Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Vagrants

Tabby

Who me a vagrant, no not I
Keeping to the spaces, that I see with my eye
This territory is mine and I spray it every day
I have to set priorities and keep the tramps away
There is always a feline watching to take over my plot
If he prepares to take over,  I give him a swot
The neighbourhood feline is planning on my land
With a hiss and a show of claws his presence is regularly banned
So stay away you vagrants, you are discovered by your smell
I defend my walls and land and am ready to repel
And when I might be sleeping, which is a common event
My humans will be watching, they are my supplement

Feline RDP Thursday: Vagrant

Feline RDP Wednesday: Immersed Feline

Tabby

“There you are Tabby, under the bathroom cupboard. I was searching everywhere.”

“And now you have found me. I wanted to get away from it all, have a few minutes to myself. We felines need some me time now and again to immerse ourselves in our thoughts.”

“Of course Tabby, I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Then leave me to myself. I was meditating.”

“What was you meditating about.”

“That is feline business, planning my next moves.”

“And you can only do that if you hide under the bathroom cabinet?”

“I thought it would be a good idea for some peace and quiet, but my concentration has been disturbed. I cannot have five minutes peace without a human disturbing me with silly questions and poking a telephone camera at me to take a photo to show everyone. My thought process has now been disturbed.”

“But I was worried where you were.”

“Mrs. Human it is cold enough outside to freeze off my claws and so I remain indoors. It is not as if I can journey to the end of the world. And now you have disturbed me. I was just calculating the axis of my paws in relation to jumping on a table with the application of the differential of my whiskers, applying a quantum mathematical solution  combined with the equation of Catagorus, taking into the consideration of a right angled whisker.”

“That sounds very technical Tabby.”

“No problem for a feline of the 5th life.”

“In that case I will leave you to solve your problem.”

“At last she has gone. I do not have a problem, at least I did not until she decided to look for me. Nothing that a good four hour sleep cannot solve.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Immersed Feline

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Angle

Tabby

It varies on the angle how you look at all your lives
I had nine angles, but now only have high fives
Four were lost in a moment of not taking care
But I am still quite happy, still having five to spare
We felines are short sighted, see nothing before our nose
It is all so very blurred, depends where the wind blows
If it is tuna fish that Mrs.Human has served
I smell it when she opens the tin and so I am not nerved
When a bird flies up on a tree, I can focus very well
The problem is I am getting older and my legs are no longer so swell
But why chase a bird, that always  fly away
Mrs. Human serves me chicken to keep my hunger at bay
Angles here and angles there, I am no mathematician
Life consists of eating and sleeping and that is my sole mission

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Angle

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Marbles

Tabby

“I think you will have to leave this one Tabby. Cats do not play with marbles.”

“That is true Mrs. Human, but we create them.”

“I am sure you cannot create marbles from glass.”

“Who said anything about glass. We have our other methods.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I don’t think you really want to know Mrs. Human, it might be too much for your delicate human digestive system.”

“Is it that bad?”

“Not for a feline.The process is almost the same for a hairball, but we form them much smaller. Instead of one artistic creation we produce 5-6 all in smaller sizes. If you let them dry in the sun they get quite hard and can play a wonerful game with them, just like the human marbles.”

“Yes Tabby, I see what you mean. Perhaps we will leave the subject for the time being.”

“You don’t want a practical demonstration?”

“No Tabby, I will just use my imagination.”

“But I have a selection you can choose from and I am sure the people reading my meows of wisdom would love to see them, take a photo Mr. Human.”

“No, Tabby, there are certain objects that are not shown in Internet, to protect the children.”

“But I have no problems showing my collection to kittens, they are impressed and want to make their own.”

“Tabby, let’s change the subject. I am about to prepare a meal and do not want to be confronted with mini hairballs in marble sizes. It will spoil my appetite.”

“Humans are strange animals.”

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Marbles

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Pet

Marcel and Tabby

What can I say? Pet?, no not me. Felines I can only advise that each adopt a human pet. As they often come in pairs, then adopt both of them. This secures that you will have full attention for your needs. If the Mrs. Human is busy, then the Mr. Human always has time for a tummy tickle or a reassuring touch.

Humans have their uses. They feed you and make sure that there is always a full food bowl. However, you must show them the necessary food. They are convinced that you need something healthy and “good for you”, but unfortunately their brain development is a little on one track. They serve vitamin pellets because the have all the necessary ingredients that a cat needs, they think. This is naturally wrong, and you must convince them that tuna fish is the solution to our needs. Try it with telepathy. The human brain is a little behind with such developments, but with a little training they get the idea.

If your human does not pay full attention to emptying your tray, the solution is easy. Do not use the tray, refuse, strike. They soon get the meaning when they find your deposits in the wrong places. Feeling lonely in the night because humans tend to sleep? No problem. Just scratch at their bedroom door for a while and sing a little meow song. They  will definitely worry about you and you will have company.

I would not exactly describe a human as a pet, more a necessary plus in the life of a feline. If you train them well, you can have a comfortable life as we deserve. And make sure there are at least 2-3 various sleeping places. I would recommend the human bed.

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Pet

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Cook

Tabby

A lick here and there removing some of the fur
Not too much and not to little, just enough to purr
Now to search for good green grass to make a colour scheme
How creative I can be, the result will be a dream
Something is missing, what could it be
Perhaps vitamin pellets and a nice juicy flea
That will be a mixture that will give it perfect form
And now to swallow it all and keep it nice and warm
“What are you doing” Mrs. Human makes a call
I am busy using energy for a perfect hair ball

Feline RdP Saturday: Feline Cook

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Chore

Tabby

Chores? Of course I have chores. Life is one big chore. Mrs. Human has to be instructed to keep my food bowl filled. She must check my water supply regularly to ensure that is is fresh. Every hour she should examine my litter box and fill it with new material. I hate litter boxes that remind me of the daily food.

When I have finished these important exhausting tasks of organising my human I must relax and take it easy. I have to regain my energy to continue with the other important tasks of the day. It is now time for a sleep. Again I must organise Mrs. Human not to make any unnecessary noise that might wake me. A feline must have peace and quiet to relax and recover from the daily exertions. My head is spinning from issuing the various commands to the human. If only humans realised how hard it is to be a feline with responsibilities. They have such an easy job.

And then there are the continuous washing sessions. Licking paws and keeping the fur free of any unwanted objects. Fur ball production is also very strenuous. Eventually I collapse exhausted.

Yes it’s a cat’s life and we have nine of them (less those that have been lost on the way) to tend to. This magnifies the work involved. And now I must go. I will be back in 4 hours when I again must have a good lick and eat, oh the daily stress.  Before I go I must just check to see if Mrs. Human has understood my instructions for the day. I cannot have her sleeping on the job. A happy, satisfied feline depends on the human being present 24/7.

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Chore