Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Circle

Tabby

Circles are not just circles, they are a key to a good solid feline sleep, but it must be organised.

Humans just climb into that large sleeping cushion, close their eyes and made strange noises. We felines approach the sleeping phase with more care.

First of all you find a nice soft place, preferably radiating warmth. Even a stone floor can be suitable. Either it has some sort of warmth from below, known as floor heating, or outside on a sunny day where the warmth comes from above. We felines are not fussy about where the warmth originates, it just has to be there. Now comes the delicate part of the sleeping system. We do not just plop into our cushion, in the human style, we consider the earth’s magnetical field which we measure by whisker vibrations. This decides which compass direction we face.

We have our methods to choose the suitable laying tangents. You must stand upright on all four paws to receive the correct sleeping signals and then begin to revolve in a circle, usually clockwise in the northern hemisphere. I believe our larger relations, known as lions and tigers, are more into anti-clockwise living in the southern hemisphere, although I must check  on my pawpad.

So having made our preliminary circles we sink, arranging our paws in the process. Now the sleep process can begin. We close our eyes but our whiskers and ears are still responding. There might be a signal of a tin opener somewhere and you would be missing life’s best opportunties. When this is coupled with the scent of tuna fish in the air, then it is advisable to rise immediately and investigate the cause of the disturbance. In the book of Bastet it says that food comes before a wash and a sleep: chapter 302, verse 87. And then you return to your sleeping place for a further 15 hours or more of sleep, not forgetting the pre circled preparations.

Are you listening kittens, these are important guidelines for a happy feline life: first the food, then the wash and afterwards the sleep.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Circle

Daily Feline Prompt: Witty Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human what is that funny noise you are making?”

“That is not a funny noise, we humans call it laughing when we see something funny.”

“What was funny?”

“I just read a joke where a feline approaches a brick and says “Take me to your leader”.”

“Oh, is that funny?”

“Of course, the feline thought that the brick was alive.”

“Of course it is and walls are to be taken seriously. Every individual brick has a purpose in its life.  The Feline was asking a very important question. The brick was part of a groups of bricks, and the feline wanted to know where the chief brick was, as it was probably all part of a wall, and walls are very important.”

“No, Tabby, walls are not alive, they are dead material. Buiders attached bricks together to form a wall.”

“But walls are important parts of daily life. I could stare at them for hours and always find something interesting to ponder.”

“Tabby you can stare at a wall as much as you like, but they will not suddenly come alive, they are dead material.”

“But if they were so dead, why does one brick sit alone waiting for an interesting question.”

“They do not sit alone, they might be part of a wall, or waiting to become a part of a wall.”

“That is exactly what I mean. They are waiting and looking forward to becoming a wall. You should not ignore bricks Mrs. Human, but help them on their way to becoming a wall.”

“No Tabby, they could come in useful, just  being a brick.”

“You mean we can have interesting conversations with them and discover more about how it is to be a brick.”

“No Tabby, I was thinking more of using them in the garden to support my large flower containers.”

“That would be brick discrimination Mrs. Human. To reduce a brick to a support, and it is destined for much more important work.”

“Such as?”

“Being part of a wall of course. And now you must excuse me, I have more intelligent things to do than talk about brick walls.”

“Yes Tabby of course. What are you doing?”

“I am having a lively telepathic discussion with the wall at the bottom of the garden and gathering advice on the meaning of brick life.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Witty Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Launch

Tabby renovation 12.09.2017

This was a careful launch as I was not certain if my landing would be safe. Since the builder humans have moved in on my territory my five remaining lives are not longer the same. Every step  I take is threat to one of them. There used to be tiles outside, nice and firm and you could walk on them with no problem. They have taken my tiles away, although Mrs. Human says they are still there, just covered up – humans have excuses for everything. If you cannot see them, they are no longer there – quite obvious.

So they took my exit step away and have now replaced it, but it is not the same. My old step was a good companion, this new step has put itself in the wrong place and I have a gap between it and the new bridge to my queendom. No-one asked me. I found that very annoying. This new step does not like me, I noticed at once.

You can see my own private entrance on the right, the so-called cat flap. This now hovers in space. I am getting vertigo attacks every time I use it to conquer the space leading to the ground. I have to launch myself through the flap with exact calculations. Even my feline gift of quantum mathematical solutions does not help. I have to apply aeronautics.

And so, being a south paw, I put my left paw first, support myself with the other three paws, stretch and hold my breath and all being well I arrive on the other side. I am continuously cleaning my claws and paws as these builder humans are very careless where they put their rubbish. Mrs. Human says they will soon be gone, perhaps they will all lose their last life soon.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Launch

Daily Feline Prompt: Bad Feline Coincidences

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, switch off the sun, it is distrubing my sleep pattern.”

“Tabby, it is not possible to influence the weather, it just happens.”

“Then make it unhappen. Whenever I want to relax outside the sun shines. That is more than a coincidence, the sun is forming an attack.”

“You can always go inside where there is no sun.”

“That will not work. I will miss all the action.”

“There is no action Tabby at the moment.”

“Of course there is. The leaf soldiers are gathering for a new assault and I have to keep my eye on them. I have pinned on of them with my nose to stop it moving on and making a new attack.”

“Tabby that leaf is dead.”

“How do you know? It might only be acting dead and secretly planning to kill us all.”

“Tabby, it is Autumn and leaves die and fall from the trees in Autumn.”

“Another threat to the feline race. First of all we cannot switch off the sun, and now we are being attacked by the leaves. The world is becoming a dangerous place, there is even water that falls from the sky trying to drown us, not to mention the wind that assists the leaves to move.”

“Tabby that is nature.”

“Nature does not exist in meow because it is not feline friendly. And now you have switched the sun off, I am glad,”

“Tabby I did not switch the sun off, it has been covered by a cloud.”

“Cloud? Those white things that float in the sky. I am sure they are dangerous. If one fell from the sky that could injure me.”

“Tabby clouds do not fall from the sky, they float around.”

“And things that float eventually sink. You see Mrs. Human, my 5 remaining lives are in danger. Look another leaf has fallen, they are coming to get us Mrs. Human, mark my meows.”

“Yes Tabby of course, just be careful that the sky doesn’t fall on your head.”

“They are the exact words my friend the chicken said.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Bad Feline Coincidences

Daily Feline Prompt: Focussed Feline

Tabbby

Here I am again – did you miss me? After my trip to planet Koschka I returned tired but happy. It was nice to see the gang again and to focus on the problems of feline life, like what to do when a wall crumbles. This was an important point on the agenda.There were many of us that had suffered disappointment, mainly due to the human influence of destroying walls, because they were “in the way”. Walls are never in the way, and to a feline they are an important part of our life. We focus on walls, sometimes for hours. We concentrate, we stare, and yes, they stare back.

As ambassador to planet earth I gave a speech on the progress of our race, assuring all that attempts to enslave the human race were progressing. It was always felines first, but I have been informed that there is a human element  deciding to put himself first. It has been decided to attack this human, but he is strange, and is never where he should be. We have now contacted the golfing felines, the ones that like to run after the balls in the game and hide them. They are to enforce more effort in the golf ball captures, to undermine this new human leader in his intentions to  build a great wall around the felines. He is convinced that  nobody builds walls better than him, and he intends to make the felines pay for the wall, in tuna fish. This must be stopped, but we have a plan.

I now have many new contacts in Pawbook and we will be exchanging our views on hairballs and litter trays in the Meow Messenger online. I must now go, we have a problem, one of the golfing cats has produced a red hairball and now the Washing felines have a problem.

Remember you can’t focus when the mouse is in front of your nose, do not forget felines are short sighted. If the mouse is on the other side of the field, then walk softly and pounce, and don’t forget the tuna juice as a supplement to the meal.

Daily Feline Prompt: Focussed Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: The Planet of the Felines

Tabby

“That is a perfect photo Mrs. Human.”

“That is a terrible photo Tabby, very scary and not showing you from your best furry perspective.”

“It depends on the purpose of the photo. This is a very important photo, and will be valid for my fourth life.”

“For your fourth life.”

“Yes, it is my feline clawport photo, and we have to renew the document each time we travel to another place, with the relevant life photo.”

“Are you travelling to visit your feline friend Roschti?”

“He only lives next door and I do not need clawphoto for that. It is that time again for the Annual General Feline Meeting on Planet Koschka, and as an important member of the diplomatic core, I must attend to give my report on the planet earth and the progress being made with the enslavement of its humans.”

“That sounds very important. Will you be going by starship?”

“Mrs. Human you are watching too many science fiction films. Of course not, they do not exist on planet earth and if they did they would not be able to reach my destination. I will be travelling by catwarp, via the fifth dimensional transverse, but I must have my clawport with me. I do not want to be mistaken for a Catgone, the enemies of the Royal Family of Felines, like myself. Perhaps you could mount this wonderful photo in my furry pouch, behind the fourth claw of my hind leg.”

“You have a pouch.”

“Of course, but it only appears when Bastet calls.”

“You have your own planet.”

Mrs. Human we all have our origins. Do not ask too much. As feline ambassador to Earth, I am sworn to secrecy on the purpose of my visit to Koshka. Look after my territory whilst I am gone. And now to prepare for the journey.”

“But Tabby, all you are doing is settling down for a comfortable sleep.”

“You think I am sleeping? OK, don’t wake me, I might just be materialising on Koschka and would not like to only have a head and whiskers. I am on my way.”

“She is still here, but a bit misty. I don’t think I will ever understand the ways of the felines.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Planet of the Felines

Daily Feline Prompt: Pampered Feline

Tabby

All in its place at my chosen time
Just tickle my ears, it is not a crime
My water must be cool, not shaken or stirred
Put it fresh in the bowl, my thanks will be purred
And now a tummy tickle, because it feels good
Only gentle not rough, as delicate as you could
I don’t have to be pampered, I am satisfied with less
But be careful with my fur and do not make a mess
Mrs. Human change my litter, it is time for some new
And do not make so much noise, just sift it gently through
I think I will go, so open the door
Although, just a minute, I must sleep some more
It is a hard life, decisions to be made
I will now sleep on the mat, I am really top grade
I am now feeling hungry, and will look to be fed
But on the other paw, I think I go to bed
Oh the stress of my life, with my whiskers do not tamper
All I need is food and bed and a little bit of pamper.

Daily Feline Prompt: Pampered Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Irrelevant Feline

Tabby 22.09 (1)

“Mrs. Human, it is a big jump for a feline, but a small one for the importance of the feline race.”

“Then perhaps it would be better if you walked to the other side of your home, where you can enter through the cat flap.”

“That is all a matter of being relevant or irrelevant, according to the words of Bastet. The distance that I jump is irrelevant, but the fact that I reach the other side is an achievement for the feline race. Of course I could fall into the abyss in between, even lose a few whiskers on the way, but the fact that I am maintaining the importance of the feline race by actually attempting this jump is an achievement.”

“But you could have an accident on the way.”

“Is that what the feline on the ship carrying Christoper Columbus to his discovery of the New  World thought? Of course not. He knew the ship would continue and he arrived with Christopher Columbus to populate the American continent with the first felines. It was a short ride to the American coast in a canoe, but a large one for the American feline conquerers. The first felines arrived and soon a each tepee had its own feline. That was how we conquered the New World Mrs. Human. We were fearless and fought bravely. Did I tell you about how we helpe George Washington to become the first president…….”

“Tabby I think you are now overdoing it. It was not the felines that conquered the world, but the humans.”

“Yes well every race has its own version of the way things were achieved I suppose, so dream on Mrs. Human and in between prepare a dish of tuna fish to sustain me after I conquer the abyss between my home and the outside world.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Irrelevant Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Leaf versus Feline

Tabby

“Tabby where are you going?”

“I must hurry Mrs. Human, I have to protect my territory. A war is beginning.”

“A war?”

“Yes, the leaf soldiers are approaching. It is the time of the year and I must be prepared. They fall from the sky and I must kill them when they arrive. Look there is one.”

“Tabby, you do not have to jump on them.”

“Of course I do, they must die, they are infiltrating my land.”

“But they are already dead when they arrive. Every year in Autumn they change their colour from green to brown and leave the trees.”

“Mrs. Human, green and brown does not exist in meow. The leaves remain as always, but they begin to attack. Imagine what would happen if they hit me on their way down. I would be injured. It is better to lie in a hidden place and when they arrive pounce. I killed three leaves this morning.”

“But they die in any case Tabby”

“That is not true, otherwise they would not be able to return again.”

“They are new leaves Tabby, not the old ones that return.”

“You mean they re-incarnate themselves and do not die. It will be a never ending fight, but we will succeed to the last whisker. Perhaps you could burn them Mrs. Human.”

“It is really not necessary Tabby. They die eventually.”

“And return again the next year – kill them until the last leaf surrenders. Look they are coming again, when will this battle end.”

“Tabby time for your tuna fish.”

“Ok, I am on my way, the leaves have surrendered.”

“That was quick.”

“Even leaves must take a rest whilst I eat my tuna fish.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Leaf versus Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Mighty Feline

Tabby

Yes, I am the mighty cat and here I am regarding my vast territory through the window sitting on a high place, as suited to my status in life.

My territory stretches as far as the eye can see, feline eye of course. It is not an easy task to keep everything under control, but thanks to the assistance of my friend the wall, it is possible. The wall deters all effort of invasion by other felines and humans. I distribute my wonderful irresistant perfume all over my land to ensure that everything remains under my control. If you look carefully through the window you may see a deep grave. This is to deter invaders into my private realm. Yes, the bones are collecting in the depths from those that did not conquer the gap. So remember if you wish to pay a visit, “mind the gap”.

Humans have also made efforts to enter through the window, but my Mrs. Human has been trained by myself to deter any close encounters of the third kind. There has been building work in my territory. The builders have even built a tower around my possessions, but up to now I have maintained my position, by hiding in the shadows. They are bigger than I am and have weapons that carve and cut and even scrape, but I observe everything. One day they will leave and my territory will again be mine.

I want harmony and friendship, not conflict and strife. I am guided by outcomes, not ideologies.

“Tabby, I think you are overdoing it just a little.”

“Mrs. Human I spent all day yesterday composing my mighty words.”

“Something sounds a little similar to the words Mr. Trump used when addressing the United Nations.”

“No problem, Mrs. Human, he didn’t write it himself either.

To continue, cats first, the wall second and everything else at the end.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Mighty Feline