Feline RDP Monday: Nimble Feline

Tabby 17.02 (2)

I am the nimblest feline in my territory
Although I must admit, I am alone in my glory
My paws are agile, I train every day
I have to be prepared to fight intruders away
They know my reputation of being very fast
And if a cat is chasing me I will never be the last
Stand up and fight, no that is not my ruse
I prefer to take the cat flap, the fight I could lose.

Feline RDP Monday: Nimble Feline

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Warp

Tabby

“Tabby you no longer sit on your wall.”

“It has become warped.”

“Warped?”

“Yes. I wanted to jump to the top but it was no longer the same as when it was new.”

“Perhaps you are getting older Tabby, and no longer as fit as you were.”

“Rubbish, I am as fit as ever, but I am sure the wall is growing. It is higher now.”

“Walls do not grow Tabby, they stay the same size.”

“My wall told me that it is expanding and warping its way higher.”

“Walls do not talk Tabby.”

“Of course they do, they have ears as well and hear everything. Even humans are aware of that.”

“No Tabby that is just a figure of speech and it means that other people can hear what you are saying sometimes and it is better not to talk too much.”

“You mean that everyone can hear my meows.”

“No Tabby, because most humans do not understand your meows.”

“Another reason to stick to telepathy. That is how I converse with my wall, to keep my conversations private. I do not want any human listening in to what I discuss. There are certain situations that we like to keep to ourselves, speaking as feline to wall. And now I must go, my wall is growing again and pushing the plants up.”

“No Tabby, the plants are growing, that is nature.”

“It is all a matter of interpretation Mrs. Human.”

“Yes, of course Tabby. Am I glad that you explain everything so well.”

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Warp

Feline RDP Saturday: Identical Feline

Cat 26.09 (1)

“Are you sure it is not you? This feline also has a tabby pattern.”

“But it is not an original like mine. I have symmetrical stripes showing my descent from the felines that were worshipped as gods. This is more in the Picasso style of things, although we tabbies all have a unique mark on our fur.”

“You have a unique mark?”

Tabby

“Of course, otherwise our mum would not recognise her kittens. I have a broad dark stripe on my back, to make sure that I am recognised, although I have my doubts with humans. For humans all tabby cats look the same. I must admit all humans look the same also. It is a good that they all smell different.”

“But I don’t smell Tabby.”

“You think so Mrs. Human? We felines do it all by smell, at least our nose is not short sighted.”

“How do I smell Tabby.”

“A human smell, it depends on what you had for lunch of course. At the moment it is definitely something that reminds me of a pig.”

“I beg your pardon. I do not smell like a pig.”

“What did you have for lunch?”

“A pork chop.”

“There you have it Mrs. Human. You definitely have something piggy about you at the moment, but do not worry, as soon as you eat something else it will disappear. What are you eating for tea?”

“I have some ham.”

“Pig again. Try eating mouse or bird, it would make your smell more identical to mine.”

Feline RDP Saturday: Identical Feline

Feline RDP Friday: Rash Feline

Tabby

Should I go or should I stay
Rash decisions could go the wrong way
There might be a monster waiting outside
I will observe the situation and my time I will abide
I can see a movement underneath the leaves
Although Mrs. Human says it is only a breeze
I have nine lives, but somehow lost four
And if I am not careful, I might lose some more
I think I will stay in case the sky might fall
Although I would be safe if a hide behind a wall
Oh the problems in the feline lives must be overcome
But I am brave and dauntless, I will not succumb
I have made my decision, there is no time to lose
I will wait until tomorrow, in the meanwhile I will snooze

Feline RDP Friday: Rash Feline

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Cornucopia

Tabby

“Tabby will you come out of my bedroom cupboard?”

“Doesn’t come into the question Mrs. Human. Today is catutopia day, when we find our cupboard of plenty and I found mine.”

“You found nothing Tabby, you hopped into the cupboard before I could shut the door.”

“It is all a matter of interpretation Mrs. Human. You opened the door and my dream was fulfilled. An enclosed space lined with the delights of a feline resting place. This is better than a tenth life. Layers and layers of soft fabric welcoming my fur. What could be better, a catutopic pleasure.”

“The word catutopic does not exist Tabby.”

“It might not in human, but it does in meow. One of our main words expressing the delights of being feline.”

“That might be, but the delights of being feline and spreading your fur over my clothing is not the delight of being human, so leave my cupboard. – now. Tabby did you near me? And now she is sleeping in my cupboard.”

“i am not sleeping Mrs. Human, just resting my eyes. And when you go, leave the door open that I can make an exit afterwards, I have been forgotten and locked in the cupboard before.”

“Of course Tabby,”

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Cornucopia

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Book

Tabby

I only read hieroglyphs
The writing of the cats
You think it was the Egyptians?
No, we are the technocrats
Books were scratched on papyrus
Felines were the very first
Literature was our second language
We are completely versed
The humans tried to copy us
They were still writing with chalk
We had progressed to paw prints
It was easier to walk
Today it is not needed
We felines know all kind
We stare the human in the face
And we can read their mind
Whilst they are still reading books
We construct the codes to follow
Humans are so easy to read
Their ideas are so very hollow
It was the felines that wrote the theories
As a basis for the facts
Mathematics were our invention
We are the genuine cracks

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Book

Feline RDP Tuesday: Chalky Feline

Roschti

Tabby meowing here, but this is my No. 1 enemy in the photo. They call him Kimberly now, although when he arrived he preferred to use the name of Roschti. They say he changed his name as he was on the ten most wanted feline list. As you can see, no matter how much I try to keep him out of my territory, he pays no attention and even drinks from my water bowl. My mum (feline of course) always said beware of the ginger felines, although I remember mum did have a couple of ginger kittens. as a reminder of a night on the tiles. As far as chalk is concerned, I will leave that one. You cannot eat it and due to my lack of opposable thumbs I cannot draw with it.

Feline RDP Tuesday: Chalky Feline

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Foray

Tabby

“Tabby, why are you sitting in front of a closed window.*

“That is fairly obvious Mrs. Human. Because some idiot of a human closed it when I was outside and left me on my own to go on a foray.”

“But Tabby, you can walk across the garden and take the path to the other side where you have your own private cat flap.”

“Do what???? Me, who was worshipped as a god in a past life, walk? I expected that my human slave would open the door for me.”

“I am going in now through the front door you can come with me.”

“Like a dog? No I am feline and we do not follow humans, they follow us. I am waiting here, so hurry and when you enter my home open the window.”

“Oh Tabby, you are already inside.”

“If I had waited for you, I would still be waiting. I stooped to the subordinate level of  entering through the open window on the other side. In future do not wander off on your forays with your camera, but ensure that I can come and go as I please before you disappear.  And you can get rid of the photos on your camera that you took when I was waiting. The other felines might see them.”

“Too late Tabby, they were with my photo camera with an instant upload.”

“Next time ask my permission. And now that you are here again, make yourself useful and serve my evening meal.”

“Of course Tabby, at once.”

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Foray

Feline RDP Sunday: Snaky Feline

Tabby

I am exhausted, it was such an exciting day. I saw a snake, it was curled at the end and moving. It was quite near and so I pounced, intending to kill it. I managed to capture it with my paws. Just as I was about to bite its head off Mrs. Human called.

“Stop Tabby,, what are you doing?”

“Killing a snake.”

“Tabby, that is not a snake, it is your tail.”

And so I decided to forget the whole thing and sleep further, but with a difference. I rested my head on my tail to stop it escaping.

Feline RDP Sunday: Snaky Feline