Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Circle

Tabby

Circles are not just circles, they are a key to a good solid feline sleep, but it must be organised.

Humans just climb into that large sleeping cushion, close their eyes and made strange noises. We felines approach the sleeping phase with more care.

First of all you find a nice soft place, preferably radiating warmth. Even a stone floor can be suitable. Either it has some sort of warmth from below, known as floor heating, or outside on a sunny day where the warmth comes from above. We felines are not fussy about where the warmth originates, it just has to be there. Now comes the delicate part of the sleeping system. We do not just plop into our cushion, in the human style, we consider the earth’s magnetical field which we measure by whisker vibrations. This decides which compass direction we face.

We have our methods to choose the suitable laying tangents. You must stand upright on all four paws to receive the correct sleeping signals and then begin to revolve in a circle, usually clockwise in the northern hemisphere. I believe our larger relations, known as lions and tigers, are more into anti-clockwise living in the southern hemisphere, although I must check  on my pawpad.

So having made our preliminary circles we sink, arranging our paws in the process. Now the sleep process can begin. We close our eyes but our whiskers and ears are still responding. There might be a signal of a tin opener somewhere and you would be missing life’s best opportunties. When this is coupled with the scent of tuna fish in the air, then it is advisable to rise immediately and investigate the cause of the disturbance. In the book of Bastet it says that food comes before a wash and a sleep: chapter 302, verse 87. And then you return to your sleeping place for a further 15 hours or more of sleep, not forgetting the pre circled preparations.

Are you listening kittens, these are important guidelines for a happy feline life: first the food, then the wash and afterwards the sleep.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Circle

Daily Feline Prompt: Witty Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human what is that funny noise you are making?”

“That is not a funny noise, we humans call it laughing when we see something funny.”

“What was funny?”

“I just read a joke where a feline approaches a brick and says “Take me to your leader”.”

“Oh, is that funny?”

“Of course, the feline thought that the brick was alive.”

“Of course it is and walls are to be taken seriously. Every individual brick has a purpose in its life.  The Feline was asking a very important question. The brick was part of a groups of bricks, and the feline wanted to know where the chief brick was, as it was probably all part of a wall, and walls are very important.”

“No, Tabby, walls are not alive, they are dead material. Buiders attached bricks together to form a wall.”

“But walls are important parts of daily life. I could stare at them for hours and always find something interesting to ponder.”

“Tabby you can stare at a wall as much as you like, but they will not suddenly come alive, they are dead material.”

“But if they were so dead, why does one brick sit alone waiting for an interesting question.”

“They do not sit alone, they might be part of a wall, or waiting to become a part of a wall.”

“That is exactly what I mean. They are waiting and looking forward to becoming a wall. You should not ignore bricks Mrs. Human, but help them on their way to becoming a wall.”

“No Tabby, they could come in useful, just  being a brick.”

“You mean we can have interesting conversations with them and discover more about how it is to be a brick.”

“No Tabby, I was thinking more of using them in the garden to support my large flower containers.”

“That would be brick discrimination Mrs. Human. To reduce a brick to a support, and it is destined for much more important work.”

“Such as?”

“Being part of a wall of course. And now you must excuse me, I have more intelligent things to do than talk about brick walls.”

“Yes Tabby of course. What are you doing?”

“I am having a lively telepathic discussion with the wall at the bottom of the garden and gathering advice on the meaning of brick life.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Witty Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Launch

Tabby renovation 12.09.2017

This was a careful launch as I was not certain if my landing would be safe. Since the builder humans have moved in on my territory my five remaining lives are not longer the same. Every step  I take is threat to one of them. There used to be tiles outside, nice and firm and you could walk on them with no problem. They have taken my tiles away, although Mrs. Human says they are still there, just covered up – humans have excuses for everything. If you cannot see them, they are no longer there – quite obvious.

So they took my exit step away and have now replaced it, but it is not the same. My old step was a good companion, this new step has put itself in the wrong place and I have a gap between it and the new bridge to my queendom. No-one asked me. I found that very annoying. This new step does not like me, I noticed at once.

You can see my own private entrance on the right, the so-called cat flap. This now hovers in space. I am getting vertigo attacks every time I use it to conquer the space leading to the ground. I have to launch myself through the flap with exact calculations. Even my feline gift of quantum mathematical solutions does not help. I have to apply aeronautics.

And so, being a south paw, I put my left paw first, support myself with the other three paws, stretch and hold my breath and all being well I arrive on the other side. I am continuously cleaning my claws and paws as these builder humans are very careless where they put their rubbish. Mrs. Human says they will soon be gone, perhaps they will all lose their last life soon.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Launch

Daily Feline Prompt: Bad Feline Coincidences

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, switch off the sun, it is distrubing my sleep pattern.”

“Tabby, it is not possible to influence the weather, it just happens.”

“Then make it unhappen. Whenever I want to relax outside the sun shines. That is more than a coincidence, the sun is forming an attack.”

“You can always go inside where there is no sun.”

“That will not work. I will miss all the action.”

“There is no action Tabby at the moment.”

“Of course there is. The leaf soldiers are gathering for a new assault and I have to keep my eye on them. I have pinned on of them with my nose to stop it moving on and making a new attack.”

“Tabby that leaf is dead.”

“How do you know? It might only be acting dead and secretly planning to kill us all.”

“Tabby, it is Autumn and leaves die and fall from the trees in Autumn.”

“Another threat to the feline race. First of all we cannot switch off the sun, and now we are being attacked by the leaves. The world is becoming a dangerous place, there is even water that falls from the sky trying to drown us, not to mention the wind that assists the leaves to move.”

“Tabby that is nature.”

“Nature does not exist in meow because it is not feline friendly. And now you have switched the sun off, I am glad,”

“Tabby I did not switch the sun off, it has been covered by a cloud.”

“Cloud? Those white things that float in the sky. I am sure they are dangerous. If one fell from the sky that could injure me.”

“Tabby clouds do not fall from the sky, they float around.”

“And things that float eventually sink. You see Mrs. Human, my 5 remaining lives are in danger. Look another leaf has fallen, they are coming to get us Mrs. Human, mark my meows.”

“Yes Tabby of course, just be careful that the sky doesn’t fall on your head.”

“They are the exact words my friend the chicken said.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Bad Feline Coincidences

Daily Feline Prompt: Focussed Feline

Tabbby

Here I am again – did you miss me? After my trip to planet Koschka I returned tired but happy. It was nice to see the gang again and to focus on the problems of feline life, like what to do when a wall crumbles. This was an important point on the agenda.There were many of us that had suffered disappointment, mainly due to the human influence of destroying walls, because they were “in the way”. Walls are never in the way, and to a feline they are an important part of our life. We focus on walls, sometimes for hours. We concentrate, we stare, and yes, they stare back.

As ambassador to planet earth I gave a speech on the progress of our race, assuring all that attempts to enslave the human race were progressing. It was always felines first, but I have been informed that there is a human element  deciding to put himself first. It has been decided to attack this human, but he is strange, and is never where he should be. We have now contacted the golfing felines, the ones that like to run after the balls in the game and hide them. They are to enforce more effort in the golf ball captures, to undermine this new human leader in his intentions to  build a great wall around the felines. He is convinced that  nobody builds walls better than him, and he intends to make the felines pay for the wall, in tuna fish. This must be stopped, but we have a plan.

I now have many new contacts in Pawbook and we will be exchanging our views on hairballs and litter trays in the Meow Messenger online. I must now go, we have a problem, one of the golfing cats has produced a red hairball and now the Washing felines have a problem.

Remember you can’t focus when the mouse is in front of your nose, do not forget felines are short sighted. If the mouse is on the other side of the field, then walk softly and pounce, and don’t forget the tuna juice as a supplement to the meal.

Daily Feline Prompt: Focussed Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: The Planet of the Felines

Tabby

“That is a perfect photo Mrs. Human.”

“That is a terrible photo Tabby, very scary and not showing you from your best furry perspective.”

“It depends on the purpose of the photo. This is a very important photo, and will be valid for my fourth life.”

“For your fourth life.”

“Yes, it is my feline clawport photo, and we have to renew the document each time we travel to another place, with the relevant life photo.”

“Are you travelling to visit your feline friend Roschti?”

“He only lives next door and I do not need clawphoto for that. It is that time again for the Annual General Feline Meeting on Planet Koschka, and as an important member of the diplomatic core, I must attend to give my report on the planet earth and the progress being made with the enslavement of its humans.”

“That sounds very important. Will you be going by starship?”

“Mrs. Human you are watching too many science fiction films. Of course not, they do not exist on planet earth and if they did they would not be able to reach my destination. I will be travelling by catwarp, via the fifth dimensional transverse, but I must have my clawport with me. I do not want to be mistaken for a Catgone, the enemies of the Royal Family of Felines, like myself. Perhaps you could mount this wonderful photo in my furry pouch, behind the fourth claw of my hind leg.”

“You have a pouch.”

“Of course, but it only appears when Bastet calls.”

“You have your own planet.”

Mrs. Human we all have our origins. Do not ask too much. As feline ambassador to Earth, I am sworn to secrecy on the purpose of my visit to Koshka. Look after my territory whilst I am gone. And now to prepare for the journey.”

“But Tabby, all you are doing is settling down for a comfortable sleep.”

“You think I am sleeping? OK, don’t wake me, I might just be materialising on Koschka and would not like to only have a head and whiskers. I am on my way.”

“She is still here, but a bit misty. I don’t think I will ever understand the ways of the felines.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Planet of the Felines

Daily Feline Prompt: Pampered Feline

Tabby

All in its place at my chosen time
Just tickle my ears, it is not a crime
My water must be cool, not shaken or stirred
Put it fresh in the bowl, my thanks will be purred
And now a tummy tickle, because it feels good
Only gentle not rough, as delicate as you could
I don’t have to be pampered, I am satisfied with less
But be careful with my fur and do not make a mess
Mrs. Human change my litter, it is time for some new
And do not make so much noise, just sift it gently through
I think I will go, so open the door
Although, just a minute, I must sleep some more
It is a hard life, decisions to be made
I will now sleep on the mat, I am really top grade
I am now feeling hungry, and will look to be fed
But on the other paw, I think I go to bed
Oh the stress of my life, with my whiskers do not tamper
All I need is food and bed and a little bit of pamper.

Daily Feline Prompt: Pampered Feline