Feline RDP #75: Blue Feline

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Tabby in the bathroom

I do not do blue, but Mrs. Human tells me there is a blue object in the background whilst I was taken a rest in the bathroom, in the sink, I insisted it was brown, or was it a shade of green. We felines do not do blue, it is not in our physical make-up. We abolished colours some time ago.

Who needs colours, you can tell the difference by the smell. If tuna fish was blue it would smell the same as always. Mrs. Human says it is brown, but she also said that my wonderful “good for you” hard vitamin pellets are also brown, so it is obvious that colours are not necessary. Those pellets have nothing in common with my delicious tuna fish.

Perhaps my wall is blue but my wall also does not recognise colours. It only recognises me when we have a conversation.

Of course there are always exceptions to the colours surrounding us. I have beautiful green eyes which reflect in the dark, they are perfect and yes,  they are green. A pink nose? No I don’t think so, it is just another shade of feline colour perception, although I suppose it does match the colour of my tongue. Who needs colours? As long as it tastes good, that is the main thing.

Feline RDP #75: Blue Feline

Feline RDP #74: Feline Zest

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Tabby

“Mrs. Human, the zest of life is not having a lemon pushed under your nose and taking a photo just to be able to write a blog about it. My blogs are islands of peace and tranquility where no feline has to have nightmares by seeing lemons. Have you ever seen a feline drinking water flavoured with lemon juice, or a feline biting a lemon for the pleasure of it?  No, we are allergic to lemons. You will never see a feline resting in the shade of a lemon tree.”

“But Tabby, the theme is about zest and I found the photo suited the theme quite well.”

“Then ask my permission first of all. My feline groupies look forward to reading about life from a feline point of view and today they are confronted with a lemon meowmares. Even a banana would be better, but I suppose I should be thankful that it was not a cucumber.”

“What is wrong with a cucumber Tabby?”

“Don’t ask Mrs. Human, If you have not yet discovered the evil intentions of a cucumber to ruin the stability of a feline life, then there is no point. Every feline knows what a cucumber can do to reduce the zest in a feline life. And talking of zest it has nothing to do with lemons. It is what we felines need to get through our nine lives, less those that might have got lost on the way. It gives energy to maintain our sleeping sessions daily and supports us in licking our fur regularly. Not to mention the concentration we need when having lengthy staring sessions with walls. They stare back you know, and it is not easy to be constantly watching. If we break the contact the wall might crumble.”

“Oh I see Tabby, thankyou for the explanation. In future I will only show vitamin pellets on the photo for inspiration.”

“Mrs. Human, have you actually understood what I said. We have had lengthy discussions about the advantages and  mainly disadvantages of the vitamin pellets.”

“I know Tabby, but you must admit they are good for you.”

“Yes something like lemons.”

Feline RDP #74: Feline Zest

Feline RDP #73: Fungible Feline

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Tabby

There is no other feline like me. I am just perfect. What more can I say. When you see my photo you realise that every whisker has its own place, nicely positioned to form a perfect pattern. And note the spare whisker on the left. Every perfect feline had something special.

And the pattern of my fur is really unique. I am not just a tabby cat, but I am THE tabby cat, there is no other like myself.  Thanks to my daily washing, at least 5 times a day, and my sleeping arrangements, I am perfect. Every time I sleep I always make sure that I take a different position to be certain that my fur coat remains balanced. That is important, otherwise it would mean an uneven fur with bumps and that would spoil my perfection and symmetry.

Not to mention my ears, which also have a fur lining. Mrs. Human says that only wild cats have that, what does she know. The fur lined ears are a symbol of royalty amongst the felines.  I am sure I am a direct descendent of Bastet.

I do not want to bore you further about my perfection, you can see it for yourself. Did I tell you that my family were once worshipped as gods, and the witches loved us: shame we got burnt with them.

Feline RDP #73: Fungible Feline

Feline RDP #72: Feline Cat

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Tabby

You don’t like my photo, but I do, and that is what is important. I, me and myself. Today is an interesting theme but since 2010 I have written 1,512 blogs on my life as a cat, also including Fluffy and Nera, my feline apprentice and sister,  who are now living their 10th life in the eternal corn chambers keeping them free of mice.

I decided to leave you all to it today. Here is a link to my pawsome purrifying masterpieces and you can  browse through and see was “la vie en chat” actually means.

The Cat Chronicles

Feline RDP #72: Feline Cat

Feline RDP #71: Effervescent Feline

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Tabby

It was another long hot day and my usual effervescent explosive active self was again searching for the zip on my coat. This cannot be, I must revive my effervescence and bring some action into my body and so I made a decision, although that was difficult. Shall I wash or sleep. I must do something to pass the time. I am a daring feline and decided that I can do both. First of all I will have a wash. Life can be so exciting sometimes and exhausting, but I am bubbling with unleased energy and must apply it. I spent ten minutes on a very exhausting wash. I though I might find the zip on the way, but it is still missing. I tried biting my way through the fur hoping that I might meet a piece of metal on the way, but to no avail. The zip did not show.

And now the wash was finished. It was time for the next step in my keep fit programme. I stood and made a decision. Clockwise was the word and so I circled my body three times, applying all four paws to assist and found the correct angle to the sun and moon, with a tangent towards Jupiter. Yes, we felines always find the perfect solution to our problems. I was now ready. Overflowing with surplus energy I made my decision. It would have been a small step for a kitten, but a large step for a fully grown feline with five lives like myself. If I still had all nine lives, it would have been a bigger step.

I sank to the ground and closed my eyes. That is the action of the day. I will be back again tomorrow to prepare for my next sleeping session bubbling with energy as always. I have done enough today, life can be such a stress.

Feline RDP#71: Effervescent Feline

Feline RDP #70: Feline Contact

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Tabby

“Tabby you are sleeping your life away.”

“Which one Mrs. Human.”

“The one you are living of course.”

“In that case no problem. If it was No. 7 or 8 that could be problematic as they have not yet happened and it is now too late to change numbers one to three, that are already waiting for me when I reach Life No. 10. No panic Mrs. Human.”

“But you spend all day on a chair, a bed or on the lawn in the garden, just sleeping.”

“Have you a suggestion for another sleeping place, or for doing something else?”

“You could take a walk and meet other felines, have contact and see how they are doing. You could perhaps compare territories and perhaps even discuss the merits of vitamin pellets.”

“Do what? Felines do not compare territories, we possess them, spray them, make them into our own when the other feline is sleeping. And vitamin pellets are not a source of conversation, it always results in hisses and howls.”

“Perhaps you could compare walls. It seems all felines have a thing about walls.”

“Mrs. Human, otherwise you are feeling OK I hope, no other strange ideas. We talk to walls, we watch them and every feline has its own individual wall moulded to its own ideas. How can you talk about walls? They are personal choices. If the feline next door is staring at a wall, he is stupid, has no feeling for the good things in life. That is because his wall does not belong to the wave length of my wall. Walls are personal Mrs. Human, not to be discussed or shared. I would never tell another feline about my wall. And my wall would be insulted if I did. In the words of the Feline ball catcher Whiskers Michael Jordan of the paw, “Walls never stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to talk to it.”

“Tabby walls cannot talk.”

“How do you know, you have never spoken to a wall, you just ignore them or plant something that climbs over it and walls do not like that.”

“Tabby, let’s change the subject.”

“Good Idea. What’s for dinner?”

Feline RDP #70: Feline Contact

Feline RDP #69: Feline Community

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Tabby

Yes, I just love my communitiy. We never have arguments, alway have the same opinion about everything and even know which ear to scratch next. We wash together, eat together, even take walks together. Who are the others in the community? That is an easy answer, I, me and myself. What more could a feline need for perfect happiness and balance.

Of course there are other felines living near, but they also have their own communities. There is Roschti, living next door. His idea of a community is to walk through my territory and leave a mark to show who is the boss. And so we have a lively discussion about it, usually with some communal hisses and paw swipes. It is then that one of us disappear through a cat flap, usually me. Or perhaps my guard human discovers a communal spirit and might tell Roschti to leave, which he usually does. Sometimes the human touch can  be quite helpful.

Then there is Butch, another feline wannabe communal helper. He does not ask, but sits and waits and watches my every movement. Another reason to fetch Mrs. Human. Otherwise I get on like a house on fire with all my neighbours, I avoid them and they avoid me. Mrs. Human is not part of my community, she has the slave status to ensure that my community remains intact with no intrusions from outside.

Feline RDP #69: Feline Community