Or “The do’s and dont’s of a Feline Life”
Do not scratch the furniture!
I do not scratch the furniture. I make beautiful patterns and it is an exercise for filing my claws to a fine point and keeping them ready for scratching at all times. You never know when a territorial protection would be called for against other invading felines, or even humans.
Do not spread your recycling litter on the floor!
Now this really infiltrates my intimate sphere The recycling tray is for a purpose. It is filled with covering material. If Mrs. Human had a recycling tray insetead of her water bowl I am sure she would have problems. I always spread a little litter around my tray when I am finished to show that I have been there and done it. Mrs. Human says it blocks her noisy anti feline vacuum cleaner that she uses to remove traces surrounding the tray. Covering the recycled matter is a work of art, and I do it perfectly.
Leave the bathroom!
There I am settling into a nice comfortable sleep, with protective walls on all sides, and I must leave. No reason is given, but it seems I am in the way. I am never in the way, I told Mrs. Human it is a matter of interpretation and I have nothing against sharing the bathroom as long as she stays on her side.
Do not sit on the laundry!
I do not sit on it, I sleep on it. One of my favourite places.
Do not manufacture hairballs on the carpet!
And where else should I produce a hairball? The wooden floor is not so convenient, the ball rolls away and is partially absorbed by the wood. The carpet is perfect. The hairball attracts material from the carpet which makes it stick together and keep its unique shape.
Yes the life of a feline is full or forbidden actions and no-one listens to a feline that was once worshipped as a god in its own right.