Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Costume

Tabby

Wearing a costume? I beg your pardon, this is the genuine thing. Stop pulling my fur, it is attached to my body. Just give it a gentle stroke, but in the right direction. I am not a fluffy toy, but the genuine 100% tabby, nothing synthetic about me. Just see the fine details on my tummy, as soft as it comes. The hairs growing out of my ears? That is the proof that I am cat, not just a furry animal, but the genuine “I dare you to touch me” cat. My claws are always prepared, so don’t take liberties with me.

Whiskers? Of course I have them, all genuine 100% wired. They are my antenna to the world. Do not confuse them with the primitive insect sensory appendages, you can compare them to the icebergs. What you see is only the surface area, but what lies beneath is my computer, my bytes and my hard drive. The things that make felines meow and tick.

I do not dress up, the only external preening device is my tongue. It has a long welded connection to the fur. Always lick your fur, my mum said, it is your visiting card. No self respecting feline sleeps without having a long lick first of all. All the contaminations of the daily life, the food particles, the dust and other fluff attrected by its magnetism, must be removed and above all, never go anywhere smelling of your food, others will notice and might want a lick, or at worst a bite.

So today’s interview finished? Then I can continue with my private life, but wait, look, I can see an element of tuna fish between my claws. I just have to remove it and then I can relax. Take away your camera and microphone, to be continued tomorrow. I might take you on a hunt with me, for an action report, if I am not sleeping.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Costume

Daily Feline Prompt: Suspicious Feline

Tabby

“Tabby, Roschti’s human is at the door.”

“How nice. Perhaps you can have a discussion about how to treat your felines with the respect and honour they deserved, after once being worshipped as gods.”

“Not exactly Tabby, she said that you should stop using her garden as a recycling tray.”

“Mrs. Human it is all a matter of territorial rights. Her garden is Roschti’s garden, and the feline that deposits their recycled material in the garden shows that they are also moving in. I am sure Roschti understands this method of territorial beaviour. He deposits his personal waste in our garden as well. It is an exchange of possessional material. My garden is yours and if you do not like it then put up with it.”

“Roschti’s human does not see it from a feline point of view, and I must say I agree. Our gardens are for flowers such as roses that smell sweet.”

“And our recycled material also smells sweet. It is original, unique, and cannot be copied. A rose by any other name smells just as sweet, even if it is known as recycled material. A garden full of hairballs is perfect. Roschti and I are permanently in competition for the most original garden depony. You and Roschti’s human should be grateful that we have chosen your territory.  We could have gone anywhere. Imagine if we had chosen the oak tree along the path. Our deposits would be homeless and not appreicated. Tell Roschti’s human by accepting our material, she is doing something for the feline race.”

“No Tabby, I don’t think she sees it from that point of view, and neither do I.”

“Humans are never satisfied. Roschti “meoeowow schplat”.”

“What was that?”

“I told Roschti our efforts of improving the beauty of our territory have again been misinterpreted by the inferior human race and that we should transfer our depony to the front garden only to be used at night.”

“What difference will that make?”

“No-one will see us and we can blame it on the dog.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Suspicious Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Lecture

Tabby

I am the best, I have said it all before
The perfect feline, do you want to know more
I can jump so high, am the fastest in town
And look at my whiskers, a wonderful crown
I can see a mouse in a far away tree
If in front of my nose, I let is go free
We felines are made for high with no fear
but when it is close, we are shortsighted – too near
Kittens beware, tread carefully with your paws
A soft touch is the best, you might lose some claws
And never forget, we are the first and the best
Just stick to your territory, and do not go west
And when the day is done, you will fulfillyour wish
With a bowl of tasty food, a tuna fish dish.

And  don’t forget “Thrice the brindled cat hath mewd” referring to the Macdonalds “M” on the tabby cat forehead as  being brindled – thankyou Paws Shakespeare. Personally I only meow twice, just like the postcat.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Lecture

Daily Feline Prompt: Conjuring Feline

Tabby

“There you are Tabby. I wanted to take your photo but just as I focussed you moved and I only got a blurry photo.”

“I do not have the time to wait for you to take a photo. My nine lives are too short to sit and wait until you shoot the perfect photo.”

“All you have to do it sit still for a few minutes. Now stay where you are, although I only have half of you in the picture.”

“It depends on which half Mrs. Human. It looks OK to me, it is the front half. I am sure you will win a prize with this photo: A Study in Abstract Feline Art.”

“But you are not looking into the camera.”

“That is not important Mrs. Human. You are capturing the depth of my thoughts. And now I must go. I have other important actions to take. There is a movement in the air and I must capture it.”

“Your mean you are having one of your record breaking movements where you disappear in a flash.”

“Something like that. As the great leader Paws Teddy Roosevelt said “Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful feline mind, but great actions speak to all felines.”

“But you do not have to speed through the home at 200 kilometers per paw.”

“Of course I do, I must recharge my whiskers for the next task to be completed.”

“Which would be Tabby?”

“Sleep of course. I am tired after all this running around.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Conjuring Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Mnemonic Whiskers

Tabby

One whisker means sleep, we have it every day
Two whiskers mean eat, vitamin pellets are here to stay
Three whiskers are saying let us have a clean
Four whiskers need brushing, before they turn to green
Five whiskers are looking good, they are giving me some charm
Six whiskers are even better but now there is an alarm
The seventh whisker is drooping, I really cannot wait
Something is out of place, is it whisker number eight
I had to scratch with my paw and now everything is fine
Number ten whisker was hiding behind whisker number nine

There are problems in the lives of a cat, that need inspection every day
But with the help of our whisker mnemonic
We clear them out of the way.

Daily Feline Prompt: Mnemonic Whiskers

Daily Feline Prompt: Insisting Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I insist on insisting.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I say. I have come to the conclusion that my cries for more quality remain unheard.”

“But Tabby, you are a feline and I am sure you would not want to be treated as a human.”

“Of course not. On the other paw I notice that your food is more varied than mine.”

“But I do my best Tabby.”

“Human best is not the same as feline best. Every evening you sit at the table and eat your meal. I sit watching with pleading eyes and savour every bite you take, but only from a distance. To add insult to injury, you toss me a few morsels of what you are eating: the unwanted pieces of meat that are deemed fit for a feline palate.”

“Because I am always thinking of you Tabby, and share my food with you.”

*That is not sharing. You toss me morsels here and there when you think of it. My rightful place is at the table with you with my own plate.”

“But you don’t like everything we eat.”

“I do not get a chance to choose, when you only give me what you do not want. From today it will be equality for felines, no better felines first. I will taste the food and you may eat what I leave.”

“No way Tabby, and that would not be very hygenic after you dip your nose into the food and humans do not eat vitamin pellets.”

“You see. I get vitamin pellets that humans refuse. In future you can write a menu plan at the beginning of the week, and I will give it my paw of approval.”

“No Tabby. I do not want to eat tuna fish every day of the week.”

“But I do, I insist.”

“In that case you will have your food and I will have mine. Tonight I am eating egg and tomatoes.”

“I cannot digest tomatoes Mrs. Human and do not like eggs.”

“I was going to serve you tuna fish, but you insist on the same as human food.”

“No problem Mrs. Human, there are always exceptions to the rule.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Insisting Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Simplifying Feline

Tabby

Simplify? What can be more simple. There a few basics to a feline life.

Sleep: At least 22 hours a day, reserving an hour for searching for a new sleeping place.

Eat: We all have our preferences even if they are sometimes not available. A further hour is necessary for this task. So eat what you get, but do not forget to complain afterwards if it is not exactly what you wanted. I never hesitate to constantly remind my human that vitamin pellets are not the essence of a feline meal. There is more to life than brown geometric shapes that have to be forced down the throat.

Wash: Always keep your fur free from strange objects that could lodge themselves between the strands. If they move, and some do, bite them. They will no longer move and might even supply an accessory to the diet.

Meow: Useful for reminding your human that you are still there. Humans should never forget the responsiblity they have as slaves to their feline masters.

Recycle: This can be a hairball, or other items. An important process in the daily  feline household.

And now I am exhausted after writing these wise words and need to relax.

Daily Feline Prompt: Simplifying Feline