paw it is not really very far. If I calculated the trigonometrous values of the jump, assuming that falling would be at an angle of 90°, the cosine, tangent and sine must also have their correct values. As Paws Pythagoras said, the square of the whiskers is equal to the sum of the squares measured from the tail to the nose, including the left back paw or was it the right back paw. Of course it depends upon the congruency of taking a leap across the gap, which I should really be aware of. Of course when the feline collapse of the superposition of a qubit meows enough times, we find an equation that describes its superposition, the probability that it will result in a zero or one more whisker of balance. Are you following me? It doesn’t matter because I seem to have lost a whisker on the way.

I have decided to give the whole thing up. No good risking another life just to get to the other side. I will sleep it over. In the meanwhile the gap might go away.

Daily Feline Prompt: Shallow Feline depths

Daily Feline Prompt: Hidden Feline

Tabby

“There you are Tabby, I was looking for you everywhere.”

“And now you have found me, so you can stop looking.”

“Are you hiding beneath the leaves.”

“Feline do not hide, we just like to go into seclusion now and again to contemplate.”

“That is interesting, what are you contemplating?”

“I was actulally contemplating how to avoid silly discussions which tend to interfere with my daily routine, unless you wish to discuss today’s menu card.”

“Tabby there are other things to life than food.”

“That is a matter of how you look at life. I still have five lives left, so it could be a lengthy contemplation.”

“What happened to the first four lives.”

“You really do not want to know Mr. Human, and there are certain things that even a feline prefers not to discuss openly. There are secrets we prefer to keep hidden from others and only discuss by telepathy in our monthly meetings.”

“Monthly meetings?”

“Yes we felines have a monthly conference to compare how we lost the lives we lost to help to prevent further losses. It is our self help group, “Lost Lives Anonymous”. It is quite useful, but only for felines, although if you would like to join I could organise a motion. It is quite easy, when the meeting begins, the newest life losers appear and say “My name is ….. and I have lost a life” etc. etc. and then the meowing begins.”

“Thank you Tabby, but I do not think that is my sort of thing. We humans only have one life to lose.”

“Ah yes I fogot, we felines thought of everything from the beginning.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Hidden Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Tea for a Feline

Tabby

“Where have you been Tabby?”

“I was on a scientific excursion.”

“Scientific? That sounds interesting, but wipe your paws before entering, they are very muddy.”

“That has to do with the discoveries I made. I was on the search for the perfect water supply. It had been raining, so I examined a few different puddles. Water is not just water of course. I noticed the water laying on the south side of the meadow had a much more mellow taste than that on the north.”

“I did not realise that water tastes vary.”

“Of course they do, it depends on the flavours where the rain falls. If it is a storm the water is very strong, and goes to your head. That is when placing one paw in front of the other can be problematic. Roschti, the cat next door, even begins to sing some drinking songs if he drinks too much. No head for drink, I say. I prefer to take my water in small sips, not too much as once.”

“You mean that Roschti can get drunk on the water.”

“Some cats do have a problem, no control and just cannot stop. You should see him if he mixes it with catnip, then he is completely out of control. He doesn’t even come home, but stays out all night. The last time he was found sleeping in a pot of flowers. talking to a geranium: I think he is becoming a waterholic.”

“That sounds bad. I hope you have everything under control.”

“Of course Mrs. Human, I only drink water when I know where it comes from. Not just any water and take it in small measures. It is no good just gulping it down. That only encourages hairballs and not such nicely formed hairballs. Too much liquid is …….”

“OK Tabby, I get the message, no need to go into details. I hope the water in your bowl is to your taste.”

“Looks OK, probably a strong flavour of purification, but you cannot have everything. Even the most stupid feline, Donald Paws Trump once said “I’ll drink water. Sometimes with mud, which I like. Sometimes river water, which I like. I’ll drink different things. But the water from my favourite spring  in the MacDonalds restaurant, boosts you up most of all.” But his ideas are so watered down, they make no sense in any case.”

“Would you like some tea Tabby for a change.”

“No thanks, that would go to my whiskers and they might change their colour or droop.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Tea for a Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tradition

Tabby

“Tabby, are you breaking with tradition?”

“I didn’t break anything, it wasn’t me, it was the dog.”

“Tabby we don’t have a dog.”

“Then it must have been the feline next door.”

“No, Tabby, no-one broke anything, it is just a figurative way of speaking.”

“Sound like a waste of words to me. Wake me when it is time to eat.”

“But that is the break with the tradition.”

“I don’t get fed?”

“No Tabby, you never sleep on that chair.”

“Never say never Mrs. Human, it depends how the mood takes me. I thought I would try it out, but close the window, there is a draught.

“Of course Tabby. Tabby where are you going, I have closed the window.”

“I have changed my mind and would prefer to sleep outside on my garden chair. It is more comfortable.”

“By the way can you tell me what that dead mouse was doing under the table outside.”

“It was probably doing nothing if it was dead. Do you mean that mouse with the head missing.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“It was the dog.”

“Tabby we do not have a dog.”

“Then it was the cat next door.”

“I seem to have had this conversation before.”

“Yes life does tend to repeat itself.”

“Where is the mouse now?”

“I put it in the garbage.”

“You did what? That would have served nicely for supper.”

“So you killed the mouse?”

“I don’t bite heads off, I always save the best until last.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tradition