Category Archives: Ragtag

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Serendipity

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Tabby

“Tabby are you stuck on the top of that wall.”

“Of course no Mrs. Human, I can leave any time I want to. I just feel good sitting on top of my world. And my wall enjoys every moment of it.”

“But it cannot be comfortable sitting on such hard stone. A nice cushioned bed would be much better.”

“A good idea Mrs. Human. It would certainly improve it. When are you fitting the cushions on the wall. And there are two walls, do not forget.”

“Tabby, I have no intention of putting cushions on the walls for you. If it is uncomfortable then you can sit on a chair or in one of your beds.”

“That is not the same Mrs. Human. Up here I belong. I have everything under control. If I had a padded seat, even a throne, it would be much better. All the other felines are now jealous of my rise in the world. They are below, although I have to be careful. I noticed the feline next door sleeking around the walls. He even sprayed one of the bricks. My wall was really annoyed. It told him that the wall was all mine. I am the only feline that understands the problems of walls.”

“Tabby, walls are just, well, walls. They do not have feelings.”

“Of course they do Mrs. Human. Do not insult a wall. If you get crushed by a wall one day, you will know why. I noticed there are some plants in my wall, which might look quite good, but of no use.”

“They are of use to me Tabby. I can cook with them because they are herbs.”

“So is catmint Mrs. Human. Just a bed of catmint would be serendipity for me. I could roll in it, sniff the aroma and arrive in another time and dimension.”

“No Tabby. I tried that once and all the felines in the neighbourhood were in my garden rolling in it. The plant only survived a day.”

“But this time it will be different. It will be easier for you to chase them away.”

“Tabby I have better things to do than watch your wall and a cat mint plant.”

“You see how selfish humans can be. Never spare a thought for a poor defenceless feline like myself. I was once worshipped as a god you know.”

“That was your ancestors Tabby, and they are long gone. Just enjoy the serendipitous life you lead at the moment and concentrate on your wall.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Serendipity

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Blast

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Tabby

“I blasted them all away, the leaves and now it is all mine, mine: my territory. It was a hard fight, they were falling thick and fast, but I conquered the leaf soldiers. Now I am exhausted. Chasing leaves is a difficult job, but I had my secret weapon, the walls.”

“What are you talking about Tabby?”

“Another victory over the leaf soldiers.”

“But I cannot see any leaves.”

“Of course not. As soon as they began to fall I was there with all four paws and whiskers and the walls surrounded them. It was a hard fight, but I defeated them, together with the walls.”

“Really. How brave, and the wind had nothing to do with it?”

“Wind? Yes, I did feel a breeze now and again.”

“But Tabby it was quite a strong wind and it blew the leaves away.”

“But not without my help. And now the territory is all mine. The walls are protecting me from both sides. I told the walls to leave the space in the centre so that I could see them if they advance again.”

“Who Tabby?”

The leaf soldiers of course. I will defend our right to the last meow to keep us leaf free. You should be thankful for my bravery and help in these times of war.”

“Yes Tabby, but I did my little bit as well.”

“You were fighting?”

“Not really. I just took the broom in my hand and swept them away. They are now in the garbage bag ready for the leaf collection.”

“But are they dead Mrs Human.”

“Of course they are, no longer moving. Do you want to see them?”

“No, Mrs. Human. That would be too much to bear. We should let them now rest in peace.”

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Blast

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Ring

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Tabby

Felines do not dance or hold paws to make a ring
On a full moon night, we like to have a sing
It is one for myself and myself for me
We do not need another cat, it is not our way to be
We meow up to the stars and everyone can hear
The humans shout complaints, but that we do not fear
I know I should write more, but there is nothing more to meow
We are involved in ourselves, we are so very highbrow
Being a feline soprano the glasses crack and fall
Tiddles is a baritone, he prefers to sing it cool
We have a feline chorus, with meows in every way
Not all of us sing in tune, but together we will sway
So let us do our own thing, and ring it out and loud
Cats can be so musical, with our voices we are so proud.

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Ring

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Fleek

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Tabby

“Tabby what are you doing on that wall again?”

“Obvious Mrs. Human, I am having a fleek.”

“A what?”

“A fleek. You have never heard of it? It comes from a very old feline civilisation. It is one of the first words to be registered in the meow language.  Of could you must say it “fleemeoweek” but translation into human it means fleek.”

“But it is not a human word.”

“Of course not, it was influenced by the ancient felines back on planet Koschka before they took over the earth. They were fleeking all over the place. One of the reasons why the humans stopped sitting in the trees.”

“Tabby we were not sitting in the trees. We were then already lighting fires with sparks from stones or rubbing sticks together.”

“OK, but we felines then had two long teeth and were watching the silly humans. We just grew our fur coats a little longer and did not need a fire. And of course, we had fleek.”

“That may be Tabby, but come down from that wall.”

“Not possible Mrs. Human. The wall decided I should stay here for a conversation of “to fleek or not to fleek”. Such things must be discussed to clarify matters. Are you fleeking tonight Mrs. Human.”

“No Tabby, I am not fleeking, but preparing a bowl of tuna fish.”

“Ok, but you should perhaps put the bowl on the top of wall so that I can share it.”

“Who do you want to share it with.”

“The wall of course, although it just told me it has no digestive organs. It is quite happy to watch me enjoy the tuna fish. And don’t forget to fleek it a little, Mrs. Human.”

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Fleek

Feline RDP Friday: Damp Feline

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Tabby

Water on the ground really does not matter
But if it falls from above, I have to go and scatter
Water all around means a very misty day
For a feline very disturbing and I decided in bed to stay
Mist is very annoying, I cannot see the mice
They are watching me and laughing which is really not so nice
And so I decided to stay in bed until the sun comes out
Here is dry and the mist outside, I really have no doubt
Water is the elixir of lives, and only meant for drinking
but when it infiltrates everywhere my energy is sinking
So now I sleep and take it easy and hope the mist will dry
Perhaps tomorrow the sun will shine and I will see the sky

 Feline RDP Friday: Damp Feline

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Herding

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Tabby

Since I have a tower where I can observe the action in my territory, my lives are discovering new opportunities daily. The mice are now moving, searching for places to spend the Winter and I decided I will help them on the way.

I was having a paw fight with Roschti, the feline next door, and he said he would join in with my new venture and he has spread the word around. We are 10 felines disputing this territory, but why wait for hours for one mouse when you can have them all.

We met in the evening to carry out the work. If the humans can do it with cows, then we felines can do it with mice, but unfortunately mice are not so co-operative. Tiddles came from the left, Butch was waiting on the right and in the middle were five mice. We had surrounded them. I pounced and they were gone, all in the underground. Roschti also tried it in his section with Curly, but again they had disappeared.

We were so disappointed and already had visions of herding the mice into the garden shed for our winter supplies. In the meanwhile the mice have appeared again. We felines were having  a paw swipe together to decide what the best method of attack would be and suddenly noticed that the mice had surrounded us and were listening to our plans. Of course we immediately went into action, but the mice again retreated into the underground.

We all decided to forget the whole thing and are now content with tuna fish. You do not have to hunt for it, it comes from a tin, and humans have opposable thumbs to open the tin, so why bother.

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Herding

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Colour

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Tabby

“Thank is not very nice Tabby, poking out your pink tongue.”

“My tongue is what? Am I ill, do I have to go to that torture chamber you call the vet to have my tongue replaced?”

“No, Tabby, all felines have a pink tongue, it matches your pink nose.”

“Pink does not exist in meow Mrs. Human. We do not do colours. If it breathes and moves and smells good, then eat it. No matter what colour it might be, the main thing is that we enjoy.

One of the reasons that the vitamin pellets are not so attractive. You are feeding me dead matter. Vitamin pellets do not move and the only good vitamin pellets are those fresh from the bag. They still have that taste allure that the others do not have. Give me good old fashioned tuna fish straight from the tin any time.”

“Yes Tabby, the conversation always reverts to tuna fish.”

“The feline ambosia.”

“And that is also pink Tabby.”

“Mrs. Human forget this colour thing. There I was having a nice quiet sleep and you being to ask silly questions again. I have always found my way home, and I do not follow the colours, I have other secret methods. By the way did you see that mouse in the field on the other side of my territory.?”

“No Tabby, that is too far away.?

“You see Mrs. Human, colour is not everything. If you had whiskers you would have noticed it by the vibrations. And no I cannot see colours with my whiskers, they are for my seventh sense which you do not have.”

“But you only have six senses.”

“Forget it, it is too complicated for a human, otherwise we will go into the realm of talking to walls.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Colour