Daily Feline Prompt: Ghoulish Feline

Tabby

“Tabby why are you staring in that corner?”

“My ancestor is here, Maledetta, she always comes on a visit at halloween.”

“I cannot see anyone.”

“Of course you cannot, it is only for feline eyes. She was burnt with her human many years ago, but always returns on 31st October for food.”

“For food?”

“Of course, we should never let the undead felines go hungry. They will otherwise eat any flesh they might find, but not feline flesh. Some of the witches familiars were quite partial to human flesh. Do not worry Mrs. Human. If you do the right thing, she will not attack you.”

“But I cannot see her, is she really there?”

“Of course she is. She is now twitching her whiskers and blinking with her eye.”

“Eye?”

“Yes, she only has one, she lost the other eye in a fight with a morlock’s curse. You should really be careful on halloween Mrs. Human, not all felines are as lovable and helpful as I am. It is best if you prepare two bowls of tuna fish this evening. One for me and one for Maledetta. She will then be satisifed and leave us in peace at midnight.”

*Ghoul cats eat tuna fish.”

“Of course, their favourite food. And be sure to add the juice, they love that most of all. Maledetta was the best feline for licking to the last drop of blood in her day.  She is coming closer Mrs. Human and sniffing the air around you, I would hurry. Anything could happen on halloween.”

“Of course Tabby. Two bowls of tuna fish.”

“And now you have done your duty, Maledetta is showing her approval by showing her wonderful pointed teeth. You may now go Mrs. Human, she does not like being watched when eating.”

“But Tabby, will you be all right alone with Maledetta.”

“Of course Mrs. Human, it’s family. Good Night.”

“Good Night Tabby, but are you sure?”

“Of course Mrs. Human, just go. Malaedetta is becoming impatient, can you hear her.”

“I hear nothing.”

“Of course not, that is because it is only for feline sensitive ears.”

At last she has gone. And now it is halloween and I have my usual two bowls of tuna fish instead of one. Maledetta? forget it. I think it was just an old story the mother cats would tell their kittens. My mum also got two bowls of tuna fish at halloween because her human had ghoulish visions of Maledetta returning from the grave.

Daily Feline Prompt: Ghoulish Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Being Fluffy

Fluffy

This is what it means to be fluffy, not only being fluffy, but being called Fluffy. This little cat joined my group when he was 8 weeks old, the man of the family. A friend of mine bred cats as a sideline. She was a farmer’s wife and had almost a menagerie at home as well as six children, but cats were one of her loves. I visited now and again and eventually I decided there was room at home for one more cat. She was breeding Selkirk Rex cats at the time, one of those odd breeds that happen by choice of nature. They were very curly, fine white fur and almost no whiskers because they would also grow curly, and were quite brittle.

And so I chose the most curly from the new litter. When he entered our home Mr. Swiss decided “what a Grögl” and a Grögl is a Swiss expressions for funny little thing and so the name stuck until my dad paid us a visit from London. He could not pronounce Grögl, but decided the right name would be Fluffy, and so for my english speaking colleagues he was know as Fluffy. Unfortunatly through an accident he became blind. It happened outside somewhere, we do not know how, but it was a stress for all of us. However, Fluffy did not realise he was blind and would sniff his way everywhere – no problem. He was the man of the house as my other two cats, Tabby and Nera, were litter sisters. Of course there were a few disagreements, and a hiss a day was the general greeting, but they all survived.

We found the solution for Fluffy to allow him freedom outside, as it was precarious with a blind cat. He had a collar and we attached an expandable dog lead which was hung on a long post in the garden. He had quite a long radius for his walks. Of course he escaped now and again and searching for a blind cat is not fun, especially when you do not know where he has gone. We had a plan and Mr. Swiss and I would go in two different directions with our mobile phones to keep in contact. Somehow we always found him, but bringing Fluffy home was not so easy as he preferred to roam free and would scratch and struggle. We only had one lead to hook onto him and if whoever found him did not have the lead, then you had problems, especially when he wanted to go in the opposite direction.

Bringing up a blind cat has its problems, but eventually you get used to it. He went to the eternal corn chambers a few years ago, but despite all his various health problems, lived to the age of 12 years. I still have the many photos as a memory of my Fluffy or Grögl.

Daily Feline Prompt: Being Fluffy

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Gratitude

Tabby

“Tabby I just emptied your litter box.”

“And? It’s your job.”

“I thought you would be glad to have a clean litter box smelling nice and fresh.”

“Ah, yea, but it is not the same is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“It no longer smells of me, there are no longer the sweet aromas of my persoanl scent.”

“That is why I clean it everytime you use it.”

“I noticed, no privacy here with an added insult. As soon as I follow my natural needs, you clean it away. That is why I prefer the garden.”

“The garden?”

“Of course, your bushes are ideal and my recycling material serves as a good fertiliser.”

“But you are digging holes everywhere in my garden.”

“But I cover them up again, with an architectural mound. I think it enhances the garden, not so boring. You should be thankful for the improvements in the earth. It is not longer so compact and everything submerges much better.”

“Yes including your deposits.”

“No worry. Winter is now approaching and I will again be using my litter box.”

“For which I will be grateful Tabby.”

“You are using that word again Mrs. Human, it does not exist in meow.”

“I am sure it doesn’t Tabby, Felines accept everything as being self-evident.”

“Of course we do, I produce litter and you clear it away. I am hungry and you supply food, although not so self-evident tuna fish unfortunately.”

“You mean if I would continuously supply tuna fish you would be eternally grateful.”

“Another word that does not exist in meow, two words actually. We do not do gratitude, we expect to be treated like the gods we once were, and still are, although modern humans forget easily. In the olden days you would have been thankful for every dead mouse I had caught, now you just utter *eek” “ugh” and “take that disgusting animal away”. You even feel sorry for the “poor little mouse”, but recognition for my bravery and the fact that I am sharing my reward with you is ignored. You should be grateful that I am here. I don’t need these strange words, we felines manage quite well without them.”

“I am sure you do Tabby. May I fill your bowl with tuna fish?”

“Of course, no need to ask silly questions.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Gratitude

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Preferences

Tabby

Preferences does not really exist in meow. We use the word “necessity” connected with I, me and myself of course. It would be stupid if I said I would prefer to sit on the comfortable leather armchair and sleep. I see the chair and can already feel the comfort surrounding my fur. I take a leap and I arrive. “Quiet Mrs. Human, I saw the chair first”. Humans seem to have their own interpretation of life. I came, I saw and I conquered, is the feline way of life.  It was not Julius Caeser that first said there words, but his cat, Felis Catus, that coined the phrase. It was the ides of March and Felis Catus was sleeping a sleep of the righteous on a comfortable Roman couch whilst Caeser had a few assassination problems. The main thing was that the feline survived and afterwards could choose freely where she wanted to sleep.

She was an example for all felines and so we choose the most comfortable place available, not out of prference but because we own it. We own everything but now and again we allow a human to use it if we do not need it at the time.

However, preferences are not always so clear to the humans. They are convinced that we  have a preference for hard vitamin pellets. It is all in the name of convenience. Take a plastic bag, open it and pour it into the food bowl. Yes, so are the humans, no imagination. We felines need thought applied to our food. Pellets are so uninteresting, they have no character. Opening a tin of tuna fish and garnishing it with a sprig of tarragon is the ideal choice. Of course we do not eat tarrogon, but you eat with the eyes and whiskers. I am sure Felis Catus in Rome was served with more consideration. It was the reason why Caeser had to go, Felis Catus noticed that Mark Anthony’s felines were always served with the first choice of mouse and the Roman mice were the best according to the Book of Bastet.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Preferencesa

Daily Feline Prompt: Orange Tabby

Tabby

“That’s a nice photo Tabby.”

“Why? Is there something different Mrs. Human?”

“Your fur colour matches the colour of the bed cover.”

“All looks the same to me.”

“Not exactly. Your fur is brown and the bed cover is orange.”

“Is there a difference?”

“Of course Tabby, but I forgot, you are colour blind.”

“I am not blind, I see perfectly well, I can see the birds in the tree on the other side of the the garden.”

“I am sure you can Tabby, but you often don’t see what is in front of your nose.”

“I don’t have to, that is all done by feline quantum mathematics and the smeling mechanism, as well as the whiskers. It all fits together. If I measure the tangeant of the stretch movment of my paw compared to the trigonometrical angle of 90° between my whiskers and my ears, subtracted by the air vibrations surrounding my food bowl, compared to the smell infiltrating my nose, I arrive where I want to go. Who needs colours when you have a high grade perception of mathematical senses.”

“Sorry Tabby, you lost me with the trigonometrical angle.”

“You mean your mothers don’t teach you all those tricks when you are learning how to wash youself with the tongue.”

“Not really Tabby, we can see in colours and that helps and we wash with soap and water.”

“Another proof of the imperfection of the human body. It must have been a quick job when the first human was assembled. They even had to learn to walk upright. We could walk upright from the beginning on four legs and you only have two. They must have been saving costs on the human production.”

“But we have opposable thumbs.”

“Big deal, meaning that you can button up your coat which is superfluous, we have our own built in coat.”

“And what about opening the tins of tuna fish.”

“Huh, we can live without tuna fish if necessary. We only eat it to give the humans a purpose for their opposable thumbs.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Orange Tabby

Daily Feline Prompt: Surreal Feline

Tabby

“Look Mrs. Human, I have won my battle against the builders.”

“No, Tabby, the builders have finished their work and have now gone away.”

“But I threatened them with my claws and my teeth and made ferocious hissing noises. They packed their machines and left.”

“Really Tabby. Whenever a builder appeared you ran inside.”

“That was not because of the builders. I wanted to keep an eye on them and it was easier through the window. I saw how they were shaking with fright when they saw me. Of course, I had to enlist support to scare them away.”

“You had someone that helped.+

“Of course, the leaf soldiers appeared on the scene just at the right time. At first the builders were surrounding me with their noise making machines, and then the leaves began to fall on them. It was then that they began to leave. There were leaves everywhere, it was a battle betwen the builders and the leaves.”

“And where were you.?”

“I was directing the attack from the top of my friend, the wall. The first attack was made by the brown leaves, but then came the red leaves. Eventally the yellow leaves arrived and the builders ran. They could not take more. They were knee deep in leaves.”

“Are you sure they left because of your devious plans. It all sounds very surreal to me.”

“They had no choice, but to remove all the metal cages they had built as they were full of leaves. The leaves are still here watching in case there will be another danger appearing. I am now protecting the grass, which had disappeared long ago. My 9-4 lives are again worth living since the grass returned. I just keep an eye on the leaf soldiers, as I heard they were going underground to make plans for their next attack next year.”

“Yes of course Tabby, never trust a leaf, they return every year and are a threat to your existence.”

“At last you realise the danger of the situation Mrs. Human. Leaves are not surreal, but a reality and I  can manipulate them. Even the builders hide from the leaf soldiers.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Surreal Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Identity

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, Roschti the feline next door, has been sniffing around in my territory again. You should really pay more attention.”

“But I have not seen him in your territory.”

“Seeing him has nothing to do with it, you can smell him. If you would kneel on the ground and put your nose to the earth, you would realise he had been invading.”

“Sorry Tabby, but I am not sniffing around for other cats. They deposit all sorts of objects in the earth.”

“Are you implying that we cats are messies? We are very careful with our recycled material and always cover it. It serves as manure for the garden. Even Roschti covers his deposits, although they have another meaning. He is here to take over.”

“I don’t think so Tabby, he has his own home next door.”

“But he is planning on extending his territory. Look over there in the garden, there is a suspicious pile of dirt. If you dig it over I am sure you will find memories of Roschti.”

“But that is your favourite place for leaving deposits.”

“All the more reason to make a careful analysis and separate Roschti’s material from mine. You can leave mine where it is, it establishes my rights to the territory.  Remove Roschti’s waste to his garden next door, but make sure you cover it up, to prevent mistaken identity.”

“Tabby I am not walking around the garden with a shovel sorting recycled feline remains. It is really not important. Roschti is now sleeping at home.”

“And dreaming of his invasion when he takes over my land.”

“No-one is taking over any land Tabby, and now that Winter is approaching you no longer spend so much time outside.”

“All the more reason for you to defend my property.”

“Where are you going?”

“I will take a sleep. I cannot bear to watch you on your hands and knees digging over my private spaces.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Identity

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Trademark

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, why are you following me everywhere with your camera?”

“Tabby I need a photo of you.”

“But you must have hundreds of photos of me. I know I am the best looking feline here, but sometimes you tend to overdo it.”

“Tabby, if you would look into the camera instead of turning your head, I could get the perfect photo. I now want to show everyone your nice Macdonald’s “M” on your forehead.”

“You can show everyone tomorrow, the “M” will still be tbere.”

“But I need it now to show your trademark.”

“My trademark? Am I going on the stock exhange? Any profits should be paid into my paw account.”

“OK Tabby, then we will make fifty fifty.”

“Only the half with my Macdonald’s “M”? Forget it. I have worked on that perfect “M” since I was a kitten. It is unique. I lick it regularly to get the shape, but as an exception I will let you take the photo. Don’t forget to mention my credits and you can keep your 50 whatever.”

“Oh, that is very generous Tabby.”

“I think there is a little misunerstanding here. I mean I get the complete 100% and you are allowed to put the photo online for my fans.”

“But I took the photo.”

“Do I have opposable thumbs, no. My abilities are limited for a photo take, that is why I have you. Perhaps you could enhance the “M” shape a little on the photo with pawshop to emphasise it.”

“I am not enhancing anything Tabby, the “M” is good enough for me.”

“But not for me. But let us not quibble over the small details. I will settle for a tin of tuna fish and you may have the hard vitamin pellets.”

“Humans do not eat vitamin pellets.”

“Why not. You are always telling me the they are good for me, so they must be even better for a human. Perhaps you will also grow a MacDonalds “M” on your forehead. That would be quite a sensation.”

“Yes it would but I prefer to stay as I am. I do not want to rival your good looks.”

“Very good Mrs. Human, and now apply your opposable thumbs to open a tin of tuna fish, stirred, not shaken.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Trademark

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Cacophony

Tabby

“Tabby what is all that noise?”

“Mrs. Human, I demand entrance and again the window is closed.”

“But you do not have to hiss and meow as is the end of the world was nigh.”

“The end of my world is nigh Mrs. Human. I do not have opposable thumbs and have to jump over a chasm to reach the door which must be open at all times for my entrance.”

“Yes well it is not very warm outside, there is a wind blowing, and if the window stays open it can get very cold.”

“I do not see a problem. Of course, if you were equipped with fur it would be more sensible and you would not feel the cold.”

“It was only the primitive humans that had fur a couple of million years ago, but we evolved to the humans we are today, and no longer need the fur.”

“If you had fur you would be insulated against the cold air. Whilst you were still sitting in the trees we were being worshipped as gods in the old country. Are you insinuating that we felines are primitive.”

“Of course not Tabby, but you cannot compare a feline to a human.”

“Do not flatter yourself Mrs. Human. I would not want to be compared to a human. You might have opposable thumbs, but cannot scratch behind your ear with your leg.”

“I have hands to do that Tabby, my legs are for walking.”

“But you only have two, another faulty design.”

“In that case Tabby, you can walk around to the other side of your home on your four legs and  walk in.”

“And you could open the window and let me in, which would be the easiest solution to the problem. By the way I just noticed that the neighbours cat marked his territory in the flower bed in your garden.”

“What! I must clear it away.”

And now she has opened the window and I can enter. You have to apply these tricks with humans to make them co-operate.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Cacophony”

Daily Feline Prompt: Enlightened Feline

Tabby

I have really tried, have spent hours of sleep meditation trying to fine the solution to the enlightenment of humans, but it is not possible. We felines are such uncomplicated creatures. We never suffer from insomnia, we have no time for it. Humans have unregular sleeping patterns and do most of it when it is dark. Why sleep the best hours of your life away when all the excitement happens at night. When the dark hours arrive it is time to explore. It is then that the interesting things happen, the world is teeming with life. Humans, they sit in front of a box in the evening and might even fall asleep. Perhaps that is the human way of enjoying the scents of excitement.

Humans do not meow, they make strange “brumming” noises, although they seem to understand each other. Why complicated when a simple meow suffices. I have even noticed a few reoccurring noises in their speech pattern, “Tabby” is often said and then the human looks at me. I look away of course. Does she mean me?

They also have strange washing habits. Instead of a thorough lick with a tongue they submerge themself into a continaer full of water, and hot water: disgusting, water is for drinking and not sitting in it. And the tongue? They apply something smelly with the water and they rub it all over themselves. Have you ever seen the bare facts of a human – they don’t have fur, just a layer on the top. And again no licking, they smother the top fur with something from a bottle and it makes bubbles.  They have an external tongue that they used to remove the water. The water disappears afterwards, but I have no idea where it goes, what a waste.

Not to mention eating. They sit and use metal objects to make everything smaller probably to compensate for their missing  pointed long teeth in the lower jaw for piercing, grinding and chopping. Something must have gone wrong with the human blueprints when they were manufactured.

They are poor unfortunate creatures, and do not even have whiskers, although the male of the species now and again has a growth appearing on its face. They even have two legs missing, although compesated by something called “arm”. I am glad to be a feline, although I have one regret. That we were not equipped with opposable thumbs, but wait until the next evolutionary event, then we will get them, but perhaps the humans might become exinct. Let them keep the opposable thumbs, then they can still empty our litter boxes and open tins.

Daily Feline Prompt: Enlightened Feline