Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Memory

Tabby

Now where was I. Ah yes, I was just having a wash, but what was I washing. I have raised my left back paw and it is half way up, so according to the law of feline progression somewhere above the waistline must need a scratch with a wet paw. Although I am not really sure if the paw is wet or should be wet. Did I lick it, or was it the front paw I was licking? According to the law of averages and feline logistics it should be a scratch on the ear. I generally lift the back paw for this reason and the paw is still dry. Yes, of course, this means that it was a normal scratch in the fur to improve the cirulation and kill anything that might be lurking in the roots.

Oh the problems in a feline life. Perhaps I should perform an intimate wash. We females are not like the tom cats. They don’t care, and do not bother. I can smell Roschti approaching, the feline who lives next door, before I see him and he thinks it is all part of being a tomcat. No, we felines are very modest and prefer to have a thorough wash and not just a quick lick. Mr. Human could you please put the camera away. There are actions I prefer not to be photographed.

And so to continue. I think I have now done it all and there is no piece of fur left unattended, and now I am ready. No Mrs. Human, I am not going for a walk, just want to be clean for my next sleep.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Memory

Daily Feline Prompt: Enamoured Feline

Tabby

The case is quite clear, but I cannot resist to tell you all what a perfect feline I am. I captivate everyone with my perfect body, streamlined to conquer all objects. I am also highly intelligent. My brain capacity exceeds all. There is no feline more clever than I am. Yes, I am supercat, the conqueror of the felines. Mrs. Human counts her blessings daily that she is my chosen human.

I appointed her to care for all my needs. She was chosen to be the human amongst many fighting for the privilege to obey my commands. There are times when I must remind her with a paw scratch or perhaps a waking meow hiss when she is sleeping, but slowly she is realising the responsabilities of her life’s work. There is no other work as fulfilling as to serve a feline daily. Today I again used my recycling tray. She was overjoyed that she again had the task of emptying it. The weather is now changing and it is no longer so pleasant to leave my scents outside in the garden. Mrs. Human was resting and so I again fulfilled her dream of having something to do and called her to attention.

Our slaves are not rewarded for resting or sleeping, they must be in action at all time, otherwise it could be that they become forgetful of the great honour bestowed on them to fulfil the life of a feline.

She is enamoured in me, that is quite clear. What would she do witout me? She would have no purpose in her human life. I have a small correction to make with the feeding programme, but even this will be adjusted according to my wishes. Tuna fish first and at all times, vitamin pellets forbidden. She is getting there. No, just a moment.

“What is that Mrs. Human.”

“I was at the supermarket and they had a special offer for your favourite flavours in vitamin pellets, 2 pakets for the price of one, so I though it would make you happy. You know how much you are enamoured in those wonderful vitamin pellets that are good for you.”

“Of course, Mrs. Human. I think we should have a talk under four eyes, one set of whiskers and four claws”.

Daily Feline Prompt: Enamoured Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Rhyme

Tabby

I wanted to go out, but they shut my door
My door is closed and locked, so I meowed for more
They did not want to listen, I was feeling very bad
So I sat down on my chair, which was really very sad
This made me very unhappy, it was really not a wow
I did not have a choice, so made a loud meow
On the other paw why bother, I will not begin to weep
I turned my usual circles and settled down to sleep

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Rhyme

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Magnetism

Tabby

“Tabby, are you still sleeping?”

“No the sleep process has been terminated. I have other duties to perform. My inner magnetic intuition tells me that I should begin a washing session.”

“But you have only been sleeping, and are not dirty.”

“It has nothing to do with dirt. We felines are never dirty. It is a magnetic attraction steered by the tongue combined with an impetus to lick the fur. Of course there is a licking programme to be followed. We begin on the plus side, where the paw meets the face. The paw is licked and then systymatic strokes are made at the back of the ear. You should always wash behind the ears my mum said.”

“That is what human mothers tell their children as well.”

“Mrs. Human, do not interrupt or dare to compare the secret methods of feline washing with human washing. We are magnetically equipped for our cleansing sessions. Humans must always use additives such as soap and water, which is usual to creatures on the lower scales of the biological system. We felines arrive in the world fully equipped with everything necessary – we need no additional help, we are independent and can do it all on our own.”

“Yes, I noticed Tabby, although sometimes there are places that you lick where I would not want to go.”

“Believe me Mrs. Human, I would not even ask you to and they are the minus positions of the magnetic force. After the ears we continue to the face and then it gets serious.”

“Really, how does that happen?”

“We just established that you do not want to know. But there is the manicure session which can get very detailed. Every claw must be cleaned until all foreign bodies are removed.”

“You have foreign bodies?”

“I usually dispose of them and if they are tasty I eat them.”

“Tabby I don’t think I really want to know the sordid details.”

“They are not sordid Mrs. Human, they are facts of feline life.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Magnetism

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Homage

Tabby

I know what you are all thinking so I will not disappoint you. After all, day for day you tune it to the Cat Chronicles to read my wise words of feline philosophy according to my feline perfection.

I cannot help it, but I am great, the best, the most perfect feline. Where I walk lotus flowers spring from my paws, my meows are a delight to the ears, renowned for their perfection in tone and balance. Oh, I am so good.

Not to mention my wisdom. Thousands wait for my magic words daily. Well OK, Mrs. Human says 20-30 if I am lucky, but usually about 10-20, but what are numbers. In meow we have only the purrs that count, and many are clinging to every word I write, full of the wisdom of feline life. Even humans recognise my feline wisdom, shared to all. I am so generous with my advice and you get it all for free. I do not wish to profit from your adoration of my unique values, I am donating my feline advice daily to all, although now and again a can of tuna fish is very much appreciated. In payment you will receive a  photo of myself with a paw print.

I can see you all reading every valuable word I am pawing for you all, clinging to its meaning in your life. You are benefitting from my feline knowledge. Do not pay homage to me, I can do it myself. On the other paw you may spread my praise to others that they can also savour the benefits of my daily prompts and their meanings of true feline life. I am the best and don’t forget in the words of my hero Hairball Paws Trumpcat, “My whole life is about winning. I don’t lose often, actually I  never lose.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Homage

Daily Feline Prompt: Dignified Feline

Tabby

“Tabby, could you perhaps just lift your front paws a little more.”

“Do what Mrs. Human?  My paws are comfortable in the position they have at the moment.”

“It is not a question of comfort, but of dignity. They are looking very awkward as they form a closed circle over your tummy.”

“Mrs. Human, have you ever seen yourself when you are sleeping after lunch.”

“Of course not.”

“Yes exactly, well I have when I accompany you on your after dinner sleep. Dignity does not exist. Your have your arms strentched out in all directions. Imagine the problems I have searching for a comfortable corner to rest my weary body on your  bed with arms and legs in undignified positions.”

“Then you can move and sleep on one of your many favourite places.”

“No, that does not suit me. After human dinner I prefer a human bed. I have more room. And now I am feeling very comfortable with support on my back from your flower box. At least the workmen have pity on me and have now placed a nice soft comfortable cloth on the ground, radiating warmth.”

“That is only temperary Tabby. It is there to protect the tiles if objects fall on them.”

“You mean I am laying in a danger zone. I could get injured by a falling brick or stone, or even be punctured by a screw or nail. Mrs. Human you could take more care of me.”

“It is not so dangerous Tabby and we now have the week-end so nothing will happen. With your connections to the wall I am sure the wall will warn and protect you if anything might happen.”

“Don’t be silly Mrs. Human, Walls do not hold conversations and they only protect themselves. They can be very selfish.”

“But you constantly stare at walls and you said it is all done by telepathy.”

“But only telepathic creatures can hold conversastions with walls Mrs. Human.”

“Oh, I see that explains it.”

“And now I will rest my head on my paws if that meets with your approval. We felines know how to sleep with dignity, unlike other inhabitants of this planet.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Diginified Feline

Daily Prompt: Feline Inhabiting

Tabby 24.08 (3)

Just to get things straight, felines do not just inhabit, that would be a waste of purring time, we move in and take over. There is nothing as demoralising as moving into a space especially prepared for you. There are some humans that are of the opinion that a soft cushion in a corner and a bowl of food is all that it needs for a happy feline. Felines are never happy, it does not exist in meow, we always need that extra care and attention and we dictate the organisation.

A cushion? that I do not laugh in the meowing sense of the word of course. One cushion in each room is the minimum to expect and in higher places. We felines generally look down on everything else. A food bowl is naturally important, but positioned in a clean place on its own. We do not like to be watched when eating. Of course not any food bowl, there are various designs now available. I noticed on my pawpad there is a food bowl with Versace design now availble, I am now working on that. Mrs. Human finds it too expensive, so I am persuading her that nothing is too expensive for the feline that chose her as personal slave. She does not yet agree.

Of course I chose Mrs. Human from the various applications I received when I was searching for appropriate living quarters. My mum said choose carefully, and make sure your chosen human has tuna fish in the kitchen. This was the driving force behind my choice, but mum did not say you neeed a can opener and human with opposable thumbs to open the tins. She also forgot to say that some humans live by the motto “hard vitamin pellets are good for you”, I am still working on that one.

Otherwise I am basically satisifed. She moves out of my way when I need a clear path, I have my own private entrance and exit, although there are times when I wish for more attention in opening windows for other places.

As said, I do not inhabit, I own. It is cats first and don’t forget it.

Daily Prompt: Feline Inhabiting