Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Costume

Tabby
I am sleeping today as tonight I will be out. It is catoween and I do not want to miss Nera my litter sister and Fluffy, the apprentice,  as they pay their annual visit. They now have their tenth life in the eternal corn chambers keeping the corn free of mice.

Nera, Tabby & Fluffy

And here we are together, Fluffy on the right and Nera on the left. They left me in charge and so I now organise Mrs. Human on my own, but now and again they give me advice, from the other side of course.

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Costume

Feline RDP Tuesday: Deadly Feline

Tabby

“Tabby what is so interesting? You have been staring at that window for a long while.”

“Quiet Mrs. Human, we do not want to make him aware that I am there.”

“Who?”

“The leaf soldier of course, it is the one that got away. The others are now dead, killed by my own paws, but this one escaped, although I am sure it is injured. It must be the chief. If I get him the danger will be over. Without a leader the leaf soldiers are defenceless.”

“Tabby they are just leaves that have fallen from the trees and the wind has blown them around.”

“Only because the leaf soldiers have captured the wind and forced it to work for them, but I will conquer them all. Now quiet, I saw that leaf soldier move. We must be careful.”

“But the leaves can do you no harm.”

“They are taking over your garden and also my walls. We will be suffocated by leaf soldiers and there is only one way to defeat them. My claws will rip them to pieces, they will beg for mercy. I have the same fight every year at the same time. They wait all year until it gets colder and then they begin to move, but it is all planned. First of all they camouflage themselves by changing colour. You notice when it begins, because they become red. Eventually they are brown which is a disguise as you do not see them so well with the earth background, but I smell them out. I would appreciate some help Mrs. Human. Perhaps you could collect the dead bodies afterwards and put them in your trash bags.”

“A good idea Tabby, do you think I should burn them?”

“No, cremation is too good for them. Just let them be taken to the communal burial place at the end of the garden and let them be seen as a warning to other leaf soldiers planning to attack. I think you can also remove the soldier in front of the window, it is now dead.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Deadly Feline

Feline RDP Monday: Sublime Feline

Tabby

I am Tabby the invincible. There is no wall I cannot climb, although I prefer to talk to them. I am the powerful Tabby, furry without and tough within, I am the Mighty Tabby of the feline race. The Mighty Quinn is nothing compared to me. If another feline has plans on taking over my territory, I put him in his place. I put my paw down shaking the ground he walks on. He will flee in fright and respect. There are, of course, always exceptions, but then I make a quick exit through my cat flap, that is what they are for.

I have so many talents and all bow when they see me coming. Lotus flowers spring from my paws as they touch the ground, only of course visible for the eyes of a feline. Mrs. Human is always telling me she has never seen them, but she is a mere human. My meows are law and what I purr goes for all. I am the personification of the sublime. When I look at my reflection in my water bowl I am overwhelmed by the wonderful beauty I see.

“Yes Mrs. Human?”

“Tabby do not overdo it, just stay on the ground.”

There she goes again, humans can be so jealous. They cannot see in the dark as we felines can, and their voice does not carry the fine tones that the feline meow possesses. However she has her advantages.

“Mrs. Human, apply your opposable thumbs to open a tin of tuna fish.”

“Of course Tabby.”

You see even humans have their sublime moments.

Feline RDP Monday: Sublime Feline

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Home

Tabby

Home is quite easy to define for a feline. I knew when I engaged Mrs. Human as my personal slave, that it was the right place. Of course I had to establish my ownership at the beginning. There were many disagreements, but I persuaded Mrs. Human that my way is the right way

I remember at the beginning there was a slight misunderstanding about the various rooms she had. She told me that her bedroom was forbidden territory, but after taking ownership of her bed she realised who was the actual feline in charge. I made a concession that she was allowed to place a cover on her bed. It even looked better, although she was talking about cat hairs everywhere. I had to remind her that a home was not a home without traces of cat fur. We are still discussing that point.

As there are wide spaces outside that I have also claimed as my territory I decided not to spray indoors to claim my possession. It would be too much stress for me. I have enough problems when I deposit a hairball in a strategic place. Mrs. Human removes them with her mop. Unfortunately she has no respect for feline artistic creations.

The food problem has still not been solved, but I am working on it. Dry hard vitamin pellets have nothing to do with a homely feeling, they are more an ordeal. Luckily she likes to give me a treat with tuna fish. I do not need treats, I need a stable diet of fish to keep me happy which goes without saying. I am also still working on that one.

I now have my own personal wall outside at last. Mrs. Human likes to pretend that it is her new garden renovation. Actually it was my idea, all done by feline telepathic suggestion, but she is happy when she thinks it is her idea. Humans are the ideal slaves, you just have to manipulate them a little and then you have your ideal home.

Tabby

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Home

Feline RDP Saturday: Drenched Feline

Tabby

“I am annoyed, water is falling from above. This is not the idea, everything is wet. If I go out I will also get wet and wet fur is not the peak of satisfaction. And so I am now trapped inside and I am bored. Mrs. Human entertain me.”

“What shall I do Tabby, shall I throw a ball and you can chase after it.”

“Mrs. Human, my kitten days are gone when I played with balls, or even chased a piece of string. The laser lamps are also nothing new. Playing imaginary games is no longer so amusing. I have an idea. Perhaps you could go out and catch a mouse for me, but a live one. You could let it free in my home and I could find it. That would be fun. It might hide under a cupboard and I could wait for it to appear again and pounce. ”

“That will not work Tabby. I do not know how to catch a mouse or where.”

“No problem Mrs. Human, there is one living in the garden cupboard.”

“Then go and catch it yourself.”

“That doesn’t work. I have come to an agreement with the mouse that I would let him live in the garden cupboard until an emergency occurs.”

“An emergency?”

“Yes like now when it is raining and I am bored. You may now get the mouse and let him loose in the home.”

“Does not come into the question Tabby. I do not want live mice living here.”

“Just one mouse Mrs. Human. After the chase I promised the mouse he could return to the cupboard.”

“Tabby, are you sure you do not want to chase a ball if I throw it.”

“Mrs. Human, forget it.”

“Where are you going Tabby?”

“To have a sleep, perhaps it stops raining afterwards. And don’t forget to put something in the garden cupboard for my pet mouse. I promised him some cheese as a reward for his help.”

“Of course Tabby.”

“Make it enough cheese for two mice, he said something about a wife, the more the merrier.”

Feline RDP Saturday: Drenched Feline

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Slide

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I was inspecting my two new walls and have discovered that it has a faulty design.”

“First of all Tabby, they are not you walls, but mine and secondly I find them perfect.”

“Justa small remark Mrs. Human. First of all they are my walls which I allow you to use for your plants in the hope that one day a catnip will be planted and secondly they are not perfect.”

“What is the problem Tabby?”

“It is quite obvious. I have to construct a jump to the top of the walls for my observance post. You forgot to fit a slide on each wall to enable me to walk up and down. It would save energy for me. Jumping up and down is tiring and also a case of human negligence.”

“Tabby I did not have the raised beds constructed for your benefit, but to make life easier for me in the garden.”

“Again the human is full of selfish thoughts. You should really spend more time looking at things from my point of view. When the humans built the walls no consideration was shown for the wishes of a feline. If you had asked me I would have had stone steps constructed on each wall for easy access, but no, I have to quantum mathematics and calculate a jump to arrive in the right place. And imagine the problems I have when leaving the wall. I could sprain a paw, or even lose a claw when I land on the stony surface below. I really would have preferred a bed of soft grass for my landings. It would have been less strain on my body.”

“I thought cats were clever and always land on their four paws when taking a jump.”

“Of course, but it is a question of how we land and who is looking. Imagine if the cat next door saw me losing my balance on the stony surface I now have.”

“Of course Tabby, perhaps I could replace the stones with a nice oriental carpet.”

“Yes, perfect. I will have a look online on my pawpad. Where is your credit card?”

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Slide

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline friend

Tabby

“Tabby I asked for a photo of you with a friend, and all you gave me were various pictures of you on your wall, either laying on it or sitting on it or taking a walk on the wall. It would be so nice to have a photo of you with the feline next door perhaps.”

“Forget it Mrs. Human, the word “friend” does not exist in meow and it never did.”

“But what about your mum and dad?”

“What about them. My mum met my dad and some time afterwards she moved on and he was never seen again.”

“But they must have had feelings for each other.”

“Feelings does not exist in meow. Mum said it was over so quickly they did not have time for the details. And as far as the feline next door is concerned. He is not my friend, I am not his friend and the only contact we have is concerning paw fights over territorial ownership. Now and again we have a staring match. He looks at me, I look at him.”

“But Tabby, you must be very lonely.”

“I am not lonely, I have my wall.”

“But walls do not have feelings Tabby.”

*Of course they do, my wall is my companion. It accompanies me through thick and thin and is a solid support. If I stare at the feline next door, he only has thoughts on various ways to kill me, but my wall has thoughts on protecting me from the feline next door. It is quite simple.”

“Yes, of course Tabby. And what about me?”

“What about you. Human slaves do not come into the section of friends. They are there to serve, which reminds me, I am hungry Mrs. Human.”

“Oh, sorry Tabby, I got engaged in the conversation I amost forgot. The same as usual?”

“Yes, but remember we also eat with the eyes.”

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Friend