Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Connection

Tabby

“Tabby what is that?”

“I decided to connect with the humans. It is the only method to improve my supply of tuna fish. What can a feline do, what a human cannot I asked myself. The answer is everything with one exception. We have no opposable thumbs and the paw friendly can opener has still not yet been developed although we are working on it. Unfortunately there was an explosion in our paw factory when the paw pushing lid was attached due to the air pressure. Tiddles pushed on the lid and the can exploded. We are now investigating how to reduce the atmospherics with the help of a whisker demon, but they want to take over. I decided to take things into my own paws.  The main problem with humans is their meow understanding.”

“But I do not have any problem with meow Tabby.”

“Of course not, you were trained.”

“I do not really remember being trained, I could just understand what your needs were.”

“You were one of the prototypes for a telepathic meow course. We selected you as the first and you passed all our tests.”

“But I do not remember taking part in a course, I could just do it.”

“Bastet did it herself by telepathy when you were sleeping. Actually you were the only human that survived.”

“What happened to the others?”

“Cool down, they are still alive, but cannot meow, they only think they can, but they do not blog.”

“You mean blogging is the answer to speaking meow.”

“It helps.”

“Why do the humans have to bring their own claws?”

“Because meow can only be learnt by scratch. You have to embed the signs in your wooden doors to be able to the the homework.”

“Have you had any customers Tabby.”

“No, not yet, it seems there is a reluctance amongst the humans to learn meow.”

“I can see the neighbour that Roschti the cat next door owns approaching. Perhaps she would like to learn meow.”

“No, under no circumstances will I teach her meow. That would mean that Roschti would begin to organise his human and you would no longer be exclusive. I think I will give up the idea, and just give online lessons on my pawpad. In the meanwhile you can perhaps open a can of tuna fish with your opposable thumbs.”

“I hope it will not explode.”

“No, although I just heard a loud noise. Sounds like they are experiementing again with the paw friendly can opener and Cuddles has just flown through the air and landed in my territory, another unsuccessful experiment.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Connection

Daily Feline Prompt: Generous Meow Genies

Remember those lovely meow genies

Tabby the wonder feline is back – did you miss me? Silly question, of course you did. There is something missing in a daily prompt life without a Tabby feline and a Mrs. Human with the opposable thumbs, and that is the reason for my two days abscence. Mrs. Human forgot how to use her opposable thumbs, they were not working, neither was anything else in her human form. Thank goodness for a Mr. Human who still remembered how to open a tin a tuna fish for my Catmas dinner. Luckily he also knew how to empty my litter tray, otherwise I would have had a few embarrassing moments when the carol singers called. You cannot have a messy tray when visitors arrive, especially at Catmas.

I am still celebrating and now and again I even wake up to see if there is anything new around here. It seems that Mrs. Human has also recovered from whatever she had, although her coughing and sneezing is very annoying for sensitive feline ears. To celebrate the season I organised a couple of humans with one of my favourite Catmas songs. The words are so full of hidden meaning and they would bring tears to my feline eyes, if it would be possible, but feline eyes are not really made for tears.

Mrs. Human is waving from somewhere in the background. Happy Catmas humans wherever you are and special greetings across the pond to my canine friends who are probably now celebrating dogmas. So here it is, the feline Catmas song

Daily Feline Prompt: Generous Meow Genies

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Safety First

Share the story of a time you felt unsafe.

Tabby

“I am not keen on open spaces and prefer to be closed in with walls around me.  I was taking a walk along the open space in my home, but was alert. You never know what might be lurking in the dark corners.”

“But Tabby there is nothing lurking anywhere.”

“You are lurking Mrs. Human.”

“I am not lurking, I live here.”

“Yes, with my permission and you are lurking again with your camera. I think I will retire to the bathroom, there I am safe.”

“Why are you safe in the bathroom and not in the corridor.”

“That is obvious. The bathroom is closed on all sides, except for the entrance, and I always have my eyes on the entrance. It is also near to the cupboard where you keep your human clothes: another safe place and nice and comfortable.”

“But you tend to cast your fur on my clothes whilst you are sitting in the cupboard.”

“Of course, I have to leave my scent somewhere to ensure that when I return I feel safe. The best place is on top of the cupboard where my special cushion is. And just to mention, you should apply that noisy machine on my cushion again to rid it of my fur remnants.”

“But Tabby you just told me that it makes you feel secure when your fur remains on my clothes in the cupboard.”

“That is not the same thing Mr. Human. A cushion should be kept clean at all times, it is exposed on the top of the cupboard which is my lookout post. No-one approaches me up there, it is all for I, me and myself and I do not want a fur accompaniment to spoil my outlook. The cupboard is a closed space where I can savour the aromas of my aura and my fur keeps human smells away.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Safety

Daily Feline Prompt: Third Rate Feline Romance

Tell us your funniest relationship disaster story.

Tabby and Nera - even sisters fight sometimes

“Were you having an argument with your sister, Tabby?”

“Of course not, we did not argue, just had different opinions from time to time. We were discussing that I was in her way and I should move.”

“But it looks like a real fight.”

“Of course not, we were sisters although there is an open question about whether we shared the same father.”

“How is that possible?”

“Mrs. Human how long have you been with the same mate.”

“You mean Mr. Human? I would not exactly call him a mate, we humans use the word husband.”

“Yes well we felines do not use the word husband, it does not exist …..”

“…in meow?”

“Mrs. Human don’t put words into my mouth, although I did just want to remark that the meow language is very well consructed, and we tend to save words.”

“So what about your father or fathers?”

“What about them? Our mum was just in the mood and so was my dad, or Nera’s dad, probably both of them. Anyhow after dad No. 1 and mum had a few meow/hissy moments together, dad No. 2 arrived.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Mum could never keep a secret. Anyhow that is probably why I am a short haired tabby and Nera had such long black fur, although our other brother and sister were more a mixture.”

“There were more of you?”

“When mum did something, she did a proper job, no half way with our mum, although I don’t think there were more dads that two. She was quite worn out afterwards.”

“So where are your other brother and sister?”

“No idea, perhaps it might be the feline across the road, who knows.”

“You don’t recognise your own family.”

“Family? that doesn’t actually exist …..”

“…in meow?”

Daily Feline Prompt: Third Rate Feline Romance

Daily Feline Prompt: Unexpected Felines

You walk into your home to find a couple you don’t know sitting in your living room, eating a slice of cake. Tell us what happens next.

tabby

Mrs. Human, what are those two felines doing in my home.”

“They said they were friends of yours, and called in to say hello.”

“But they are eating from my dish.”

“It is only vitamin pellets Tabby.”

“I don’t care what it is, Hisssss, Hisssss”

“Tabby that is not a nice greeting to your friends.”

“I don’t have friends, just enemies.”

“Tabby, it’s us Tiddles and Crumpet, we wanted to see how the other felines live.”

“Tiddles, Crumpet, please leave. Our relationship is exclusively online and I have not longing to share a bowl of vitamin pellets with either you or any other feline.”

“That’s OK Tabby, do you have any tuna fish?”

“Tabby, they are such nice well behaved felines. Shall I open a tin of tuna fish for them.”

“Mrs. Human do you have a death wish. There will be no tins of tuna fish opened, except for me. Crumpet, Tiddles go – we will talk again via our pawpads.”

“But your blogging site said it would be OK to call in and have a meal and your Mrs. Human is a very nice human, so well trained. She even empties the recycling tray after we used it.”

“Go, the cat flap is next to my water bowl and make sure you shut it when you are gone. And you Mrs. Human: I think a lesson in how to guard Tabby’s home from intruding, unwanted felines would be a good idea. This is my home and I do not intend to share it with any other felines. The reason we have pawpads is to avoid such meetings.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Unexpected Felines/a>

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Hate to Love

Tell us about a guilty pleasure that you hate to love.

Tabby

I really do not have guilty pleasures and love and hate do not exist in meow. There is no reason for these words to exist, we felines are easy going creatures. We just ignore and even remove anything that does not suit us.

Just yesterday I was involved in a discussion with our newly formed CCC (Creative Cat Club) in Pawbook. We had decided that you could either make a remark with a “purr” or a “hiss” according whether you like it or not. Here was the first problem. Roschti reminded us that we don’t like anything and Tiddles agreed, so we decided to abolish “purr”. On the other paw, we were only left with “hiss” which did not express our real feline feelings.

It was then that Butch made a remark that there would be no point in forming a group on Pawbook if we could not pass comments. It was then that Crumpet said he would leave the group and disown everyone on Pawbook. We told Crumpet that was his decision, but he would also lose the opportunity to become a meowstrator in the group, although there was a suggestion that I would take over the job.

A hectic meow-hiss discussion followed when Crumpet decided to stay after all, but only on the condition that “purr” would again be accepted as a comment. It was then that I had to go to the lengths of writing in capital letters, to draw attention to all that I was the boss and when I agreed, it could happen. I then got four purrs on this comment, with just one hiss, but it seems that Butch has not yet found the “p” on the paw board of his pawpad, so is forced to submit a hiss.

I have now been given the task of issuing our feline rules to govern our CCC. We decided unanimously that all felines are to be accepted, regardless of their breed, although the Main Coons said they wanted their own group. They had problems with size and distance, their territories amounting to terms of mileage and having their own extra large pawpads. This was agreed, although there were some negative remarks from the Sphinx cats who put in a veto when discussions arose about fur lengths and grooming.

I am now busy writing a summary of the first meeting. Our next topic will be recycling tray or the great outdoors.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Hate to Love

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Life Line

You’re on a long sleep, and a paw reader sitting next to you insists she reads your paw. You hesitate, but agree. What does she tell you?

Tabby paw

“Mrs. Human what are you doing with my paw. I was having a wonderful relaxing sleep.”

“I am taking a photo of it, but you have curled it up.”

“What do you expect? I do not sleep with outstretched paws, I stretch them in between to encourage the circulation. And why do you need a photo of my paw.”

“I thought I would read your paw to discover more about you.”

“Mrs. Human I am a feline, once worshipped as a god, and not a specimen for human experimental photography, especially when the photos are connected with some sort of daily blog prompt. I write my own prompts, and do not need any assistance from human hand.”

“Tabby, you do not have to emphasise the fact, I now have a scratch on the palm of my hand from your sharp claw.”

“Then keep your hands to yourself and do not approach my paws, especially when I am resting. Wait a minute Mrs. Human, that is an interesting scratch. Look, it makes a straight line diagonally across the palm of your hand. I am sure that has a deep meaning.”

“You think so Tabby?”

*Definitely, it means that you should wash under flowing water as otherwise I will have blood stains on my beautiful fur, and it might be possible that your t-shirt will also have a blood stain. But I must say it is a very interesting and decorative scratch mark.”

“Thankyou for the advice Tabby, yes, I will definitely wash it and afterwards put a plaster on it to stop any infection in case you were in your recycling tray before you laid down to relax.”

“No need to be insulting Mrs. Human.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Life Line