Daily Prompt: Feline soil

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Tabby

“I have a problem Mrs. Human.”

“We all have our problems Tabby.”

“I mean a real feline related problem, not an unimportant human problem. How can I leave my home.”

“The normal way, through the window.”

“There is no normal way, they have taken it away. There used to be stones, to walk on and now there is a large gaping space with a paw unfriendly metal grid.”

“But it is only a short distance over the grid Tabby.”

“Would you like to walk over it bare foot?”

“Of course not, but we humans have shoes to protect our feet.”

“And we felines have only our paws and claws which are not grid friendly.”

“Tabby as an intelligent feline you will find a way I am sure.  You can climb down into the ditch and climb up again, or even jump over the gitter.”

“Whilst you take a photo I suppose.”

“It would be a good subject for one of your blogs.”

“And everyone claps and throws a few likes to boost the statistics.”

“Of course Tabby, that is a good idea.”

“Forget it Mrs. Human, you cannot eat statistics. In the meanwhile I am expected to do a five minute detour to leave my home. None of the other felines have such an obstacle course.”

“You see Tabby, you have been honoured, because the humans that made this exit knew that you were agile and clever to overcome any difficulties.”

“Of course, at last fame, the bravest most clever feline here. So now we will conquer this obstacle.”

“We?”

“Just pick me up and carry me to the other side, no problem.”

“But????”

“Mrs. Human I am not only agile, but super intelligent.”

Daily Prompt: Feline soil

Daily Feline Prompt: Edible for Felines

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Tabby

“Tabby where have you been?”

“Calm down, Mrs Human. I was outside admiring the view and playing with the little pieces of white dust that the builders have. It was moving in the wind and I was trying to catch as much as possile.”

“Tabby that is not good for you.”

“Of course not. Everything I like is not good for me.  It is only the unedible pieces of hard vitamine pellets that are good for me. At last I have discovered something that is fun, jumping and clapping my paws together to capture the white flakes, and now you tell me it is not good for me.”

“It is not something to play with Tabby and now your fur is full of it.”

“No problem Mrs. Human, a half an hour lick and the little white pieces disappear.”

“And where do they go?”

“I swallow them of course.”

“Tabby they are chemically made.”

“And so are the hard indigestible vitamin pellets, but you force me to eat them.”

“That is something completely different. The healthy vitamin pellets, that are good for you, are edible. The styrofoam particles are not edible.”

“Edible does not exist in meow Mrs. Human. The feline tries it and if it does not taste good, we ignore it. It is easy. Have you ever seen me eat a slug?”

“No, you just carry them around in your coat when they stick to you.”

“Do not change the subject Mrs. Human. One of our ancestors in the old country tried slug for lunch and found it did not taste good and so we felines eat no slugs. On the other paw if a butterfly is caught it will be devoured with relish, as a bird or mouse. It is all in the whiskers Mrs. Human, we felines know what is good for us.”

“Then why not eat healthy vitamin pellets.”

“They did not exists in the old country, and are not edible.”

“But I though “edible” does not exist in meow.”

“Correct I just deleted it from our meow dictionary.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Edible for Felines

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Savours

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Tabby

Mr. Human has just sprayed the garden and I am ready to savour the rewards. The water is dripping everywhere and puddles are forming, a delicacy for a feline of course. Water is not just water, it must be savoured. When Mr. Human is finished I wait for him to leave and then I examine carefully the places where the water has collected.

Now there is water everywhere, but there are good water sources and not so good. I particularly treasure the water that has collcted in the larger leaves. It forms small tongue sized puddles, ideal for a slurp and swallow. I would compare it to a chateau-neuf-du-chatte. It melts on your tongue and is absorbed in every atom of the body.

As Sigmund Paws Freud said “The mind is like an iceberg, it floats with one-seventh of its bulk above water”. Of course my mind is not like an iceberg, because it flows with the water, analysing every drop into its various benefits for each of my nine lives. The best water comes from below, that is a proven fact. Water than falls from above makes the fur wet, that is not good water. Having wet fur is an unpleasant effect of water for felines and the fur begins to smell. The water that is below is the water containing the flavours that every feline treasures. Some drops have an earthy taste, they are the fully matured remains of the water that has developed its aroma over hours, perhaps days. It is to be only sampled in mouthfulls and not swallowed in gulps. It could go to you head. That would be a crime against the feline water.

We felines taste with care to savour the essence. And now I must go, I have just noticed a new puddle amongst the stones, I can savour the smell from here. I will save the water in the leaf, the best, until later.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Savours

Daily Feline Prompt: Being Meowy

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Tabby

“Where have you been laying Tabby, your fur is full of building material.”

“Everything here is full of building material. Even my water bowl has to be refilled at least 10 times a day, because it is full of building material. My whiskers are full of building material, my paws and not to mention the layer on my food bowl. The world is against me, I will kill the buiders next week when they return. Where have they gone?”

“They do not work at the week-end.”

“Sounds like a cushy job.”

“Almost all humans do not work at the week-end, they can then take it easy and do what they want to do.”

“And what about me?”

“You are not a human, so you work at the week-end I suppose.”

“I was not thinking of my relaxing time. I work hard every day. Do you think it is easy to search for a new sleeping place at least twice a day. It wears you down, makes you tired, you can no longer concentrate. And the continuous washing I have to do after every meal: behind the ears, each whisker separately, not to mention a claw manicure, scraping each one individually with my teeth. Yes life can be so tiresome. You humans have it easy with your week-ends. Do you have week-ends as well Mrs. Human?”

“I cannot afford to have week-ends Tabby, I have to take care of your needs.”

“Quite right Mrs. Human, it is your purpose in life to ensure that I do not suffer through negligence. Perhaps you could organise your life according to my routine. I notice you are absent during the night, when I might need you.”

“I also have to sleep sometimes Tabby and we humans generally sleep during the night.”

Most inconvenient for me. The next I will hear is that you want a week-end as well.”

“On no Tabby, I would not dare to take two days off. You might need a tin of tuna fish being opened, or perhaps your recycling tray emptied.”

“Very good Mrs. Human, you are learning. Weeks-ends are not good for the human race, they tend to forget their responsibilities and get lazy.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Being Meowy

Daily Feline Prompt: Tailored Feline

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Unknown Cat 13.07 (1)

“Look Mrs. Human, that is the future me.”

“The future you?”

“Yes, I have decided to have my fur restyled.”

“You mean you want to visit the vet voluntarily?”

“Of course not, vets only trim you, but I want a complete makeover. I quite liked this model. I saw it in “Feline Bazaar”. It is the new look.”

“It doesn’t look very much different to the look you have now.”

“Look closer. The ears have been styled, and the stripes on the legs are out of this feline world.”

“This looks more like a complete renovation. you will have to visit the plastic surgery vet.”

“They make them out of plastic today?”

“No Tabby, but to have such a complete makeover you will have to have an operation.”

“Operation sounds like jabs and scissors and even knives.”

“You won’t notice anything, the plast vetinary surgeon will put you to sleep.”

“I thought the plastic whatever could do it all with a little wash and brush up. As long as he leaves my Macdonalds “M” on my forehead I don’t mind. On my Pawpad it says 24 hour service, so I will be home for lunch.”

“But how will I know it is you when you have so many alterations done. Most felines look the same in any case.”

“We do not look the same Mrs. Human. We all have our own individual smell like humans.”

“Tabby I do not smell.”

“Of course you smell. All humans have their individual smell. How else would I find my way home, all cat flaps look the same. In any case, what about my makeover. There is a special offer at the moment and they accept all credit cards.”

“No Tabby, I prefer you as you are.”

“Ok, then perhaps just a little manicure on my claws.”

“You can sharpen them on the tree outside.“

“I prefer the table leg, the wood is more to my taste, I believe it is solid oak.”

“No, Tabby- Oh too late, another scratch in the table.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Tailored Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline bumbling

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Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I have a problem.”

“What’s wrong Tabby?”

“Life if not so easy for a feline that was one worshipped as a god. Humans should really show more respect , after all they are our slaves.”

“But Tabby, you have everything you could wish for: always fresh water, a bowl of food, even a wall to talk to.”

“But what about my private path to my home. my own territorial way for spreading the lotus blossoms that grow where I walk. The builders have demolished it and I am either forced to wade in dirt and grit, or jump across the metal grid as that is not paw friendly to walk on. We spoke about this yesterday, and nothing happens. I am still not treated wih the respect I deserve.”

“Of course you are Tabby, I spoke to the builder today and he has now constructed a special entrance to fit your paws.

Renovaation

He also said that they will soon build a new entrance as it no longer fits the cladding and make it smaller.”

“This is only yellow foam, nothing suitable for my wonderful paws. I do not  want it smaller, perhaps larger ”

“I am not sure if that is planned Tabby.”

“Where is the builder?”

“He has now finished work for today and gone home.”

“And only done the half job. What about the fur cladded platform and a sign showing “Private, Entrance reserved only for Tabby”.”

“I am not sure if a private entrance is planned for you Tabby. He said that this is only temporary and tomorrow they will begin to reconstruct the platform as it is too big.”

“You must call me when the buiders arrive, so that I can give them my exact instructions for a feline friendly entrance.”

“Of course Tabby, according to your wishes..”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline bumbling

Daily Feline Prompt: Burying Felines

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Tabby

“Tabby take you paws out of that dirt.”

“What dirt?”

“The dirt left by the builders.”

“How else am I suppose to reach my home?”

“You can step over the tile construction.”

“They took my tiles away, remember. All I have now is a metal grid.”

“Then walk across the grid.”

“Forget it, my paws are not grid friendly.”

“You can walk to the other side of your home and go through the garden.”

“And waste 3 minutes of my precious time to get there? The easiest way for a feline is always the direct approach which means crossing the ditch.”

“Which is filled with dirt. You could have an accident. If you put a paw in the wrong place it could cause a landslide and you would be buried.”

“Mrs. Human I am feline and we have 9 lives, although I believe 4 have already been used by me. Under your watchful eyes what could possibly happen? If I get buried by dirt, which is not the case, you can dig me out again, that’s what humans are for.”

“Tabby, I have better things to do with my time than digging you out of places you should not go to.”

“That is true Mrs. Human. You should be preparing my bowl of tuna fish, which is
a far, far better thing to do, than you have ever done; it is a far, far better bowl of food that I go to than I have ever known.”

“That sounds familiar Tabby, been reading again?”

“Yes “A Tale of Two Tabbys” it is quite interesting, although silly. One Tabby sacrifices itself for the other, because they both have the Macdonalds “M” on their forehead and no-one notices the difference. Tabbys never sacrifice themself for anything, except for a bowl of tuna fish.  A famous work of feline literature by Charles Tabby Dickens-Paws. Have you ever read it?”

“No Tabby, but it reminds me of a human book which was quite a success.”

“But ours was first, the human book is just a primitive copy.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Burying Felines