Daily Feline Prompt: Radiating Feline

Tabby

“Mrs. Human, I am burning alive.”

“I cannot see any flames.”

“That was cataphorical. How would you like to wear a permenent fur coat in this hot weather.”

“But your fur coat belongs to you, otherwise you would not be a feline.”

“There are felines without fur coats.”

“They are a special breed, and in winter they probably have to stay indoors in the cold weather.”

“Do not change the subject. I am talking about me and not various feline freaks without fur. We had one once in the neighbourhood, I remember. They have a funny smell and lots of wrinkles in the wrong place. Thank goodness he moved away.

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Although perhaps he had a zip somewber to remove his fur coat in summer.”

“I don’t think so Tabby, Felines do not have zips for removing their coats. Why don’t you just lay quietly in a shady corner, to save your energy and cool down”

“Ok, but perhaps you could remove the sun in the meanwhile. That is the cause for my discomfort. Push one of those clouds in front of it.”

“Tabby, the weather does what it wants to, and I cannot influence it. Now what are you doing with your paws?”

“Searching for the zip. There must be one somewhere. I am sure it is probably at the back of my neck.”

“Why?”

“Beause it is the only place on my body that I can neither reach with my tongue or my scratching claws..”

“I can assure you there is no zip at the back of your neck.”

“You humans are really superfluous sometimes.”

“I thought we were quite useful to fill your food bowls and empty your recycling dish.”

“But you cannot switch off the sun.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Radiating Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Infusion

Tabby
“Look into my eyes Mrs. Human.”

“Why? do you have a problem with them. Are you hecomng short sighted?”

“Of course not. I am practicing catotism.”

“What’s that?”

“It is the feline form of hypnotism. I can infuse you with all my wishes and influence your will power to attend to my needs.”

“No problem Tabby, you managed that many years ago when you decided to move in and take over.”

“There is always room for improvement, no human is perfect.”

“Neither are felines.”

“Of course I am, it is just a matter of interpretation. ”

“This morning you deposited three hair balls on my bedroom floor, that is not perfect.”

“Of course it is, I was demonstrating possession. Where are my hairballs now.”

“I flushed them down the toilet.”

“You did what?. After all the trouble I took mixing various grass stalks to produce an exclusive hairball. You could have at least taken a photo.”

“A photo?”

“Yes for my Pawbook Challenge “Hairball of the day”. Tiddles is leading at the moment, His hairballs are voted to be the best, infused with all sorts of delightful ingredients. My hairballs have now attained perfection. I had to walk a long way to find the correct grass mixture.”

“Tabby I do not want any hairballs here for your Pawbook challenges, and I will not fill my photo files with photos of them.”

“Not even a small sample.”

“No, now go and eat your vitamin pellets like a good feline.”

“Ok, in this case I will, they are the perect basis for a good hairball.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Infusion

Daily Feline Prompt: Reprieval for a feline

Tabby

“Yes Tabby, is there something you want?”

“What about some food?”

“You have a bowl full of food, you can help yourself when you want to.”

“I mean real food, the sort you can savour in the taste buds, let the juice trickle down your throat and absorb every moment of flavour.”

“Oh, you mean you have a chewing problem. We must immedeately go to the vet.”

“Mrs. Human the vet is not the solution to all feline problems. That is not what I meant. There are problems that arise through neglect and carelessness and I am wondering whether to forgive you or not.”

“Me, I did not do anything wrong Tabby. Your food bowl is always full, often to the brim. There is always enough to eat. I am always thinking of your health.”

“That is where we beg to differ Mrs. Human. We have two different opinions of health. Health if for me a bowl of inviting juicy pieces of fish, each mouthful more inviting than the last. I often think you have lost the real meaning of health.”

“But your vitamin pellets are flavoured with fish.”

“I mean the real thing, where you realise what you are eating was once alive, swimming with fins and breathing, absorbing the pleasures of its fishy life and even eating the smaller fish to build up a concentration of taste for its after life. I very much doubt if your vitamin pellets were ever breathing, they were dead before they were packed in the plastic bag.”

“But vitamin pellets are an industrial product and especially constructed for the benefit of feline health.”

“Is that why they are packed in plastic bags? To keep them isolated from the the world. When you open a tin of tuna fish, I am already placed in surroundings filled with the promise of an appetising meal. The aromas already reach my nose before the tin is emptied into my dish. Vitamin pellets do not have the same effect and it is such a neutral process. Open the bag, fill the bowl with no feelings or insight, and shove it in front of me. There are no enticing flavours. Just a bowl of dry shapes, forcing me to chew them until I can swallow them. A pure harball encouragement. It is a feline sentence to suffer.”

“So what would you suggest Tabby.”

“That is quite obvious. Abolish the vitamin pellets. Only serve tuna fish.”

“But that would be very expensive Tabby to serve only tuna fish.”

“There you have it. It is all a questio of money, do I mean nothing to you?”

“Of course you do Tabby, that is why I always choose the best viatmin pellets.”

“A bowl of tuna fish is much better.”

“Ok, then I will continued to serve the tuna fish.”

“I should think so.”

“Stop stamping your paw Tabby I got the message. As always on Sunday and Wednesday you will get your tuna fish.”

“But…..”

“Now go and play outside Tabby like a good obedient feline.”

“I will report you to the association “Tuna Fish daily for felines.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Reprieval for a feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Survival

Tabby

Of course I will survive. I had 9 complete lives, and still have 5 to go, although I do not really remember how and when I lost the other four, but these things are stored in the memory whisker department. Whiskers are not just to admire and praise as  wonderful complement to my general good looks, they have a purpose. They are our memories. The one on the left that is hanging a little, is the place where my paw fights are stored. I survived them all, but each confrontation reduces the power of the whisker, that is why it is drooping. The whisker on the right at the top is my favourite whisker, because it records every mouse and bird that I have conquered up to now. On the left at the top is my tuna fish dish collection.

The reason why I have survived every problem and fight up to now, to be quite honest, is because of my talent for running fast. There is no point in being brave and trying to withstand oppression, especially if the other one is bigger and stronger that you are. No, the surviving felines are those that can run faster than the others. Forget bravery in the claws of the enemy, it does not work. Of course the first step when threatened is to use your hissy voice. If you notice that this is not working then run for it. Aim for your cat flap. You are then safe. You think I am a coward? Forget it. In the feline world it is not the survival of the fittest, but the survival of those that can run faster than the others. That is why I always return safely from my excursions into the unknown. Paws first forever. They are the secret of feline survivial, claws come second.

These are my wise words of today.

Tabby

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Survival

Daily Feline Prompt: Conflict of Feline Interests

Tabby

“I am off Mrs. Human. Am not sure when I will be back. Do I look OK?”

“Of course you do Tabby, why are you meeting another feline?”

“I hope not. Having a wash is normal, nothing special. Of course, it enhances my good looks even more and leaves an everlasting impression on the other felines. After all I am the best. Felines do not meet Mrs. Human, we spend most of the time trying to avoid each other, or ignoring each other. We have more important things to deal with, such as territorial rights and ensure that no other felines are trespassing. Do you think my claws are sharp enough?”

“Ouch Tabby, yes they resembles razor blades at the moment. Look at the mark on my arm you just made.?”

“Did I draw blood?”

“No Tabby thank goodness, although I will have to disinfect the scratch.”

“Perhaps they are not sharp enough in that case. Are you insinuating that my claws do not leave a clean scratch.”

“Not at all Tabby, it is a very neat clean scratch, you can see every detail, just a precaution. And now go on your walk.”

“If your hear any screams or hisses, it only means I am impressing other felines.”

“I see, and what if they are not impressed.”

“Of course they will be impressed, I am respected in this neighbourhood.”

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“Are you already here again Tabby.”

“I changed my mind. Roschti was standing at the edge of my territory.”

“He impressed you?”

“Not exactly, I think I was impresssing him, let’s just call it a conflict of interests.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Conflict of Feline Interests

Daily Feline Prompt: Catapulted feline

Tabby

“Now that was a refreshing sleep Mrs. Human, I feel like a new feline.”

“I suppose you would after sleeping all morning and lunch time.”

“Lunch time, food, and I got nothing?”

“You were sleeping Tabby.”

“Yes, I remember, I had to make choice. eat or sleep. I then noticed that “eat” was no choice as there were only hard vitamin pellets in my dish. I was sure that during my sleep that would turn into something soft and fishy.”

“Sorry to disappoint Tabby, but the pellets are still there, although they are flavoured with tuna fish.”

“No way Mrs. Human, I would rather starve. I think I will take a walk to my territory.”

“Ok, but go out through the back window.”

“But that is not my favourite territory, I would prefer to take the direct route through the front window, passing my favourite wall and walking across my new climbing frame, left by the builders, known as scaffolding.”

“That will not work Tabby, the builders are working at the moment.”

“Yes, I can see them through the window, but they are playing with fire. It is an inquisition. My ancestor, “Witchy Tabby” met his end in the fire, although it seems not really, he just crossed into his 10th life and was still turning the milk sour.

Do you think the buiders are here to collect the felines that got away?”

+No Tabby, they are working outside and melting object to make them stick to the wall.”

“But not my wall, that would be cruelty to walls. You mean they are building a barrier around my territory. They are invaders.”

“They have now gone so you can go out. It is no longer dangerous.”

“But there is a strange smell in the air, like burning objects, fur or whiskers. They are coming to get me I am sure.”

“They are not longer here, but have gone home. They have finished their work.”

“OK Mrs. Human, but if you see them driving a wooden stake into the ground, tell me. That is the next step and I still have 5 lives left.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Catapulted feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Tabby Adrift

Tabby

“Tabby, I have been searching for you everywhere, I though you had disappeared.”

“Disappeared? Life is no longer secure here. They are coming to get me.”

“What happened?”

“There I was minding my own business, talking to a wall and wondering where to take my next sleep. Wanting to solve life’s little problems. I was not doing any harm, just minding my own business and counting the lives I still have. Suddenly there was noise, and real noise. Not the brumming of a human voice, or the sweet sounds of a birdsong or mouse squeak, no it was something comletely different. I was sure my next five lives were slowly beginning to crumble. I was already thinking whether I would prefer the rainbow bridge or the eternal corn chambers. I suspect it was the new human breed known as “builders” with one of their mencing tools.”

“Now that sounds very serious Tabby.”

“It was.”

“What did you decide.”

“Don’t be offended Mrs. Human, but that rainbow bridge is not my thing. First of all I am colour blind, and secondly it would mean spending my time waiting for you to arrive. Nera and Fluffy are already in the eternal corn chambers, collecting mice for Bastet, so that would be my decision. However, I am still here as you can see.”

“Yes, I noticed you disappeared with a speed of a Formula 1 racing car.”

“Not quite, I prefer to be compared with a cheetah. So I eventually decided there is no place like home, my home and I returned as fast as I could and found a safe place.”

“On your bed?”

“Forget it, that is far too exposed. I spent the best part of the afternoon beneath the settee in the corner waiting for the noise to go away. Again I survived, and fought the evil noise with all my combined whiskers and claws. It was difficult and now I am exhausted. I must recover from the oppression of the builders. They are a worst enemy than the leaf soldiers that appear every year at the time you call Autumn.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Tabby Adrift