Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Exercise

Tabby

“Mrs. Human I am waiting.”

“Waiting for what Tabby?”

“For my human slave to open the window of course.”

“But Tabby you have your own personal cat flap and you carry a magnet on your collar which opens the cat flap if you push against it with your nose.”

“And you expect me to stoop to such inferior tasks like opening windows with my sensitive nose? I have my own personal human for such work. I have been waiting for at least a minute and you have just ignored me. What if I had been subject to an attack from an eagle or a snake in the meanwhile. I would be all over the front pages of the newspaper –  Feline killed due to human neglect.

“Tabby do not overdo it. There are no eagles and I have never seen a dangerous snake since we live here. The only problem might be Roschti, the feline next door, but you seem to agree to dislike each other, so no problem.”

“Of course it is a problem. Roschti is probably now laughing at me because my human does not open the window immediately.  That can be very embarrassing.”

“No, Tabby I am not going to open the window. Use your cat flap.”

“But I could die of exposure, of hunger, neglect.”

“You are exaggerating. And what are you going to do if I refuse to open the window and your plate of food is ready this evening.”

“They are the exceptional situations where an emergency solution is required.”

“Which is?”

“I push the cat flap with my nose and make an entrance.”

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Exercise

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Thaw

Tabby

Who me? Go out in the snow and ice
Not even if there were a thousand mice
My claws would freeze and possibly break
And then my whiskers begin to shake
I am not the polar cat yeti
I prefer to stay at home, I am not petty
I really do not want to be a bore
But there will come a time when the snow will thaw
And then I am ready to have a drink
melted snow in the kitchen sink
I am quite happy and will not weep
Now it is time for another sleep

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Thaw

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Temperature

Tabby having a jab

Once a year I must endure this degrading treatment. My body is my temple but at the vet they ignore this and take possession of it all. There is no way of escape, I am trapped, pinned down. You can see the various instruments used, a real torture chamber. My pleas for mercy are ignored and the grand finale is measuring the temperature.

You can see how it is done, my dignity is reduced to a nothing. I have no chance and must accept this treatment. There is no privacy at the vet.

Feline RdP Thursday: Feline Temperature

Feline RDP Thursday: Diametric Feline

Tabby

Of course I am diametric, my whiskers tell it all
They are perfect, straight and firm and they will never fall
Some are long and some are short, but very rarely break
They are one of my special features and never give me an ache
If I lose one it does not matter, it does not happen in vain
Because I know that it is not forever and they will grow again

Feline RDP Thursday: Diametric Feline

Feline RDP Thursday: Waning Feline

Tabby

I am so beautiful, a  waning feline is the best
My fur shows reflections, whilst I am at my rest
The warmth invades my body, oh what a perfect feel
Relaxing in the sun, it is a wonderful deal
Floating in a feeling of absolute delight
During the day I sleep and make the most of the night
But now the shadows caress me, this is my deepest wish
But all good things come to an end, I must eat my tuna fish

Feline RDP Thursday: Waning Feline

Feline RDP Thursday: Intimate Feline

Tabby

There are moments in the life of a feline that are intimate and private
But nothing is sacred to a human being and so she likes to revive it
My preening sessions are for my eyes only and their purpose to keep me healthy
But Mrs. Human thinks how sweet I am, and so she does a selfie
A  little scratch here and another one there, to keep me pure and clean
Felines must take care of themselves to preserve their furry sheen
But this is something very private and so you will have to wait
There are things in my fur I must disperse and their details are intimate

Feline RDP Thursday: Intimate Feline

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Manufacture

Tabby

Ok kittens, gather around, time for another educational talk. First of all some keep fit exercises are called for. Tiddles resting your head on your paws and closing your eyes is not the ideal position. All of you, wake up, shake your paws and take deep breathes: follow my example. Yes very good. Mouth open wide and breathe deeply, expelling the air through your mouth. Accompany it with a hiss to prove that you are awake and ready to attack.

So show me your homework. I gave you the task of manufacturing the perfect hairball. Tiddles again I must remind you that hairballs are round and not oval. Blackie you have produced the first square hairball, very original. Oh, I see, you swallowed the stalk with the grass and that is the result. I must say very good. Did you hear kittens, we have an artist amongst us.

The basic colour of a hairball is grey, but I see some other alternatives. I suppose it depends on the ideal mixture. Montgomery stop attacking Curly with your claws and Curly ignore Montgomery. Oh I see you are collecting fur for your next artistic attempt at a hairball because you have no fur. Yes, I suppose being a sphinx feline does have its disadvantages.

And now I want you to practice climbing trees next week and how to return to ground level. Remember, having your human call for the fire brigade with ladders is not very good. You must learn to be independent and remember a falling feline always lands on its paws, so there is nothing to fear. No Tiddles, you do not push the other feline, That is not very kind. We learn to do it all by ourself. I know you only want to help, but we felines must remain cool and calm under all conditions.

Feline RDP Thursday: Feline Manufacture