Daily Feline Prompt: Inscrutable Feline

Tabby

“Mr. Tabby Cat, it is a pleasure to be able to interview such a famous feline today for The Feline News Channel on Paw TV.”

“It’s my pleasure to be here Mr. David Meowman.”

“Tell me what do you think of humans?”

“Are you serious? We felines do not waste time in our valuable 9 lives thinking about humans. We concentrate on making humans think about us. Their lives must revolve on the welfare of their feline leaders.”

“Of course Mr. Tabby, you are right. Do you have any suggestions for improvement of your living conditions.”

“Oh, many David, and just call me Your highness or Sir. Mr. Tabby sounds so official and we must maintain our position in life. In connection with your question, there is always room for improvement. I was thinking of the usage of vitamin pellets as a food essential for felines. They are hard, have no smell and very neutral in taste. Their only usage is to produce a perfect hairball.”

“Talking of hairballs, I understand you have perfectionated the manufacture of a hairball.”

“Oh yes, no problem, my hairballs are admired worldwide. I have even brought you one to show the viewers.”

“Thankyou sir, I am honoured. It does have a wonderful texture and the colour effects are perfect. I would say unique.”

“Yes, it is the result of practice making perfect and I am the best.”

“I was studying various portraits of yourself and I must say there is a certain mysterious undefinable deep meaning in your eyes. I have heard you are a great thinker and analyst of meow thoughts.”

“Oh yes, of course. It originates in the old county where my ancestors were worshipped as gods, and throughout history became the support of many strains of witchcraft. Yes many of us had to move into the 10th life as heroes. I have inherited the depth of mind reading, of telepathy and I would advise other felines to do the same. I am only to glad to help them with my advice. You may contact me in Pawbook for lessons.”

“That is very generous Sir.”

“Oh I am known for my generosity, just 2 tins of tuna fish and you can indulge in an hour of my advice.”

“I grateful that you have spent your valuable time in giving an interview for Paw TV for for allowing our viewers to learn more about the life of one of our most famous felines.”

“No problem Mr. Meowman, it was my pleasure. You may leave my fee as you leave.”

“It has already been organised Sir, I believe we agreed on 10 tins of tuna fish.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Inscrutable Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Silhoutte

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, that photo is not so good for my image.”

“Image?”

“Yes of course. The profile I have spent many hours in establishing for my fan club. The latest photo is really not flattening. You have cut out my left ear. Now my followers will be laughing. A feline with one ear is a joke. You should really take more care in my portraits.”

“Sorry Tabby, but you moved just as I pressed the button. I have a second photo, but on that one you have closed your eyes.”

“But that is the mysterious look, the one that keeps them all entranced in my beauty and calling for signed photos with a pawprint.”

“Shall I exchange the photo for the other one?”

“I will have to give my seal of approval. Can you see my whiskers on the photo.”

“Yes, but they are not so much in close up.”

“I think you will have to take a new photo: one with all the details of my beauty and the completed “M” on my forehead. Even that has been distorted. You have ruined my reputation and I really thought I would become feline of the year.”

“Tabby we only have January, there are still 11 months to go and I am sure that the perfect photo of the perfect feline will happen in the meanwhile. You just have to keep still when I take the photo and not begin to twitch around.”

“I do not “twitch around” it is your lack of photographic skill.”

“Tabby, even a camera cannot take a perfect photo if the model is moving.”

“You see Mrs. Human, ahttps://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/silhouette/”> bad workman always blames his tools.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Silhoutte</a> 

Daily Feline Prompt: Trilling Feline

Tabby

“Meow, meow, meowowowowowow”

“Tabby those meows are ear splitting.”

“I am practicing Mrs. Human. I am learning to trill just like a bird.”

“But you are a feline and try as you may, you will never trill like a bird.”

“Everything is possible. If I can imitate a bird, they will accept me as one of their own and then there will no longer be any escape for them, they will be the victims of my claws.”

“I don’t think that will work. Your vocal chords are not suitable for trilling or tweeting. Apart from that, birds have feathers and you have fur. I have also never seen a bird with whiskers.”

“No problem, Mrs. Human. you can make me a bird costume. I can wear it and they will never know the difference.”

“Birds do not walk on four paws, they hop and they also have a beak and no tail. It will not work Tabby.”

“Then you must make the legs on the birdhouse shorter to bring them down to my level.”

“Tabby you are fed regularly at home, there is always food in your bowl, you do not need to catch birds.”

“Mrs. Human, there is a difference in vitamin pellets and birds with nice juicy wings. You also prefer chickens wings to the legs, not to mention the nice white meat from the breast of a chicken.”

“Chickens are something different Tabby.”

“Of course they are, they are bigger than sparrows, but meat is meat Mrs. Human. I need a change in my diet. Meowowowowow.”

“Forget it Tabby, you will never be accepted by the birds.”

“I don’t want to be accepted, I just want to eat them.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Trilling Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Dominating Feline

Tabby

“Before you start clicking away with your cell phone thing, I am awake Mrs. Human.”

“I thought you were sleeping, you have your eyes closed.”

“Having my eyes closed does not mean I am sleeping. I see and hear all. I am always present. You can sleep with both eyes shut as long as the brain is operating.”

“You see when you are sleeping?”

“Of course, not only do we have 9 lives (less those that have been used) but we have a second sight, day and night.*

“Good Tabby, then I do not have to have a bad conscience when I tell you to move.”

“Felines do not take orders from humans, we give the orders, and I am staying where I am.”

“But there are so many other places where you could sleep, or be in your second sight world. That is my chair.”

“And? It is also my chair, do we have to discuss the possessional rights of a feline compared to those of a human?”

“No Tabby, of course not, that would be a lost cause. I would say all you have to do is to go to another chair which would be just as comfortable.”

“But I want to sleep on this chair Mrs. Human. I do not do “second best”.  Speaking as an ex-god I would say I still have to maintain my rightful position in the world of having the last meow. Mrs. Human there is a chair in the kitchen that no-one needs, you can sit there – just saying.”

“But I do not want to sit in the kitchen, I want to sit in the living room on a comfortable chair.”

“Yes Mrs. Human, you are right.”

“Really, you agree?”

“Of course I do. It is a comfortable chair, that is why I chose it.”

“But Tabby.”

“Finished Mrs. Human, I am now sleeping, my second sight is now closing down until I am fed.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Dominating Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Tardy Feline

Tabby

This is my normal dining room. Note I am drinking from my water bowl and ignoring the bowl of hard vitamin pellets next to it. On a good day, I get an extra bowl filled with tuna fish, but good days are few and far between. I managed to educate Mrs. Human about meal times. She had some silly idea of serving three meals a day, morning, afternoon and evening. I had to remind her softly by paw, that felines do not have times of the day, but just day and night and availability of food at all times.

Day is the time for sleeping and perhaps fitting in a few bites in between. There is no sleeping routine, I sleep when I am tired which is quite often. I cannot afford to lose time searching for a meal and it is imperative that there is always food available, otherwise I would starve to death.

During the night I often take a bite or two or three or even more. I have to prepare my physical condition for midnight walks. Of course I also sleep during the night now and again. Life is just one big sleep and eat, but what else does a feline have? Now and again I indulge in physical exercise. Washing is a great way of keeping your limbs moving. A lick on the paw, a wipe behind the ear and on the face and of course other places, which will not be mentioned. There might be kittens reading my wise words.

Another very useful exercise is turning before sleep. No self-respecting feline would sit in the sleeping place before turning twice anticlockwise. This helps to balance the mind and puts the nine lives into alignment (or those lives that still exist). As you can see, the life of a feline is not just eat and sleep, but pondering on the meaning of 9 lives.

Daily Feline Prompt: Tardy Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Candid Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I was not ready for that photo.”

“You looked OK to me Tabby. I can see all four paws and both sides of your whiskers.”

“But only the tip of my tail curled around my back right leg. The MacDonalds “M” on my forehead is very blurred. You should really ask me before taking a photo.”

“But the surprise photos are always the best.”

“That is a matter of opinion.”

“I will be entering a feline photo competition “Candid photos of felines”.

“I will be canned afterwards? I do not have opposable thumbs to open the can, and cans are only for tuna fish, although I think you can also buy it in plastic bags.”

“No Tabby, in human candid means informal photos without the subject’s knowledge.”

“Not very flattering. I did not even have time to sharpen my claws or wash behind my ears. What is the prize for the winner of the competition?”

“Yes, it is a great prize and I will even share the prize with you if I win.”

“Share with me? Share does not exist in meow, although I would make an exception in this case as the camera that does not need opposable thumbs has not yet been invented. Take another canned photo Mrs. Human, just to be sure we win.”

“Ok, but stand still and do not look at the camera. Look at something else.”

“Shall I look at my food bowl.”

“Good idea, I just have to top it up with vitamin pellets to give us a better chance to win the prize.”

“Do I have to eat them?”

“No not now, it is just for the photo.”

“Ok, how’s this?”

“Wonderful pose Tabby, perhaps you could put your paw in the bowl.”

“Of course, and what is the wonderful prize – a Versace designed food bowl?”

“Not quite. A year’s free supply of vitamin food pellets at your own choice. Would you prefer chicken, fish or beef? Tabby where are you going?”

“Forget the photo. You do not have to share the prize with me. You can keep it for yourself.”

“But humans do not eat feline vitamin pellets.”

“Yes, and in this case, neither does the feline that owns you.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Candid Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Strategy

Tabby

Of course I have a strategy. All my nine lives, five of which I still have, are based on planning on strategy. I live in a world populated by humans which leads to many complications. Humans eat three times a day. I eat most of the time between sleeps. The human sleeping pattern is another problem. They “go to bed” when it gets dark. That is the time when I am wide awake and ready to go. Do they leave my cat flap open at night? Of course not. I squeeze myself out at midnight just before they lock it to stay one paw ahead of them.

Humans seem to think they have to control us, but we are not human. We were there first and made our world to suit our four paws and whiskers. One day a fish grew legs and eventually began to climb trees. We felines were already gods when the humans were eating bananas in the trees, at least their preliminary species. They even got opposable thumbs, which we felines found a good idea at the time. We could use the humans for various tasks that we felines found beneath our dignity, like emptying our recycling trays and opening tins.

Today they are convinced that they are the No. 1 in the world, but our time will return. We are working on the opposable thumbs, although we have not yet discovered which part of our paw is a thumb, it all looks the same. In the meanwhile life continues.

“Mrs. Human, open a tin of tuna fish, I am dying of starvation.”

“Of course Tabby, at once, to your command.”

You see it is all a matter of human control.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Strategy