Feline RDP 82#: Feline Yarn

Tabby

Now I am alone, with no-one looking. You know it is so stupid, but I can have a real search. Mrs. Human laughs at me, me, a one time goddess, how could she. You should see the antics she gets up to when she washes. I can do it all on my own, but she needs all sorts of appliances with water and something called soap and shampoo: a lot of foam and nothing worth using. A tongue and a lick does it nicely for me.

Yes, so there I was sitting quietly on one of my favourite chairs having a good search. Of course I used my tongue and even claws, but they only found a few strange insects. I was expecting to get my claw hooked into something solid. Something I could tug on and pull, just like when Mrs. Human undresses her covers on the bed. She pulls, it opens and she can remove it. I am sure this is the system. If I find it, I will pull and it will open and then I will at last be able to cool down in the hot sun which beats down during the summer months.

I mean the zip on my fur coat of course, what did you think I was talking about: a tin of tuna fish. OK, that would also be a good idea, I could then open the tins myself and not be a victim to the whims and wants of a creature such as a human. I am still searching of course and refuse to let myself be daunted. On the other paw Mrs. Human said the weather will soon be changing and I might even forget where I put my coat if i remove it. I suppose she has a point, she is always forgetting where she puts things.

If I am succesful in my search I will let you know, with a photo of course. Mrs. Human, stop laughing, this is a serious matter.

Feline RDP 82#: Feline Yarn

Feline RDP #81: Tender Feline

Tabby

“Tabby, your fans are getting bored with the same photo every day.”

“Mrs. Human, I am not bored. It is very comfortable here on the grass in the shade of the tree.”

“Yes, but every day at the same time you are laying on the lawn.”

“Then you should take your photos when I am doing something else.”

“Tabby, you rarely do something else, except for sleeping.”

“Sometimes I eat, and sometimes I scratch, and have a wash. I also talk to the wall, and use my recycling tray, although they are not opportunities for photos. Just take my photo when I am sleeping. You can see all the wonderful details of my fur coat and who knows, perhaps someone might find the zip.”

“Tabby there is no zip, you have to keep your fur coat on and apply your air conditioning system.”

“You mean using my whiskers to fan the hot air.”

“No, but I read that all felines have an internal system of cooling down when it is hot.”

“Mrs. Human do not believe everything you read. My system is to find a comfortable place on the lawn to shelter my tender paws and limbs from the summer heat. When serving my water you should cool it down  with some ice and hour before I drink it to make it a pleasant temperature. And perhaps you could stand on the side and fan me with something to keep the temperatures cooler. I appreciate a breeze when I am sleeping.”

“Yes Tabby, I am sure you do but you could also sleep inside where it is cooler. I just do not have the time to stand next to you and construct a breeze.”

“Typical human, egoists, always thinking of themselves.”

Feline RDP #81: Tender Feline

Feline RDP #80: Reticent Feline

Tabby

This feline is reticent, I am glad I speak meow
No human understands me, and I do not need a wow
My thoughts are mine, they remain in my head
They revolve on water and tuna fish, I make sure that I am fed
Where I am going and what I do, is my business and none of yours
I need no words and no permissions, so open up the doors
I sleep almost all day, I need my peace to keep me satisfied
I float on a cloud of feline bliss, and here I can reside
So speak your tongues you human tribe, I understand what you are talking about
Meow is my language which you do not understand, and it might be that I will pout
I can read human thoughts, it is all in the waves, I am always a paw ahead
If you think I am sleeping then that is OK, but I understand everything said
We felines might be reticent, but we emphasise our wishes by giving paw prods
Do not forget, we are the feline superior race, and we were once worshipped as gods.

Feline RDP #80: Reticent Feline

Feline RDP #79: About Dogs?

TAbby

Do what? Write about dogs and at this time in the evening when I am thinking about going on a hunt for the night’s trophies. No, doesn’t come into the question that I write about dogs in the evening. I will be having meowmares on my next sleep. They are loud, wag their tails constantly and smell like ….. well like dog. If you said write about tuna fish or how to wash behind your ears with the paw, I would have obliged.

But write about dogs. No thank you and now I am off. In the evening all good dogs are kept inside with their owners. I do not have an owner, just staff and I tell her when I go somewhere. I see the dogs on their leads walking. I am cat and we walk alone, we do not need to be lead anywhere. We are the ones that lead the others.

Enjoy the night everyone and do not forget. leave a cat flap open for you cat, we return when we want to.

Feline RDP #79: About Dogs?

Feline RDP #78: Feline Respect

Tabby

“I am sure that the word “respect” does not exist in meow Tabby.”

“Of course it does Mrs. Human. We do not eliminate all human words from our language, most of them originated in meow in any case.”

“You mean that felines have respect for others.”

“Err, not quite, it is a so-called one-way adjective in meow.”

“An one-way adjective? That sounds very advanced, but can you explain?”

“It would be too complicated for a human sense of understanding, but it is what it says. It only works one way, the feline way. All have respect for the felines, with no exception and we felines choose our respects.

I have respect for my walls, they treat me with respect. They always listen to what I say and never contradict my argumentation.”

“And humans?”

“Don’t ask silly questions Mr. Human. We felines are the dominant species above all, and humans our subordinates. Humans must respect the wishes of felines at all times. We give the orders and the humans obey. Have I ever served a human a bowl of tuna fish, or given them a tummy tickle when necessary.”

“Well no, but you don’t have opposable thumbs like we humans do. If you had opposable thumbs you would be able to operate with such actions And I can serve my own tuna fish and do not need a tummy tickle”

“Which goes to show that humans are there to serve the felines. They are not even able to estimate the value of a tummy tickle. We do not stoop to such levels, which reminds me my food bowl is empty.”

“But it is full of healthy vitamin pellets.”

“That is a one way noun Mrs. Human. Vitamin pellets are only good for production of hair balls to help the hair to form nicely.”

“No, Tabby that is disgusting.”

“You see, humans have one way adjectives as well. What a human finds disgusting we felines find quite artistic. And now I will take a sleep, this conversation is rather boring. Just have a little respect for my sleeping time and wake me when I meow.”

Feline RDP #78: Feline Respect

Feline RDP #77: Encircled Feline

Tabby

At last an ideal place for a sleep, all by myself.  I did a feline check and discovered that I am sheltered at the back, and on the right and left. I need a free entry and exit at the front, so what could be better. That is why I like Mrs. Humans washing place called bathroom: just the right size and sheltered at the back and the two sides with a door at the front and there is even a place she calls a bath where I am protected in all directions: the perfect protection.

Of course there are encirclements that must be avoided. Even one roaming feline can be a danger. We do not like each other, my mum didn’t even like us kittens so much. As soon as we were feeding on our own, washing and scratching, that was that. She said goodbye and had more kittens. I often wondered how felines managed to have kittens when they did not like each other. I think it is called instinct, but I thought that was more to do with sleeping 23 hours a day, with an hour to look for a sleeping place, and preferring tuna fish to vitamin pellets.

Of course there is the washing process, which is also instinct and who likes a smelly cat, so keep yourself clean at all times. My instinct now tells me that it is time to change my sleeping place.

Tabby

Ideal again: sheltered by one of Mrs. Humans plants and a cool surface to lay on.  Just encircle me and I am happy.

Feline RDP #77: Encircled Feline

Feline RDP #76: Feline Freedom

Tabby

Freedom is when the window is open to go in and out as I please
And who cares if it is Summer or Winter, I have a fur coat and do not freeze
I sleep when I want to and eat when I will, because I am a cat
Independence is our seventh sense and also catching a rat
Birds are free until I catch them, that is a question of fate
We all share nature in our own way, so open up the gate
Let me scratch when the fleas might be biting, although I am very clean
I am very careful to look after myself, and relax to have a dream
So kittens listen to what I say, heed to my wise words
Take what you can make the most of it all, and do not forget the birds

Feline RDP #76: Feline Freedom