Daily Feline Prompt: Cranky Feline

via Daily Prompt: Cranky

Tabby 14.04 (5)

“Tabby where are you going?”

“I am looking for my Witchy hairballs.”

“Your what?”

“My Witchy  hairballs. It is a tradition amongst felines that we celebrate the burning of the felines with their witches at this time of the year. The big Witchy feline hides the hairballs in the garden and if I find one, it means that I will never be burnt at the stake with my own witch.”

“But you do not have a witch Tabby.”

“That cannot be true Mrs. Human. All humans that serve hard vitamin pellets for meals have a streak of witch about them.”

“I think you are getting things mixed up with our tradition of hiding eggs in the garden at Easter.”

“Felines do not eat eggs and do not have Easter, but we appreciate every hairball we might find. Look there is one behind that bush.”

“Oh, I see, now where did that come from.”

“I told you Mrs. Human it was put there by the witchy feline during the night when we cannot see her arriving.”

“Where are you going with that hairball.”

“I am arranging it next to my bed of course. It will stay there for a few days with the others I might find and when the Witchy celebrations are over, it will again disappear as it arrived. The big Witchy feline collects them all for next year. We felines believe in recycling, that is why we make hairballs. It would be a waste of good fur to just throw them away.”.

“Oh I see, I have leaned something more about the feline beliefs.”

“It is not a belief, but reality. But do not tell it to the other humans, otherwise they will also begin collecting our hair balls, and there will be none left for us.”

“No Tabby, I do not think so. We humans will let you keep your own hairballs, but don’t make a mess with them. You have now collected four of them.”

“Yes, Mrs. Human, it is a good year for hairball hunting, thanks to the big Witchey feline. She belonged to one of the witches from Salem, so she is very special. She could even make the milk curdle and turn the meat into a mass of ……”

“Ok, Tabby, that will do, spare me the details, I believe you.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Cranky Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Measuring a feline

Tabby

“Tabby stop gripping on that ruler.+

“I do not know what a ruler is, but I am sure I can have fun playing with it. Look, it moves when I touch it. I wonder if I can eat it.”

“No Tabby, that is not a feline toy or food, I wanted to measure you.”

“No, no way. It sounds almost like something a vet might do.”

“Tabby, it will not hurt, I want to see how long you are.”

“I know how long I am.”

“Then tell me.”

“I am four paws long, plus my claws if I want to apply them for a purpose like climbing, or scratching.”

“Tabby, four paws is not a measurement. Now keep still and let me see. Yes, you are approimately 42 centimeters long in the body. Now for the tail.”

“Leave my tail alone, it is the only one I have.”

“It doesn’t hurt Tabby. Yes, it is 25 centimeters long, which makes a complete length of 67 cm.

“I know what you are planning Mrs. Human. You are at last buying me a diamond studied new cat flap and need  my exact body mass. How thoughtful.”

“No Tabby, I was just curious to know your dimensions.”

“Forget it.”

“Tabby stay here and stop hissing, what is the matter.”

“What is the matter? You know what is said Mrs. Human. There are things that should not be said or even mentioned.”

“Such as?”

“Curiosity killed the cat and I only have 5 lives left out of my 9. I have to be careful what I do with the remaining few.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Measuring a Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Timely Felines

Tabby 12.04 (1)

“Mrs. Human, I am waiting.”

“What are you waiting for?”

“It is time for my dinner.”

“Your dinner is in your food bowl.”

“That is not dinner. Dinner is something that you can eat with your eyes. An arrangement of meat and spices, perhaps garnished with a pinch of tarragon to encourage the taste buds.  A bowl of dehydrated brown pellets that I have to choke down my delicate throat is not food.”

“But they are healthy.”

“Mrs. Human, do I look unhealthy? No, I am in the prime of my fourth feline life and my lives improve with every new one that I get. I am a picture of health.”

“Of course Tabby, but we want to keep it like that, so eat you vitamines and you will grow to be a big strong feline.”

“I am strong and do not want to grow bigger, otherwise I would have problems getting through the cat flap. And stop changing the subject. My digestive juices tell me it is time for food, F O O D, the real thing.”

“No Tabby, you have your vitamin pellets.”

“Mrs. Human what did you have for lunch?”

“I made some spaghetti with a tomato prawn sauce.”

“Did you garnish it with vitamin pellets?”

“Definitely not, but the feline that lives next door, likes your vitamin pellets.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he arrives regularly every day and helps himself to the remaining pellets from your bowl.”

“He does what? But they are my vitamin pellets and belong to me.”

“Then I would quickly eat them Tabby, before he returns for more.”

“Ok, but afterwards it will be tuna fish first, Mrs. Human.”

“Of course Tabby, now hurry before he returns and your bowl is empty.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Timely Felines

Daily Feline Prompt: Pleased Feline

Tabby 12.04 (3)

“Look Mrs. Human, I have got a new exercise area.”

“Tabby that is not for exercise, it has been built to hold building props.”

“I cannot see any building props, or whatever, I see a nice ditch with straight sides , part of which could be used as a king-sized reycling tray.”

“No Tabby, that is not the idea. Afterwards everything will be covered again, and I do not want that smell outside my walls.”

“Typical human, they give with one paw and take it away again with the other. It is such a wonderful place, full of adventure, I am sure it was made for me to break up the boredom of my life.”

“You are bored Tabby, but you have so much to play with.”

“Felines do not play Mrs. Human, we are too busy thinking about the meaning of everything.”

“But your interpretations of the meanings are not always correct.”

“Of course they are, it is the human understanding that is erroneous. This ditch has been built for the express use of felines, I know it. Apart from my king-sized recycling are, I would use another part for my sleeping quarters, although it should be lined with more softer comfortable material. Perhaps you could grow one of your lawns into it. I love sleeping on grass is summer. The part at the end could be transformed into my dining room. Otherwise it is perfect.”

“And what are you going to do when the builders build their scaffolding.”

“That is also part of the development scheme for felines. Scaffolding is good. It has ladders and platforms and places to climb, a wonderful gymnastic center. Perhaps I might shift my sleeping quarters to the top level so that I can keep an eye on my kingdom.”

“No Tabby, forget it, I am not searching for you every evening on the roof. Forget the whole thing. The ditch will be filled with earth. It is not for felines.”

“And if a have a sit down strike and refuse to leave.”

“I do not think that would work. They would just fill up the ditch regardless if you are in it or not. You would be buried alive.”

“You mean like my ancestors in the pyramids, but they were gods.”

“Sorry Tabby, your immortal years were long ago, and now come inside like a brave feline, I am serving tuna fish for dinner.”

“In that case, I will leave my new territory today, but I will return – cats first.”


Daily Feline Prompt: Pleased Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Unravel the Feline

Tabby

“Tabby what are you doing in that hole.”

“I am on my way home, but someone has dug a hole in the middle of my path, so I decided it might be worth an exploration.”

“Be careful Tabby, it is dangerous.”

“Not at all, it is only dangerous for humans that walk on two legs with their head in the air. We felines are always careful Mrs. Human. You should try it, it is very safe. Just go down on your hands and legs and sniff the way with your nose. It is so much easier, and you cannot fall.”

“I don’t think so Tabby, If I get onto my hands and knees I would not be able to stand again.”

“Not my problem  Mrs. Human, just one of those things that we felines have no problems with and humans do.

By the way just to mention it I have at last been recognised as a star amongst felines. I was featured today on Tummy Rub Tuesday with one of my pin-up photos. I must tell Roschti, the cat next door.”

“I thought you wasn’t speaking to him because of some territorial problems.”

“Of course I am not speaking to him, I will just paw him a link from my pawpad to make him jealous. He has always wanted to be on Tummy Rub Tuesday, but up to now has not made the grade. It is only the special felines like me, that were once worshipped as gods in the old country, that are chosen. Of course the MacDonalds “M” on my forehead also helped. I now have to go Mrs. Human, I have received so many enquiries from other felines for my paw prints.”

“First of all you have to climb out of that hole.”

“No problem, felines do not climb we jump, look.”

“Very clever Tabby, but do not do it again. You never know what might happen.”

“No problem, Mrs. Human, we felines always know what will happen. We have a 7th sense and quite a few lives to live. Sometimes it can get very complicated knowing which life and which sense, but we manage to unravel it.”

Unravel the Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Blindly – A Feline Joke

Tabby 10.04.2017

“Tabby if you are thinking of going out this evening, be very careful. The workmen have dug a large ditch in front of the windows.”

“Mrs. Human are you insinuating that I will not see this ditch.”

“It is dark at night”.

“And who is the only perfect creation living here that can see at night as if it was daytime. Who is the one with night sight?”

“Oh, sorry Tabby, I forgot. Your eyes see in the dark.”

“Exatly, so I need no instructions about being careful of falling into a stupid hole that the workmen left behind. The only thing wrong with this hole is that they made noise when creating it. It disturbed my usual daytime sleep. It took me at least a minute more to fall asleep.”

“But you slept immediately.”

“It might be immediate to a primitive human, but to a feline it is eternity.

This new hole will give me a problem. I will have to claim it as my territory before other felines get the idea that they can take it over. It is a big spray for a feline, but a small spray for a territory claim.”

“I think you borrowed that expression Tabby.”

“You mean that thing about men landing on the moon. That was fake news.”

“I don’t think so Tabby.”

“Of course it was, the paw marks of the first settlers on the moon were easy to see in the craters, but it was ignored.”

“Ok Tabby, of course you are right. Now go back to sleep and dream on.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Blindly – a feline joke

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tenacity

Tabby

“Tabby. be careful of those pots”.

“Mrs. Human, why should I be careful of your stupid pots. They are in the wrong place and in my way. I did not give permissDaily Feline Prompt: Feline Tenacityion to put them on my territory.”

“Tabby they are my pots and contain plants that will grow during the summer.”

“What sort of plants? Can I eat them, will they be an enhancement to my food.”

“No Tabby, they are really not suitable for feline food.”

“Then put them somewhere else. I have to walk around them everytime I want to examine my territory. They do not belong here. They are also dangerous. Perhaps one of them will break and fall onto my paw.”

“No, Tabby, they only break if a foolish feline gives them a push, and I am sure you are far too intelligent for something like that to happen.”

“But they are spoiling the overall appearance of my territory. Once there were empty places where I could roll and paw, and now there are obstacles in the way.”

“It is only for this summer Tabby. The builders are coming and will be giving our house a new makeover.”

“I do not want a new makeover. I like things as they are.+

“You will have to get used to it Tabby.”

“I am constantly having to get used to things. We felines have really had to suffer indignities over the years, There was a time in the old country where they made statues of us and kneeled down before us. We were even brought sacrifices of mice and birds. Today I can be lucky if I get a dish of hard vitamin pellets. What has the feline supreme race come to.”

“I am still here to look after you Tabby, and there is a dish of fresh tuna fish waiting for you.”

“In that case out of the way, I have an important eating challenge to complete. In the meanwhile clear those pots to one side so that I have breathing space.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tenacity