Feline RDP #28: Feline Reduction

Tabby

“Sleeping again Tabby?”

“No, I am just saving my energy for later.”

“For later? Are you planning to go on a long walk?”

“Of course not, walking is for kittens. We senior felines like to conserve our strength and sleep is the best method.”

“What are you conserving your strength for?”

“That is obvious. For further sleep exercises.”

“You mean you have to sleep to be able to sleep more.”

“Of course. Sleep is hard work. I have to  keep one part of my brain awake. A complete shut down is not possible, I might miss something. Even my wall is never completely asleep. There is always a brick somewhere paying attention.”

“Tabby, walls do not live, they are dead material, so forget it.”

“Walls are very much alive, I communicate with the wall constantly. Did you see that white mark on the brick at the top of the wall.?”

“That was where a crow deposited its re-cycling matter.”

“I know and my wall had one sleepless night because of that. It feels reduced and alone.  you should really take more care of walls, and keep it clean.”

“I will Tabby, but not because of the wall, but because the wall looks better without the crow recycling marks on it.”

“Typical human, thinks only of herself and not of the wall.”

“Tabby, you also only think of yourself.”

“That is not true Mrs. Human. I had a sleepless five minutes thinking about the wall. And now to continue with my sleep.  I must really build up my strength. Tell your phone to wake me in two hours where I expect a plate of tuna fish and not those dry pellets. They will be the death of me one day.”

“But they are healthy.”

“Who says so? I have never heard a feline praise a vitamin pellet, and we have to eat them.”

Feline RDP #28: Feline Reduction

Feline RDP #21: Italian Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human take that smelly green thing away. I had to squeeze through the window to avoid it.”

“But Tabby, today the theme for your blog is Italian and it is basil. The leaves go very well with tomatoes and cheese.”

“I am sure they do Mrs. Human, but it is not something that I like to include in my diet.”

“But today we had spaghetti for lunch, which is typical Italian food and you enjoyed the sample I gave you.”

“Oh yes, it was very good, I just had to separate the meat from the white worms. I do not eat worms.”

“But that was the spaghetti.”

“It was a dead worm. I stared at it for a while and noticed it did not move, so it must have been dead. Italians must be funny people if they eat dead white worms.”

“It is typical Italian food.”

“Are Italians also humans?”

“Of course they are Tabby, they just live in another country and speak a different language.”

“You mean something like Persian felines, or Ragdoll cats. You can even get cats with no fur, like that one that lived on the other side of my territory. Roschti the feline next door is also different to me, he doesn’t have the Macdonalds “M” on his forehead, and is something they call ginger, but we all speak meow. Even the Siamese felines speak meow, the same as I do. Humans are funny, they do not understand each other because they speak different languages. If I hiss all the felines understand me.”

“Well we have that in common Tabby. If I hiss, or scream in human, all the humans understand me.”

“So humans only understand each other when they are fighting.”

“We try to learn each other’s languages.”

“You see, we felines have no problems, we are international, that is why we were once worshiped as gods, everyone understood us. Now look at the world, everyone having problems with their territorial rights and they don’t even meow in the same language. I say bring the felines back to organise everything and put the humans back in the trees. By the way Mrs. Human, do you like bananas?

Feline RDP #21: Italian Feline

Meow

Tabby

You found me, good. They pushed me out of the daily prompts and said they did not want me any more. Me, the best thing that ever happened since the tin opener. I have now created my own little place. Just give me a pawshake and say a meow and you will find me every day, unless I might oversleep. That can happen now and again.

Today was smooth runnings. I awoke to a fresh day with sunshine and noises of the slugs advancing in the undergrowth, so changed my position to inside where it was quiet and less sticky from the slugs. I decided to sleep a few hours. In the distance I heard Mr.and Mrs. Human leaving on a   quest for more tins of tuna fish I hope. She said something about week-end shopping. They returned and woke me up with noises of getting things ready for their dinner. Unfortunately they do not eat tuna fish, but they had some salmon so I sat next to the table staring to give them a bad conscience until they gave me some.

An hour later Mrs. Human decided to sleep so I joined her. Funny that humans do not sleep as much as we felines. And now I a taking a few minutes rest in the garden. Life can be so exhausting. Now and again I changed my position due to the sun moving which can be very annoying. Suns should stay where they are.

It looks like it will be an exciting evening. I decided to stay outside, when the sun goes down, on the nice warm tiles on the patio. It is then that I become a cat on a hot tiled patio.

 

Daily Feline Prompt: Forest Feline

Tabby

Here I am saying goodbye to my world, my wall, my food bowls and my various sleeping places. To Mrs. Human – no it is not necessary, she is programmed to search for me if I do not return.

I love forests, I can really forget myself in a forest. On one special day I decided to follow the path to uncharted places. I tuned in my whiskers which are a built in compass, to make sure I would not lose my way and then carefully placed one paw in front of the other, feeling the vibrations of the earth sending me messages of moving things beneath the surface. Suddenly I saw it, a hole in the ground and I could hear sounds. I had discovered a mouse hole. I decided it was time for action and placed my paw at the entrance to patiently wait.

How the time flies when you are having fun. It was then that I heard the sound of human footsteps approaching, the ground was shaking with their impact. If I had not been concentrating so much on the entrance to the mouse-hole, I would have perhaps noticed that the mouse had been concentrating on me sitting behind a stone that was marking the exit mouse-hole. Not only did I now have the stress of mouse watching, but human watching was occurring. I had a choice, shall I wait patiently for the mouse, which was actually watching me, or do I report to my human to soothe her nerves.

The human was now standing before me and I saw the tail of a mouse disappearing into the horizon. Of course the mouse has priority but unfortunately it disappeared into the forest before I had a chance to catch it. The result was my human who was now relieved that she found me: was it really four hours that she last saw me. She was so glad, how could I disappoint her and I knew that compensation would be in the shape of an appetising bowl of tuna fish. A fresh mouse would also be acceptable – remind me to show Mrs. Human how to catch a mouse  and prepare souris a vin which is my favourite.

Daily Feline Prompt: Forest Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Rebel

Tabby

Today I put my paw down, and stamped it twice. I refuse to eat hard vitamin pellets. Since I employed Mrs. Human she feeds me with the pellets. I have decided to rebel against this force feeding and am on a hunger strike. That means I will eat no food until I get my rights to a normal feline gourmet dinner. I notice she goes to my food bowl now and again and shakes her head in desperation. Since this morning I have not eaten a morsel, I might die of starvation, but we rebels have to suffer to win our rights: to conquer the oppression from the others, the humans.

They have a thing about eating healthy. They eat vegetables for example. Now no self-respecting feline would eat a vegetable. Carrots, Peas, cabbage: no thankyou, that is for the dogs. They eat anything that is served, they have no table manners. We felines are the gourmets and always wash  before and after eating. Mrs. Human just does not realise that we felines have a delicate taste system and hard vitamin pellets might be good for you, but they refuse to slide into the digestive system like a bowl of tuna fish swimming in its own juice. You have to chew pellets and swallow them with energy and have you ever seen a vitamin pellet animal. No, of course not, they do not fly, they do not creep, it is dead matter, results of a chemical process.. I am now on a hunger strike. I could even die, but I will fight to the last and refuse this artificial dead material.

“Tabby, it is time for your dinner.”

“I am not hungry Mrs. Human.”

“But you havn’t eaten anything all day. You must eat to stay healthy.”

“I would rather die unhealthy.”

“And I just prepared you a bowl of nice juicy tuna fish to eat. I will have to give it to the feline next door, it is a shame to waste it.”

“Oh, in that case I will force a morsel down my throat. No do not waste it on the neighbour’s feline, I will digest it.”

“I though you was on a hunger strike.”

“I changed my mind and postponed it for tomorrow.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Rebel

Daily Feline Prompt: Rapid Feline

Tabby

“Tabby where are you going?”

“No time Mrs. Human, I have an urgent matter to deal with.”

“What it so urgent Tabby?”

“It’s feline business, nothing to do with humans. I will be back if I survive, save my tuna fish.”

“Survive? It sounds very serious.”

“Feline lives are always serious, always a matter of 9 lives and deaths. We must take care how we spend them.”

“And she has gone, but I can hear loud meows and hisses. Tabby, you are back.”

“Just a small misunderstanding to deal with, but now everything is back to normal.”

“It sounded very serious.”

“It was Mrs. Human but Roschti the feline next door and me dealt with it.”

“You had a fight?”

“Felines do not fight Mrs. Human, it was just a slight feline misunderstanding.”

“Between you and Roschti?”

“Not exactly, Butch was also involved.”

“You mean the cat that always sits on a cushion in front of his house.”

“That was the problem, he left his cushion.”

“And attcked you and Roschti.”

“He did not attack anyone because we sent him back to his cushion.”

“And that was what all the noise was about.”

“It was just a matter of putting him in his right place.”

“And now everythng is fine.”

“Not quite, someone stole Roschti’s hairball and he is still searching for it. ”

“Seems you lead an exciting life Tabby.”

“And now I am exhausted after all that war strategy so I will take a short five hour sleep. But no, it is not possible.”

“What’s wrong Tabby.”

“There is a hairball in my bed.”

“You stole Roschti’s hairball?”

“No, I think Butch is trying to double paw us. Things happen fast here.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Rapid Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Abrupt Feline

Tabby

“What are you doing this afternoon Tabby?”

“I am not sure, I am still thinking about it. I could have a sleep, although I have already done that today for 5 hours this morning. Although another three hours would not be so bad. You can never sleep enough Mrs. Human.”

“I think your allotted time for sleep has been fulfilled for today Tabby.”

“Only half of it, but I suppose I should get some exercise in between.”

“That is a good idea Tabby, you could take a walk in your territory and perhaps investigate if anything new has happened.”

“That would be too exhausting Mrs. Human. I was thinking more in the direction of exercising my face muscles and my digestive system.”

“Good idea, Tabby, I will fill your bowl with healthy vitamin pellets. They are very good for your chewing process.”

“My chewing process is perfect. My jaws even ache after a meal of hard indigestible vitamin pellets. I was thinking more in the way of encouraging my body to enjoy the benefits of juicy tuna fish and its juice.”

“But you had tuna fish yesterday Tabby. Even you could get bored with the same food.”

“Oh, I do Mrs. Human, definitely. The vitamin pellets are boring me to death, figuratively speaking of course. Has there ever been a case of a feline choking to death on vitamin pellets Mrs. Human?”

“I do not think so, but being suffocated by a fish bone is also dangerous.”

“There are no bones in tuna fish in tins Mrs. Human.”

“I know Tabbby, I was just saying that tuna fish could be a danger. It could happen suddenly.”

“An abrupt loss of a life due to tuna fish is not known in the feline history. Mrs. Human, it is either tuna fish or sleep and forget the vitamin pellets. I feel healthy and do not want to have a meowmare about felines suffocating on a vitamin pellet, unless of course you revise your decision and serve a bowl of tuna fish.”

“Of course, Tabby, I cannot have you suffering from insomnia worrying about your last meal of vitamin pellets, although they are very healthy.”

“Mrs. Human open the tin of tuna before I die of hunger.”

Daily Feline Promot: Abrupt Feline