Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Connection

Tabby

Shhh
I am connecting, so please do not disturb
My sleeping system is delicate, although it is superb
First of all I find a place where I can rest my body
Somewhere soft to suit my fur and above all not too shoddy
Then I test the stability and turn three times around
If it fits, and I get the feeling, I will sink to the ground
I close my eyes and then I sleep, but my third eye is alert
Now to concentrate on the dreams, and nothing must divert
The process is very intensive, I need at least ten hours
to connect with the other dimension, and maintain my super powers

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Connection

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline and the Rain

Tabby

“Tabby what are those marks on the toilet?”

“Mrs. Human, they are my paw marks of course. What other marks could be so symmetrical and and clear, a work of feline art.”

“That is a matter of opinion Tabby. This morning I cleaned the toilet and now I have your muddy paw prints everywhere.”

“Blame it on the rain Mrs. Human. It was lying on the ground and I had to walk though it. then my paws were muddy and I hate having muddy feet. I wiped them on the carpet of course, but they were still muddy. Then I had a brilliant idea. There is always water in your recycling bowl so I thought if I dipped my paws into it, it would clean them.”

“But my bowl is now full of paw marks.”

“Yes, it did not work very well, but I managed to get my paws clean. I just wiped them on the floor afterwards to rid them of the excess mud and now look Mrs. Human, I have nice clean paws.”

“But the shower is also full of your muddy feet.

Paw Prints

“I wanted to make sure that my paws were really clean. That rainy weather can really be a nuisance, but now they are clean and dry, look Mrs. Human. Oh, and  to be sure I wiped them on your bed covers afterwards. Be glad you have such a conscientious feline that takes care of himself. Mrs. Human, Mrs. Human.  Oh dear she had one of her fits and is now lying on the settee. I think she is ignoring me. Did I do something wrong? I thought she liked having a clean feline.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline and the Rain

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Walk

Tabby

“Where are you going Tabby?”

“No panic Mrs. Human, I will be back. I am just doing a territorial inspection

There are smells to be smelt
and movements to be felt
It all has its worth
Things are creeping in the earth
I feel the vibrations
Shaking all foundations
Birds are a flying
I have to do some spying
Open up the cat flap
For my return after a lap
I am taking a  walk
With a feline to talk
He sprayed my land
which was not grand
Never trust a feline
I will give him a sign
and now I return
for a sleep to burn
I dug a hole
and achieved my goal.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Walk

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Broadcast

Tabby

Good Day felines. This is Radio Meow broadcasting from whisker channel 44 moderated by your one and only Tabby.

And now for the weather.
Stay at home today, the water will be falling from the sky and you will get wet paws and perhaps drag mud into your homes. There will be water lying on the ground, but our experts have discovered that this is an advantage to your water absorbing systems, so it maybe slurped from the puddles it leaves.

There has been a report of birds searching for food on the ground due to the shortage of insects. This is your chance felines. Hide behind a tree or just wait patiently, they will soon come out of their perches and the days of good food will arrive for all. There has been a report that crows are also waiting for the opportunity to pounce, so felines beware and avoid this species. Our food advisors tell us they are too tough to chew in any case.

We must unfortunately report on a fight which occurred on the rooftop yesterday. It seems Tiddles took possession of the highest and best lookout for a moon observation. Butch had already had his eyes on this posiion and there was a disagreement. However the human breed was disturbed by the howls and hisses and arrived with a pail of cold water, drenching both cats. They both survived and there are rumours that they will meet tomorrow afternoon for a final countdown to see whose claim on the rooftop will be achieved.  For those wishing to attend the occasion, there are still places available on the surrounding rooftops. You may place your bets by a paw in at our radio station. Only vitamin pellets are accepted.

The National feline choir will be meeting for a practice tomorrow evening. There are still vacant positions for baritone voices. It seems we have far too many high meowers at the moment.

And now for some light entertainment to end todays report. I am sure it will be enjoyed by all. Perhaps your humans may not be so interested.

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Broadcast

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Parcel

Untitled

“Mrs. Human, why doesn’t the postman ever bring me a parcel?”

“Tabby cats do not receive parcels from the postman.”

“But you are always receiving parcels.”

“Not always Tabby, and it is usually clothes that I have ordered or perhaps shoes. You do not need clothes Tabby.”

“But there I other things I need, like tuna fish for example.”

“But I buy that in the store Tabby.”

“Perhaps a Versace designed food bowl. You can order that from the computer and it would be delivered by the postman.”

“Tabby if you need anything by post I can order it, and a Versace food bowl is not necessary. The food tastes the same as in your normal stainless steel bowl.”

“But it would look good and all the other felines would be jealous.”

“Forget it Tabby. If you really want a parcel I can wrap up a tin of tuna fish for you in paper, and even tie it with a nice silk band, but it would still taste the same.”

“But you should send it to me by parcel post. and then I could open it. Everyone gets parcels, only me not.”

“Ok Tabby, I will send you a parcel of tuna fish just to make you happy. Who shall I address it to.”

“Miss T, Feline of course.”

“But you are not registered here.”

“Then register me, I also have a right to vote. Everyone should vote, I read it today.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Parcel

Feline RDP Tuesday: Deadly Feline

Tabby

“Tabby what is so interesting? You have been staring at that window for a long while.”

“Quiet Mrs. Human, we do not want to make him aware that I am there.”

“Who?”

“The leaf soldier of course, it is the one that got away. The others are now dead, killed by my own paws, but this one escaped, although I am sure it is injured. It must be the chief. If I get him the danger will be over. Without a leader the leaf soldiers are defenceless.”

“Tabby they are just leaves that have fallen from the trees and the wind has blown them around.”

“Only because the leaf soldiers have captured the wind and forced it to work for them, but I will conquer them all. Now quiet, I saw that leaf soldier move. We must be careful.”

“But the leaves can do you no harm.”

“They are taking over your garden and also my walls. We will be suffocated by leaf soldiers and there is only one way to defeat them. My claws will rip them to pieces, they will beg for mercy. I have the same fight every year at the same time. They wait all year until it gets colder and then they begin to move, but it is all planned. First of all they camouflage themselves by changing colour. You notice when it begins, because they become red. Eventually they are brown which is a disguise as you do not see them so well with the earth background, but I smell them out. I would appreciate some help Mrs. Human. Perhaps you could collect the dead bodies afterwards and put them in your trash bags.”

“A good idea Tabby, do you think I should burn them?”

“No, cremation is too good for them. Just let them be taken to the communal burial place at the end of the garden and let them be seen as a warning to other leaf soldiers planning to attack. I think you can also remove the soldier in front of the window, it is now dead.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Deadly Feline

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Flag

Tabby

I am the champion, I win it all
I have my own flag to hang on my wall
My motto is “Tabby the brave” because I have no fear
Of course if they are bigger than me, I then move to the rear
With the feline next door I often have a scrap
But I beat him every time I can by escaping through the cat flap
If I hear a dog barking, I say why worry
The are not as clever as me, and I disappear in a flurry
My friend is a wall, in it I do confide
There is no need to worry as behind him I can hide
Can you see my trophy, I won that for being brave
I won a battle with a human and now she is my slave
My flag flies on my cat flap when I am in my home
That is custom with exclusive cats, that have a blue blooded syndrome
If you wish an audience with me, then request it in a plea
My schedule is packed with so many meetings, my time is not so free
The entrance charge is not so much, a donation of a tin of fish
Catnip also does the trick, but make sure it is my wish
And now I have an important date with my cushion for a while
You may return a few days later if my mood gives me a smile

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Flag