The Daily Feline Prompt: The Flavoured Feline

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Tabby

“Today I would like something completely different for my dinner Mrs. Human.”

“That is ideal Tabby. I was at the pet store today and bought something new for your dinner.”

“But I am not a pet Mrs. Human, you are my pet, actually slave.”

“Yes Tabby, but the human word for animals that we humans care for is “pet”.”

“Pet sounds so degrading, as if we are to be pampered and spoilt and it is we felines that spoil and pamper our chosen human.”

“Oh, I must have misunderstood something that got lost in translation from meow to human.”

“You did, but to continue. What is this new astonishing food that you have discovered in the feline food emporium?”

“Look, here they are.”

“Vitamin pellets? That is pure junk food. You have been filling my bowl with them since I took over.”

“But these are different Tabby. They have a completely new and revolutionary flavour.”

“Tell me, they look the same as the usual pellets, and you know we felines always eat with our eyes as well as everything else.”

“I always buy you tuna flavoured, but these are beef flavoured, a special offer.”

“Mrs. Human I have been living on special offers since I took over, and no matter what the name of the flavour is, they all taste the same. I have been eating fish, and now I eat cow. Why not do the real thing once so that I can see what these animals taste like in their natural state.”

“But I would have to cook the meat and it would not be as hygenic as your usual food.”

“I am not fussy Mrs. Human and would prefer it uncooked. Hygene does not exist in meow. In the meanwhile, just open a tin of tuna fish applying your opposable thumbs, I am not fussy and keep you new spectacular vitamin pellet flavours for Roschti, the feline next door, he will eat anything. His tastes are not as refined as mine.”

The Daily Feline Prompt: The Flavoured Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Thorny Feline

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Tabby A 13,09 (1)

“Tabby, that’s a thorny look you are giving me.”

“It is one of my serious moments. I am sure it will ensure me the star part in the new feline film “At the Claws of the Thorns”.”

“You will be starring in a film?”

“Yes, my audition is this evening. You may file my claws and perhaps add some colour to them. “Blood Red” would be a good choice.”

“Tabby I am not painting your claws and you can sharpen them on a tree.”

“On a tree! How common. A stainless steel claw file would be more according to my status in life. How can I get a leading part as the heroine in a feline horror story, when you will not paint my claws.”

“I am sure there will be make-up artists in the feline studios.”

“Of couse, but they are only good for a lick and scratch. They do not have opposable thumbs for applying the make-up effects. We are meeting at midnight in the forest. I am to audition for the feline in distress, that has been captured by Roschti, who is playing the villain. I will fight him and at the moment when he is ready to stab me with his thorny claw, Garfield will arrive and rescue me from his clutches.”

“Garfield is also in the film?”

“Not exactly, but they found a lookalike in the sewers.”

“You are co-starring with a sewer cat: a bit below your value isn’t it?”

“Mrs. Human there are sacrifices you have to bring to become famous. The film is “At the Claws of the thorns” starring Tabby Precious (my film name) and Stinky Mudlark.”

“Sounds interesting Tabby. I am sure it will be a success.”

“Only if you paint my claws blood red.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Thorny Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Penchant

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Tabby

“Mrs. Human, let me in, open the window.”

“Tabby you can walk to the other side of the appartment, I am really busy with something else at the moment.”

“I am also busy Mrs. Human, there is no time to spare, I am on my way.”

“Tabby, you are annoying me. I was sitting comfortably at my computer and now I had to open the window. Just a moment, where are you going?”

“Outside of course.”

“But you just begged to come in. I opened the window, you leapt into the room and now you are going out again.”

“Mrs. Human, I am not a canine (sorry Dusty), “beg” does not exist in meow. It was a command, which you obeyed due to my training programme for human beginners. You have now got top marks for window operations. Now I am outside again, so you can again open the window.”

“Tabby, I am not your servant.”

“I know Mrs. Human, you have not yet reached that level. You remain in the slave status. You should be happy, that is promotion.”

“You mean there is something less than a slave.”

“Of course, that was the serf level. Remember I used to give you a scratch and a hiss when giving orders. That is no longer necessary, you are making progress. Just a little more attention when I am leaving my realm and entering my outside territory would be appreciated.”

“And then I will progress from slave to servant?”

“Not yet, we do not want to rush things. Is my tuna fish ready?”

“Yes of course Tabby, according to your wishes.”

“Good. You may now close the window. I have decided to take a walk to the other side of my home through my outside territory. Just be ready in case you will have to open the window.”

“But you have a cat flap on the other side and can come and go as you please.”

“Mrs. Human, it is all a matter of training and the walk to the other side keeps you fit. See how I look after your health.”

“Of course Tabby, I am on my way.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Penchant

Daily Feline Prompt: Disobeying Feline

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Roschti 11.09.2017

“Mrs. Human, you are breaking the rules.”

“What rules Tabby, I did not know that rules existed in meow. I was under the impression that felines do what they want to do.”

“Of course, rules are a human thing, but here two feline laws are being broken. First of all you should keep my territory free from invasions of the third kind. Here is quite clearly an feline extra in my territory. It is Roschti, the invader from the neighbour’s house and he definitely does not belong here. That is the first offence.”

“You mean there are more?”

“Yes, and it is entirely a human fault. Not only is my private sphere invaded, but my human slave takes a photo. The second offence is that all photos on my blog are only allowed with my express permission. You have not only taken a studio portrait of the red peril but have put it in the first place on top of the page without asking. This is an insult to my feline dominance and you did not ask for permission.”

“Tabby I take a photo of you every day for your articles, and today for a change I have included a photo of Roschti. Someone has already made it a favourite on my photo page.”

“You are adding insult to injury Mrs. Human. The photo is now all over Pawternet and probably on your Pawbook page as well.”

“Not yet, but it will be when I cross post it. I am sure Roschti will be happy to see his photo in Pawternet for a change.”

“The title of this blog should be “Disobeying Human”, It is always Tabby first and everything else comes afterwards.”

“It is only an exception Tabby, tomorrow you will again be first as always.”

“I should hope so. However I am very unhappy as this is an affront to my importance. It can only be compensated with a bowl of tuna fish.”

“Of course Tabby, but stop crying about spilt milk.”

“I am not crying, felines do not cry, we only hiss and I do not drink milk. I have a lactose affinity and prefer water.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Disobeying Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Sympathy for Humans

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Tabby

“But Mrs. Human ….”

“I know Tabby, the word “sympathy” does not exist in meow.”

“How did you guess?”

“That was easy. Anything showing feelings towards other living creatures is unknown to the feline nature.”

“Not exactly. We have an affinity towards walls.”

“Yes Tabby, but walls have no feelings.”

“Of course they have feelings. Just like we felines have feelings. I feel hungry and so I eat, that is a feeling.”

“No, that is a matter of survival.”

“You see Mrs. Human, that is where we superior races, like felines, differ. We consider eating something is to enjoy, to be savoured to the last bite. We live to eat Mrs. Human.”

“Yes exactly, but most of us eat to live.”

“The famous and renowned feline Queen Marie Antoinette Whiskers said “let them eat tuna fish” when the humans discovered the mouse trap. She was one of our best leaders, and very logical.”

“I think you got that wrong somewhere Tabby.”

“I never get things wrong, but humans like to twist the actual facts. Our great ancestors were the Chimera, the Sphinx and the Nimean Lion and humans only had Neanderthals which developed from the ape. We walked on four paws from the beginning and had whiskers, we did not have to get evolutionarised.”

“Tabby, congratulations, I think you have just re-written “Orgin of the Species” by Charles Darwin.”

“If I may make a small correction the book was “Origin of the Feles” by Charles Paws Darwin Miau: again human plagarism.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Sympathy for Humans

Daily Feline Prompt: Peculiar Feline

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Tabby

“You look like you want something Tabby.”

“Of course, you are eating crisps,  so what about me.”

“Crisps are not for felines, Felines eat meat and not potatoes.”

“Try me.”

“Ok, here is a crisp.”

“Is it dead or do I have to kill it before I eat it, to stop it escaping.”

“No Tabby, crisps were never alive. They are thinly sliced potatoes.”

“You mean they were killed by a machine.”

“No Tabby, they were not killed because they were never alive.”

“But I just touched the crisp and it moved.”

“That is because you pushed it with your paw.”

“OK, now I am finished with the crisp.”

“But you didn’t eat it.”

“I had a good lick and found it very tasty. I am not going to chew dead matter and swallow it afterwards. I only wanted to try it.”

“And now I can clear the mess away.”

“That’s your problem Mrs. Human. If it had been tuna fish I would have eaten it, because tuna fish were alive. We felines do not eat stuff that never lived, it is boring.”

“Where are you going?”

“To have a conversation with a wall outside.”

“But Tabby walls are just bricks, they were also never alive.”

“That is something completely different. Walls have ears, they know everything. They are not conversationalists. I like to talk to walls by telepathy of course. They always listen and understand.”

“And they give you an answer?”

“Life is often like talking to a brick wall, especially when you are speaking to humans.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Peculiar Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Meowing Overcome

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Tabby

We shall overcome
Paw tin openers will exist
We will have opposable thumbs, some day
Oh, deep in my whiskers
I do a purr
We shall open the tin some day

We’ll walk paw in paw
We’ll walk with a claw
We’ll walk with heads held up in a meow
Oh, deep in my tail
We will never fail
We shall open the tin, some day.
We don’t want to live in peace
We would rather have a feast
We will conquer the tuna tin beast, some day
Oh, deep in my claws,
with a hiss for making wars
We shall open the tin, some day.

We are not so weak
We have a very mean streak
We will succeed to open the tin TODAY
Oh deep in my fang
We will bite, the tin will clang
Mrs. Human will open the tin today
 

“Mrs. Human I have written a hit song, it will be a success. One of those anti feline war songs.”

“Great Tabby, I am sure your fans will love it.”

“Of course they will I am the best. And now your can complete the success.”

“Me?”

“Yes Mrs. Human. Open the tin of tuna fish.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Meowing Overcome