The game I play is catch the mouse
If I find one in the house
They seem to avoid me, I do not know why
I am such a kind feline, would never make them cry
Of course they do not enter at free will
Perhaps they realise I only want to kill
If I let them live and begin to play
The other felines would laugh and call me a fay
“Tabby, why do you put your paw in your water bowl?”
“That’s obvious Mrs. Human, I have to stop them.”
“Stop what?”
“The ripples of course. The water moves when I take a drink and I must make sure that it stays where it is. It could take over and I might drown.”
“But Tabby it is only a bowl of water, not a lake or a river.”
“But where do the lakes and rivers begin Mrs. Human It all starts with water falling from the sky. Suddenly we have a puddle and my paws are covered with water. I must stop this water invasion. If I put my paw in my water it keeps the water where it is and it no longer rises. I cannot swim Mrs. Human, it could cover me completely and I would drown.”
“You will not drown in a bowl of water Tabby. it needs more.”
“And who says that the water will not expand and increase. Better to be safe than sorry and so I stop it from taking over. What are you doing Mrs. Human?”
“I emptied the water and now there is no danger of being covered by the water.”
“But, Mrs. Human, I was enjoying a drink of the water.”
“I thought you was worried that it would drown you.”
“Of course not, there is only enough water in the bowl to cover my paw.”
“Oh, I thought you were frightened of being submerged.”
“Of course not, I was just having a scientific conversation. Silly humans, as if we could drown in a bowl of water.”
“Oh, sorry Tabby, how stupid of me. I only wanted to save your life.”
“The question is which life.”
“No Tabby I will not get involved in a discussion about the nine lives of a feline.”
“Ok, Mrs. Human, then replace the water in my bowl that I can continue having a drink.”
I do not have a uniform, because I am unique
The black stripe upon my back makes me look so chique
All the felines turn their heads because I am so special
This mark is not for all to have, some say it’s from the devil
I am so original, and the others are just jealous
To be a special feline like me, is something very precious
So let us gaze at my photo, and see my special gem
On my forehead for all to see, I have a Macdonald’s “M”
I saw a feline in my territory and am on my way through my cat flap. How dare he enter without my permission. I am now going to have a few paw swipes with him and if the worst happens, there is only one solution. I will hiss, and apply my special attack mode with fire in my eyes and then, there is only one way to deal with the problem.
I will turn on my paws and retreat through my cat flap a fast as I can. He might be bigger than me and perhaps stronger. There is no point in getting injured is there? That would mean a visit to the vet, who is even a worst enemy and I would even save Mrs. Human money as she is always telling me that vet bills are expensive.
Yes I am a thoughtful feline, and always think of the others first, after I have thought about myself.
“Mrs. Human, I was inspecting my two new walls and have discovered that it has a faulty design.”
“First of all Tabby, they are not you walls, but mine and secondly I find them perfect.”
“Justa small remark Mrs. Human. First of all they are my walls which I allow you to use for your plants in the hope that one day a catnip will be planted and secondly they are not perfect.”
“What is the problem Tabby?”
“It is quite obvious. I have to construct a jump to the top of the walls for my observance post. You forgot to fit a slide on each wall to enable me to walk up and down. It would save energy for me. Jumping up and down is tiring and also a case of human negligence.”
“Tabby I did not have the raised beds constructed for your benefit, but to make life easier for me in the garden.”
“Again the human is full of selfish thoughts. You should really spend more time looking at things from my point of view. When the humans built the walls no consideration was shown for the wishes of a feline. If you had asked me I would have had stone steps constructed on each wall for easy access, but no, I have to quantum mathematics and calculate a jump to arrive in the right place. And imagine the problems I have when leaving the wall. I could sprain a paw, or even lose a claw when I land on the stony surface below. I really would have preferred a bed of soft grass for my landings. It would have been less strain on my body.”
“I thought cats were clever and always land on their four paws when taking a jump.”
“Of course, but it is a question of how we land and who is looking. Imagine if the cat next door saw me losing my balance on the stony surface I now have.”
“Of course Tabby, perhaps I could replace the stones with a nice oriental carpet.”
“Yes, perfect. I will have a look online on my pawpad. Where is your credit card?”
“Tabby what are you doing on that wall again?”
“Obvious Mrs. Human, I am having a fleek.”
“A what?”
“A fleek. You have never heard of it? It comes from a very old feline civilisation. It is one of the first words to be registered in the meow language. Of could you must say it “fleemeoweek” but translation into human it means fleek.”
“But it is not a human word.”
“Of course not, it was influenced by the ancient felines back on planet Koschka before they took over the earth. They were fleeking all over the place. One of the reasons why the humans stopped sitting in the trees.”
“Tabby we were not sitting in the trees. We were then already lighting fires with sparks from stones or rubbing sticks together.”
“OK, but we felines then had two long teeth and were watching the silly humans. We just grew our fur coats a little longer and did not need a fire. And of course, we had fleek.”
“That may be Tabby, but come down from that wall.”
“Not possible Mrs. Human. The wall decided I should stay here for a conversation of “to fleek or not to fleek”. Such things must be discussed to clarify matters. Are you fleeking tonight Mrs. Human.”
“No Tabby, I am not fleeking, but preparing a bowl of tuna fish.”
“Ok, but you should perhaps put the bowl on the top of wall so that I can share it.”
“Who do you want to share it with.”
“The wall of course, although it just told me it has no digestive organs. It is quite happy to watch me enjoy the tuna fish. And don’t forget to fleek it a little, Mrs. Human.”
This is my sister Nera. We were born in the same litter and she was the first one out, and she never let me forget it. She was the boss and I was always the assistant. I am not sure who her dad was, but we felines do not talk about things like that. Obviously she does not have my sexy slim shape, but is more on the plump side.
I once called her fatty, but only once. She gave me a paw swipe and a few hisses. Her famous words were then uttered “I am not fat, but fluffy”. She was proud to be fluffy although she had a few problems. If you sit on a snail with a fluffy coat, and are somewhat on the heavy side, you would not notice and the snail would stay in the coat. Snails are sticky objects, She also had her problems with tics, or they had their problems with her. But as I said, she was not fat, and not even heavy, because she was my sister.
She is the proof that some felines eat too many vitamin pellets. She was never a fussy eater, if the bowl was full, she would empty it and even meow for more. Of course she was partial to a bowl of tuna fish. I would always wait until she was finished with her portion, hoping there might be some more for me afterwards, but no. She did not believe in wasting food. Once a year she would have a hair cut at the vets, but even with the fluff removed, she was still quite round in shape.
She is now living her 10th life in the eternal corn chambers, keeping them free of mice. Mice was one of her favourites and so was bird. But she was not fat or plump, just fluffy.
Just remember, she ain’t heavy, she’s my sister.
