I am an authentic feline. I love myself above everything else. I have no time for others, I spend most of the day sleeping, eating and keeping myself clean. I have no time for anything else, for that I have a human. I have spent many years training her to realise that I am the part of her life that gives her meaning for her existence.
She empties my recycling tray when necessary and ensures that my food and water bowl are always full. I only have to meow and she is there asking what is wrong and tending to my needs. She tends to overdo it with vet visits, and once a year takes me for my jabs, which she finds are necessary to keep me healthy. She has a habit of serving hard vitamin pellets, finding they are good for me, but nobody is perfect, except for me.
And now I must go, I can hear the sound of a tin opener which means another duty will be completed in the fulfilment of my need for tuna fish. It is time for a tummy tickle. Yes, humans have their purpose in a feline life, you just have to train them.