Feline RDP#30: Feline Fluke

Tabby

“Tabby where have you been, and where are you going?”

“Too many questions Mrs. Human, I am overwhelmed.”

“Yes, well Mr. Human and I were worried about you. We have not seen you all afternoon. I went out for a while and when I returned Mr. Human told me you had disappeared and not been seen or heard.”

“I am here now, so what is the big deal.”

“We were worried, but my trick worked.”

“Trick?”

“When I returned I took out a tin of tuna fish and the tin opener but there was still no Tabby. Then I laid on my bed and within a few seconds I heard Mr. Human talking to you on the porch and now you are back.”

“So what was the trick, I heard the tuna fish trick, but that is an old one and no longer works, because it is usually accompanied by disappointment, that would just be a fluke. I heard you went to your sleeping cushion and decided to join you for a tummy tickle.”

“Exactly and that was the reason why you arrived again.”

“But you can now forget that one. I did not get a tummy tickle, just a few harsh words about not disappearing and I should tell you where I am going. How can I tell you something that I do not know myself. My decisions are all on the spur of the moment, according to how I feel.”

“Great Tabby and how Mr. Human and I feel is not important?”

“Of course not, I only do I, me and myself. If you must know I was trying out the shade in the neighbour’s garden to see if it was better than in our garden.”

“And what was the result?”

“Shade seems to be shade no matter where, but his chairs are more comfortable than yours. the cushions are thicker and softer. You should really do something about my comfort outside.”

“If it is so much better why didn’t you stay there?”

“He did not have a bowl of fresh water outside to quench my thirst.”

Feline RDP#30: Feline Fluke

Feline RDP #29: Feline Milestone

Tabby

“I am pawing my way into unknown territory, following a path I have never followed before, taking a chance – will I survive, will I succeed on my mystery journey?”

“Tabby, do not overdo it, you have often walked into the garden across the porch.”

“Yes, I know, but you do not have to tell everyone. My followers are now convinced that I am a dauntless brave feline who has no fears of the unknown. On my right I am already approaching the borders, marked by an extra terrestrial who patrols on my territory now and again. At the moment he is sleeping, a mowey, it will be a close encounter of the third kind.”

“Don’t overdo it Tabby, he only mows the lawn for an hour a day, and you were sleeping the last time he did the job.”

“But there are risks involved. I can already smell the enemy in the undergrowth.”

“No Tabby, that was the last toilet stop you made this morning.”

“Shh, is nothing private in my home? And now I am going Mrs. Human, do not wait for me, it is a far far better thing I am now doing that I have ever done.”

“Tabby why have you turned around.”

“I decided that today is not such a good day for reckless adventures into the unknown. I felt a drop of rain on my whiskers and there is an increasing wind. I have also walked many pawsteps and my feet are exhausted. I need a rest to recover. Wake me later after my dish of food is ready and make sure there is enough. Exploring the unknown can be tiring and encourages the appetite.”

Feline RDP #29: Feline Milestone

Feline RDP #28: Feline Reduction

Tabby

“Sleeping again Tabby?”

“No, I am just saving my energy for later.”

“For later? Are you planning to go on a long walk?”

“Of course not, walking is for kittens. We senior felines like to conserve our strength and sleep is the best method.”

“What are you conserving your strength for?”

“That is obvious. For further sleep exercises.”

“You mean you have to sleep to be able to sleep more.”

“Of course. Sleep is hard work. I have to  keep one part of my brain awake. A complete shut down is not possible, I might miss something. Even my wall is never completely asleep. There is always a brick somewhere paying attention.”

“Tabby, walls do not live, they are dead material, so forget it.”

“Walls are very much alive, I communicate with the wall constantly. Did you see that white mark on the brick at the top of the wall.?”

“That was where a crow deposited its re-cycling matter.”

“I know and my wall had one sleepless night because of that. It feels reduced and alone.  you should really take more care of walls, and keep it clean.”

“I will Tabby, but not because of the wall, but because the wall looks better without the crow recycling marks on it.”

“Typical human, thinks only of herself and not of the wall.”

“Tabby, you also only think of yourself.”

“That is not true Mrs. Human. I had a sleepless five minutes thinking about the wall. And now to continue with my sleep.  I must really build up my strength. Tell your phone to wake me in two hours where I expect a plate of tuna fish and not those dry pellets. They will be the death of me one day.”

“But they are healthy.”

“Who says so? I have never heard a feline praise a vitamin pellet, and we have to eat them.”

Feline RDP #28: Feline Reduction

Feline RDP#27: Feline Indulgence

Tabby

Here I am indulging in my favourite pastime, some may think that I am just sleeping, but that is only the obvious part of it all. I am not just sleeping, but replenishing my energy and making decisions on the further development of my waking moments. I spend 80% of my daily life sleeping, so my waking moments must be carefully organised. There is no time to waste.

A sleep is always followed by a wash and licking everywhere has to be organised. My mum always said do not forget to wash behind the ears, but I have to use my paw for that, another complicated operation. And then it is time to eat and drink. I tell you the life of a cat is one big stress, we have no time for indulgences, it is all hard work.  I would love to spend more time with Mrs. Human helping her with cleaning my recycling tray and serving my food, but she would be disappointed if I did everything. She would feel there would be something missing in her world, so I let her get on with it on her own. She, too, must enjoy her indulgences.

I have now found a new sleeping place. Sleeping places are important in the life of a feline. I now sleep next to mowey to keep an eye on him. Yesterday I was sleeping comfortably on the grass and suddenly this machine decided to eat the grass where I was laying. I can tell you it was a shock. I have now decided to keep an eye on this mowing monster, as it also has its indulgences. A feline cannot even relax completely when sleeping. We must always have at least one eye half open to make sure that everything follows its usual course.

Feline RDP#27: Feline Indulgence

Feline RDP #26: Feline Navigation

Tabby

Life can be difficult when the sun hangs above in the sky. Luckily it moves now and again, but that can be exhausting as I have to change my resting places accordingly. As soon as I feel comfortable and sink into the oblivion of my sleeping life I feel the annoyance of a ray of sun on my ears, even worse on my whiskers. This means I must again move and find somewhere where the sun does not reach.

Of course I could move to the inside of my home, but that is boring. There is no action. Outside there are birds fluttering with the promise of a hunt and a reward at the end if I am successful. Unfortunately it seems that as the years go bye, the birds flutter quicker and I leap slower, but it is still fun. All a question of navigation of course.

I should really do something for my fitness. Mrs. Human is always telling me I am sleeping my life away, but as I have 9 lives (less the four I have already lost somewhere on the way) it does not bother me so much. Of course in my sleep I am everywhere. I travel back to the days when I was a god which was exciting, especially the mice  they brought to me from the corn chambers as a sacrifice of thanks for my good work.

Being a ship’s cat was great, I had it all to myself and you would be surprised how big those rats could get on board. Now and again I even caught a sea gull, although too many feathers and the beak was almost indigestible.  The best dream was as witch assistant or were we could familiars. Oh, that was fun being feared by the humans. Luckily I remained a Tabby cat at the time, the black cats got the worst of the deal.

And now I will retire to the shade on the porch. That has advantages, a bowl of water and food, what more could a feline wish for. Yes, bird and a mouse, but I can dream about that.

Feline RDP #26: Feline Navigation

Feline RDP #25: Feline Precedent

Tabby

“Tabby, sleeping again?”

“Shh, Mrs. Human. I have to concentrate.”

“I though you relax when sleeping.”

“Not if you are a feline, your brain is working overtime, especially if you are embarking on a life changing experiment and establishing a new feline precedent.”

“That sounds very serious. Will it be an improvement afterwards?”

“That depends on the result and whether I am left in peace to continue to the end.”

“Is it a long experiment?”

“That depends if I have made the right decision.”

“Ok, Tabby, don’t keep me in suspense, tell me all about it.”

“It is obvious. Do you notice the position I have taken for sleeping.”

“Definitely, you look quite cute.”

“No, Mrs. Human, this has nothing to do with being cute. This is the highest level of sleep. I have discovered a new sleeping position, something for all felines to follow. My front paw in between my back legs and I have a distinct relational curve on my back.  Note the curve of the tail and my head bent to synchronise with my body. Yes, this is the utmost in sleeping I must make notes to pass on to the future generations of felines. I will call this the Tabby precedent. You should also try it Mrs. Human, I am sure you will sleep better.”

“I do not think so Tabby, although it really looks quite cute.”

“What are you doing with that camera?”

“Taking a photo of course, to show everyone.”

“This is a serious matter, not a sideshow. I am doing something for the feline future in sleeping. No longer will we suffer from feline insomnia.”

“But Tabby I have never seen a feline that suffers from insomnia.”

“That is not the point Mrs. Human.”

Feline RDP #25: Feline Precedent

Feline RDP#24: Feline Rejuvenation

Tabby

“Sleeping Tabby?”

“is that a question or a statement Mrs. Human?”

“You tell me Tabby.”

“I was relaxing from a rejuvenation sleep.”

“You rejuvenate when sleeping?”

“Of course, at least six hours a day are necessary- Actually 23 hours a day, because we need to save an hour for searching for somewhere to sleep. I have to maintain my youthful looks , cannot afford to let my whiskers begin to droop. And I must keep fit for food hunting.  The birds, mice and other flying and creeping meals on feet do not arrive in my territory, I must search and find them. That is very exhausting work.”

“I suppose it would be Tabby, if you had to do it, but I usually open a tin or packet and fill your bowl with the food, so you just wait until you hear the food preparation signals in the kitchen and come and eat it. I cannot remember the last time you hunted for anything.”

“Shh Mrs. Human, not everyone has to know the sordid truth. What will the other felines think when they realise that I am not the fearless hunter they think I am, killing any birds and mice that may cross my pawpath. I would lose my respect. And after all I have you for the daily food supplies, so why should I raise a paw for the food.”

“Of course Tabby, I can let you get on with the food supply on your own if you would prefer to keep your reputation as the killer cat.”

“No, Mrs. Human. It is OK, I hate licking the blood from my paws afterwards. Just open the tin and fill the bowl, same process as every day. No good changing the routine, and it keeps me young of course. Just wake me up when the food is served.”

Feline RDP#24: Feline Rejuvenation