Feline RDP #84: Feline Elder


Gather around kittens. Are you sitting comfortably, tails covering your four paws. Tiddles would you please retract your claws, we are not in a “How to protect your territory” course, it is all about growing into a distinguished feline like myself and gathering respect and recognition from the humans. Did I hear a meowing snigger. Tiddles behave, I have been there and done it all, and you have not even had your first annual jab from the vet. Yes, kittens, do not groan, we all know the vet threat, but show them who is the boss. My litter sister Nera was always one paw ahead in that respect. The vet would enter, say something stupid like “What a sweet little cat” and Nera was off, hiding behind a cupboard. The vet would usually walk away annoyed with his slaves that they were not able to restrain a simple cat, but Nera knew how to do it.

So kittens do not crawl onto the examination table, shaking in the process. Show your claws and fangs, yes Tiddles this is the moment for you, and a few hisses and loud meows are also necessary. Remember you are the boss.

Tiddles stop making paw swipes with Butch, Butch is bigger than you are and any sensible cat knows what to do in such situations. Yes Fluffy, you have put up your paw. You say that the best method when you meet a feline larger than yourself is to disappear through the cat flap and just to emphasise your victory, show your teeth and meow when you are inside and the other feline is locked outside. That is very good Fluffy, but you have forgotten something. Always check if your pursuer also has a remote device on the collar, otherwise they could be joining you behind the cat flap. It is always good to have a human near in such a situation. They like to protect us felines and show they can also be the masters. Of course, we are the true masters and the humans just our staff.

Tiddles, do not bite Butch his teeth are larger than yours. OK, your claws are sharper And now make a high five together and give a friendly hiss to each other. Very good. For our next meeting you will all bring your human with you. We will indulge in human training. Perhaps your humans might want to bring some bandages and plasters, it can sometimes get quite hectic.

Feline RDP #84: Feine Elder

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