Daily Feline Prompt: Astonished Feline

Tabby

I was having a quite sleep, just minding my own business. I was floating on a cloud and my subjects were below on their knees bowing and recognising my importance in the feline world. After all I am the best, the most intelligent and above all the one that always is first. I was just about to sit on my throne and become Queen of all Felines when I felt a movement on my right paw. Something pushed my paw. Of course I was immediately awake, thinking that I was being handed the feline sceptre of power, the one that gives eternal whiskers if you lose one.

No, I was wrong. It was Mrs. Human waking me for her daily photo for my blog. She has many photos of me. Of course, I am the most important person in her life. She could have waited for my dream to finish, but no. She wanted her photo, and now the result is a slightly annoyed expression which will definitely not make me feline of the year.

I managed to sleep on afterwards, but the dream was broken. I was now back to the middle ages with my witch mistress, having my fur singed, tied to a stake, because I was wrongly accused of turning the milk sour. It wasn’t me, really, it was the dog.

Daily Feline Prompt: Astonished Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tantrum

Tabby

“Where are you going Tabby? I just filled your bowl with fresh food. You know how much you appreciate the vitamin pellets when they are fresh from the paket.”

“And you know how to trick me into eating them. You mix the vitamin pellets from yesterday with the fresh ones. Very clever, but I saw through the trick. Some days you do not add new pellets and so I am left with old stale pellets.”

“That is not true Tabby, vitamin pellets do not get stale.”

“Of course they don’t, they are already dry and old when you buy them. I can chew on them and force them down my throat and they even get stuck on the way. The only positive thing about vitamin pellets, is that they are a good ingredient for hair balls. They bind the hairs together.”

“But you cannot eat tuna fish every day.”

“Why not? If we lived in a place where there was an ocean, it would be the main part of my diet. I want tuna fish.”

“Tabby stop stamping your paw, today there are vitamin pellets.”

“And tomorrow as well and the day after, and if by some strange coincidence the supermarket might have a special offer for tuna fish, I might get a bowl some time during the week. That is not the way to treat a feline that was once worshipped as a god.”

“But if you had tuna fish every day, it would no longer be something special and it would become boring.”

“Try me Mrs. Human, and I can assure you not as boring as the daily vitamin pellet ration. I will go on a hunger strike until I get my rightful food.”

“But you will starve.”

“No way, I have an arrangement with Roschti, the feline next door. His human also feeds him vitamin pellets. When he gets tuna fish, he will share with me and when I get tuna fish I will share with him.”

“I thought “share” did not exist in meow.”

“It doesn’t, but emergency situations call for a special strategy.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tantrum

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Rivulet

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, help. I cannot find the zip or buttons to my fur coat.”

“That is because you do not have them.

“But humans are always removing their fur when it is hot, and as a superior species, we felines should also have a possibility to remove our fur.”

“No Tabby, it doesn’t work like that. We humans have opposable thumbs and can manipulate zips and buttons. If you had thumbs you could not use them, because you have unoppossable paws.”

“And if we had opposable paws humans would have no purpose in their lives. They could not empty recycling trays or fill our food bowls, not to mention using the tin opener. But the sun is beating down, there are rivulets of sweat forming in the lower parts of my fur. If I could remove my fur coat it would be so much more comfortable.”

“And when the sun goes away you would freeze.”

“Then I could put my fur coat on again.”

“Felines are not made like humans. Humans have to wear coats in Winter to keep warm and felines already have their coat. And even in Summer felines can avoid the hot weather by taking shelter under a tree or plants in the garden. If it is too hot, you can go inside to cool down.”

“But I might miss something. Perhaps another feline might invade my territory and I must always be here to protect it.”

“Tabby, if you are sheltering from the sun the other felines will also be keeping away from the sun.”

“Ok, then I will now sleep and you can take your fur off to cool down and keep an eye on my territory Mrs. Human. You can earn your keep. And if an invader arrives, chase him away. .

“Of course Tabby, I am your obedient slave.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Rivulet

Daily Feline Prompt: Notable Feline

Tabby

Here I am in my own private territory surveying my possessions. This is all mine, it smells how I want it to smell, and feels like it should feel. Mrs. Human insists on putting human toys in my territory, that is why I have so may strange objects, but they have nothing to do with me. I tried talking to them, but they give no answer. I told her I would prefer a wall, walls always have something to say. I could stare at them for hours, time passes so quickly. She finds a wall would not look so good in her garden (she means my territory of course).

The green things are quite useful. I can use their base as a depot for my recycled matter and I am sure the plants grow stronger afterwards. Mrs. Human agrees, because she says they are getting fertiliser. I made her a suggestion to improve their growth even more, but she muttered something about humans having their own private room. I only wanted to be helpful.

Sometimes it rains and water collects on the leaves. I wait until the rain goes away and then I have my own favourite water. It comes from the sky and tastes fresh and better than the water I usually get in my bowl.  Again not according to human taste, humans just do not appreciate the quality of fresh rain, especially when it is a day old. It is comparable to human wine, it matures with time and has its own taste.

And now I must go, I see the neighbour’s feline approaching and he has no business in my territory, because it is all mine. I might have to have a few paw swipes with him to establish my ownership.

Daily Feline Prompt: Notable Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline What?

Tabby

I am special, I am great
Just look at my face, let us celebrate
My race is Tabby, we are the perfect cat
We are so beautiful a genuine aristocrat
And we are so good, we will never be the worst
and do not forget, Tabby is first
Mrs. Human is so happy, she grants my every wish
I just snap my paws, and she brings me tuna fish
What more could she need, with such a generous cat as me
She treasures my kindly thoughts and works for me with glee
I know I am the best, I am lovable in all my ways
So three cheers for me and you may fill my day with praise

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline What?

Daily Feline Prompt: Elaborate Feline

Tabby

“Let me in, I am dying of neglect.”

“Tabby you look quite healthy to me and your cat flap is open.”

“My cat flap is on the other side and I will have to go on a walk to get there. In the meanwhile anything could happen. I could be attacked by a dog, die of starvation and thirst and it might rain: not to think about the sky falling on my head.”

“Tabby, do not exaggerate, it is only a short distance and not all felines have their own door.”

“It is a shorter distance through this window and would be less exhaustion if you would open it. You are again taking advantage of the fact that I do not have opposable thumbs. And what have you done to your fur Mrs. Human. Have you become a British short hair human?”

“No Tabby, I went to the hairdresser to have my hair cut.”

“Is that something like a human vet?”

“I just wanted to have shorter hair.”

“Did you have tics and fleas. Perhaps you should put that stuff on the back of your neck to get rid of them.”

“Tabby humans wash and keep themselves clean so there is no great danger of getting insects in our hair.”

“I also have a good lick with my tongue at least three times a day, and I can scratch in places that you do not even know exist, but I still have to endure the evil curse of medicine being absorbed into my body.”

“That is something completely different Tabby, your body is covered with fur and all sorts of germs can crawl into it.”

“In future I would prefer to go to the hairdresser. I have seen them on my pawpad. They can even make your fur curl, or you can have your fur in a different colours. I would love to be a redhead, just like Garfield and perhaps I could have my fur more in layers. I would become feline of the year.”

“But what about your Macdonalds “M” on your forehead. That would disappear.”

“That could be coloured white.That would be very original.”

“No Tabby, stay as you are, that is much better and for such elaborate details, I would really have to send you to the vet.”

“In that case, I will remain my usual beautiful self. So where’s the tuna fish.”

“Coming immediately Tabby”

Daily Feline Prompt: Elaborate Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Bestowed Feline

Tabby

“It’s that time of the year again when I move to the great outdoors. There are things to disover and to do.”

“Yes Tabby, but before you sniff around too much and disappear in the long grass, I have something for you.”

“You mean a food parcel Mrs. Human, in case I get hungry on my travels.”

“Not exactly, but come here.”

“Just a moment, what is that you have your hand. It looks very familiar.”

“It is for your own good Tabby. When you begin to creep around in the undergrowth you can pick up all sort of insects. Just a drop of this liquid on your fur and it disperses and kills them before they have a chance. ¬†Come here.”

“No way, it is my fur and you are not going to touch it.”

“Tabby, just a drop on your neck.”

“No, that is the worst olace you can put it. I cannot reach it with my tongue.”

“You are not supposed to reach it. I am sure you do not want to have worms throughout the summer.”

“I have never seen a worm in my fur, that is just another story from the vet to make you buy his poison and make my life a misery. Mrs. Human, what are you doing, stop, no I will die.”

“So that is the job done and now you will be worm free.”

“I can feel the pain, it is entering my body, I have only a few minutes to live Mrs. Human.”

“Rubbish, it is all in the mind. You are perfectly healthy thanks to the medicine. You will have a worm free and tic free summer.”

“Tics, I have never seen a tic or a worm. I tell you it is all a story invented by the vets.”

“Of course you have never seen a worm, they live inside of you, and tics hide in your fur and suck your blood.”

“I have just realised that I am living a dangerous life Mrs. Human.”

“Not at all Tabby. thanks to me and the vets and the medicine you are a very healthy feline and stop trying to lick the medicine away from your neck.”

“But it is taking over my body I can feel it entering. Just grant me one last dying wish Mrs. Human.”

“You are not dying Tabby, but what is it, just for the sake of peace and quiet.”

“A bowl of tuna fish as a last meal. All victims are granted a last wish.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Bestowed Feline