Feline RDP Friday: Feline Baggage


I travel light, just I, me and myself
I need no baggage, my face is my wealth
My whiskers are the envy of every other cat
They adore them and find that they scare every rat
Just look at my teeth, they have crunched many a mouse
They are sharp and nicely pointed, I am the queen of my house
If I really have to carry something, I engage my human slave
She does everything for me, I trained her to be brave
And so there is no problem, she knows how to mange
She carries me on her arms, I am her favourite baggage

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Baggage

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Manufacture


Ok kittens, gather around, time for another educational talk. First of all some keep fit exercises are called for. Tiddles resting your head on your paws and closing your eyes is not the ideal position. All of you, wake up, shake your paws and take deep breathes: follow my example. Yes very good. Mouth open wide and breathe deeply, expelling the air through your mouth. Accompany it with a hiss to prove that you are awake and ready to attack.

So show me your homework. I gave you the task of manufacturing the perfect hairball. Tiddles again I must remind you that hairballs are round and not oval. Blackie you have produced the first square hairball, very original. Oh, I see, you swallowed the stalk with the grass and that is the result. I must say very good. Did you hear kittens, we have an artist amongst us.

The basic colour of a hairball is grey, but I see some other alternatives. I suppose it depends on the ideal mixture. Montgomery stop attacking Curly with your claws and Curly ignore Montgomery. Oh I see you are collecting fur for your next artistic attempt at a hairball because you have no fur. Yes, I suppose being a sphinx feline does have its disadvantages.

And now I want you to practice climbing trees next week and how to return to ground level. Remember, having your human call for the fire brigade with ladders is not very good. You must learn to be independent and remember a falling feline always lands on its paws, so there is nothing to fear. No Tiddles, you do not push the other feline, That is not very kind. We learn to do it all by ourself. I know you only want to help, but we felines must remain cool and calm under all conditions.

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Manufacture

Feline RDP Wednesday: Mettlesome Feline


This is one of my active moments, note the whiskers are constantly moving as I yawn. Yawning is one of my most active moments, regenerating my energy for my next sleep. I am always in action, feline action. I have a human training programme to continue and that is hard work, but she is learning. And now to visit my recycling tray to keep her on her paws. No good that she sleeps on the job I never sleep, just close my eyes to rest them. So open the cat flap Mrs. Human, I am making an inspection tour of my territory. You see she is immediately in action reading the wishes from my whiskers. And wait for my return Mrs. Human, don’t sleep on the job. No, I do not sleep, I am ever present, a feline never sleeps.

Feline RDP Wednesday: Mettlesome Feline

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Hum


Felines do not hum, our songs are in meow
We do not bark like a dog, or even moo as a cow
Communications are quite easy, but humans do not understand
That is how we prefer it, our own feline wonderland
We keep ourselves to ourselves, we are quite telepathic
Humans do not know everything, that would be most tragic
Being lost in translation is a common human mistake
When we meow for food, we use meow for “steak”
They understand  tummy tickle and give us nothing to eat
But all we really want is a delicious meaty treat
If I stand before the bedroom and meow before the door
Then I am ignored, and so I meow some more
All I want is company to keep them at beck and call
But they sleep on in the night, and make me feel like a fool
The moral of this verse is to let the felines be
We can read the human thoughts and that we guarantee

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Hum

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Skedaddle


I am not skedaddling anywhere, I am too tired. Have just spent half an hour washing and preparing for a sleep. On the other paw, things are changing around here. Suddenly I get a bowl of tuna fish every evening. I do not manage to eat it all at once, but Mrs. Human leaves it for me and later I eat the rest. Afterwards she gives me my vitamin pellets, but somehow they are different. They have more “oomph” that the others, are smaller and their shape is different. This has all happened since I visited the vet last week.

I am getting suspicious. Now I saw Mrs. Human on the computer placing an order for my new and wonderful tuna fish food that arrives in small packets. How did I know? Because she was complaining about the price of course. Humans always complain about the prices, but you cannot eat prices.  Anyhow I am quite happy as long as the bowl is filled. I also have a sneaking feeling that she is controlling how much I eat. She used to throw the food in the bowl and fill it up now and again, but now I have to eat it all, empty the bowl and then I get more.

Something else. She has a bottle with some sort of liquid and she sprays it on my tuna fish. I will observe the situation, it is vey suspicious. This evening I was waiting in my usual place for my share of the human food. It was only when Mr. Human and Mrs. Human eventually agreed that a little piece of ham would be OK, they gave it to me. There is no skedaddling any more, everything is carefully planned, I seem to be getting special treatment.

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Skedaddle

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Gridiron


I am licking my lips, the food was so fine
I have a new diet for me alone to dine
Mrs. Human says it is healthy, but who can eat health
All I know it tastes of tuna, and this is a  wealth
Everything is tuna, what a wonderful world
My whiskers are enjoying it and look my tongue is curled
So up with the vet if she is giving me some fish
I must go and see her again, she fulfils my greatest wish
I am still getting pellets, but they have a finer taste
And so I am eating all, good food I should not waste
I am brave and conquer all, this new food is great
At last I have won the battle, and I do not have to wait
Mrs. Human now has realised that pellets are not my wish
So come and give me more of this new tuna fish
It comes in a paket, and not in a tin
Something very special, it really makes me grin

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Gridiron

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Effort


“Mrs. Human, I know the vet has forbidden certain delicacies, but I do not remember him saying I had to starve.”

“But you have food in your bowl.”

“12 Pellets from yesterday, although they taste different to the other pellets.”

“They are special for your kidneys Tabby.”

“Who is kidney, do we have a new feline?”

“No, they are the parts of your body which need help.”

“I feel fine and do not need any help, especially not from pellet food, but wait, I smell a distinct scent of tuna fish in the air.”

“That is because I am preparing a plate of food for you from the vet.”

“I thought she said no tuna.”

“This is a special tuna food, especially for you.”

“You mean I am getting tuna again. Great. But what is that you are sprinkling over it?”

“That’s your medicine.”

“Just serve it straight, without medicine.”

“But you need your medicine and the vet said I can mix it with your food.”

“Just give me the food, I will try to ignore the medicine.

I must say I am beginning to like the vet if she gives me such wonderful food, but it is almost too much.”

“No problem Tabby, I will put the rest away for you tomorrow.”

“Great, my fifth life is worth living again. Did she have any other little delicacies in the Tabby health programme.”

“Yes, I have a nice big bag of special vitamin pellets for your regular food, the tuna is only for in between.”

“I knew there was a catch in it somewhere like giving with the right paw and taking again with the left. Never trust  a human, especially if it is a vet.”

Feline RDP Saturday: Feline Effort