Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Assay

Tabby

In the old country I would have been modled in metal, in gold at least. We felines were recognised for our true values, we were worshipped and what could be better than have our image established in gold or some other worthy metal. I was thinking with diamonds for my eyes, although our glanz and gloria days are now gone. We are fed with pellets from a plastic bag and humans put a plastic collar around our necks, as a symbol of ownership, although I only permit that to keep the humans happy.

I noticed that it is now possible to have diamonds added to my whiskers, and I am thinking about it. Note my Macdonalds “M” on my forehead, that is a speciality of the Tabby feline.

I own my human, but they do not make collars big enough for my human, and not  having opposable thumbs, I would not be able to guide the human to a suitable place. However, there is an advantage in the opening of the tins of food. I am still able to control the human element: just a stare with my eyes and a telepathic influence works wonders.

And now I must go, it is time for a claw manicure, the points need sharpening

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Assay

Daily Feline Prompt: Encrusted Feline

Tabby

When you sleep and are away
You are gone in a place were you want to stay
Your whiskers are frozen, they will not move
My body is floating in a completely new groove
Encrusted in dreams of days long ago
I was burnt with my witch, they were days of woe
I escaped to a land we were worshipped as gods
Mice were our life, they arrived in their squads
And then I moved on I needed a slave
I adopted my human, she was not very brave
I trained her with force, to comply with my wish
I told her no pellets, so she fed me with fish
And now I can relax, I have my own bed
I know when I awake I will be fed
There is no moral to be found in this tale
Just do what you want. a human does not fail
She cleans out my tray, keeps my bed free of crumbs
And has one big advantage, the opposable thumbs.

Daily Feline Prompt: Encrusted Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Constant Feline

Tabby

I am constantly followed by a camera
It happens every day
No matter what I do
The camera makes its way
Mrs. Human is following my pawsteps
to learn how to do it right
We felines are so clever
We are really very bright
Of course I am the best
And many read my wise words
We felines are just brilliant
If we are not distracted by birds
Our brains are constantly ticking
We have to be alert
Always one paw ahead of humans
To ensure we remain unhurt
There is a moral to my story,
let the felines always run free
When we were worshipped as gods
The humans still lived in a tree

Daily Feline Prompt: Constant Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Compromise

Tabby

“Tabby whenever Mr. Human and I sit at the table in the kitchen for a meal, your are outside and staring at us both.”

“What do you expect Mrs. Human, it is feeding time for humans and I find it particularly thoughtless when you pile your dishes with meat delights and there is nothing for me. I feel deprived, and left out. You do not love me.”

“I though love did not exist in meow.”

“It depends on the situation Mrs. Human.”

“Like most events in a feline life, a matter of convenience. Ok, here is a piece of ham. Tabby, it will not move, you have to walk over to it when it landed on the floor.”

“I thought you might have the decency to serve it on a plate with some trimmings. I eat with the eye you know.”

“Tabby, you can take it or leave it. I want to get on with my own food.”

“Is that all, just  a meagre piece? I like my ham with an edge of white to it.”

“Tabby eat it or leave it.”

“What about some roast beef. You are also eating roast beef on your plate. I do not compromise Mrs. Human, I want only the best.”

“OK Tabby, here, go and fetch it.”

“I am not a dog and do not fetch. Move that piece of roast beef nearer to the ham, no better, put a selection of your food on a separate plate for me. I like my food served with style.”

“Tabby it is not your food, but human food, so take it or leave it.”

“I will report you to the Society for prevention of feline starvation.”

“Tabby do not overdo it. You have never starved here, quite the opposite. You are putting on weight.”

“Are you finished your food Mrs. Human?”

“Yes, there is no more.”

“In that case I will go, but do not forget tomorrow, same time and same place again.”

“Of course not Tabby, how could I when you away sit in the same place at the same time every day, witing for some extras.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Compromise

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Presents

Tabby

“I see you are sleeping Tabby, so I will not disturb you.”

“You have already distrubed me Mrs. Human, by talking. The sound waves of a human voice are not exactly balsam to my sensitive feline ears. What is the problem?”

“It is already February, and it will be your birthday at the beginning of April. I was wondering if you had any ideas about a birthday present.”

“Oh, in that case I am all ears and whiskers. Shall I begin at the top of the list, or at the end.”

“You have a list? I was thinking of organising a party and inviting some of your feline friends to share in the food.”

“That will not work Mrs. Human. Felines do not share, they take it all and party does not exist in meow, it develops more into an episode of a fight club. Do not bother to invite anyone, just organise my needs from my prepared list.”

“You have already written you list?”

“Of course, I have to be ready. We could perhaps begin with my new Versace style bowl.”

“But the food tastes the same, no matter the style of the bowl. That is really not necessary.”

“Of course it is. Do you really expect me to continue eating from a common stainless steel dish that every cat possesses. I am something special Mrs. Human and deserve only the exclusive articles. I have also noticed that there is a new feline litter box on the market. It has a top storage drawer, and reversible walls for left or right entry.”

Does that make a difference from which side you enter the recycling tray.”

“Of course, it is the surprise effect and distributes the essence better. I even found a video.

When you order it I would prefer the mahogony version.”

“But that would cost at least $200.”

“Mrs.Human, it is for me, the feline in your life, the one and only. You would be so proud to know that my recycled matter would have a special place.”

“Tabby, you know what, let’s discontinue this conversation.”

“And my litter box?”

“Bury it in the garden, no-one sees it and it fertilises the plants and trees.”

“So much for my special birthday present. And my diamond studded cat flap?”

“Tabby go back to sleep and dream on.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Presents

Daily Feline Prompt: Courageous Feline

Tabby

I am Tabby the brave,
I fight with my claws
And if it gets tough
I run with my paws
I have scalps under my bed
from throwing the dice
But not other felines,
My collection of mice
If I see a feline coming
It might be a trap
I am the fastest on whiskers
and enter my cat flap
Bravery is good,
And I am still alive
But running from danger
Ensures I survive
Nothing worse than a dead hero
I am sure you agree
I call Mrs. Human
She saves me with glee

Daily Feline Prompt: Courageus Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Rube Feline

Tabby

“Forget it Mrs. Human, I am not a Rube, I am a member of the highest developed species on this planet, as well as my own planet.”

“Oh sorry that I have insulted your intelligence. I should have known better. But I have the opposable thumbs.”

“Big deal Mrs. Human, but I have the nine lives, minus 4 that I lost on the way”  I also have a super sense of smell which humans do not have.”

“I smell enough to empty your recycling tray when necessary.”

“That is your job Mrs. Human, that is why I employ you. If you have such a good sense of smell, how is it that I still get vitamin pellets to eat.They have no smell.”

“But they do Tabby.”

“Describe it.”

“A sort of down to earth smell, strong and basic.”

“I do not do basics Mrs. Human, I am more into delicate and slightly fishy. All I can say is QED.”

“But Tabby that is the final word to a mathaematical theory.”

“Exactly “which was to be proven” and you do not have to look far to prove a human theory.”

“Which means.”

“The Rube formula. Go to the store buy it and serve it. We felines are the victims, as long there is a special offer it will do.”

“But I always make the most of special offers Tabby.”

“I noticed, the rube solution.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Rube Feline