Feline RDP Monday: Feline Ripple

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Tabby

“Tabby, why do you put your paw in your water bowl?”

“That’s obvious Mrs. Human, I have to stop them.”

“Stop what?”

“The ripples of course. The water moves when I take a drink and I must make sure that it stays where it is. It could take over and I might drown.”

“But Tabby it is only a bowl of water, not a lake or a river.”

“But where do the lakes and rivers begin Mrs. Human It all starts with water falling from the sky. Suddenly we have a puddle and my paws are covered with water. I must stop this water invasion. If I put my paw in my water it keeps the water where it is and it no longer rises.  I cannot swim Mrs. Human, it could cover me completely and I would drown.”

“You will not drown in a bowl of water Tabby. it needs more.”

“And who says that the water will not expand and increase. Better to be safe than sorry and so I stop it from taking over. What are you doing Mrs. Human?”

“I emptied the water and now there is no danger of being covered by the water.”

“But, Mrs. Human, I was enjoying a drink of the water.”

“I thought you was worried that it would drown you.”

“Of course not, there is only enough water in the bowl to cover my paw.”

“Oh, I thought you were frightened of being submerged.”

“Of course not, I was just having a scientific conversation. Silly humans, as if we could drown in a bowl of water.”

“Oh, sorry Tabby, how stupid of me. I only wanted to save your life.”

“The question is which life.”

“No Tabby I will not get involved in a discussion about the nine lives of a feline.”

“Ok, Mrs. Human, then replace the water in my bowl that I can continue having a drink.”

Feline RDP Monday: Feline Ripple

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Dreams

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Tabby

“Awake Tabby?”

“Not yet Mrs. Human, I am still there.”

“Where?”

“That place where the dreams are made.”

“What did you dream of Tabby?”

“None of your business Mrs. Human. I do not ask you what you dream about. Feline dreams are reality of course. Just because my eyes are closed and you can see me, I am not really here. I am having some action with the other felines that are sleeping.”

“But you are sleeping.”

“Forget it Mrs. Human, the feline sleep is on a higher level. Our dreams are not dreams but reality. Of course sometimes we have meowmares, but I conquer them with my whiskers.”

“With your whiskers, but they are just facial hairs.”

“Forget it. Where did the humans get the idea of having antennas to broadcast? From the felines of course. Our whiskers are for sending and receiving signals whilst we are sleeping. I mean did you ever wonder why the dinosaurs disappeared.?”

“It was some sort of climate change I believe.”

“It was because they were getting too big and some of us felines were getting trampled by their big feet. We had a whisker conference and decided it was time for them to go, so we dreamed them away.”

“You mean if something disturbs the feline world, you just dream it away.”

“No problem: any tuna fish for dinner Mrs. Human.”

“Not today Tabby. No Tabby, my feet are disappearing.”

“OK, let’s have tuna fish now and I will bring them back. I told you we remove any disturbances, just dream it away.”

“Is a bowl of tuna fish enough, or do you want more.”

“Just one bowl Mrs. Human, we do not want to overdo it.”

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Dreams

Feline RDP Saturday: Squatting Feline

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Tabby

Of course I can squat. Squatting is a past time for all felines. It is a comfortable position to keep an eye on your surroundings.

If you see your humans eating food that should by rights be yours, then squat and watch them intensely. It gives them a so-called guilty conscience, which is an expression that only exists in the human language. We have no need for being guilty about anything in meow because we are so perfect. Just stare at your humans and they will get the impression that they are doing something wrong. Eventually some food samples will be passed onto you, although I must complain. Mrs. Human just throws it on the floor, how brutal. I would prefer it served in a bowl. She has the impression that we felines have no feelings for the finesse of eating. Although I must admit, if the food suits my appetite I eat it all the same. It might otherwise give her ideas that I do not like it.

Every time she gives me from her dish her first words are “don’t be fussy and eat it”. This is because I do not pounce on the food when it arrives. We felines like to preserve a little dignity and show the human that we are not food slaves (although we are).

Actually I squat in most places. It is an alternative to the sleeping position. I even squat in my recycling tray and also when I produce hairballs. Yes, it is an important position  in the feline way of life.

Feline RDP Saturday: Squatting Feline

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Build

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Tabby

I do not build, that is not my work
It’s Mrs. Human’s job, I am not a jerk
I am far too busy with washing and sleeping
she has more time than me, fulfilled with the sweeping
She often complains that my tray makes a mess
I like to cover my recycled goods and she says it is a stress
Of course I am busy with many other calls
I have to create things and build my own hair balls
And now I must sleep, my wash is nearly done
I have no time for work, Mrs. Human has the fun

Feline RDP Friday: Feline Build

Feline RDP Thursday: Non-Putrescent Feline

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Tabby

Needless to purr, I changed the title
Keeping clean and pure is for felines vital
I lick my coat at least ten times a day
Not to mention ears and paws, and I do not play
My tongue is the tool that I need to use
I am cleaning my paw, no time to lose
You’re surprised to know what I find in my fur
There are things that move, when I lick them they stir
On the summer days, I might find a tic
Mrs. Human complains, dispelled with a lick
I do not smell, my breath is sweet
When I walk lotus flower appear so neat
I have my very own recycling tray
It smells like roses, fresh in a bouquet
And then there are humans where smells arose
I just ignore it and hold my nose

Feline RDP Thursday: Non-Putrescent Feline

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Friendship

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Tabby

“No, Mrs. Human, I am not in a friendly mood and have no friends. We felines are the organisers, the logistic experts, and have no time for such silly ideas of having friends. We are far too busy organising our feline lives and friends would only complicate the whole thing. How can you relax and enjoy a sleep if you know there are other felines watching.”

“But Tabby, I am your friend.”

“Shhh Mrs. Human, don’t say that too loud, another cat might hear you and then my reputation as the master feline would be ruined. Felines do not have human friends, only slaves.  We superior felines, like myself, so not have or need friends. You cannot trust another feline and when your whiskers are turned they pounce on your territory, might even steal your hairballs and claim them as their own. We do not go for walks paw in paw together Mrs. Human. The only time we get together is to have a paw fight, and only the strongest are left standing. Friendship does not exist in meow, and if you talk to a feline about friendship he would be confused and not understand what it is. And now serve me something good to eat to put me in a good mood. All this talk about friendship is disturbing and I need something to calm me down.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Friendship

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline and the Rain

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Tabby

“Tabby what are those marks on the toilet?”

“Mrs. Human, they are my paw marks of course. What other marks could be so symmetrical and and clear, a work of feline art.”

“That is a matter of opinion Tabby. This morning I cleaned the toilet and now I have your muddy paw prints everywhere.”

“Blame it on the rain Mrs. Human. It was lying on the ground and I had to walk though it. then my paws were muddy and I hate having muddy feet. I wiped them on the carpet of course, but they were still muddy. Then I had a brilliant idea. There is always water in your recycling bowl so I thought if I dipped my paws into it, it would clean them.”

“But my bowl is now full of paw marks.”

“Yes, it did not work very well, but I managed to get my paws clean. I just wiped them on the floor afterwards to rid them of the excess mud and now look Mrs. Human, I have nice clean paws.”

“But the shower is also full of your muddy feet.

Paw Prints

“I wanted to make sure that my paws were really clean. That rainy weather can really be a nuisance, but now they are clean and dry, look Mrs. Human. Oh, and  to be sure I wiped them on your bed covers afterwards. Be glad you have such a conscientious feline that takes care of himself. Mrs. Human, Mrs. Human.  Oh dear she had one of her fits and is now lying on the settee. I think she is ignoring me. Did I do something wrong? I thought she liked having a clean feline.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline and the Rain