Feline RDP Monday: Segue Feline

Tabby

“Typical Human, locks me in the cupboard.”

“Oh there you are Tabby, I was searching everywhere and thought you might have taken a walk.”

“No Mrs. Human, you opened the cupboard door for me and I decided to follow the invitation. I did not expect you to shut the door and lock me in. I could have suffocated. I could have lost another life, there are not many left. I could have been forgotten and discovered a year later, just a skeleton. No water, no food, no nothing. What year do we now have. how long have I been locked up in this dark place.”

“Tabby do not overdo it. The year changes tomorrow and we still have today.  I noticed you were not here and began to search. You could have meowed or knocked on the cupboard door to show me where you were.”

“I was too busy sleeping for such physical exercises. Leave the cupboard door open.”

“But I thought you were going to leave the cupboard after being shut in for so long.”

“No Mrs. Human. I like this cupboard, it has so many comfortable cushions for me to lay on. Just leave the door open so that I can come and go as I please.”

“I thought you were hungry?”

“Yes, then just put a bowl of tuna fish in the cupboard. There is enough room. And do not close the door when you go. Pin a note on the door as a warning that this is now my sleeping place.”

Feline RDP Monday: Segue Feline

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Dirt

Tabby

I am licking my paw to wipe on my nose
Cleaning the nose wherever it goes
Cat lives are a fight against dirt
But we are equipped and it really does not hurt
Humans use soap and scrub with a cloth
Then they remove with water the soapy suds of froth
But we felines are compact and have it in the paws
If we find unwanted insects, we bite them with our jaws
Of course there is dirt that is necessary for life
Covering waste with it, we do not need a knife
And then in our waste seeds begin to grow
What goes around comes around, something we must know
So let us rejoice and be happy for a wash
Water only for drinking and have a cleansing slosh

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Dirt

Feline RDP Saturday: Abstract Feline

Tabby

I am not abstract, I am real, and I exist in meow
Humans are abstract with a language that doesn’t know how
Many words are superfluous, no meaning for a cat
We do not deal with “friends” and “like”as a verbal acrobat
Our logical thoughts are a genuine wealth
Just three are important, I, me and myself

Feline RDP Saturday: Abstract Feline

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Cottage

Tabby

Wo needs a cottage when you have a wall. Walls are comfortable and offer everything a feline needs. You can sit on it, climb up and down and even talk to it. If it rains you can even drink the water collecting in the cracks and on the surface. You see what is happening surrounding your wall and do not forget walls have ears, and they tell you everything that is happening. There will be no unwelcome visitors, because every wall has its chosen feline and visitors are kept out.

My wall is faithful to my needs. I even have space to dig and cover what I might leave in the places where I dig. My perfume is everywhere. Who needs a cottage. Just plant a wall next to your living quarters and your territory will be safe from any intruders. The wall is your protector. It might rain or storm, the winds will blow but the wall remains and protects what is yours. Who pays for the wall? The humans of course, so do not believe them when they tell you that the felines have to pay themselves. It is all fake news. Humans build the walls according to the feline specifications and they pay for it, stone by stone and brick by brick.

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Cottage

Feline RDP Thursday: Corpulent Feline

Tabby

I’m not fluffy, I’m not fat
Just a special tabby cat
My body is streamlined, I pass through every space
I train every day and always win the race
Am always counting calories to keep my figure slim
Climbing walls and chairs, it really keeps me trim
And now I must go, there are exceptions to the rule
Mrs. Human is serving tuna, and I eat it, am no fool
She says it is the vitamin pellets that keep me oh so fit
I eat them just to please her, but I do not find them a hit
(alternative: really find them s**t)

Feline RDP Thursday: Corpulent Feline

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Tradition

Tabby

“Sleeping again Tabby?”

“Mrs. Human I am upholding one of our family’s traditions.”

“You mean sleeping is a tradition. I thought is was normal to sleep. Is it in favour of a festival or a special occurrence in the feline year.”

“I suppose you could say that Mrs. Human. We celebrate every day, it is an anchored tradition in the feline life. Sleep has been cultivated for many years in the feline way of life. Have you ever seen a feline with insomnia?”

“Well come to think of it, Not really.”

“You see Mrs. Human, the word does not even exist in meow. How can you describe a feline that does not sleep. We uphold the tradition daily, only having a paws (sorry pause) for  food and a territorial inspection. All felines maintain

this tradition, no matter where they are. As the Dalai Whiskers said “Sleep is the best meditation” and we felines are the experts.”

“You meditate when sleeping?”

“Of course. I meditate about when to awake and if my bowl of tuna fish will be ready. I meditate about my next sleeping session  and I meditate about my next wash, whether to lick my ears first or my tail and which position is the most beneficial for my next sleep.

Our traditions are to be planned with method. And now if you will excuse me I wish to sleep further, traditionally of course. I will now change my position into clockwise. My anti-clockwise movements have now been executed to full satisfaction.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Tradition

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Host

Tabby

I am hosting a chair that is mine all mine
Do not come closer I am drawing the line
When I am sleeping my peace is to be respected
My peace and quiet is to be protected
I am not a party lion and prefer to be alone
Do not interrupt, because I am in my own zone
I am not a host, I do not mix with a crowd
So please go away and find you own quiet shroud
If I have a need, I will let you know
I will call when I am hungry and wish to be aglow
Disappear, vamoose and leave me now in peace
Taking photos not required, I command you to cease
I am now in seventh heaven, floating on a dream
My feline world is hosting, drifting on a sunbeam

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Host