I know what you are all thinking so I will not disappoint you. After all, day for day you tune it to the Cat Chronicles to read my wise words of feline philosophy according to my feline perfection.
I cannot help it, but I am great, the best, the most perfect feline. Where I walk lotus flowers spring from my paws, my meows are a delight to the ears, renowned for their perfection in tone and balance. Oh, I am so good.
Not to mention my wisdom. Thousands wait for my magic words daily. Well OK, Mrs. Human says 20-30 if I am lucky, but usually about 10-20, but what are numbers. In meow we have only the purrs that count, and many are clinging to every word I write, full of the wisdom of feline life. Even humans recognise my feline wisdom, shared to all. I am so generous with my advice and you get it all for free. I do not wish to profit from your adoration of my unique values, I am donating my feline advice daily to all, although now and again a can of tuna fish is very much appreciated. In payment you will receive a photo of myself with a paw print.
I can see you all reading every valuable word I am pawing for you all, clinging to its meaning in your life. You are benefitting from my feline knowledge. Do not pay homage to me, I can do it myself. On the other paw you may spread my praise to others that they can also savour the benefits of my daily prompts and their meanings of true feline life. I am the best and don’t forget in the words of my hero Hairball Paws Trumpcat, “My whole life is about winning. I don’t lose often, actually I never lose.”