Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Leaflet

Tabby

Here is the most beautiful feline that you have ever seen
I need no leaflet to show I am supreme
The feline with the mostest and captivates them all
The green eyed goddess with a promise to enthral
But please only look at me, just a paw print will suffice
I am worshipped by all, the feline from paradise
Admire my whiskers and claws but do not touch
You may take a leaflet with you, I can only do so much
Admire my whiskers and my ears and do not forget my tail
But please do not forget this feline is not for sale

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Leaflet

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Hum

Tabby

Felines do not hum, our songs are in meow
We do not bark like a dog, or even moo as a cow
Communications are quite easy, but humans do not understand
That is how we prefer it, our own feline wonderland
We keep ourselves to ourselves, we are quite telepathic
Humans do not know everything, that would be most tragic
Being lost in translation is a common human mistake
When we meow for food, we use meow for “steak”
They understand  tummy tickle and give us nothing to eat
But all we really want is a delicious meaty treat
If I stand before the bedroom and meow before the door
Then I am ignored, and so I meow some more
All I want is company to keep them at beck and call
But they sleep on in the night, and make me feel like a fool
The moral of this verse is to let the felines be
We can read the human thoughts and that we guarantee

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Hum

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Balance

Tabby

“Tabby you look quite annoyed.”

“What do you expect after the insults I was subjected to this afternoon.”

“But I thought you would like a little excursion outside, seeing other places.”

“The vet is not exactly full of new experiences. Look at me now. I have an empty right front leg.”

“Rubbish Tabby, it looks the same as ever.”

“It might look the same, but certainly doesn’t feel the same. Did you see what she did. She stuck a needle attached to a tube in my leg and drained it. All the blood has been removed from that leg.”

“But it has already replaced itself. And it is for your own good. The vet found for a 16 year old lady you should have a medical check up to see that everything is functioning well.”

“I was functioning perfectly until she drained my leg: not to mentioned my claws. I had been sharpening them nicely to fine points, and she shortens them. How am I supposed to make a scratch in my enemies, even a tree, not to mention the furniture. I am now only half a feline.”

“Tabby they will grow again.”

“What about my ears?”

“The vet said you ears are in perfect condition.”

“I could have told her that myself. She did not have to prod around inside and look with her lamp. I was just an experimental object for her. And what about the jabs in my private parts. The same embarrassing experiments every year.”

“But now it is finished for another year.”

“For a year. You mean I have to suffer again in a year. And the white cloth stripe she tied around my leg.?”

“But you removed it as soon as we arrived home.”

“Of course I did, although I was lucky. I though my leg might fall off after I removed it.”

“It was only to stop your leg bleeding. Tabby what is wrong?”

“I have to recover. I hate seeing blood, I lose my balance.”

“But you often see blood when you kill a mouse or even a bird.”

“I know, but that is not my own personal blood.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Balance

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Angle

Tabby

It varies on the angle how you look at all your lives
I had nine angles, but now only have high fives
Four were lost in a moment of not taking care
But I am still quite happy, still having five to spare
We felines are short sighted, see nothing before our nose
It is all so very blurred, depends where the wind blows
If it is tuna fish that Mrs.Human has served
I smell it when she opens the tin and so I am not nerved
When a bird flies up on a tree, I can focus very well
The problem is I am getting older and my legs are no longer so swell
But why chase a bird, that always  fly away
Mrs. Human serves me chicken to keep my hunger at bay
Angles here and angles there, I am no mathematician
Life consists of eating and sleeping and that is my sole mission

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Angle

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Collection

Tabby

“There you are Tabby, I have been searching for you. What are you doing in the utility room?”

“This is my room, Here I keep all my private items. It is my own storage place for my collections.”

“You have collections?”

“Of course you never know when things might come in handy. I have at least 5 mice stuffed with catnip as well as three bouncy balls. I cannot find my collection of hairballs, they have disappeared.”

“Yes Tabby, I had to throw them away.”

“Throw them away: works of art created by me. They are originals, unique and you threw them away.”

“I noticed something was smelling rather unpleasantly in this room and discovered the hairballs.”

“They were not unpleasant but individual works of art.”

“That is a matter of opinion Tabby. You still have your other souvenirs.”

“But that is not the same. I made the hairballs myself and the other stuff was from the store. Every feline in the neighbourhood has a grey mouse stuffed with catnip, not to mention a collar with fishbone pictures. None of the other felines has a hairball collection.”

“That is because we humans find them unhygienic and throw them away when they begin to smell. They also attract insects.”

“But you have things growing in the garden that also attract insects.”

“That is different Tabby, insects live with the plants.”

“And my hairballs live with me.”

“Yes Tabby, but I prefer the hairballs dead and yours were becoming lively.”

“Typical human: no understanding for the feline way of life.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Collection

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Crepitus

Tabby

“Tabby you are sleeping your life away.”

“Which life Mrs. Human?”

“The one you are living of course.”

“That is not so easy, because I live my nine lives, less the four I have already lost, simultaneously. It saves time and helps to preserve them longer.”

“Oh, I see, we humans are not so clever as the felines.”

“Doesn’t matter Mrs. Human, I have learned to cope with the human deficiencies. And now I must concentrate, I do not want to miss anything.”

“What do you not want to miss?”

“My claws of course, they are growing and I can hear them growing with their clicks and clacks. I must help them to expand in the correct direction. Ingrown claws are not so good. I need something to grip. Ah yes, that is ideal, a table leg.”

“But not my table leg Tabby. I do not like scratch marks on the wood.”

“You cannot expect me to go out into the cold wet weather, just for a few claw exercises.”

“It would not do you any harm to get some fresh air Tabby. I am sure your claws will grow just as well outside.”

“But not so perfectly. And now for a stretch to get my body parts synchronised. It is all part of my training programme to keep fit.”

“I see, but now you are returning to the sleeping position.”

“Of course, exercising time is finished for today. I must now recover from the exertions. I will continue tomorrow with the whisker growing programme. Yes, a feline life is very exhausting.”

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Crepitus</a> 

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Anticipation

Tabby

I do not anticipate anything. I always get what I want, no doubt about it. If I do not get what I want, I throw a fit, a tantrum. I hiss and snarl and it is better not to cross my paw path whilst I am doing it. This always works with the exception of the curse of the dehydrated vitamin pellets that I am constantly being served in my food bowl. However, I am working one that one. It seems that the many vitamin pelleted hairballs have not worked as they should. Mrs. Human just throws them in the garbage, no respect for my creative talents.

Mrs. Human is convinced that they are healthy and good for me. I know what is good for me. Tuna fish is the only healthy food I know and I mean the real thing, and not just a flavour. She tells me that the vitamin pellets are made with tuna – no way. Tuna swims and breathes. It is not a hard crunching mass. Pellets are a dead mass, they never lived or breathed. The only good food is dead food, killed by the paw.  I am sure all felines would agree.

I rest my case. Do not anticipate, but take action and defend your rights.

Feline RDP Tuesday: Feline Anticipation