Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Book

Tabby

I only read hieroglyphs
The writing of the cats
You think it was the Egyptians?
No, we are the technocrats
Books were scratched on papyrus
Felines were the very first
Literature was our second language
We are completely versed
The humans tried to copy us
They were still writing with chalk
We had progressed to paw prints
It was easier to walk
Today it is not needed
We felines know all kind
We stare the human in the face
And we can read their mind
Whilst they are still reading books
We construct the codes to follow
Humans are so easy to read
Their ideas are so very hollow
It was the felines that wrote the theories
As a basis for the facts
Mathematics were our invention
We are the genuine cracks

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Book

Feline RDP Tuesday: Chalky Feline

Roschti

Tabby meowing here, but this is my No. 1 enemy in the photo. They call him Kimberly now, although when he arrived he preferred to use the name of Roschti. They say he changed his name as he was on the ten most wanted feline list. As you can see, no matter how much I try to keep him out of my territory, he pays no attention and even drinks from my water bowl. My mum (feline of course) always said beware of the ginger felines, although I remember mum did have a couple of ginger kittens. as a reminder of a night on the tiles. As far as chalk is concerned, I will leave that one. You cannot eat it and due to my lack of opposable thumbs I cannot draw with it.

Feline RDP Tuesday: Chalky Feline

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Foray

Tabby

“Tabby, why are you sitting in front of a closed window.*

“That is fairly obvious Mrs. Human. Because some idiot of a human closed it when I was outside and left me on my own to go on a foray.”

“But Tabby, you can walk across the garden and take the path to the other side where you have your own private cat flap.”

“Do what???? Me, who was worshipped as a god in a past life, walk? I expected that my human slave would open the door for me.”

“I am going in now through the front door you can come with me.”

“Like a dog? No I am feline and we do not follow humans, they follow us. I am waiting here, so hurry and when you enter my home open the window.”

“Oh Tabby, you are already inside.”

“If I had waited for you, I would still be waiting. I stooped to the subordinate level of  entering through the open window on the other side. In future do not wander off on your forays with your camera, but ensure that I can come and go as I please before you disappear.  And you can get rid of the photos on your camera that you took when I was waiting. The other felines might see them.”

“Too late Tabby, they were with my photo camera with an instant upload.”

“Next time ask my permission. And now that you are here again, make yourself useful and serve my evening meal.”

“Of course Tabby, at once.”

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Foray

Feline RDP Sunday: Snaky Feline

Tabby

I am exhausted, it was such an exciting day. I saw a snake, it was curled at the end and moving. It was quite near and so I pounced, intending to kill it. I managed to capture it with my paws. Just as I was about to bite its head off Mrs. Human called.

“Stop Tabby,, what are you doing?”

“Killing a snake.”

“Tabby, that is not a snake, it is your tail.”

And so I decided to forget the whole thing and sleep further, but with a difference. I rested my head on my tail to stop it escaping.

Feline RDP Sunday: Snaky Feline

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Egg Search

Tabby

“Tabby are you looking for something.”

“Of course Mrs. Human. It is Cat-easter and time to search for some eggs.”

“Oh, if I had known, I would have hidden some for you, but I did not know that felines eat eggs.”

“Of course we do not eat eggs, we are carnivores and not eggivores. It is not the egg that is important, but the manufacturer.”

“The manufacturer?”

“Known as bird, Mrs. Human. Where there are eggs there are birds: a very tasty part of the feline diat.”

“But Easter, or even Cat-easter, is a time to celebrate and take it easy and forgive.”

“That is what I mean Mrs. Human. I could celebrate by having a bird meal and afterwards take it easy in the digestive process. Forgive does not exist in meow. So where there are eggs there are birds.”

“That must be a strange feline festival. We celebrate a new begin and felines eat birds.”

“Why not. We are helping to maintain the balance of nature. If we did not eat birds, there would be far too many of them flying around. There is a purpose in everything. Enjoy your eggs at Easter Mrs. Human, and if you find some freshly laid, just let me know. There is never an egg without a bird. As we say it is fine to put all your eggs in one basket, but better to find who put them there.”

“Another example of feline logic it seems.”

“You said something Mrs. Human?”

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Egg Search

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Tool

Tabby

I carry my tools
wherever I go
They are attached to my paws
And that you must know
Your human ignores you?
She thinks you’re a bore?
Just put out your tool
And scratch on her door
Some call them claws
Keep them pointed and sharp
If you scrape them on wood
they sound like a harp
They are multi purpose and versatile
between my toes they are attached
Very useful for irritations
you have a flea, then you can scratch
Beware of the vet
He likes to cut them short
Luckily they grow again
Keeping them sharp is a feline sport
We felines would be lost
Without our claws to leave our mark
If you scratch them on some metal
you can even make a spark

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Tool

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Compromise

Tabby

I do not do compromises
That is plain to see
We felines are made for better things
and determine how it must be
In meow the word does not exist
There is nothing more to say
It has to be the way I want it
To discussion I meow nay
And now just leave me on my chair
I will sleep, it’s my decision
There is no meowing, I determine what I want
I do not indulge in revision

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Compromise