Daily Feline Prompt: Cranky Feline

via Daily Prompt: Cranky

Tabby 14.04 (5)

“Tabby where are you going?”

“I am looking for my Witchy hairballs.”

“Your what?”

“My Witchy  hairballs. It is a tradition amongst felines that we celebrate the burning of the felines with their witches at this time of the year. The big Witchy feline hides the hairballs in the garden and if I find one, it means that I will never be burnt at the stake with my own witch.”

“But you do not have a witch Tabby.”

“That cannot be true Mrs. Human. All humans that serve hard vitamin pellets for meals have a streak of witch about them.”

“I think you are getting things mixed up with our tradition of hiding eggs in the garden at Easter.”

“Felines do not eat eggs and do not have Easter, but we appreciate every hairball we might find. Look there is one behind that bush.”

“Oh, I see, now where did that come from.”

“I told you Mrs. Human it was put there by the witchy feline during the night when we cannot see her arriving.”

“Where are you going with that hairball.”

“I am arranging it next to my bed of course. It will stay there for a few days with the others I might find and when the Witchy celebrations are over, it will again disappear as it arrived. The big Witchy feline collects them all for next year. We felines believe in recycling, that is why we make hairballs. It would be a waste of good fur to just throw them away.”.

“Oh I see, I have leaned something more about the feline beliefs.”

“It is not a belief, but reality. But do not tell it to the other humans, otherwise they will also begin collecting our hair balls, and there will be none left for us.”

“No Tabby, I do not think so. We humans will let you keep your own hairballs, but don’t make a mess with them. You have now collected four of them.”

“Yes, Mrs. Human, it is a good year for hairball hunting, thanks to the big Witchey feline. She belonged to one of the witches from Salem, so she is very special. She could even make the milk curdle and turn the meat into a mass of ……”

“Ok, Tabby, that will do, spare me the details, I believe you.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Cranky Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: Clinging Feline

Paws

Meow everyone. Life is a little boring at the moment, the snow is still surrounding me and I have no chance of breaking out, and so a few meows on the problem of clinging.

Generally I do not cling. My paws are a perfect design. They contain claws which are very useful for scratching furniture to leave a mark, showing I was there. However I noticed that humans often misunderstand the purpose of the scratch marks. We design with our claws, but humans find we ruin the furniture. Who needs furniture. A cushion is enough for me. Even then humans can become awkward. I decided to paw some exercises on Mrs. Human’s bed linen, It is ideal. I can really dig my claws into the fabric, stretch them out to their full size and pull them back again. It is all in the name of keeping fit. Mrs. Human does not agree and finds that I am ruining her sheets. Something about pulling threads and making holes. They are so fussy those humans.

Although I have one small complaint. When I am reclining on the carpet in the bathroom and stretch my paws and claws they tend to engage with the carpet layers and then I am left clinging to the carpet. I suggested she exchanges the bathroom carpets for something more paw friendly, but she ignored me, finding that bathroom carpets were not places for felines to sleep and I am in the way because I always take up the space in front of her recycling tray.

And now I must go. In the far distance I can hear the sounds of a tin opener and the whiff of tuna fish juice is alerting my nostrils. I have a food bowl to cling to.

Daily Feline Prompt: Clinging Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Protest Movement

Tabby

“Tabby, I opened the window, you can go out.”

“I leave my home when I want to, and not because you have opened a window.”

“Ok, then I will shut the window.”

“Mr. Human, what have you done?”

“I shut the window, because there is cold air coming into the room.”

“I did not give you permission to shut the window.”

“But you said you do not want to go out.”

“Of course not, I was making my point. I meowed nothing about shutting a window. I was enjoying the fresh air and the view in the garden. You were the creature that began to talk about going out. I made no mention of going anywhere. I was quite comfortable watching things outside and now I think I will go out. Open the window.”

“Ok Tabby it is now open, but you are still sitting in front of the window.”

“I changed my mind and will stay here, but do not jump to concluions and leave the window open. It is not cold, if you had a built in fur coat like we felines, we would find the temperature just right. One of the constructional human defects.”

“But we have opposable thumbs.”

“Of course you do, do you really think that we felines are going to do everything for the humans. Humans exist to obey the feline commands. If we felines had opposable thumbs, you would have no purpose to your human life. You would be bored and not know what to do with your time. That is why we allowed you the opposable thumbs, to open our tins of tuna fish and empty our litter tray, as well as refilling our water bowls. You may now close the window, I have seen all I wanted to see, and I am in the mood for a tummy tickle. Another advantage of opposable thumbs. A little more to the right, yes between the two front legs and mind my paws. Not so energetic, gently, yes that is perfect.

Imgine not having opposable thumbs Mrs. Human, something would be missing in your human life.”

“Yes definitely Tabby, I would not be able to give you a tummy tickle, or open a tin of tuna fish.  What a boring existence that would be.”

“Mrs. Human are you being ironic?”

“Oh no, of course not Tabby, I would not dare.”

“OK, then open the window again and no protests. You are here to serve.”

“Of course Tabby, of course.”

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Protest Movement

Daily Feline Prompt: Panoplying Feline

Tabby

“What’s that Mrs. Human?”

“I thought I would give you a choice today, a real feline Panoply, or perhaps that word does not exist in meow?”

“Of course it exists in meow, it was one of our inventions. We are not completely behind the feline moon Mrs. Human, our intelligence was there before the pyramids were built. We were already training the mice for the corn chamber invasions, before the humans actually had corn chambers. A good feline is always prepared, which is more than I can say for humans. For example where is the tin operner?”

“I must have forgotten it Tabby, sorry.”

“Typical human! A choice which is not choice, not exactly a panoply to be exact. If you want to use these words Mrs. Human, the make sure you know their meaning first of all. This is no panoply, just a photo to look good for my blog. A bowl of unappetising hard vitamin pellets, which I would not touch with a whisker, and a tin of tuna fish which is closed. No consideration for my unopposable thumbs which are not designed to pick up tin openers to release the contents. Where is the panoplyable effect. Open the tin and dispose  of the rubbish in the bowl.”

“I was just thinking Tabby ……”

“Don’t think, nothing positive ever results from it. I have an idea. You could take a photo of my fur ball arrnangement. That would be completely in line with the subject of today’s prompt. A section, arranged according to their various sizes and contents of course. Now that one over there is my favourie. It happened after eating a bowl of vitamin pellets.”

“I though you do not like the pellets Tabby.”

“Of course I do not, an insult to my taste buds, but they make super hairballs when mixed with the other ingredients. A super consruction of a hairball and that one over there is my second best.”

“It looks the same as the other one.”

“But it is not the same. If you look closer and have a sniff, you will find it has a certain speciic smell.”

“No, Tabby, sorry. I am not interested in your hairball collection. Let us change the subject.”

“No problem, so open the tin of tuna fish. No good just looking at it – and dispose of the vitamin pellets. No, on second thoughts I might force the vitamin pellets into my digestive system. It is a long time since I manufactured a perfect hairball.

Daily Feline Prompt: Panoplying Feline

Daily Feline Prompt: My Feline Life

Write a review of your life — or the life of someone close to you — as if it were a movie or a book.

Tabby

“What are you pawing at Tabby?”

“Fluffy, I am writing my biography,”

“Your what?”

“My biography, the story of my life.”

“Am I in it as well?”

“No, Fluffy, write your own. My life is mine and you have yours.”

“But I want one as well.”

“Don’t bother me with your trivialities Fluffy. This is an important work. One day I will be famous and then people will be ripping my paw book from the shelves.”

“Why, did you do something to make you famous?”

“Fluffy, you annoy me with your silly questions. Go play with the cat next door.”

“But he doesn’t like me and I don’t like him. Tabby, the first word should be written with a capital meow.”

“I know.”

“You write you were the first of four kittens, but I thought Nera arrived first.”

“It is a matter of interpretation Fluffy. There were four of us ready to go and I was in the pole position. Unfortunately Nera was No. 2 and decided she wanted to be first, so she gave me a push with her back leg and squeezed past and arrived as No. 1”

“That was not very nice Tabby. Did you tell her.”

“No Tabby, since when could we tell Nera something. She arrived and took over and I was always No. 2.”

“But now she has left us and now you are No. 1 Tabby.”

“Forget it”

“Who said that?”

“I did, Nera No. 1. I am still hovering around to ensure that you are following my good example of being Chief feline in the tribe and Tabby?”

“Yes”

“Don’t forget to devote a complete section in your biography about me, my wonderful black silky fur, my intelligence and my good looks.”

“Of course not Nera……… Has she gone Fluffy?”

“I think so, just one of those quick visits from the land of 10 lives.”

“Ok, to continue. My rightful place as No. 1 kitten was taken, but my intelligence was quickly acknowledge. I became consiglieri to Nera, the usurper.”

“Tabby, I don’t think Nera will like that.”

“Nera is writing her own life story – “The Perfect Feline”.

Daily Feline Prompt: My Feline Life

Daily Feline Prompt: Mad as a Feline Hatter

Tell us about a time when you flew into a rage. What is it that made you so incredibly angry?

Tabby in the garden

“Two things, we are felines and do not need hats as a decoration because they do not fit between our ears, and we never fly into a rage.”

“Of course not Tabby. We are peaceful friendly creatures.”

“Except of course if another feline, who we do not know or do not like, decides to enter our territory.“

“Yes Tabby, then we can be real mean.”

“I would not say mean Fluffy, more like making our point, with a few paw swipes and hisses.”

“Look Tabby, the ginger tom is approaching.”

“I can see him. He does not belong here and he smells.”

“Shall I do it Tabby, or do you want to have the pleasure?”

“Let us just observe the situation to see what he is planning.”

“He is getting closer Tabby. I think I will hide behind a chair, he might go away.”

“Fluffy, don’t be such a coward. He is an insignificant ginger tom, the ones with the different fur.”

“Mrs. Human would say that all felines are the same, no matter how they look.”

“That’s a human thing Fluffy. We are felines and in the book of Bastet, it stands in Chapter 239, verse 90 “all felines are equal until they want to mark your territory. You must then take steps to protect.”

“Tabby, that ginger tom is sneaking up closer and hissing. He is showing her teeth. Tabby, Tabby where are you going. Oh dear Tabby has disappeared through the cat flap with the ginger tom hard on her heels. OK, it does say take steps to protect, but Bastet was not so exact on that one. She did not say what you should protect and how to do it. Tabby decided to protect his own 9 lives and has disappeared. Tabby, wait I am coming as well. don’t leave me outside alone with that Ginger Tom.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Mad as a Feline Hatter