Express does not exist in meow, for that I have a human. Of course I need everything express and so my human slave must read my wishes from my whiskers. I trained her for that.
“Mrs. Human, I am hungry.”
“Yes at once Tabby, what would you like?”
“A bowl of tuna garnished with a leaf of tarragon.”
“Oh, sorry Tabby, but I do not have tarragon, would perhaps some chopped chives do it as well.”
“Mrs. Human you should really remember to note my needs. If this continues one day you will forget the tuna fish and then what would we do?”
“No problem Tabby, I always have a large bag of vitamin pellets as a reserve.”
“That is not the solution Mrs. Human. You should have a reserve of tuna fish.”
You see what I mean, this is becoming a regular event. Mrs. Human does not concentrate on the necessisities of life.
“Mrs. Human, my recycling tray needs emptying.”
“What again Tabby, but I only emptiesd it a few minutes ago and do not spread the litter around when you are finished. I have to collect it.”
“Mrs. Human I do not time my recycling process, it just happens. You are employed to look after my needs. And do not foget to sweep behind the tray.”
“Of course Tabby, at once.*
I remember when I employed her on the slave market, it said she had experience with felines but it was very elementary. I had to teach her to organise bowls of water in various strategic places so that I could save time searching for the next supply. There is also a case of the vitamin pellets. I suspect it was the vet that told her they were good for me. The only good thing about them is the hairball production. They bind the hairs nicely. There was also a problem of sleeping places, and keeping human bedroom doors closed. I soon showed her that this was an impediment to my sleep process and now she leaves the doors open, although insults me by spreading a cover on her bed.
“So Mrs. Human, time for my evening meal, and do not stir the ingredients. I prefer my fish pure and not shaken. And a side dish of catmint to promote my inner senses of being.”
“But Tabby you get high on catnip.”
“Of course, it is part of the cat experience.”