Ok fans, do not be disappointed, but there is no wonderful unique photo of me today. We are now talking about the facts of life and I do not show everyone my secret documents, but here it is. My name just says Tabby, because there was not enough room for Her Highness, Princess Tabby, carrier of the order of the feline whiskers, so we had to keep it short. Note I was born on 2nd April 2002, so mark this date in your records. You no longer have an excuse to forget my birthday and to send a tin of tuna fish: or a sprig of catnip. Of course the description “Hauskatze” is not so accurate. Me, an average house cat, no way. They fogot to note “Former Goddess, worshipped by humans”, but again the writing space was limited.
It is also an affront to read Mrs. Human’s name on the first page of this document, as if I would belong to her. We all now the oppostite is the truth. On the left there are entry requirements, in the case that I wish to conquer a new territory. This is probably for the case that I would take over new territory, but Mrs. Human says it is if I would leave the country, which for me is the same.
What I don’t understand is that we regal felines are subjected to the degrading examinations of private parts and jabs , including weigh-ins and teeth scraping to prove how good we are. What about the humans. Do they have a permit to show that they are perfect. Every year the same procedure and not even a tin of tuna fish as compensation.
Kittens if you are reading this, do not worry. You will survive. Just be brave and do not forget to bite and scratch if you ever hear the word vet. We have a reputation to maintain for the future of the feline nation.