Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Zoo

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, where is my squeaky mouse.”

“You mean the one that only had one ear, because you tore the other ear off with your claws.”

“Yes, that’s the one. He was full of catmint. I feel an urge again.”

“Tabby, keep your addicions under control. I threw that mouse away last year. It began to smell and the filing was falling out of the place where the ear was.”

“I am not addicted to anything Mrs. Human. I just enjoyed the feeling I got in my whiskers when I put my nose into that mouse. I felt as if I was floating.”

“Yes Tabby, that is what we call getting high. I remember, you began to roll around on the floor and your eyes grew bigger.”

“Of couse I was rolling on the floor, that was feline exercise. If you turn the lights off my eyes always get bigger.”

“No excuses Tabby, you were becoming addicted to that mouse, I am sure there was a special mixture of catnip in it.”

“That might be because I got an extra harvest from the feline next door. He had the real growing plant in the garden and was offering it around, that was really something. We rolled in it for hours. For a tin of tuna fish, he gave me a whole branch. I shredded it and mixed it with the catnip in the mouse.”

“Oh, I see, dealing in the back yard is not very good. Now I know why the ear was removed from the mouse.”

“It was all in the cause of a better life style Mrs. Human. Perhaps you could plant some catnip in the garden next year.”

“No tabby, it doesn’t work. I planted it once, had at least 10 cats inthe garden rolling in it and getting high and the next day it was kaput.”

“Perhaps you could plant it in one of those big pots, just for my own private use. I would only pass it on to my closest feline friends.”

“No tabby, does not come into the question. That is called dealing.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Zoo

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Snippets

Tabby

“Morning Tabby, slept well?”

“What’s morning. Ah yes, that it when you switch the moon off.”

“You are awake Tabby?”

“Of course I am, I have been awake for a long while, waiting for someone to arrive and tend to my needs. Didn’t you hear me scratching at your bedroom door.”

“I was sleeping Tabby. You don’t have to scratch at the door, you have everything you could wish for. A nice warm bed to sleep in, a bowl full of food and you can even go outside.”

“I am not tired, and there are only hard vitamin pellets in my bowl. It is cold outside and not very inviting. My bowl outside needs fresh water, you can fill it for me.”

“Of course Tabby, straight away. How could I forget it.”

“Because you have been laying in your bed all night and ignoring my calls at the door instead of tending to my needs. What are you doing Mrs. Human?”

“I am preparing breakfast for myself.”

“That sounds very selfish, you only think of yourself. What about me?'”

“What can I do for you Tabby.”

“A tummy tickle would be welcome.”

“No problem and where are you going now?”

“I noticed that your overgrown kitten has left my home, so I will make myself comfortable on his bed. You do not have to wake me. It was an exhausting night and I now have to relax.”

“What were you doing all night?”

“Sleeping nos and again, but I had to change my sleeping position and it was exhausting moving from my cushion to the armchair and then to the settee. You cannot imagine the stress of a feline life.”

“Of course Tabby, how could I be so selfish. you have such a hard life.”

“Mrs. Human.”

“Yes Tabby.”

“Stop smiling, I sometimes think you do not take me seriously.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Snippets

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Way

Tabby

There is only one way and one system to have a good lick. I begin in the lower regions. First of all I search for a nice wide space where I can spread out and relax, Human beds are very suitable, although for some strange reason Mrs. Human always insists on covering her bed with a special cover. She says something about being more hygenic when a cat decides to wash itself. Hygenic does not exist in meow, so i am still thinking about that.

I usually begin in the hidden places with a good hunt for objects that might be there, but should not be there. I then move upwards and now have to employ my paw for a good clean wipe. My mum taught me to lick the paw and move it in regular movements across the whisker region, breathing regularly to spread the effect. There is a very artistic movement of washing behind the ears. I move my wet paw onto the ear and always in a forward movment clean them thoroughly. My mum was very particular about cleaning behind the ears. She said a cat with dirty ears is a lazy cat.

I then do a check to see if there are any place I forgot. Of course the paws. I have a dig with my teeth to remove unwanted matter. It was particularly necessary when the builders were working outside. They were leaving stones and grit eveywhere. I can tell you walking on paws with grit wedged between the claws is not very pleasant.

The whole process takes at leat half an hour and that after every meal and before each sleep. Yes, the life of a feeling is packed full with stress situations. Mrs. Human has the impression that I lead a perfect life, if only she knew. I usually collapse exhausted after washing into a recovery sleep.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Way

Daily Feline Prompt: Knitted Whiskers

Tabby

I should really do something to improve my looks
It is time to get modern and cook up some books
My whiskers are drooping, I should give them a whirl
Perhaps I could change them and give them a curl
I have quite a lot, not just a few
They are nothing special, so I will change them to blue
A feline with blue whiskers would be a new thing
I would become famous, it would give me more zing
Let’s knit them together in a wonderful weave
I am sure they would look good and I would deceive
No-one would know me in my new disguise
But Mrs. Human might not feed me, it would not be so wise
I will stay as I am, sweet and innocent is my wish
I have to be me, to get my tuna fish dish

Daily Feline Prompt: Knitted Whiskers

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Percussion

Tabby

I can hear it, the call of the wild, no mouse. It is over there I can feel it in my whiskers: a sweet high pitched sound. It is that time of the year again when the poor little mice must find a nice warm place to spend the Winter. I even pawed a message on the entrance to the mouse hole: Garden shed available as mouse sleeping quarters, feline care assured. Unfortunately no-one came. I would really have looked after them and made sure that they were fed well. They even love vitamine pellets. Next year they would have grown fat and lazy under my care. What a variety that would have been in my diet.

Only this morning my nemesis, Roschti, the feline next door, discovered a lonely little mouse hiding beneath the big container where Mrs. Human puts all the garden waste. I only wanted to help Roschti find the mouse but he told me, accompanied by paw swipes and strong percussional meows, that it was his mouse. I tried to explain that mice belong to no-one, they are free to go and do what they want. A discussion followed and I decided it was safer to sleep over it. In the meanwhile the mouse escaped whilst we were discussing the problem which solved the argument.

And now I must go, I can again hear the sounds of mouse percussion in the distance. Yes, I am coming, stay where you are.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Percussion

Daily Feline Prompt: Over Felines

Tabby

I had to alter the title for this prompt to suit the subject. I really do not wish to seem full of my own importance but let’s face it dogs, we do have a more superior thought process. In the beginning when we arrived on this planet, we saw that the humans were still sitting in trees munching on their bananas.  We noticed that they did have a certain gift that would be useful, known as opposable thumbs.

Of couse we at once began to explore if this could be something we felines could use. Unfortuantely our experts said it was something to do with evolution, but we should train the humans to use their opposable thumbs for the good of the feline nation. We showed them how to build statues in our honour and they were thankful for the good work we did to rid their corn chambers of the mice.

However as time progressed the humans developed something called brain. The feline brain was already perfected and so the humans decided to copy us, but it was really only a cheap copy. Eventually they developed the mousetrap and we felines were no longer needed. For a while we used our mystic powers to accompany the human species of witch, but this was one of our lesser good ideas. We could not resist turning the milk sour and the smell of singed whiskers was in the air.

And so it came to pass that we felines were found to be unneccesary. However in the meawhile we discovered that “pet” was a good life. We settled in nicely, were fed, given tummy tickles and even no longer had to remove our recycling matter. Yes, humans have their use now and again.

Of course we never fogot that we are the real masters and now and again our great leader pays us a visit from the mother planet to upgrade our education. You have never completed the learning process.. Yes, one day the humans will be eating vitamin pellets and we will be opening the tuna fish tins. In the meanwhile we can wait, the process of evolution never stops, and there are even felines now born with an extra claw on their paw. One day this will become an opposable thumb.

Daily Feline Prompt: Over Felines

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Clutch

Tabby 22.11.2017

I finally did it. I am on my way to regaining the feline status in the human world. We were worshipped as gods when we arrived on this planet. We were given the best treatment and the humans were our slaves. They even made statues of us and worshipped, but something happed in the meanwhile. The humans began to think, at least that thought they could think. The old customs disappeared and we felines were relegated to pets. Pet! Yes I know, how degrading.

In the meanwhile we are still working on our original values and now look. What do you see. I was sitting at the window and a human was outside. As soon as he saw me he bowed his head.

“Tabby, he was measuring the distance of the tiles outside, it was the gardener.”

“Shhh Mrs. Human. That is a completely false interpretation of his action. He recognised my superiority in this world. He realised that you do not look a feline goddess in the eyes and you remain still until she gives her permission to rise. He was kneeling and making sure he would stay in this position by fixing himself using his opposable thumbs and hands.”

I am glad that this historical moment has been captured by the camera. It is proof that the time for the return of the feline domination is nigh. This is just a beginning.

“Mrs. Human, why are you not on your knees and bowing your head.”

“For the simple reason Tabby, that I am busy opening a tin of tuna fish. The only time I get to my knees for a feline is when I am cleaning out the recycling tray.”

“Which shows that you are learning Mrs. Human.”

“Not exactly Tabby, it is on the floor and I cannot reach it otherwise.”

Somehow I think Mrs. Human has not got the hang of feline dominance yet, but she will learn. And now the man has left me without asking for my permission to go.

“Tabby, he has finished his job and his work is finished for today.”

“Oh, where’s my tuna fish?”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Clutch

Daily Feline Prompt: Gremlin Feline

Tabby

“Tabby, have you been on my computer?”

“Of course not, I have my own pawPad.”

“But there are paw marks on the screen and I have a blue screen.”

“Sorry Mrs. Human, blue doesn’t exist in meow, nor does red. We felines were never into colours, but preferred textures. If you had said your computer was feeling slippery, or hairy, even sticky, I might be able to help you, but a blue screen?”

“Tabby a blue screen is when something is wrong with the computer.”

“Well I did have an urge to try it out. There was a game called “catch the mouse” and my pawpad screen was too small for me to capture the mouse. I decided on a real computer it would be more realistic.”

“And?”

“I caught the mouse, but when I lifted the computer with my nose to see where the mouse had gone, I didn’t find it and it inadvertently, accidentally, fell on the floor, but nothing broke.”

“And now I have a blue screen.”

“Perhaps you should switch it off and try again.”

“Yes thankyou Tabby, that was my idea.”

“And is it working again?”

“Yes it is, you were lucky. What are you doing now.”

“I am still looking for the mouse. Look there is it Mrs. Human, you have saved the day. It is still in the game, but now it is a different mouse. The ears are larger and it is standing upside down.”

“Tabby, paws away from my computer.”

“But I only wanted to find the mouse, Perhaps it is hiding again inside the computer.”

“No, Tabby, go and play with your pawPad.”

“It doesn’t work Mrs. Human, my battery is down.”

“Then recharge it.”

“It takes too long, but your computer is ready and waiting. Oh look,is that funny coloured mouse on your computer screen blue?”

“Tabby!”

Daily Feline Prompt: Gremlin Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Mercy

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, how often have I instructed you not to disturb my sleep. I lead an exhausting life, full of stress situations. There is no peace for a feline.”

“But Tabby, I do all the work for you. I empty your recycling tray, fill your food bowl and

always ensure that you have enough water.”

“But I have to organise it all for you Mrs. Human. I am continously writing instructions for your work plan, being in charge of human logistics is not easy.  I was recovering from this daily turmoil that you cause and again there is a camera taking a photo. I had to do my best to smile for all my followers, not to create an impression that I only think of myself, and you think my life is one big round of enjoyment. Just imagine when I awake after my 16 hours sleep, how my eyes can barely open. My legs feel as if they are weighed down and it is all I can manage to drag myself to the food bowl. And what awaits me there, hard vitamin pellets that need more energy to chew. I manage to foce them down my throat, but it is not easy after an exhausting sleep. All you do is open a bag and top up my bowl with more dreaded pellets and I have to eat them. Do you realise what that means for a hard working feline like myself. I almost have no time to have a good lick.

Do you wash me Mrs. Human? No, of course not, it is all my own hard work. From the tip of my ears to the spaces between the claws. Not to mention certain places on my body that are really difficult to lick. I collapse with exhaustion when I am finished, and you are convinced that I do nothing all day and take the credit for all the hard work.”

“Tabby, I really think you are overdoing it. I keep your living quarters clean.”

“And how you do it. I am subjected to torturous noises on my ears because the monster, known as vacuum cleaner, is applied. Mrs. Human you should really take more consideration of my feelings. And now go and do something  useful and quiet like opening a tin of tuna fish.”

“But I though the noise might disturb you.”

“Disturb you, it is like a symphony of luscious relaxing notes as the handle is turned on the opener and pierces the lid of the tin in a gentle way, not to mention the aroma of the  juices rising from the fish. So now get on with it, I have not got all day to wait for a decent meal, I have a few hours to spend in a restful sleep recovery session. You should really have more mercy on the feelings of a poor hardworking feline.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Mercy

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Nest

Tabby

“Tabby, you have been sleeping almost all day. You should go out and get some fresh air.”

“I am thinking about it. I have been thinking about it since I awoke this morning.”

“But that was 6 hours ago.”

“It is a complicated thought process. This morning I decided to go for a walk, but it was not the right time. I looked out of the window and discovered that there was nothing interesting to see, and decided to wait until later.”

“You will not find anythig interesting if you stay on the chair sleeping all day.”

“That is true, but if I move to the outside, there might not be anything happening, so I can just as well stay where I am. Are there any birds outside Mrs. Human?”

“Yes, they are continuously flying to my birdhouse for food.”

“In that case perhaps I might take a walk outside for a birdwatching exercise. On the other paw, I will think about it. The life of a feline is so exhausting with all the stress I have. I will have to relax for a while in my nest on the chair and decide what to do. Is it cold outside.”

“Yes, Tabby, it is very cold.”

“And you expect me to take a walk and freeze my whiskers, not to mention frostbite on my claws. No, I will stay here. Now where was I in my dream? Yes it was the part when I raided the bird’s nest and caught one in my paw. And then it turned into a vulture. Now that was a real meowmare Mrs. Human. I will have to dream on to see what happens. Wake me at tea time when my bowl has been filled.”

“Tabby, you are sleeping again.”

“Purrrrr, purrrrr. There are so many exhausting decisions to make in a feline life.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Nest