Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Colour

Tabby

First of all I have a sniff and if it smells good I decide that I can eat it
Who cares what it looks like, as long as its juicy, you cannot really beat it
It seems to be dead, it is no longer breathing, looks a bit like mincemeat
It arrives in chunks swimming in juice, it is very tasty and I do not have to defeat
I don’t have to hunt it or follow it in the fields, it’s ready for my digestion
It has no colour, I really do not care, and it asks no rhetorical question
Colours do not live, they have no taste so why does it really matter
Now leave me alone, I must concentrate, do not want the meat to splatter

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Colour

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Sage

Tabby

Being wise is very hard work, it often tires me out
I have to advise the human race to tell them what it’s about
That I am an important aristocat and should be treated just as such
But they seem to think that I am spoilt, I do not request too much
Just a tummy tickle and a nice soft bed is all it needs to engage
They often underestimate my talents, I am a very wise sage
I only like the very best food, to take me on my way
And so I demand perfect quality as I am a feline gourmet
My ancestors were worshiped as gods, out day will come again
In the meantime I can wait and so I do not complain
Fill up my dish with tuna fish and give me water to drink
And now a nice soft comfortable place where I can relax and think

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Sage

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Gridiron

Tabby

I am licking my lips, the food was so fine
I have a new diet for me alone to dine
Mrs. Human says it is healthy, but who can eat health
All I know it tastes of tuna, and this is a  wealth
Everything is tuna, what a wonderful world
My whiskers are enjoying it and look my tongue is curled
So up with the vet if she is giving me some fish
I must go and see her again, she fulfils my greatest wish
I am still getting pellets, but they have a finer taste
And so I am eating all, good food I should not waste
I am brave and conquer all, this new food is great
At last I have won the battle, and I do not have to wait
Mrs. Human now has realised that pellets are not my wish
So come and give me more of this new tuna fish
It comes in a paket, and not in a tin
Something very special, it really makes me grin

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Gridiron

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Flight

Tabby 15.06 (5)

Summer in the garden really gives me a thrill
I love to watch the birds fly, and I move in for the kill
When they are not looking and singing off their beak
That is when I pounce but they often start to squeak
I am suspended in mid air with claws completely drawn
And then they all fly away and I land on the lawn
I must be doing something wrong, perhaps I should be still
Sleek up more quietly, the purpose to fulfil
And now I am ready to pounce and also to devour
But now there is disturbance, Mrs. Human on the lauer
She is a real spoilsport and warns the birds to fly
Again my attempts are foiled, it really makes me cry
Why do humans eat chickens, it is just a bigger bird
I am satisfied with sparrows, so I hunt still undeterred

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Flight

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Pet

Marcel and Tabby

What can I say? Pet?, no not me. Felines I can only advise that each adopt a human pet. As they often come in pairs, then adopt both of them. This secures that you will have full attention for your needs. If the Mrs. Human is busy, then the Mr. Human always has time for a tummy tickle or a reassuring touch.

Humans have their uses. They feed you and make sure that there is always a full food bowl. However, you must show them the necessary food. They are convinced that you need something healthy and “good for you”, but unfortunately their brain development is a little on one track. They serve vitamin pellets because the have all the necessary ingredients that a cat needs, they think. This is naturally wrong, and you must convince them that tuna fish is the solution to our needs. Try it with telepathy. The human brain is a little behind with such developments, but with a little training they get the idea.

If your human does not pay full attention to emptying your tray, the solution is easy. Do not use the tray, refuse, strike. They soon get the meaning when they find your deposits in the wrong places. Feeling lonely in the night because humans tend to sleep? No problem. Just scratch at their bedroom door for a while and sing a little meow song. They  will definitely worry about you and you will have company.

I would not exactly describe a human as a pet, more a necessary plus in the life of a feline. If you train them well, you can have a comfortable life as we deserve. And make sure there are at least 2-3 various sleeping places. I would recommend the human bed.

Feline RDP Sunday: Feline Pet

Feline RDP Sunday: Timely Feline

Tabby

It’s a feeling I have in my whiskers to know what is the hour
In the early morning hours, I must wake Mrs. Human with meow
She does not react, although I sing before her door
I think she is still sleeping, and so I meow some more
Eventually she appears, to fill some water in my bowl
That is her first duty, she complains so I must exert control
And now I have to sleep to recover from exertions of the night
Everything has its time, I must plan my day so right
Time is not needed, for that I have my slave
Mrs. Human must pay attention but I taught her how to behave
Just a nod and a paw swipe shows her what to do
To clean my recycling tray is a duty that is due
Then she serves my food, perhaps a bowl of fish
I give instructions what I need and she prepares the dish
And now I am exhausted with so much organisation
But I must pay attention and keep Mrs. Human at her station
Yes the life of a feline is oh so very tiring
Training Mrs. Human is not so very aspiring
But my choice is very narrow, a matter of the time
I have to pay attention to keep it all online

Feline RDP Sunday: Timely Feline

Feline RDP Sunday Fill-in: Feline Partner

Tabby

“Sleeping again Tabby?”

“What’s that supposed to mean Mrs. Human? As if I was sleeping all day.”

“Well, most of the day.”

“I need my sleep Mrs. Human and you sleep all night. We just have a different programme to humans. We sleep to renew our brain cells, ready for the daily challenges and humans have no need to renew something they do not have.”

“Of course I have brain cells. What challenges?”

“Human brain cells die and are not renewed afterwards. I have many challenges Mrs. Human. Washing, eating and drinking and human training.”

“I did not realise that I was a challenge. I thought we were partners.”

“No way. Felines do not do partnerships, it is one for me and me for one.”

“But your mum must have had a partner otherwise you would not have been born.”

“Oh yes she had partners, but he lost count how many and they were not really partners: just a feline pastime. Her partners never really stayed around for long, it was mainly hello and goodbye and not even a goodbye. She just told them to get lost afterwards.”

“What about your dad?”

“What about him. No idea, it could be any tom cat. I would not even recognise him.”

“You mean that felines do not stay together forever.”

“For nine lives? I don’t think even humans would manage that one, although they are not as versatile as we felines. So enough of this talk, serve something to eat.”

“We say please Tabby.”

“Sorry, doesn’t exist in meow.”

“Seems to be a very minimal language.”

“Actions speak louder than words Mrs. Human. And don’t forget to garnish my dish with some tarragon.”

“I didn’t think felines ate herbs.”

“We don’t, but we also eat with the eyes and the food looks better.”

Feline RDP Sunday Fill-in: Feline Partner